I Hate Everything About You

If you loved us so much then why did you give us away?

Her brother brushes against her and mumbles an apology.

She can tell that he too is thinking about their mother.

She raises her chin and bounds ahead of her brother.

Racing towards the river, she veers off to the left to the falls.

She could remember that time Bluestar had raced beside the river with Crookedstar across from her.

Maybe she, like her mother, could find peace there.

Finally, she gets there.

Very faintly, is her mother's scent, but ever so faintly.

There she settles down, her paws tucked under chest as she lies there watching the river.

Why did you leave us?

That question echoes through her mind.

Mistyfoot was known in Riverclan for having a mind as quick as her mother's, but now all of that cleverness had deserted her.

The one question, the one riddle that defeated her.

Maybe she hated us, maybe that's it.

The elders back at camp would have shaken their heads and told her some of their old wisdom, telling her that she was wrong, that she had no idea what it feels like to willingly, yet un-willingly, give up your kits.

But she was alone up on that cliff.

With no one to tell her that she was wrong.

You hated me.

You lied to me.

You lied.

She glances down to the slow river passing by her.

There, in the shadow of a small boulder, she can make out her mother's gaze.

Her eyes become slits as she lashes out with her claws unsheathed at the illusion.

Bluestar did not bother her again.

You liar.

You filthy little liar.

All that love she had felt when her mother told her that she loved her vanished.

In its place was a burning hatred, as hot as the flames Goosefeather had once said would save Thunderclan.

I hate you.

She shot to her feet, her claws sinking into the earth as if it were the only thing keeping her on the ground.

"I hate you."

Her whisper only reached her ears as the river ate up the sound of her quiet voice.

Her confidence grew as she realized that if she was the only one here, only she would hear what she had said.

"I hate you."

A sleek gray form slid up next to her, but she took no notice of the stocky tom next to her.

"I hate you!"

Her yowl nearly deafened her brother but he stood by her, a sad look on his face.

It wasn't her fault.

He wanted to say to her.

But knowing Mistyfoot, she wouldn't listen no matter what he said.

"If you loved us so much then why did you leave!"

The falls swallowed up the sound of her yowl once again.

"If you had loved us Mosskit would have lived!"

Stonefur flinched, their sister was still a sore spot for him.

Shaking his head he padded back to camp, feeling no need to comfort his distraught, hateful sister.

"If you loved us you would have kept us!

I hate you!

I hate you because you hate me!

I hate you because of everything!

I hate everything about you!"

Her yowl never reached the clans, once again.

After the scream faded, only one sound penetrated her mind.

But why do I still love you?