AN: sorry for the wait, I've been sidetracked a lot (Christmas upcoming, mock exams, guitar lessons etc). Please remember that I have been writing this story since late 2009, so there may be some inconsistancies and grammatical/spelling errors (and please review!)


Brütal Legend 2: The Return of Darkness and Evil

Chapter 2

Over in Bladehenge, it was early morning, and everyone was preparing the stage for a small concert by a group called Alestorm, the opening act being Eddie Riggs himself performing a guitar battle with General Yngwie Malmsteen, a prolific virtuoso. Eddie was coerced into performing by the Guardian of Metal, who would attend, saying he had a surprise for him. "Eddie, wake up. Ya got to get to the rehearsal." Killmaster grumbled. Eddie just gave him the one finger salute."Eddie, get up now or I'll teabag you. Remember last time?" Eddie's blood ran cold at that point. He vaguely remembered it, and it also involved a rubber ducky inserted into his person."Alright, you didn't have to bring that up man, I'm up." Eddie grunted groggily, stumbling out of bed, and smashing his head into the coffee pot. "Kill Master, could you get my guitar?" Eddie asked after getting dressed. "Get it yourself ya lazy bastard, it's only 2 inches from your right hand." Kill Master replied. "That's what she said." Rima shouted from her and Killmaster's room. "Wow, you've made her civilised." Eddie said sarcastically. "I heard that!" Rima shouted back. "Mate, don't piss her off. When we got back together we couldn't have sex for 3 weeks 'cos she threw a bottle at my... Johnson as I watched a razor girl take her pants off." Killmaster and Eddie both shuddered at that. "Hmph, that was funny." Said a familiar voice. "Well, if it isn't the guardian."Good to see you too Eddie. I have a surprise for you." "All right, what is it? Are you wearing a thong or something?" Eddie said to the widely grinning Guardian of Metal standing in the doorway holding a sack and his own microphone." Well Eddie, you know you created a way to record and play music?" asked the Guardian. "Yeah." said Eddie. He had created cassette tapes and players, now there was one in every home and apartment (not just tents anymore). "Well, I made a tape of me singing acapella, so could you help mix the album and put a backing track to it?"Of course Eddie was all too happy to help and mixed the album within 10 minutes."That was quick, Eddie." Guardian said happily. "Oh, I have a couple more surprises for you. But, we must go to the concert hall so I can show everyone else." Eddie got suspicious but went along with it. "Okay Guardi-""Don't call me Guardian, call me Ozzy." corrected Ozzy. "Okay, Ozzy, would you like to come with me in the Deuce? We can listen to your album." Eddie offered. "Cool. Killmaster, would you and Rima like to come with us?" "No thanks man, we're happy just goin' on my bike. I love it when she holds my waist." Killmaster sighed contentedly."That's not the only thing you like." Rima appeared from nowhere and held Kill Master. "Can you two back me and Yngwie up? My other two guys left at the last minute." "No problem Eddie." Killmaster replied. Killmaster & Rima started getting lovey-dovey and then Killmaster said "Run guys, just run." Eddie and Ozzy high tailed it out of just as Kill Master put his tongue down Rima's throat. "So, how've you treated Deuce since I saw you last?" Ozzy asked while jumping in. "Well, we had a load of Lionwhyte loyalists assaulting last week, and it got very scratched up." Eddie replied while also jumping in. "There's barely a mark." Ozzy exclaimed in awe. "Me and Mangus fixed it up and modified the Mouth of Metal, to play the tapes of course." Eddie replied smugly "So, put the tape in, let's hear it." "You should hear it, my instrumentation was perfect." As the 1st chord played out, Eddie and Ozzy knew they had done a good job. "How did you get the drum and bass in, man?" Ozzy asked in delight. "I'd done some jams with Kill Master and Rima a couple of days ago. It worked really well." A fast guitar solo wailed and screamed from the speakers "Hey, nice solo man, where did you learn your skills?" Ozzy asked. "In my time, they can teach you about the guitar, and I mastered all techniques within 3 years, and I'm still learning, picking up tips here and there." "Wow." "Yeah, wow." They stayed in silence until they arrived at the hall. Yngwie greeted them. "Dudes, nice to see you. Oh Eddie, I have a new amp stack, do you want to test it?" Yngwie asked enthusiastically. "Alright, I'm up for a challenge." Eddie said cockily. "I sense fun ahead" Ozzy whispered under his breath. As they entered the hall they heard great cheers from the roadies and the few attendees who had arrived early. Ozzy held up his microphone and said "Guys, cheer later when they perform. By the way, I've just recorded a new album. It'll go on sale in 5 days, and it's awesome!" More cheers erupted. During this time, Eddie was pulled aside by Ophelia. "Hey honey, sorry I couldn't say goodbye." She said while kissing him on the cheek "It's alright babe, I'm just happy to see you." Eddie whispered while kissing her back. They parted. "The cheers have died. Wanna come backstage?" Ophelia asked. "Definitely." Eddie replied. "Hey, Mangus are the band here yet?" shouted Ophelia "Dudette, they called and said they'd be here in 10 minutes. And tell Lita to get her cute ass up here." Mangus shouted back. Eddie chuckled and started to shout. "Hey Lita, Mangus said to get yo-""I heard him hero. Hi teardrinker." This was no longer an insult, but an inside joke among good friends. Lita, Ophelia and Eddie jumped up on stage."Baron, is the pyro up yet?" Eddie called out to The Baron, leader of the fire barons. "All ready Eddie." Baron called back. "Flash pots?" 6 small explosions went at the front of the stage."Check." "Side pots?" 2 small flashes went off at each stage side. "Check." "Cool. Alright, flames?" 24 flame spirals came from above and at the front of the stage. "Check." "Nice, alright last pyro coming up. Sparks?" 4 enormous spark fountains erupted from the front of the stage. "Brilliant Baron. Remember to set up the dry ice." Eddie called up to the rafters. "Will do Ed."

