This story is a reupload from da.
My first upload on this site is a lot older than this, I wrote this story (again a oneshot xD) just yesterday.
Okay I'm very sorry for (any) mistakes, but English isn't my first language and I'm still learning it.
Anyway, I hope that you can still enjoy reading my story.
Everyday is just the same:
Boring, painful; a prison you can never escape from though you know perfectly well what it does to you: it destroys you completely, but you're like someone who watches yourself getting destroyed without being able to help yourself at all, because you have to live with your situation.
And then you decide to make it easier … To become that 'strong' that the destroying progress is slowing down.
You create a second, fake self.
Then one day you wake up, and you notice that it hurts that much that you'd think it could burst your chest and you decide to forget about it, too.
And one day you might even find 'something'.
You'd think it could save you, you're confused but also delighted.
You gain new hope.
But after a short time you'll notice that you're back to your hopeless state because you couldn't get 'that' after all, and at last it's even painfuller than before.
Seems like I've reached that state after all.
Even though I didn't feel like it, I went to school after all 'cause I can't skip school that much anymore or I might get expelled, because I've already skipped a lot of days this year and any more would be a game over.
I sigh, I don't even try to listen to the teacher talking about Maths, it's just too boring and I can already do everything without any problems.
I'm rather worried about myself.
It really seems like I'm lovesick, very lovesick.
It began just a few weeks ago:
I was walking without anything particular on my mind through the city, suddenly I saw Amu and Tadase together, talking and laughing.
And as always: Amu blushing and Tadase not noticing, fortunately.
Or what could get into his mind if he noticed it, maybe something like asking her to be his girlfriend?
Of course it'd be just a childish-fake-relationship but it'd still make me jealous, maybe even despairingly.
They didn't see me, but saw I them and that was enough for me, I hurried immediately away – though I'd never tell anyone, not even Yoru - to just think jealously about a lot of things.
Since then I've nothing else on my mind but Amu, though she's already pretty much what I think about usually.
This single event made me think about a lot:
My relationship with her which can't be specified as anything at all but as very twisted.
And me wanting to spend my time with her, a lot of time and somehow getting comforted by her.
As our Japanese teacher and homeroom teacher arrives at the door, I get up and tell her: "Sensei... I don't feel very well... Can I go to the infirmary?"
She blushes – a secret fangirl of mine, which obviously shouldn't even think about becoming one - immediately just because of getting addressed by me and tries obviously not to stutter too much: "W-Well … The school nurse isn't here, so she can't look after you …"
"But … I really don't feel very well …", I whisper slowly and put a look on my face as though I'd be fainting in the next moment and actually fake a stumble.
She immediately grabs my arm and stutters shocked: "I-I guess I'd better be taking you to the infirmary."
As she walks me outside – still holding my arm – she says: "You know … The principal told us to not let you got if you said you wouldn't be feeling well but you really do look bad, so I'm taking you to the infirmary. And please don't tell anyone or I might get into trouble."
"Alright, I won't tell anyone", I answer, getting slowly annoyed from faking to be ill and getting touched by my 'teacher-fangirl' who probably just imagines what it would be like to be able 'to look after me' herself.
After I'm lying in one of the infirmary's beds and I've convinced Shibai that I'll be ok by myself and that I won't die without her at my side, I close my eyes and try to sleep.
But Yoru gets out of my pocket and asks: "You aren't really ill? Aren't you, Ikuto, ~nya?"
I open my eyes, chuckling and patting his head as I say: "Of course not. I'm just tired and a little bored."
"Really, ~nya? Lately you've been acting strange all the time, ~nya!", Yoru says worriedly.
"I'm not", I say annoyed because he noticed what I didn't want to notice anyone, turn away from him and close my eyes.
After this Yoru seems to leave and I fall into a deep slumber.
After I've woken up and school's over I make my way to the park to continue my slumber on some bench.
After reaching the park I see the perfect bench just after a few minutes of walking.
Amu sits on it, reading and alone.
I sneak slowly closer and sit down next to her without making a sound, but that close that our bodies are touching and hug her.
"Ack-!", she screams surprised and drops her book.
I whisper, smirking into ear: "Yo~"
She turns her head furiously around and says angrily but still blushing: "I-I should've known! Y-You idiot! Don't scare me like that!"
"I didn't mean to~", I say smirking and huddle my head to hers.
"You DID!", she says embarrassed and taken a bit aback.
"No", I continue telling her, close my eyes and rest my head on her shoulder.
"H-Hey, your head i-is too heavy", she stutters helplessly.
I ignore her and can soon feel her hand stroking my head while she continues to read.
It's that wonderful that it seems to happen in a dream - but it's real.
