Ren-sama's Note:

This fan fiction is a mix of yaoi and incest between Subaru and Kamui. Please don't continue if you don't like the genre. The characters are not mine. I borrowed them from X-1999. But the settings and everything else are of my own creation. ˆoˆ

P.S. I edited this fict because when I read it the last time, I thought that I needed to work on my grammar and also typos for this fict. Well, it's basically the same… just with more content and depth. ˆoˆ

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CHAPTER 1

Subaru and Kamui Shirou were brothers. Subaru was only two years older but the two of them never became close – not even when they were young, not even now, and maybe not in the future. Kamui always thought that his brother didn't like him. Subaru seemed to have built a wall to separate them, or at least shun Kamui outside his world.

Moreover, people tended to compare the two of them whenever they would see Subaru and Kamui together. Kamui had always thought that this might be one of the reasons why his older brother didn't like him at all. This was because Subaru might have felt belittled by being compared to someone younger than him… and with lesser skill and intellect. Subaru was in his third year in senior high school and Kamui in his first year.

"Kamui, catch!" Sorata said as they were playing basketball. Kamui might not have had the necessary height but he sure had the necessary skills. He caught the ball and shot a three-pointer with much ease. The audience, again, ran a round of applause for his magnificent shoots. When the game finished, the coach approached them.

"Do the two you want to be in the basketball club?" He asked with pleading eyes.

"Of course!" Sorata enthusiastically answered. He looked at Kamui then.

"No, I don't want to. Sorry." The raven-haired teen simply said.

"Eh!? But I'm alone!" Sorata made puppy-like eyes, totally wanting the raven to join too.

"I don't care." Kamui said before shrugging indifferently. But then he smiled after a while. Sorata was already used to his friend's attitude and he knew that most of the cold words that came out of Kamui's mouth everyday were not really meant by the teen.

They were eating lunch when Sorata opened the topic about the tennis wanting new applicants. Kamui seemed tense for a while but he relaxed when Sorata said that he's not forcing Kamui to join. Nokoru, Suoh, and Akira were eating silently while listening to their conversation.

"So, what's your plan? You have to pick a club soon, you know." Sorata insisted. The other three also looked at the raven-haired teen.

"I want to join the tennis club… but he's there as well…" Kamui quietly answered.

"Really, why do you always worry about him? He doesn't even care about you!" Sorata blurted out without thinking. Nokoru immediately covered his mouth and Suoh hit him hard in the head. Kamui seemed shocked at first but laughed when his friends did that.

"I'm sorry…" Sorata apologized after a while, scratching his head sheepishly. Nokoru couldn't help but roll his eyes while Suoh arched an eyebrow.

"It's okay." Kamui smiled, already much too used to Sorata's antics.

"But really, why do people always compare the two of you when the difference is a so huge it can occupy the entire universe?" Sorata said this with a sigh.

"You really don't have an ounce of delicacy, don't you?" Akira pinched Sorata's cheeks and pulled them outward.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Alright, I get it! I'm sorry!" Sorata cried out, making the others laugh.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"I'm home." Kamui voiced when he entered the house. Subaru was in the living room but he didn't answer him nor even looked at him. He just continued reading a thick book which seemed to be about a detective case novel.

"Welcome back!" His mother, Tooru, was the one who answered. She peered from the kitchen door and gave him a smile. She was wearing a pink frilly apron which her sons often found cute. Kamui returned her smile with his own heart-melting one.

Kamui entered the kitchen and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

After a while, someone knocked on the main door. Kamui blinked at it but then the person on the other side called, "Subaru!" It was Fuuma's voice.

Subaru's head perked up at that. He put the book down and was about to stand up when he saw that his younger brother was already on the move.

Kamui was nearer the door so he's the one who opened it. He quietly let Fuuma, Yuuto, Shiyuu, Saiki, and Nataku in. He knew them since his brother was in middle school because they've been friends since. Fuuma was Subaru's childhood friend whom Kamui knew since kindergarten. The five third years were also members of the Tennis Club.

They all spared a glance at him but only Fuuma greeted him with his usual grin. The others only greeted Subaru who was already approaching them. They exchanged some greetings to one another, and also to Tooru, before Subaru ushered them upstairs.

The six of them went to Subaru's room, which Kamui have not even seen. Subaru would always lock his door when he's inside or even when he's out. Kamui thought that even their parents had not seen how it looked inside except perhaps during Subaru's toddler age. He somehow felt envious of Subaru's friends.

