A Hayate the Combat Butler Fic



A/N: Because nobody can take that sort of shit quietly.

To serve is the lot of the butler. To fight is the lot of the soldier. To love is the lot of the lover. ... But to get screwed over by the universe time and again? THAT is the lot of one Hayate Ayasaki, cosmic plaything and full-time woobie.

And this is his story.

I hate my life. I really do.

I mean it. Seriously. Don't even get me started on how bad my life sucks. I could go on and on for pages and pages and pages and pages and pages just talking about how lousy my life is. But we would never get anywhere that way, so I won't.

Not much, anyways.

Working is hard. And I mean HARD. Seriously, if war is hell, then work is war. Literal hell on earth would be a welcome reprieve from my work schedule. But the Universe hates me, however, so no such luck.

I work hard. I put myself through the worst kind of crap for less than minimum wage and zero appreciation. I know, I know. "Why do it, then?" Well, I don't want to do it, but we need the money, and God knows that Those Two won't ever do a damn thing to fix this situation. So it falls to me, little Hayate Ayasaki, to grin and bear it and soldier on through the pain. Like a man.

That's what they tell me, at any rate. I doubt that's true, though. I mean, I'm, what? Ten, eleven, twelve years old? Yeah, something like that. I'm just a kid, and yet I've already held more jobs than most adults. So if doing something you don't want to without complaining really defines a man, then I am already more of a man than anyone else. But I haven't even hit puberty yet, so... yeah...

Hence the aforementioned doubt.

Anyways, back on topic: I hate my job. Or rather, my jobs.

Yes, jobs. Plural.

And my voice hasn't even cracked yet. Oh, happy days.

Ah, I do apologize if the sarcasm in the last sentence happened to drip off of your monitor just now, but there is really no other way for me to express just how fan-fucking-tastic[1] it is to be me. I mean, every day is filled with magic and wonderment, and the world just bends over backwards to make me happy! Everyone loves me, and I have a happy, normal home life~!


Life sucks. The Universe hates my guts. And all the people who are supposed to take care of me and nurture me into a happy, well-adjusted adult have their heads shoved too far up their own asses to do a damn thing to help. Although I suppose that, at least in that way, they're preparing me for adulthood.

... Yeah.

Fuck my life.

- Hayate Ayasaki

[1]: Adults always tell me I shouldn't swear, but what the fuck have those shitty bastards ever done for me? Absolutely nothing. So to hell with them, I'll swear all I want.

A/N: Just experimenting with first person p.o.v. and indirectly venting about my job.

This is a younger, feistier Hayate who hasn't completely given up and accepted his fate as a cosmic chew toy. I think I like him like this – at the very least, it's a significant change from how I normally write him. And if you, the reader, liked this, then let me know and I might continue it. Otherwise, I'll probably just let it sit indefinitely, what with all else I'm working on.

As for the next chapter of Om Nom Nom, Hamster-chan!, well... I'm working on it, but work really saps my energy, so I'm only slowly making progress. But the reviews are greatly appreciated!-!

Also: the twenty-ninth is my birthday.


TTFN and R&R!