Soon I feel myself dazing off and falling asleep again.
My sleep gets interrupted by Amu who is jogging me gently to wake me up.
I look sleepy at her as I open my eyes and notice that the sky's getting already reddish.
"A x-egg!", Amu screams and points at a x-egg which is only visible as a small dot near a tree.
I grunt unwillingly, what does that stupid x-egg think interrupting us like that and forcing me to go back to my usual 'task', of destroying 'em which I really hate?
But right now I don't care that much about whoever this x-egg belongs to and about his owners foolish dream, which is never going to become reality anyway, I rather want to crush the x-egg because it has disturbed us.
"Why did you wake me up? Shouldn't you've better let me sleep to purify that thing so that you wouldn't have to try to stop me destroying it?", I ask her a little annoyed 'cause my sleep got interrupted – once again.
"Why? You didn't try to stop me purifying them the last few times, you helped me purifying them! You didn't try to destroy them!", she asks me confused.
"Well … The few last times the x-eggs tried to kill you, and I helped you because you obviously couldn't do it alone without having to go to a hospital afterwards", I answer her lazily.
"That's not true! I could have done it by myself!", Amu complains, her head flushing bright red.
"Sure", I say and chuckle amused by her.
"Argh! You … -! RAN!", Amu screams, annoyed by me.
I continue to chuckle 'till she's standing next to me, transformed in bright pink.
I look at her, that outfit would be quiet a lot of nicer if it wasn't that pink, not that it wouldn't suit her but a outfit as pink as her hair is just too much, though the whole thing's also very showy …
Amu interrupts my thoughts as she runs towards the x-egg, obviously having problems catching it off guard.
I sigh, of course I won't try to destroy it, she'd just get angry at me again, once "I hate you!" was really enough for a life time.
Plus I really hate to do so …
"Yoru", I say lazily. He understands and we do a chara-change.
I start to attack the x-egg with my paw, the x-egg tries to escape but can't.
Just as Amu wants to perform her 'Open-Heart' I notice a second x-egg which flies towards her from the side, which she doesn't notice.
Immediately I stop attacking the x-egg, run and drag her with that much power away, that we both end up falling on the ground, I on top of her.
At first I stare perplexed at her, so does Amu.
Then I notice that I had wanted the two of us in such a situation, even though I shouldn't.
Even if I've stopped worrying about being several years older than her, I still know it's a bit too soon …
"W-What're you doing, idiot? Why did you stop me?", Amu asks me angrily, still taken aback but very red in her face because of our position.
"A second x-egg, it would've crashed your head if I didn't pull you away", I answer.
Her attitude changes immediately, instead of being angry at me, she blushes even more but doesn't say anything, maybe because she's just too stubborn to thank me.
"What …? You don't wanna thank me for saving you – once again?", I ask her teasingly smirking.
"W…W…Well…", Amu begins.
I bring my lips that close to hers, that they're nearly touching as I whisper gently: "What …?"
Amu blushes that red as though I could feel the heat of her head without touching her skin, as she screams to distract: "B-But what about the x-eggs? I've to purify them, now!"
"X-eggs...? Right now I don't care about them …", I whisper, caressing her cheek.
Now I don't care about everything that stops me usually from acting like that, now I just care about what I really feel.
"B-But-", she starts.
"No 'buts'", I whisper and smile, she's just too cute when she feels taken aback and when she's totally embarrassed.
"You know… I'm getting really annoyed about this whole shit, especially about us being 'enemies'", I begin seriously.
Amu looks surprised at me and answers confused: "But I did never, say we'd be enemies, it was you when you said we'd be enemies if I joined my friends."
"That's right. But you know... I've never said it again 'cause I just don't like the thought of it", I answer.
Amu blushes even more and says: "Well... I also don't see you as an enemy, honestly..."
"You know... I like you a lot", I continue doing what I do usually never, speaking about my feelings, which I see in general as a weakness others could use against me.
"I...Ikuto...", Amu breathes my name slowly, her eyes widening of surprise.
"I-I … You know... I also... I mean... I don't hate or dislike you... I just... I guess... I-I also... I-I like you", Amu stutters, obviously being troubled by the whole situation.
My eyes widen, I didn't expect her to tell me or to even feel the same.
Now... Even if I know it's maybe too soon... I'll tell her...
"I don't only like you... I love you", I whisper.
Now I've done it... I've told her about my feelings for her.
Instead of stuttering a few confused words, Amu suddenly pulls me closer and presses her lips on mine.
I close my eyes and enjoy it...
X-eggs and stupid stepfather idiots don't exist anymore …
I've reached the last state: Happiness.