Trick Or Treat

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned or the show or, for that matter, Halloween.

Author's Note: This is a little holiday-related one-shot I felt compelled to write when someone on Twitter mentioned that they wished there was a Doctor Who Halloween special. And this is what would happen in my Halloween special ;) so enjoy...

"River, what's going on today? Everything looks a bit... Odd." The Doctor shrugged as he gestured around at the people surrounding them on the street.

"Odd?" River laughed as she fell in step with her husband and linked her arm through his as they wandered the city streets, kicking the crunchy leaves that fell underfoot. "It's Birmingham. It's always a bit odd."

"Well, yes, this is true." The Doctor grinned at her as she chuckled, gently laying her head on his shoulder. "But this seems more odd than usual. I mean... a different level of oddness to normal, above and beyond the normal oddity- if you will. Just look at what they're wearing. What is that even supposed to be?" The Doctor gasped as he pointed at a man who was walking past them.

"He's supposed to be a zombie, dear." River said quietly as she grinned apologetically at the man who was now looking back at them with a very offended look on his face.

"A what? And why?" The Doctor spluttered.

"A zombie." River rolled her eyes at the Doctor's blank expression. "You know, the living dead? One that's been brought back from the dead, usually by magic-"

"That man is dead?" The Doctor gasped as he spun around. "We need to stop him, or help him or-"

"No, no, no sweetie." River muttered quickly as she pulled him back the way they were originally going. "He's not actually a zombie. He's just dressed up as one."

"And this brings us back to my second question- why?" The Doctor snapped exasperatedly.

"Because it's Halloween." River cried loudly, causing many people to turn and stare at her. "Honestly, for someone who spends as much time as you do saving this planet and running about with women you steal from it you'd think you would know a little bit, just a little, about its holidays."

"I do. I know lots about the holidays! All about them. Every one." The Doctor huffed, clearly offended. "But I've never come here on Halloween before. It seems so dark and... scary! I much prefer Christmas with the-"

"Presents and goodwill to all men, and the snow. Yes. I know." River sighed as she rolled her eyes.

"Exactly!" The Doctor bounced, grinning. "It's just magical. Although the snow isn't usually-"

"Real snow." River finished off. "Again- I know." She said in the flat voice of someone who had heard the same story many, many times before.

"I was just saying. I like Christmas, that's all." The Doctor muttered sulkily as he kicked a big pile of leaves with slightly more force than he intended and spluttered as some flew into his face. River laughed loudly and he scowled at her in response.

"Yes, I know you do sweetie." River said sweetly as she bit down on her lip to stop herself from laughing again. "But I just think you should give Halloween a chance. It's really a lot of fun and not scary once you're past the age of three or four..." She nudged him gently but he refused to smile and just continued to stare stonily ahead as they walked. "You get to carve pumpkins and have parties and go apple bobbing... and play trick or treat." River coaxed gently.

"Well what's trick or treat?" The Doctor asked reluctantly, his curiosity over-taking the fact he was trying to stay angry at River for laughing at him.

"It's where you dress up and knock on people's doors and ask 'trick or treat' and then if they say 'treat' they give you something nice and if they say 'trick' you get to play a trick on them." River smiled.

"Sounds like our relationship." The Doctor grumbled. "You turn up and I never know if you're going to kiss me or try to kill me. Usually both, though."

"Hey!" River pouted. "I haven't tried to kill you in a very long time, I'll have you know. And the last time you made me to save the universe. Or did you just conveniently forget that?"

"Oh I know." The Doctor laughed as her put his arm around her and pulled her into a hug, stopping her in her tracks. "I'm only teasing."

"Yeah well, stop it." River muttered as she pushed him away, smirking slightly as they began to walk forwards again. "Or I may have to fall back into my old habits."

"Okay. I've stopped, I promise. Don't hurt me!" The Doctor put up his hands in mock surrender and River laughed, nudging him in the ribs until he brought his hands back down. "So if we're going to do this treat and tricking thing, we need costumes- right?"

"Right!" River grinned, her eyes lighting up. "Follow me!" She laughed as she grabbed his hand and dragged him forward towards one of the many shops that lined the high-street.

"Where are we going?" The Doctor whimpered as he ran to keep up with her.

"To a costume shop, of course!" River laughed as she pulled open the door and gestured for the Doctor to step inside.

"Do I get to choose what you wear?" The Doctor asked cheekily as his eyes hovered over what looked worryingly like a Little Bo Peep outfit hanging on one of the first rails.

"You most definitely do not!" River laughed as she smacked his hand gently as he reached out to touch the offending item of clothing. "You stay here and look for something for you, I'll go and get mine on." She winked as she strolled away.

"River!" The Doctor moaned after a few minutes of walking around the shop aimlessly. "River I can't find anything, all the good stuff is taken all ready!"

"Okay, just give me a minute!" River sighed from behind the curtain. Sometimes it was much worse than having a three-year-old. At least you knew the three-year-old would grow out of it.

"Where are you?" The Doctor called again in the same whining tone of voice.

"Just in the cubicle getting changed." River laughed as she shook her head.

"Are you done yet?" He whispered quietly as he appeared on the other side of the curtain.

"Yes." River grinned as she pulled back the curtain. "What do you think?" She lent against the wall and laughed as the Doctor's jaw literally dropped.

"Well it's... You... I mean it..." The Doctor gulped as he stared at her. She was wearing a skin-tight black PVC cat suit that clung to her every inch of skin and had a neckline that plunged so low it was all he could do to tear his eyes away from her cleavage. Then there was the fact that she had a tail she was twirling in a very suggestive manner and the cutest pair of black ears buried deep in her tangle of curls.

"You like?" River murmured seductively as she slunk forwards and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Like? Well of course I..." The Doctor stammered, at a loss for words for once. "But I thought you were supposed to be scary on Halloween? Not..." Her trailed off quickly as he tried to focus his eyes on her face.

"Not what, sweetie?" River smirked as she lent closer to him.

"Not... Sexy." He stuttered and River winked.

"Oh you know me, my love, I can always manage both." She laughed throatily. "Now, come on. We need to find you a costume."

"Oh no." The Doctor grinned. "I don't think I need any clothes for what I plan on doing with you. Come on, you, out of this shop now." He smacked her bum lightly and she laughed as she skipped forwards.

"No trick or treating then?" River asked over her shoulder as she felt him snake his arm around her waist.

"Oh I have a much better game we can play." He whispered into her ear as they found their way back onto the crowded high-street.

"Does it involve handcuffs?" River grinned as she raised one eyebrow and watched the momentary flash of panic cross the Doctor's face before he regained control.

"Well now that depends," He murmured quietly, making sure no one around them could hear. "Have you been a bad girl?"

"Oh Doctor." River threw back her head and laughed loudly. "Always."

Reviews? Oh I do love those things!

Oh and as a little extra author's note, I am from Birmingham and it is very odd. I wasn't just being mean to a random city :D