"Thanks Baron." "Eddie, call me Rob." "Will do Rob." Eddie was pulled aside by Yngwie. "This stack is all hand wired and the amp head has built in delay, flanger, phaser and chorus" Yngwie gushed. "Who built it? Leo Marshall, Ark Engl...?" Eddie asked. "None of them. It was Tom Blackstar". Yngwie demonstrated its deafening power with a fast flurry of notes similar to a violin piece heard by Eddie in his time, Paganini's 5th Caprice."Awesome amp man." Eddie complimented Yngwie, who chortled in agreement. "I'll bring Vai up to rest it later." How is he?" Eddie queried. "Still badly emaciated, but my sister is feeding him in more ways than one." Eddie & Yngwie shared a laugh like two old men making fart jokes. Lita and Mangus walked over holding hands. "Eddie, could you and Ophelia do the sound check for us, only Alestorm are running late." Mangus queried. "Why, honey?" Lita asked worried. "Well their entourage were attacked by bandits, and one roadie was killed." Mangus whispered solemnly. "Yeah we can do the sound check, Kill Master and Rima just arrived. Rima, we've got a drum kit." Eddie told the newly arrived lovebirds. "A 12- piece or a 10-piece?" Kill Master and Rima questioned in unison."A 16-piece." Eddie answered. "Awesome." Rima exclaimed joyously. She gave Kill Master a quick French kiss and rushed over to the kit. "Cool, is that a double bass set?" Kill Master asked. "Can't you see the two bass drums?" Eddie wondered aloud. "Fair enough Eddie. I'll get my bass." Kill Master snapped his fingers and his bass appeared out of nowhere. "Ophelia, get your guitar and mic. It's show time." Eddie exclaimed, grabbing Clementine. A heavy melody flew from the amp stacks. Ophelia began singing.

All the faces with one expression
Behind the windows, we're all down at heel
Don't expect us to do you favours
It's just the way that we feel

Get ready for some action
Get ready wildlife
Get ready it's our reaction
Get ready wildlife

Breaking loose, the only solution
We're getting well outta line
We don't follow, won't swallow
They're gonna find out
We've got our own minds

Get ready for some action
Get ready wildlife
Get ready it's our reaction
Get ready wildlife

Get ready for some action
Get ready wildlife
Get ready it's our reaction
Get ready wildlife

Get ready for some action
Get ready wildlife
Get ready it's our reaction
Get ready wildlife

