Disclaimer: I do NOT own CSI, blah blah blah…
I'm having a quite a few angsty/unhappy ideas this week so keep an eye out for more.
I'm sure I've already written a story like this somewhere but this just sort of spilled out and I thought I'd post it anyway.
He knows that something is bothering her, she's hardly spoken to him all night and she's just playing with the food on the plate in front of her. He has a feeling he knows what the problem is but he doesn't want to push the subject, knowing that Sara will talk about it when she's ready. He hate's seeing her like this; distant and upset, he wants his vibrant and full of life Sara back.
"Sara…" he says softly.
She slams her fork down on to her plate and sits back in her seat to look directly at him.
"What?" she barks.
The table vibrates violently at the force of Sara's actions and a few guests at other tables look over to see what's happening. Gil ignores the stares and concentrates on his wife.
"What's going on, Sara? Please… talk to me."
She smiles sarcastically and shakes her head.
"What's the point? It doesn't change anything. And what's the point in all of this…" she gestures around the restaurant then sighs. "Just forget it, I … I need some air."
She pushes her chair away from table and stands up. She sees him put his fork down, ready to leap up and follow her, but one look from her makes him think twice, she picks up her purse and storms away from him. He watches her as she makes her way through the crowd of tables and out of the doors leading on to the balcony. Once she's out of sight he sighs and rubs his face with both hands, knowing that most patrons in the restaurant are watching him. For a few minutes he stays seated, drinking his wine and then resorting to pulling out his phone to occupy himself. He finds himself scrolling through the photos, most are of Sara or of him and Sara, and he smiles. In every photo her smile is reaching her eyes; she looks so happy and content, and he can't help feeling that the Sara in these pictures is his wife, not the Sara who's just walked out on him. He feels his heart drop; he hasn't seen her look that happy for quite some time.
He places his phone back in his pocket and stands up, keeping his head down as he moves around the restaurant towards the balcony. As he steps outside he's blinded by the city lights and it takes a second for his eyes to adjust. He feels a chill in the crisp night air as he looks around for Sara, finally spotting her leaning over the balcony on the opposite side. She's wearing an ivory silk strapless top and black trousers, finished off with a pair of silver jewelled sandals, and for the first time, since arriving back in Vegas this week, he notices that she looks like she's lost weight and for the first time in a long time he's really worried about her. Walking slowly he moves over to her and as he nears her he can hear her sniffling; trying to keep her tears at bay.
His hear breaks; he hates seeing her upset like this and he hates that she won't talk to him.
Standing behind her, he's just about to reach out and place his arm around her waist when she straightens up and takes a step to her right.
"Don't touch me, Gil." she warns.
He jumps back slightly, startled by the tone of her voice.
"Sara, why won't you talk to me? Why can't I touch you or help you?"
She turns to him, her eyes brimming with tears and full of emotion. He can already see that she's been crying; her eyes are red and she has watery black streaks down her cheeks.
"Because…" she cries. "Because it's too hard, It's all too hard."
"Sara, what's too hard?" he asks, stepping closer to her. He already knows the answer, he just needs her to tell him.
"This. Us. Everything."
She takes another step away from him, trying to keep a safe distance away so that that won't crumble in his arms. She's doesn't want to tell him how she feels about them not being together. She doesn't want to tell him about the minor ordeal she suffered last month because she knows he'll hate himself for it. And she doesn't want to tell him that everytime they come to say Goodbye, even just for a few weeks, she loses another small piece of her heart. Because she knows that if she tells him all of these things he won't go back to Peru, he'll stay in Vegas with her and in time he'll resent her for pulling him away. She knows how happy he is in Peru; she can see it in his eyes everytime she looks at him, and she doesn't want to take that away from him.
He takes another step towards his wife, his eyes heavy with sadness at the sight of her.
She can feel herself breaking under his gaze.
"This is your last night here before you go back to Peru for goodness knows how long. You know what? Your mother was right. What kind of marriage do we have? We never see eachother and when we do it's usually only for a few days. Last month I really… I really needed to see you; I needed to talk to you face to face, but I couldn't. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell you over the phone…" she cries.
As her words slowly sink in he notices that she's starting to breath heavily, like she's trying to catch her breath.
"It hurts, Gil. It hurts so much. Us being apart is tearing me apart and I can't… I can't…" she gasps. "I can't.. do it anymore."
