This is something I decided to write... just because... There is no happy ending. And there will be no more... EVER... Review if you'd like...
It's What's Inside That Counts
The blonde flopped down on the sofa in the living room, Playstation controller in one hand, cold bottle of Pepsi in the other. It was a typical Saturday afternoon which mean one thing… A Call Of Duty marathon with Puck and Mike online.
Just as the screen flashed over from the main menu to the multiplayer options, the front door swung open. The blonde was suppose to have the entire day alone. Rachel was suppose to have some kind of rehearsal for her show… not coming into their shared apartment five hours before she was scheduled to.
"Quinn, I'm home a little early. Turns out the director got the… flu…" Rachel stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the unfamiliar man seated on her sofa. "Pardon me for being rude. But who are you, and where is my girlfriend?"
After taking a deep breath he dared to stand up from his seat – controller and soda long forgotten on the table in front of him. "Rachel, I can explain…"
The brunette was taken aback by the voice. "Quinn?" She questioned, unable to come up with any long winded response like she usually would. But this situation was different. She stared in awe as the man took a step closer to her. "Who are you?"
Another heavy breath was taken as he came to a stop less than three feet away from her. He reached up to the hat that rested on his head and pulled it off, revealing her long blonde hair. Her hazel eyes found something rather fascinating on the carpet near Rachel's feet and stared at it, long and hard. Quinn cringed when her girlfriend gasped and took a step back. "Rachel… meet Charlie…" She whispered – never once looking away from the floor.
Rachel's hand had made it up to her mouth. It wasn't often that the young diva was left speechless. This… this was one of those rare occasions where Rachel Berry could not find a single word to say. She just stood there in complete and utter shock as she stared at her girlfriend. "Quinn I…" She trailed off. She wanted to say something. She didn't know what, but it had to be something. Carefully she stepped forward to touch the blonde's cheek which was void of all make-up.
"I can really explain Rach. Please…" Quinn finally tore her eyes away from the floor to look at her girlfriend. The only thing she saw in those deep brown eyes was pure confusion. "Can we sit down?" She dared to offer. The breath in her lungs finally released when Rachel nodded and made her way to the sofa where Quinn was once seated.
The game was long forgotten as the blonde took the recliner and awkwardly rubbed her hands together. "Who is Charlie?" Rachel finally started their conversation.
"This is Charlie…" Her voice trailed off as she motioned down at her tight button-down dark purple shirt and dark stone-wash jeans with black boots. "Charlie is someone that… I've been struggling with for years." She looked away yet again, mentally preparing herself for Rachel to calmly break up with her, start packing her things, and leave.
Several tense minutes passed before either of them made a move. Rachel let out a heavy breath but was still unable to look at her girlfriend. She knew it was hard on her to release her deepest secret. "Do you want to become a man Quinn?" The tone of her voice gave away nothing to Quinn.
Usually the blonde was always able to tell what her girlfriend was thinking every time she opened her mouth. The slightest change in tones could give away everything to the blonde. But right now… right now Rachel was obviously just as confused as she was panicked. "No… Well, I mean I've thought about it…"
"Quinn, please allow me to be honest with you for a moment. I'm a lesbian for a reason. If this is something that you want, then I'm in no position to stop you. It's just… it's so much for me to take in right now and I'm unsure of how to handle it all."
Quinn started to feel her heart break. "Just because I've thought about it… doesn't mean that I'll ever do it. Rach, I've never left the house like this. I don't think I could handle the confused looks from the people we pass on the street."
"Could you please explain to me why you're dressed like this then? If you've never even gone into public like this." Rachel looked up at Quinn for the first time since they'd sat down.
"There's moments in time…" She trailed off to look at her girlfriend. She locked eyes with her and never looked away. As long as Rachel was willing to look at her, she was willing to look back. "…Sometimes I just want to look like a guy on the outside ya know?"
"No Quinn, I don't know."
Quinn sighed. "I don't really know how to explain it baby." She relaxed back in her seat. Silence fell between them again as she tried to find the right words to say. "I want to cut my hair, I want to be comfortable with who I really am and that's hard for me because I don't know how you'll react. Rachel you're my world and I can't lose you…" Her voice cracked at the end of her statement. Tears started to break free from her eyes and she just buried her face in her hands – making no attempt to stop them.
Rachel just remained rooted in her seat and just watched her girlfriend crying on the chair. She had no idea how to handle everything that Quinn had just told her. The only thing she did know, is that it tore her apart to watch the blonde completely crumble before her. "Quinn… it's okay to be who you are on the inside."
"What's that supposed to mean Rach?"
The diva let out a heavy breath before standing and taking a small step closer to the blonde. "It means… Quinn… That, if this is what you truly want, then I am in no position to stop you. Ever." She sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and looked down at Quinn. "This is a lot for me to take in Quinn. I think… I just need some time to think about everything and allow it all to sink in." She made her way toward the door and started to slip her shoes back on. "I do love you Quinn…Please believe me when I say that."
"Where are you going?" Quinn was out of her chair in a heartbeat and standing at Rachel's side. "Please don't leave." She dared to touch the brunette's arm, only to have it pulled away from her.
"I… I'll call you in a few days… Quinn I really just need to sort things out on my own. I need to decide if I can actually handle all of this." Rachel gave the blonde a small peck on the cheek before grabbing her jacket and purse and leaving their apartment.
The moment the door closed Quinn dropped to her knees on the floor and cried harder than she ever had in the past. The love of her life had just walked out. It was her biggest fear come true. She didn't move from the spot on the floor the entire evening, waiting for Rachel to come back, or call.
And she never did…