This bonus chapter takes place after the third installment of myBattleroyal entry entitled : "Battle Royal: Sancho vs Round Two."...It's in reference to a competition hosted by HeartofStone15. So if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about then that's why.
For those of you who may or may not be following the series: I'm going to be super annoying and tell you that Niki's name is spelled with one K and pronounced Nee-Kee. I don't know how I expected you to just figure that out...but you know, whatever.
Bonus Chapter (Omniscient Narrator's POV)
Florg was yelling and throwing food at the observation screen.
"Kill him monster!" he raved. "Rip his guts out! That bastard owes me money!"
Korec grinned. He had always known that Florg was fat, crude, moron, who was inferior to him in every way. It was true in his mind and had been, ever since they were smeets. These annual Battle Royal competitions only confirmed it.
Florg through a bowl of curly fries at the screen and it splintered into a thousand pieces. The crowd groaned audibly.
"Great! Shouted one of the invaders from the back. "No really, super, excellent job! It could take them twenty minuets to fix that!"
Korec's grin broadened, his gums stretching obnoxiously over his zipper-like teeth, in that familiar, contemptible, uniquely Korecy, expression. Florg wanted to punch him and probably would have if it wasn't for that fact that Korec was so much taller than him.
"Wow, Florg, rooting against your own contestant again? You know what? I think you did that last year too. Right about when you were LOSING."
"Shut up, Korec," said Florg.
"What ever," said Korec. "I'm still winning. Not that I ever expected to loose. If you were smart like me you would have put all of your money on Skullene."
"I wouldn't bet a single monie on that slut, Skullene," retorted Florg.
"No, you'd rather entrust your future to a crippled, human, slime-monkey," replied Korec sarcastically. "Don't you think that the Nyx would have been a safer bet? Or even that lab-coated, schizo, Benedict. Out of all of the sentient beings in the universe, only you would have bet on someone who has absolutely no chance. Hmmm...do you think Invader Lar will break your legs when he finds out that you don't have enough money to pay him back...It's like you live to entertain me."
"Shut up Korec," growled Florg again, crossing his arms and glaring into the blackened, empty, observation screen.
He was realizing now, as he always did, a moment too late, that he had made a bad bet. Yes, he was admitting it to himself now...that greasy little human pig-monster was a bad bet. How could it not have been obvious from the beginning?
"I guess it's true what they say," said Florg to Korec after awhile. "...Ya' get what you pay for."
Florg exited the observation deck through a pair of electronic sliding doors, stepping into the circular, purple carpeted, hallway that connected all of the storage closets, bathrooms, control rooms and observation decks. He wasn't surprised to find Nob there, screwing up their plans as usual. He was outside of one of the storage closets, banging on the door with his fist and talking to it as though he expected it to respond.
"What are you doing?" Florg asked him though he was sure he already knew the answer.
"Niki's alive, I think," said Nob. "I thinkCalmight have locked her in this room instead of killing her."
" You and that stupid female," Florg grumbled.
Florg remembered the day that he had met Niki for the very first time. She was living on one of those podunk, backwoods planets were the control brains still permit non-artificially inseminated reproduction. A policy that Florg found mindbogglingly stupid. He was not alone in this belief, as the majority of the Irken population was acculturated to believe their "post mechanized" society superior to all others due to the supposed elimination of gender distinction and sexual desire. He remembered that Nob had explained that it was "politically complicated" or some crap like that.
"Some Irken populated planets share a border with the Neeshaw, and when this happens there is a cultural exchange that makes the Irken populations on these planets more difficult to control," Nob had explained. As always, he back up his explanation with further explanation, unwittingly rubbing it in everyone's face that he had a college education.
"Weehoo!," Niki had chimed in in that high-pitched, idiotic twang. "You sure are smart, Nob-and you sure do use some big words!"
Florg really hated her, as her voice invariably triggered his migraine. She was always hanging around Nob back then, talking about how "smart" he was. Florg had been acculturated to believe that an individual's sex was meaningless physical attribute, much like eye color or antenna length, but after a few short weeks of living on that old, Podunk, backwoods planet he was learning one of the basic principles of male/female relations: Girls make your friends lame.
Nob finally managed to get the door to the storage closet open. It slid sideways, with the screeching of electronic gear, revealing Niki, who, unlike any remotely normal sentient being, didn't seem the slightest bit upset that she had just been kidnapped and locked in a closet for six hours.
"Boy, I sure am glad to see you!" she exclaimed in that mind-curdling, high pitched, squeak. "It's been such a long time! How have you been? Because I've been super exited about becoming a member of the Battle Royal service staff family! Our company has morals! It sure does! Trust us with your money!"
Niki had an annoying habit of randomly spouting company propaganda. It was one of her many annoying qualities.
"I've been a little less than great," said Nob.
"Really, why?" asked Niki.
