I wanted It dark.

I wanted it dark; That night.

I wanted the trees; to thrash, to sway, to shiver.

I wanted the moon to reflect off my eyes.

To reveal my suffering.

I wanted to the world to STOP; for me.

If only for a second

I wanted it to be perfect;

Perfect, like they think I am

Perfect, like I never have been.

There was a heat now.

A kind of pressure that heated my arms and fingers.

It was slowly killing me.

They wanted everything

They wanted life and love and loss.

They wanted conflict

They wanted me.

At WAR with myself

My success and accomplishment hoisting the flag of my brain.

My loves and fears, the flag of my heart.

I couldn't hold both.

The weight was pulling me down.

I wanted these cinderblocks off my shoulders,

And only that night would notice them and would relieve my pain.

He wanted it all.

Me, my brain, my heart.

All of these things were mine to give away,

Not to be won.

But.

Maybe I had been his all along.

I had given myself away long before this.

There was a blaze now, as he fought to keep me.

But the harder he fought.

The more I got burned.

There were only two options:

ME

OR

US

I couldn't choose

And indecision lead me further into her stronghold.

Wrapping her silky claws around my neck.

I wanted out.

I wanted a chance.

I wanted freedom.

I wanted life

But the fire kept burning

Kept holding me under.

Putting a handkerchief over my mouth

And a noose around my throat as

It pulls me deeper into nothingness.

It left only my shell as evidence of my existence.

DOWN

DEEPER

FURTHER

Than I had ever been before.

So far, the oxygen left me,

And when I breathed in only the choking fire

Filled my lungs.

I wanted me

I wanted him

I wanted together

I wanted love

I wanted him to follow me

To chase me

To save me

It was dark that night.

I knew it would be.