101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
Well, this is it...the final chapter. Personally, I wanted to keep the killing method of this chapter a surprise...of course, it nonetheless showed up in a few of my reviews...you sure come up with crazy methods to kill him...I even decided to use Santa as one of my killing methods...
So, did you guess what killing method I was going to use for the final chapter? Some of you probably figured it out...but what do I know?
Nonetheless...you're going to find out what I'm going to use on Jar Jar Binks...it's not going to be a fun death for him...in fact, it's going to take forever...how long you say? A thousand years!
Suffice to say I thought this would be perfect for the grand finale...so I hope you agree...after all, it's by far the worst way to die in the Star Wars universe...at least I think you'd agree on that...
Chapter 101: Sarlacc
After killing Jar Jar Binks for so, so long, our heroes figured that it was finally time to go in retirement. But before they did so, they decided that it would best to murder Jar Jar Binks one last time...and not resurrect him.
Suffice to say, they decided that it would have to be an absolutely horrible way to go. In fact, it would have to be their most horrific murder of all. One so horrible that people would be talking about it for ages.
And Anakin Skywalker knew just how to do Jar Jar Binks once and for all. He was going to suffer, all right. In fact, he was going to learn a new definition of pain and suffering, and death would come to be a respite for him.
"Let's toss him into the Great Pit of Carkoon and feed him to a Sarlacc! That way he'll be wishing for death...which won't come for him for centuries! It's the perfect way for him to die!" exclaimed the Jedi.
"You're saying you want Jar Jar Binks to be digested for a thousand years? That does sound like it would be good for him." agreed Padme Amidala.
"Ah yes...that does sound like an ideal punishment for him considering death has become a slap of the wrist for him as of late..." nodded Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Let's head over to Tatooine then. That's where the Sarlacc lives after all...although personalyl I wonder why a plant would live in a place that didn't exactly have much water." suggested Qui-Gon Jinn.
C-3PO explained to our heroes what a Sarlacc was and that it would digest Jar Jar Binks a thousand years...and that its stomach was essentially one giant torture chamber. Personally, he wondered if he was too cruel.
R2-D2 then beeped that they already knew about the Sarlacc, and that he should stop explaining everything. C-3PO simply shrugged. He always seemed to want to talk about things that no-one else was interested in.
Personally, R2-D2 was excited about giving Jar Jar Binks such a cruel fate. It was exactly what had deserved...and he would never appear in any Star Wars movie again...assuming he didn't come back as a force ghost after a thousand years...
So they decided not to ask any more questions, abduct Jar Jar Binks, take him to Tatooine, and feed him to a Sarlacc, who was lying in the sand waiting for its next delicious meal that would stay in its tummy for quite some time.
"Why is dere a gigantic plant in dat pit?" questioned Jar Jar Binks, curious to what was going on...as usual unaware of the death that was awaiting him...even though it was going to be absolutely horrific.
"The real question you should be asking is what we're going to do with that pit...and what we're going to do with you." stated Anakin Skywalker.
"Oh no! Don't do dis to mesa! Mesa begging you! Mesa don't wanna be plant food! Don't kill mesa!" begged Jar Jar Binks. Once again, his pleas fell on deaf ears.
"Mercy isn't my strong point." stated Anakin, who immediately kicked the Gungan into the Sarlacc's mouth.
"Noooo!" he screamed as he fell into the enormous pit of doom to the fate he had coming toward him for a long time.
The Sarlacc then let out an enormous burp, because it didn't exactly have any table manners. How a gigantic plant could burp was a mystery to the galaxy.
"Yes! We did it! Now we'll never have to worry about Jar Jar Binks again! He's finally gone! I feel like celebrating!" exclaimed Anakin Skywalker.
"Farewell, Jar Jar Binks! We're not going to miss you! Have fun being digested for a thousand years" taunted Padme Amidala.
"May the force not be with you, Jar Jar Binks. I don't think even the dark side of the force will accept you." stated Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"I can't say I feel sorry for him. He did so many horrible things...and now it's payback time." stated Qui-Gon Jinn.
R2-D2 beeped in excitement. Ding dong the Gungan was being digested by a horrific abomination!
C-3PO told our heroes that Jar Jar Binks was already suffering as they speak. Being digested by a Sarlacc really wasn't any fun.
Unfortunately, as our heroes discovered shortly afterwards, the gigantic plant wanted a second helping, and immediately it grabbed onto the shuttle and started shaking our heroes out.
One by one, our heroes all fell into the Sarlacc's maw screaming at the top of their lungs like little girls. Before long, they were all eaten. And curiously enough, the Book of Resurrection also fell into the pit, so it looked like there wouldn't be any more resurrections.
Along with Jar Jar Binks, they would be digested for a thousand years...and eventually, they would be led to believe that they were the Sarlacc, because mutant plant monsters loved brainwashing others by devouring their minds.
Nonetheless, their mission was technically a success...and curiously enough, the Anti-Evil Jar Jar Binks Organization were watching nearby using their trusty binoculars. Their leader immediately smiled.
"Well, this is a pyrrhic victory for us...our base has been destroyed, the characters we all love are dead...but at least now Jar Jar Binks is going to be digested for a thousand years...and after that, he's finally be out of the Star Wars movies." stated the leader of the organization.
Satisfied that his mission was a success...the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization decided to throw a party...and a big one too, with balloons, cake, cupcakes, pie, presents, and all kinds of fun things.
Of course, considering that their mission was over, they considered joining another organization and assisting them with their goal of giving annoying fictional characters exactly what they deserved.
After all, even with Jar Jar Binks gone...there would always be an obnoxious character out there somewhere...so their work would not be truly done...and the bloodshed would never end.
But one thing was certain, Jar Jar was finally gone forever...and that the galaxy would finally be at peace forever.
Well, how did you like the ending? Jar Jar Binks is now going to get digested for a thousand years...and interestingly enough so are his friends...it was a pyrrhic victory like the leader of the Anti-Evil Jar Jar Binks Organization said after all...
Personally, I'm glad that I managed to finish this story...I wasn't entirely sure that I'd be able to write one hundred and one chapters...but apparently I could...
Nonetheless, I hoped you enjoy the ending...at least now the story is finally complete and you can now feel free to read it from start to finish...
I enjoyed writing this story...and I hoped you enjoyed it too...so have fun.