"Even his friends don't like me…" Kamui thought as he quietly followed them. He stayed inside his room and took a nap until night. He woke up when he heard his brother's friends laughing on the other side of the wall.

He heard a knock on his own door, and after that a voice. "It's dinnertime." Kamui almost jumped out of his bed when he heard his brother's voice. It's the first time he called him during dinner. He's used that their mother was the one who called him.

"Maybe she's busy…" He thought.

"Did you hear me?" Subaru knocked again. he didn't sound irritated but he didn't sound happy either.

"I did… I'll come down in a few minutes." He answered. And the knocking stopped. Subaru did not speak anymore. He felt a kind of loneliness as he heard his brother's footsteps getting farther and farther. He sighed as he readied himself.

Ever since they were little, he's been praying for his brother to like him. If only his brother would speak to him… not the way he spoke to him now but in a more brotherly way. One would think that he should've gotten used to Subaru's coldness by now... but it was no use. He felt so lonely and alone.

He remembered during elementary when he first attempted to open a conversation between them in public. It was recess and his brother was together with some of his classmates.

"Onii-chan! Onii-chan!" He called out as he approached Subaru but his brother didn't seem to hear anything, not even then and not even now. When Kamui tried to touch him, Subaru slapped his hand and glared at him.

"I don't consider you as my brother so don't ever call me that. Now, get lost." Subaru's voice was calm but his cold eyes spoke everything. Kamui was shocked and hugely humiliated. The whole hallway turned eerily quiet as everyone's attention turned to the two of them.

Until then, he thought his brother was just an introvert and didn't want to start conversations with him. Only then did he find out that he was actually hated.

"No… he hates me from the very start… I knew it and I just didn't want to accept it… He gets along well with his friends… He laughs with them always… Why does he hate me so much…?"

He remembered crying his heart out in his room after that school incident. And he never tried to speak to him again, especially in public. Thus, the silent war between them had started. Moreover, after that incident, he realized that his brother had become even colder to him, resulting to the current setting.

He heard another knock. "Kamui?" It's his mother this time. Of course it's his mother. His brother would never call him by his name, especially not in a very adoring way like that. He opened the door and smiled at her. He really loved her so much.

She silently ushered him to the kitchen and made sure that he sat beside her. Kamui often thought that maybe she knew what's really happening to her sons but he always dismissed the thought since she had never asked them anything about it.

It's very noisy in the dining room. Subaru's friends were more hyperactive than usual. Later on, he remembered that it was actually Fuuma's birthday.

"Happy birthday. Sorry, I forgot." Kamui greeted while they were eating dinner. He smiled at Fuuma whom the latter returned with enthusiasm.

"It's fine. Thanks anyway."

"I'll just bring you a gift some time this week."

"…There's no need. Fuuma isn't your friend." Subaru voiced without looking at him. This made Kamui stiffen as everyone almost immediately turned quiet and looked at them both. The once joyful party suddenly became tensed as Kamui quietly clenched his fists. Mrs. Shirou heaved a deep sigh.

"Ahhah… you'll make your little brother hate you if you keep saying things like that, Subaru." Fuuma said jokingly, but with a hint of seriousness in his eyes. Subaru didn't react to what he said. The atmosphere somewhat became lighter after that. Then, he turned to Kamui and smiled. "Thank you! You can just give my gift next time. Or, you can just put a ribbon around your neck and go to my house." Fuuma ended his statement with a seductive wink but Kamui's shocked and reddened expression made him laugh.

"It was a joke. Sorry." Fuuma said while still laughing. The others also laughed with him. Subaru and Saiki remained quiet.

They all decided to stay for the night since the next day was Saturday anyway.

"Subaru, why don't you sleep in Kamui's room so your friends can all stay in your room?" Their mother suggested. Subaru and Kamui both looked like cold water was poured on them. Subaru was about to argue but Fuuma stopped him by saying, "Now, that's a very nice birthday present for me." Subaru glared at him but didn't argue anymore. Kamui couldn't think of an excuse so he remained quiet.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"I'll sleep on the sofa." Subaru said quietly as he stiffly stood by the doorway, like a visitor in a stranger's room. He was looking everywhere in Kamui's room except the teen himself.

Kamui noticed this but didn't comment since he was already used to it. He was preparing the bed when his brother spoke and the cold voice made him stop what's he's doing. He looked at Subaru then.

