Chapter 3: Not Drunks, But ZOMBIES!

The next morning, the sibs got up to start their usual daily routines. Ludwig turned on the TV in the living room. Before he could make his way to the nearby kitchen, he heard the most disturbing thing on the news.

"This is Kyle Broflovski from CNN with your morning news at 7:45," a reporter announced. "Our top story today, the President is going to be speaking at Grinnell CollWait, another story just came in!" The reporter threw the story about the President aside and concentrated on the present story at hand. "Police have reported sightings of people acting strangely. Eyewitness reports claim that they are the walking dead. We now have live footage from the streets of Hells Kitchen, New York. Live from Hells Kitchen Park is reporter Kenny McCormick. Kenny?"

The program switched from the announcer in the station to a man with blond hair who was standing in Hells Kitchen Park. The guy was Kenny McCormick.

"Thanks, Kyle," Kenny replied. "I'm standing here in Hells Kitchen Park, where there have been numerous attacks, and I'll tell you, I'm a little weary of being out here right now."

"I don't blame you, Kenny," said Kyle.

Liesel walked into the living room and saw the report. "The walking dead?"

All of a sudden, Kenny started screaming as zombies went after him. "Kyle, the zombies are attacking! I'm outta here!" Before Kenny could get away, however, a bunch of zombies grabbed and ate him.

"Kenny? What happened?" Kyle asked. No response. "Kenny?"

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" the cameraman, Stan Marsh, exclaimed.

"You bastards!" Kyle shouted.

Liesel and Ludwig could only watch in stunned silence as Kyle hysterically signed off.

"My God," Liesel said. She turned to look at her younger brother. "Did you just see that?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Ludwig said.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Liesel said. She rushed to the kitchen sink and stood hunched over it, ready to puke her guts out over what she had just witnessed.

"This is a joke, right?" Ludwig asked no one in particular, laughing uneasily. "Th-this can't really be happening, right?"

"Honestly, I'm not really sure what to think," Liesel answered. She turned on the faucet and watched as her puke went down the drain. Then she splashed water on her face and dried herself off with one of the long sleeves of her shirt.

Gilbert came in from playing outside with Savio and Yong Soo. He approached his big brother and sister and pointed to the kitchen window, from which they could see a playground. "There's some drunk weirdo on the playground. He tried to bite a bunch of kids, but we all ran away from him."

"What?" Liesel and Ludwig asked.

"I just said there's a drunk weirdo on the playground who tried to bite a bunch of kids," Gilbert repeated. "But no one got bit. He's still out there."

"I'm checking it out," said Ludwig. He stormed out the apartment door, armed only with a cell phone, which he took in case he had to call the police.

"I better go make sure he's okay," Liesel said with a roll of her eyes. Sometimes she thought Ludwig could be a bit thick. Unlike LuLu, however, Liesel remembered to grab a blunt object (Ludwig's baseball bat) just in case she had to fight off this drunk weirdo Gilbert described.


When Liesel and Ludwig got outside, they saw a man that they didn't recognize staggering from the playground and into the parking lot.

Ludwig walked towards the guy and started yelling at him. "Hey! What's the big idea, trying to bite little kids? What's your problem? Huh?"

The man looked at Lui, and the two Beilschmidts could see his face. There was indeed something wrong with him, but they didn't know what just yet.

"Oh my God," Liesel said quietly to her brother. "What's wrong with him?"

"I dunno," Ludwig responded. "How much do you think he had to drink?"

Liesel couldn't believe Ludwig could be so dense. "What the heck? You think this guy's intoxicated? You know, I've seen guys I know get drunk, and they don't act like that! Arthur Kirkland, for example, LuLu. He doesn't have that spooky, dead look on his face when he drinks."

"So, what's your point?" Ludwig asked stupidly.

Liesel struck her forehead in utter frustration. "I just made it, dummy! This guy's not drunk; he's dead! That zombie report was true!" Then she noticed the guy was advancing on them. "And he's coming closer! Shit, shit, shit!" She raised the bat she had in her hands, ready to take the zombie down.

Ludwig just showed the zombie his cell. "Stay back, or I'll call the cops!"

"What are the cops gonna do?" Liesel exclaimed as she gripped the bat tighter. "They can't arrest a fucking zombie, you idiot!" She then charged at the zombie and hit him hard on the head with the bat. The zombie's brains splattered in the parking lot; some of them made an ink blot-like shape on the front of Regina Mills' car.

Regina's son, Henrywho was carrying a ridiculously big book of fairy tales titled The Ridiculously Big Book of Fairy Tales (how the heck could he carry that big thing?)came up to Liesel and Ludwig. He saw the brain splatter pattern on his mom's car and looked from it to the siblings, then back to the ink blot shape. "You know, guys, my mom's not gonna be happy about this when she sees what you did to her car."

"Like we give a fuck?" Ludwig exploded in the child's face. "Your mom's a fucking bitch! Get the fuck back inside, you little shit!"

"Oooooohhhhhh, you said bad wooooorrrrrrds," Henry said in a tattletale voice. "I'm gonna tell my fairy tale friends on you." He ran inside his dwelling and slammed the door.

Once Henry was out of earshot, Liesel spoke to Ludwig. "Uh, does he actually think they're real?"

"I don't ask those kinds of questions, but Little Prussia mentioned it," Ludwig answered back.

"That kid needs some therapy big time," Liesel remarked.

Just then, the siblings saw two more zombies, one of whom was this man everyone referred to as Mr. Gold. Nobody, especially the Beilschmidt siblings, liked Mr. Gold in view of the fact that one year ago, he had sold Claus and Elise a car for just one dollar. Turned out Mr. and Mrs. Beilschmidt got ripped off, because the car had a plastic toy engine and a cardboard cutout steering wheel. He did the same thing to other people in the complex.

