I wanted It dark.
I wanted it dark; That night.
I wanted the trees; to thrash, to sway, to shiver.
I wanted the moon to reflect off my eyes.
To reveal my suffering.
I wanted to the world to STOP; for me.
If only for a second
I wanted it to be perfect;
Perfect, like they think I am
Perfect, like I never have been.
There was a heat now.
A kind of pressure that heated my arms and fingers.
It was slowly killing me.
They wanted everything
They wanted life and love and loss.
They wanted conflict
They wanted me.
At WAR with myself
My success and accomplishment hoisting the flag of my brain.
My loves and fears, the flag of my heart.
I couldn't hold both.
The weight was pulling me down.
I wanted these cinderblocks off my shoulders,
And only that night would notice them and would relieve my pain.
He wanted it all.
Me, my brain, my heart.
All of these things were mine to give away,
Not to be won.
Maybe I had been his all along.
I had given myself away long before this.
There was a blaze now, as he fought to keep me.
But the harder he fought.
The more I got burned.
There were only two options:
I couldn't choose
And indecision lead me further into her stronghold.
Wrapping her silky claws around my neck.
I wanted out.
I wanted a chance.
I wanted freedom.
I wanted life
But the fire kept burning
Kept holding me under.
Putting a handkerchief over my mouth
And a noose around my throat as
It pulls me deeper into nothingness.
It left only my shell as evidence of my existence.
Than I had ever been before.
So far, the oxygen left me,
And when I breathed in only the choking fire
Filled my lungs.
I wanted me
I wanted him
I wanted together
I wanted love
I wanted him to follow me
To chase me
To save me
It was dark that night.
I knew it would be.