He was hesitant but he still felt bad about his brother's decision. "…You can share the bed with me if you want, Onii–." He stopped and heaved a deep sigh. He never called Subaru like that ever since that day. They were really like strangers now. It's okay… it's only for tonight… "You might not be comfortable on the sofa." He added unsurely, looking directly at his brother while waiting for his reaction.

"I'll sleep on the sofa." Subaru merely repeated as if he didn't hear Kamui. "If you don't want that, I'll just sleep in the living room."

Kamui didn't try to argue anymore. He just stiffly nodded as he resumed preparing his own bed. He'd never win anyway. Subaru already went to the sofa without another word and slept.

"Do you sleep with the lights turned off?" Kamui asked, realizing how he didn't know anything about his brother. There's always this awful feeling that's slowly creeping out of him whenever he tried to talk to his brother. It's killing him from the inside.

When Subaru didn't answer, Kamui decided to turn the lights off. He went to bed as well. He couldn't sleep at first. He was getting conscious of his brother. What if his Subaru was not comfortable? What if his brother couldn't sleep because he's there? What if he snored? Then his brother would be disturbed. What if he annoyed Subaru without noticing? What if… What if…

But slowly, his consciousness took him from his bed to a place far away, back to when he was just elementary. His brother was also there, but not the brother that he knew. Subaru was very kind, and he smiled at Kamui gently. They crossed rivers while splashing waters on each other. Subaru even guided him while crossing the river. And suddenly, the two of them were already in their third year and first year high school. But Subaru remained gentle and kind, smiling to him every time he looked at him. Subaru held his hand gently. He didn't get angry when Kamui called him onii-chan. He held Kamui's hand tightly… tightly… and he caressed Kamui's face with his other hand… and he kissed Kamui's forehead like what kind big brothers did… and his cheeks… and his lips… Kamui reddened and tried to push his brother but Subaru pulled him closer… and Subaru slowly tried to open Kamui's mouth with his tongue… He gasped because of surprise… Subaru took advantage of this and shove his way inside his mouth… Kamui groaned, feeling the pleasure of the kiss… His lips were trembling from foreign emotions but Subaru didn't stop. He continued to kiss him torridly. Kamui could feel Subaru's tongue inside his mouth… wet and hot… He couldn't explain the feeling. It felt as if something was slowly awakening inside him, something he's scared to know the name of; and he started to feel dizzy as his resistance wavered…

"Do big brothers really do this?" Kamui asked in his dream as he almost, almost, wrapped his arms around his brother's neck. Startled at his own action, he almost jumped out of bed as he woke up from the dream. He's breathing raggedly and he knew that his cheeks were also flushed. He's drenched in sweat. It's a nightmare… He couldn't help but be mortified at the dream, especially when he saw his manhood bulging from underneath the sheets.

"What's wrong with me? What's with that dream?" Kamui looked around him, momentarily afraid that his brother might have seen him in that position. He blinked when he realized it's already morning and Subaru was nowhere in sight. The blanket that his older brother owned was neatly folded on the sofa. "Maybe he came back to his room… and forgot his blanket?"

He got up after a while and took a long, cold bath. He refused to touch himself while thinking of that dream. It just didn't feel right.

Afterwards, he covered himself in a small towel which covered from below his navel to the upper part of his thighs. He was still dripping when he walked out of the bathroom. He was about to prepare clothes when he saw himself in the mirror. He moved forward and looked at himself full in the face. His lips were still trembling – from the chill or the dream, he didn't know. He touched his lips with his equally cold hands. He was so focused in himself that he almost shouted when he saw Subaru behind him.

"I forgot my blanket." Subaru said in his very own cold voice, looking at him directly. He was once again standing by the doorway, as if reluctant to enter his own brother's room.

"Oh." Kamui said as he veered his gaze to his brother before he looked at the blanket, his whole body still dripping wet with cold water. "I put it on the bed." He added when he found it lying there innocently. He then waited for his brother to avert his gaze and get the blanket. However, Subaru remained silent, his gaze still locked onto Kamui's soaking wet, cold body with his equally cold eyes. When Kamui noticed this, he became a little conscious of himself. He blushed a little at the memory of his rather vivid dream. When he couldn't take the silence anymore, he decided to break it.

"It's on the bed." He repeated as he averted his gaze to the side. Subaru then unhurriedly took his blanket and left with the door in ajar without even a second look.

Kamui didn't know whether to sigh in relief or to feel the grip of loneliness once again.

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.tbc.

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