She's sobbing now, completely falling apart and all he can do is listen to her words and her cries. He tries to will himself to move, just a little closer to her, but he's having trouble moving. He's too busy thinking of what she's just said - I needed to talk to you face to face, but I couldn't. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell you over the phone.
He feels sick; his stomach twisting into a knot so tightly for a second he thinks he might pass out.
"Maybe we should… split up." she says, almost breathless. "Go our own way… just move on and just…"
She leans forward against the rails and an awful cry escapes her, pulling him from his thoughts.
"Sara…" he says, his voice desperate.
Now, standing behind her, he pulls her backwards into him. Her back is against his chest as he tightly wraps his arms around her. A few tears spill from his eyes but he ignores them, his mind only on his wife and her heartbreaking words.
She struggles in his arms and unable to break away she turns around and allows herself to cry into his shoulder. Her hands are clenched in between them, holding tightly to his tuxedo jacket, as her head rests against his shoulder.
"Sshh… It's okay." he soothes. "I'm here. Sshh…"
He holds her for a while before he notices that she's shivering with the cold. Keeping one arm around her at all times he eases the jacket from his body and wraps it around Sara's shoulders. Almost instantly her shivers subside and she threads her arms through the sleeves and falls back into place against her husband. He's to scared to break the silence just incase her next words are just as heartbreaking as the last, but he sees a waiter from heading over to them and he knows that their silence will be broken.
"Excuse me, sir, is everything alright?" he asks Gil but looks nervously at a crying Sara.
"Everything's fine, thank you." he says. "Listen, please can you get me chair and a glass of water?"
"Urm.. sure." says the young waiter before turning and shuffling away.
He can feel Sara's breathing slowing back to normal and he breathes a quiet sigh of relief, although she is still crying. Soothingly he strokes his fingers through her hair and down her back. He keeps replaying what she said over and over in his mind; I needed to talk to you face to face, but I couldn't. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell you over the phone and Maybe we should split up. Go our own way. He doesn't know what to think. He knows it's been hard on her; on both of them, but he had no idea exactly how hard she was taking it. Right now, he makes a silent promise to her, and to himself, to do whatever it takes to make this better and to get their marriage back to how it's supposed to be.
The waiter returns with an unopened bottle of water and a chair, he hands the water to Gil and sets the chair down near the wall out of the breeze.
Gil smiles in thanks and the waiter heads back inside, leaving him alone with is wife. He leads her over to the chair and sits her down, kneeling down in front of her he takes both her hands in his and holds them to his lips.
"Sara, please tell me you didn't mean what you said about us splitting up." he whispers, barely able to keep himself from crying.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." she cries "I… I didn't mean it. I just…"
He nods his head.
"You said that you needed to talk to me last month but couldn't over the phone."
She looks up at him, confused and upset.
"Gil, I… It doesn't matter now."
"Please, I want to know."
For a long moment she sits quietly and listens to the traffic hundreds of metres below.
"I… I had a scare." she whispers. "I realised that I was two weeks late and I… I was so scared and I was alone. I was a mess for days..."
"Pregnant?" he interrupts her, a small smile forming at his mouth.
"No. I thought I was but…" she shakes her head and looks down at their joined hands which are now in her lap.
"Sara, I am so sorry. You should never have had to go through that alone."
She shivers with the cold again and he realises that she's been outside for almost an hour, she must be freezing.
"How about we get you home and warmed up?" he asks.
She nods her head. "But we still need to talk. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on like this. I'm not strong enough. You're my strength, Gil, and without you here I'm starting to feel… weak."
He stands up and pulls her into his arms.
"I love you very much." he whispers. "I hate that I'm making you feel like this. Sara, I promise we'll sort this out."
He hesitates before softly kissing her mouth and he's thrilled when she kisses him back.
"I love you, too."
GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR GSR
At home, after giving Hank a quick pet, they both head into the bedroom. Sara fell silent again as they left the restaurant, but Gil takes it as a good sign that she's still holding his hand, and her eyes are still watery but she's no longer crying.
"How did we let it get to this point?" she asks.
She shrugs out of the black jacket and moves over towards the closet to hang it up.
Coming up behind her he slips his arms around her waist and she leans back against him.
"I don't know, but I promise we'll fix it."
She turns around in his arms and lifts hers around his neck.
"I am sorry." she says. "For what I said about us splitting up. I really didn't mean it. I was just… caught up in the heat of the moment."