"I'm not at liberty to divulge," said Nob. He paused for a moment, to stare at the intricate hem of her red and gold uniform, then continued: "Listen, Niki, I need you to tell me everything that you know about the battle royal contestants. It could really help me out a lot if you did."
"Okey-dokey then!" was Niki's inappropriately perky reply. "That does comply with company policy, so it's a big can do! I've downloaded all of the contestants' statistics into my memory banks! What do you want to know?"
"Please tell me what you know aboutCal," said Nob. "Does he have any weaknesses?"
"I have no statistics forCalin my memory banks," replied Niki cheerily. "I, however, do know a few things about him! Idn't that great?"
"It's fantastic," replied Nob somberly. "Now, please tell me."
"He's a shape shifting creature that acquires the qualities of the things he observes!" said Niki. "I've noticed, however, that he can not blend the qualities of two different organisms, even if they are of the same species! Wow, that sure is interesting! The collective Battle Royal company knowledge pool is sure privy to some interesting facts! For more interesting facts please visit our web sight at www. battle royal company . IE! Anyway,Calis least vulnerable to damage, during transitions, which is probably why he transitions so frequently! Transitions, however, zapCal's energy leaving him vulnerable! Also,Calcan heal himself when he's injured by resting in a relatively small, nonthreatening form. Does that answer your question?"
"Yes," said Nob. "Thank you, Niki."
"What a stupid waste of my time," said Florg. "How is knowing any of this going to help the Satchmo-beast not loose me money. We have no way of communicating with him, and even if we did he'd probably just be too dumb to use that information."
"Your making too many assumptions," said Nob. "We might be able to establish a link through the interface system in his bionic prosthesis...and you don't know this creature. His ability to comprehend my strategy might surprise you."
"I know him well enough," said Florg. "And the only thing that surprises me is how stupid he is. It's time you face it, Nob. Humans are a bad bet. Always have been. Always will be."
Nob ignored this last comment.
"There are four contestant's remaining, Niki," said Nob, addressing Niki once more. "There names are Skullene, Nyx, Benedict, and Sancho. Could you please tell me what you know about them?"
"Why, I'd be my pleasure, and my duty as a good Battle Royal employee!" squealed Niki. "Skullene is considered by the majority of our investors to be the strongest fighter in the game! The system rates her as a 7 out of 10 on strength and a 10 out of 10 on intellect, skill, and agility. She is registered as being equipped with daggers and a variety of fire arms! Would you like me to list them for you?"
"No, thank you," said Nob. "Please go on."
"Nyx is a human cyborg, created on the planet Earth! Don't you think that's neat? I think that's neat," said Niki.
"You think everything's neat," grumbled Florg.
"Nyx is rated by our investors as third most likely to succeed! The system rates her as a 10 out of 10 on strength and skill, a 6.5 out of 10 on intellect, and 7 out of 10 on agility! She may be strong, but un like Skullene, our expert investors have noticed some obvious weaknesses. Her non-metal appendages are vulnerable to attack, and she loses her ability to plan reason when enraged! Shall, I go on?"
"I've noticed that," said Florg, and he sounded a bit more optimistic this time. "The Sancho-monster makes her really mad...so maybe we have a chance of taking her out."
"That's the spirit!" shouted Niki. "Benedict is rated by our wise and benevolent investors as being the fifth most likely to succeed! The system rates him as an 6.5 out of ten on strength, a 8 out of 10 on skill, a 10 out of 10 on intellect and a 6 out of ten on agility! The investors have noted in the system that his mental illness may be exploitable as a weakness, and also that he can be distracted by music! Then there is Sancho, the human abducted by my friends the poachers Nob and Florg. He is rated by our investors as 15th most likely to succeed."
"But that's impossible," said Nob. "There aren't even fifteen contestants!"
"This is true," said Niki. "Our wise and benevolent investors have rated certain rocks as more likely to succeed than your alien, Sancho. You may place a bet on Larry, the rock with a magic marker face! It's not too late! Register your vote at the front desk or online at www. battle royal company . IE/ place bets! Anyway, Sacho has been rated by our investors as a 4 out of ten on strength, and skill, and intellect. He is rated as a 3 on agility! Our investors have identified his weaknesses as being panicky, easily frustrated, easily distracted and inexperienced."
"I told you you should have cut off his other leg," said Florg to Nob. "He could be as fast as Nyx with two bionic ones."
"These statistics probably aren't accurate. They were written by ethnocentric Irkens with politically biased agendas...So of course their going to rate non-Irken species as more inferior fighters," said Nob.
"Oh, in the name of the Almighty Tallests," swore Florg. "Would you shut up? No really, shut up. You're both giving me a headache."
Florg left them in the storage closet, walking across the circular, purple-carpeted hallway back to the main observation deck. The Irkens in here seemed excited. They were all talking and yelling and cheering and booing...so Florg figured that the screen must have been fixed.
"Florg, look at this! look at what's happening!" shouted Korec in his direction. "You won't believe this!"