A huge cheer went up around the concert hall, meaning everyone had arrived. Ironheade had thrived since the war. Mangus and Eddie perfected cassette tapes and their players 1 week after the final battle, Eddie had brought some new music styles, namely: punk rock, progressive rock, hard rock, hardcore punk and grunge, 3 weeks after Eddie lopped Doviculus's fucking head off, and the radio was finished by Kill Master, Rima's and Mangus's incessant fiddling with the 2nd mouth of metal made by Ozzy (the 1st and only radio station, INHE can double up as a recording studio) a day afterwards. "Eddie, man that was awesome. Ophelia can sing really well." Kill Master shouted over the baying crowd. "Oh, you didn't know. Lita taught her 4 years ago." Ophelia gave Eddie a sweet kiss and ran off-stage, while General Yngwie arrived onstage and immediately launched the battle with a mixture of Marching Out and Evil Eye, compositions off his 1st album. Many high notes came out of the amp stacks (4 by 12 if you were wondering). As Yngwie ended it with a strong riff, Eddie jumped in playing Canon Rock, his favourite piece. Eddie was surrounded by fire and sparks (To most, hell, to the land of metal, heaven.). Yngwie cut off Eddie before the last note and leapt into The Crusade, a dual piece. 8 and ½ minutes of furious shredding from both sides later, the set ended on a high. Thunderous applause rang through the hall. Eddie quietly slipped away while Yngwie milked it for as long as he could. "Hey, you guys are Alestorm aren't you Eddie asked the small gang of people in pirate dress. " Aye, we be Alestorm and we're heavy metal pirates." grunted Christopher, the lead singer and keytarist. "We sail across the sky." Chanted the rest of the band. "Okay, you're on in 5 minutes." Eddie wavered, struggling not to laugh at Alestorm's clothes. Lita and Mangus went over to congratulate Eddie on a good performance, and promptly burst out laughing at the bemused band. "You know, it's rude to laugh." Christopher growled. Eddie replied "Guys, we're yanking your chain, we do this to almost every band." "Why almost?" Ian the drummer asked. "Do not mess with the punks, especially the hardcore ones. 8 headbangers went missing after we upset Anti-Flag. We found them 3 days later with no hair." Lita coughed, still laughing. "Oh my god." Ian and Christopher whispered simultaneously. General Yngwie turned up. "Hello General show boater, how was the applause?" Mangus asked sarcastically." Eh, not bad. Guys, you're on, they're baying for blood." Sighed Yngwie. "Eddie, we all have a surprise for you. But first, here's my second surprise." Ozzy handed Eddie a long package. "Wow Ozzy, what is it?" Eddie enquired. "Well honey, come with us and you'll find out." Ophelia muttered seductively."Okay." Eddie closed his eyes, for he knew there was going to be a party, but what for? He was led to a room backstage .All of a sudden, a bright light hit him. He opened his eyes, and a thunderous cheer went up. "Happy birthday Eddie!" Almost everyone he knew was there. The baron, thunder hogs and all of Ironheade (except the ones watching the concert.) were there." Wow!" Eddie exclaimed joyously. "Eddie, open the box." Ophelia commanded. "Okay." Eddie slowly opened his package, and what was in there made his dream come true. "Is this a new guitar?" Eddie slowly managed to say. "No, it's my bra." Ozzy commented creepily. "Of course, it's a guitar sweetie. I made it myself. Took 2 months." It was beautiful. The body was in the shape of a Gibson Explorer, with a scalloped ebony fretboard, numbered frets (24 of them!), glossy black body, a razorfire boar tusk whammy bar, 7 strings (0.10 to 0.60) and with a head stock not unlike ESP guitars of the future. "I can't you did this for me Ophelia. Thank you so much." Eddie took Ophelia into his arms and slowly kissed her with great passion. Many whoops and aahhs swept across the room. They came apart after 10 minutes. "Eddie, I've got a couple more surprises. But Ophelia must open this package first." boomed Ozzy. Ophelia opened it to see fishnet stockings, a black corset and lacy panties. "Whoa!" Eddie gasped in astonishment. "Nice." muttered Kill Master. "Cool, aren't they?" asked Ozzy hopefully "Okay, two things. 1 I will never wear in front of you Ozzy and this is something only Eddie and I can see," Ophelia flashed Eddie an evil smile. "And two, I like it, but if you by me something like this again, I'll stick my dagger up your ass, break your legs and nail your arms to the deuce." Ozzy looked terrified. "Eddie, help!" "Sorry, I love her." The room went silent. "What?" Ophelia muttered, shocked. "Oph, I love you." "Eddie, I was going to give you this at Christmas, but considering you love me, you get it now." Ophelia handed him another long box. "You'll really like it." Eddie carefully opened the box, and gasped at the beauty of what was inside. This wasn't an electric guitar, it was acoustic. Coloured red with hextadon blood, body crafted from tollusk tusk, carefully wound strings and perfect soundboard crafted from agalloch wood from the top of the mountain of death in drowning doom lands. An acoustic amp appeared out of nowhere, with Ozzy winking at Eddie. Killmaster, Rima & Yngwie got the hint and gathered around with their instruments. Eddie plugged in the acoustic and played a slow melody.

So close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

Yngwie let rip with a soft solo, calming all in the room and amazing them as well.

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know

so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
no nothing else matters.

Ophelia, with tears in her eyes, smiled at Eddie's dedication to her. The silence was suddenly broken by Fletus running in to the room. "Eddie, I was out scouting for parts near the screaming wall when I saw 2 guys with face paint tainting a raptor elk herd." Ozzy turned white in shock. "Ozzy, what's wrong?" Eddie asked, worried. "I know those guys. They're fucking evil. They are so sick and twisted. They pillaged the forge before you arrived Eddie. They took Sharon." Ozzy shook slightly, holding back tears. "Ozzy, can I ask who Sharon is?" Eddie whispered. "Sharon was the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on. Her red hair, her eyes, her smile. We were happy before the attack. They smashed everything, killed my mate Randy. And they took Sharon. They killed her. They ripped her eyes out, skinned her and raped the remains. AAAAHHHH! Why did they do that? Why? Why?" Ozzy screamed in anger. "Justice will come. Yngwie, go find Vai. We'll need you both for this one. Ozzy, Ophelia, Come with me." Eddie commanded. "Time for war."