"I know." he replies softly. "I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I never realised how hard it was for you. I just assumed you were dealing with it, like me. It is hard on me too, you know?"
Releasing herself from his arms she gives him a quick kiss and starts to undress.
"I might have a shower, hopefully it'll warm me up."
She doesn't bother to fold her clothes or put them away, instead she leaves them piled on the floor and she heads into the bathroom. She can feel Gil watching after her naked body and she smiles a little.
"Aren't you going to join me?" she asks, looking back over her shoulder.
His eyes open wide in recognition and he fumbles about trying to undress, and for the first time all night he hears Sara laugh as she bounces into the bathroom.
Checking the water temperature Sara decides it's warm enough and she steps, allowing the water to cascade down over her body. It's not long before her husband steps in beside her, turns her to face him and lifts her arms around his neck. She smiles as he trails his hands down her shoulders and down the side of her breasts, stopping on her hips. She cups his face in her hand and kisses him passionately. Pulling away, she sees his eyes are full of love and apologies and she knows that this situation will work out.
Lifting her arms from his shoulders she picks up some soap and starts to wash herself down, starting with removing her make-up. Gil squirts some gel on her back, massages it into her body, front and back, and rinses it before moving on to himself.
Sara watches him, smiling, until he's finished and he lifts his eyes to hers.
He returns her smile.
"Sara, I love you so much. I never meant to hurt you." he whispers.
He runs his hand through her hair and down her arm, finally taking hold of her hand.
She smiles. "We're both to blame, Gil."
Pulling her into his arms, he kisses her slowly as water showers down over them.
A little while later, after a hefty kissing session, they're curled in bed with their arms around eachother. Sara isn't sure how she wants to start their pending conversation but Gil, sensing her discomfort, starts talking first.
"What if I don't go back?" he asks as his fingers dance up and down her spine.
With her head on his chest she looks up at him. "No, I won't let you stay. You're so happy working in Peru. You've already given up so much for me, I won't let you give that up to."
"Sara, I gave up the lab for me; for us, and it was the best decision I've ever made. I've never regretted it for one second."
"I feel bad because I can't move to Peru. I'd love to, Gil, I love it out there and I'd be so happy with you but..."
"I know. You need to work. You like your independence." he says.
They talk for hours and eventually decide that Gil will spend another week in Vegas and then return to Peru for four months, to finish his one year contract, after that they'll discuss their options. He also decided that he will now make the majority of the trips to visit Sara instead of her exhausting herself by flying out to him all of the time. For the first time in months they have a real heart-to-heart, talking about their feelings, their stresses, Sara's pregnancy scare and work; everything that should have been addressed during every visit and phone-call throughout the last few months. Once everything is out in the open the atmosphere feels so much lighter and everything feels much more bearable.
"Promise me something, Sara."
"Please never suggest that we split up again." he says. "The pain I felt when you said that was unreal."
"I promise. I'm so sorry."
They laugh and kiss as they carry on talking, their conversations taking completely random turns from the weather to food, to television and music, and then to science; their favourite subject.
Sara is the first one to realise that they've spent the whole night talking. She looks at the clock and then over to gap inbetween the closed curtains.
"Hey," she whispers, running her right hand over his head which is resting against her stomach. "It's almost 7 am, the sun's coming up. We've spent the whole night talking."
"This was long overdue, Sara. We haven't done this for a long time." he says, looking over at the window and smiling.
"I remember the first time we done this. We weren't even together, not officially anyway." she says. "Do you remember?"
He smiles and repositions himself so that he's beside her and leaning on his elbow and looking at her. "It was the night Nick was rescued. I couldn't sleep and I somehow ended up at your place; that tiny apartment you used to have. We... comforted eachother and then stayed up talking all night. That was the first time I'd ever fully opened up to someone."
"Me too." she smiles.
"We should get up and do something today." she says, pulling away from him.
"I think we should stay in bed today. Get some sleep, talk some more, have a little fun..."
He winks at her.
"That sounds good."
They lean in and kiss eachother, their kisses now fresh now that all the tension has cleared. Sara moans as his his tongue darts into her her mouth and he draws her even closer to him.
"I'm so in love you, Mrs Grissom. Everyday I fall deeper in love with you. Never forget that, okay?"
"I love you, too." she smiles. "I always will."
I did want to add in a bit of smut but I struggled so I missed it out.
Thanks for reading.