"We'd better go inside," Ludwig informed his sister, who willingly agreed with him. They both hurried back into their apartment and quickly closed the door behind them.

"What's going on?" Roderich asked drowsily.

"Yeah, what's going on?" asked an equally sleepy Elizabeta.

"Lise, West, why are Roddy and Lizzie in their underwear?" Gilbert asked, pointing at the couple.

"There are zombies outside" Ludwig started, but then noticed his cousin and Elizabeta as soon as Gilbert pointed them out. "Roderich Edelstein, you and your girlfriend better make yourselves decent, for God's sake!" Liesel covered Gilbert's eyes while glaring at the underwear duo.

Instead of doing what Ludwig told them to do, Roderich and Elizabeta just stared at him and Liesel, alarmed at what they just heard.

"Did you just say…?" Roderich inquired, but couldn't bring himself to say the "Z" word.

"…zombies?" Elizabeta concluded for him.

"Yes, zombies," Liesel replied. Her hands were still over Gilbert's eyes. "Now, please, get dressed!"

"Fine," Roderich whined childishly. He went back to his room in a huff, Elizabeta trailing behind. A little later, the both of them came back out, this time fully dressed.

"Thank you!" Liesel and Ludwig said in unison. Liesel released Gilbert's eyes from the shield of her hands.

"Why did ya cover my eyes?" Gilbert asked, looking at Liesel.

"'cause Roddy and Lizzie were in their underwear," Liesel explained to her youngest brother.

Some time later, the Beilschmidt siblings plus Roderich and Elizabeta tried calling their friends and loved ones. Liesel called Alfred, but, unfortunately, got his home voicemail.

"Hello, you've reached the Jones residence," the machine, which had Alfred's father, Henry "Mutt" Jones', voice as the recording. "We can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number and a short message, we'll get back to you as soon as possible…unless you're a Neo-Nazi, that is. In that case, you can just hang up right now, 'cause we're not gonna call you back."

After hearing the beep on the machine, Liesel left her message. "Al, it's Lise. There are zombies at my place. When you get this, please call back so I know they didn't get you! I love you." With that, she hung up, still wrought with worry over what could have happened to Alfred.

"Don't worry, Sis, Al's fine," Gilbert said with a smile. "I know he is."

"Thanks, Gilbo," Liesel said, managing a smile.


While Roderich tried reaching his nine other girlfriends, Ludwig called his girlfriend, Krysia Lukasiewicz, on his cell. He figured she'd be safe due to being at a family reunion in Warsaw, but he had to make sure.

"Hey, Lui!" Krysia said enthusiastically.

"Hey, Krys," said Ludwig. "Um, I don't want to worry you, but there are zombies here in New York. Are there any in Poland?"

"Oddly enough, no, inasmuch as there are no such things as zombies," Krysia replied. Then she laughed a little. "Did you go to Philadelphia and have a drink at Paddy's Pub again?"

"No," an embarrassed Ludwig said. "When have I ever done that?"

"Like, about ten times, I think," Feliks said, laughing hysterically. Obviously, he had swiped Krysia's phone.

"FELIKS!" Ludwig shouted. "GIVE KRYS BACK HER PHONE NOW! I WAS TALKING TO HER, NOT YOU, YOU GIRLY BOY!"

"Like, okay, okay, okay, sheesh," Feliks said. Ludwig could hear him giving the phone back to Krysia.

"Sorry about him," Krysia said apologetically.

"That's alright," said Ludwig., "I'm glad that you're safe, though. That's good to hear."

"Yeah," said Krysia. "Now, are you really sure that there are zombies in New York? Seriously?"

"Yes, I'm serious!" Ludwig said in an urgent voice. "There were about two or three in the complex, and one almost bit my brother and his friends at the playground this morning."

"Oh my God," a shocked Krysia said.

"And do you know what else?" Ludwig asked.

"What?" Krysia asked.

"You know that scammer guy, Mr. Gold?" Ludwig asked. "Well, he's one of those zombies."

"Good," Krysia responded. "I hated that guy. Uh, my family has the news on right now, and…well, you were right. I still can't believe it. New York, overrun by zombies."

"Yeah, everyone hated him," Ludwig said. "Still, I'm glad you're safe. Listen, you and your family may want to stay in Warsaw a little longer, because I don't want these things getting any of you. Okay?"

"But, Lui, we're coming back next week, and" Krysia was about to say until she got cut off by Ludwig.

"Listen, Krys," Ludwig said promptly. "Stay where you are, and don't come back to the States until I call and say it's okay to come back. I don't want you, your parents, or your sibs getting killed by these things! It's too dangerous to be in America right now. Just stay put!"

Ludwig heard Krysia sigh, then heard her speak.

"Okay, Lui," Krysia said. "We won't leave until it's okay to come back. But please, promise me that you'll stay safe."

"I promise," Ludwig replied. "Love you."

"Love you, too," Krysia said. Ludwig heard the click of her phone as she hung up before flipping his own phone shut.

"What do we do now?" Gilbert asked as he huddled between his brother and sister, hugging his teddy bear close.

"I don't know," Ludwig replied. "But don't worry, Little Prussia, Big Bro and Big Sis will think of something."

"Yeah," said Liesel. "For right now, though, I think we're safe from those things."


Author's Note: For those who don't know, Regina, Henry, and Mr. Gold are from the show Once Upon a Time. And Krysia is an OC of mine.