from "Intensity"

Hope is the destination that we seek.
Love is the road that leads to hope.
Courage is the motor that drives us.
We travel out of darkness into faith.


Hope is the destination that we seek.

The fact is that everybody has hopes and dreams and little dramas we face every day. I watch them struggling every day. It's part of my job, it's like the unwritten part to be a the one to listen all the agents. I give them advise, suggest to drink scotch, vodka, bourbon, gin... whatever they prefer. I know I'm not supposed to do that, but still I do it. Maybe because it's my duty, but mainly because they're family.

In this place everybody could go and see a professional, but no... they come to me. They come here, when they want to talk. They come here, when they are hurt. Sometimes they come just to yell at someone, because they are pissed. Of course they come to the place, where everything is old and almost not living. To a place, where everything is colder than in other rooms and smell is not so pleasant all the time.

Usually I am not here alone. I have a "wannabe" here. He'll probably take my place, when I am as old as dust and the director will send me home to spend my days out there alone. I guess I never figured it out. I never married, I never had kids, like many others. My parents are dead now, I'm not close to other living relatives. All I have is one team of people, who put their lives on line every single day. Not all of the people I'd like to see are here. There are people, who have died over the years, and who were much younger than me. They had such a potential. They might have had a family and be happy, but instead they are 6 feet under and they'll never be seen out here again.

Some people say that never is too late to make things better. It's not too late to run for your dreams. Never is too late to start over. Yes, people usually say that. I do not agree. It's not too late, until I come to action, because then something is wrong.

I can hear and see the doors opening. Without looking I know who it is. He is the future. He will do great things one day. He'll be a legend just like his mentor is. He'll do good. He is one of few people I actually like talking too. He is one of few, who comes to me just to talk. Mostly about some problems, but he pays a visit to me, and that means a lot.

"Something is wrong," a younger man says and pulls my attention to present.

"What do you mean, my dear boy ?" I ask.

"I can feel it. Something is not right. Something bad is about to come. I just can't... I have a feeling like I can change it, if only I knew what it is," he says to me.

"Whatever happens, happens. If you can change it, then you probably will do it," I say reassuringly.

The boy nods and lefts with a wave.

A wave !

In olden days we used to say bye, wish something good. Maybe ask if you wanna get together after work ? But no, nothing like this at these days. Or I'm just getting old. I don't know yet. Sometimes I feel like I am left out. My friends from work are hanging out in the pub, drinking. At the same time I am at home drinking tea or reading some old books.

Still I'm not the only one, who is not invited out. Another person is there. I like her a lot. She is a good friend of mine, like a daughter at some days. I'd probably be chasing after her, but there is the age difference and we all know her heart is captured by a mutual acquaintance of ours. The woman is strong. She is tough. She has a plan for everything, the only thing is that, when her plan is accomplished, then she searching. She doesn't know what to do, but I have a feeling that she knows just what to do.

When you talk of the wolf... Doors are opened again and the woman in question walked through them. I gotta admit she is gorgeous woman, even if she is not 20 anymore. She is wearing that office suit and she looks great with it. She is classy, but the same casual. She is tough, but there's something that makes people still go to her. Most of all, she is fair. She knows how to do her job and she does it well.

I like that her hair is long again and that she dyed it back the way they were before. Though I miss the curls, that fell on her shoulders so loosely. I miss the way her hair made every man insane. I miss the way she managed to make the time stop, so even I took my time to admire my friend.

Over the years that redhead managed to find a place in my heart. No, I am not in love with her. Maybe at some point I might be, but that is a friendly love, like family. I look at her and I see a daughter. I hug her and I feel warmth. I kiss her cheek and I feel lucky. That's how she makes me feel. She is special, and for me it doesn't matter what people say about her. I love her and that's not gonna change.

"Hey, you busy ?" she asks me and pulls me from my thoughts.

"The difference between you and the others here is that they aren't going anywhere, you on the other hand have a different story to tell," I say.

She smiles. I do love that smile, though I gotta admit I don't see it as often as I would like to.

"Let's get started," she says and walks over to the table. She slowly pulls her slender figure on it and sits there like so many times before. Usually she had been injured or needed some advise, but this is different.

"Certainly my dear," I say and get my kit. I'm gonna need this. I walk quietly, which is rare, I know. Usually I like to talk about the old times, about some facts I know and are interesting, but at this moment I don't know what to talk about.

"Please don't be quiet. Tell me about something. Give me some hope. Talk about the big journey. Talk about your mother, about your home. Just something interesting. I don't wanna think about. Please distract me," she said. Her voice was trembling and she was rambling. It's so unlike her. Her strong personality always wins and she'll be a strong person. She always finds a way to better future. That's who she is

"Well. I can talk to you, but as rare as it is, I don't know what to talk about, because your situation is complicated. I have always admired your courage, your personality and your determination. You do everything as you planned. And look at you now – at the top of this agency. My dear, you fly high. I truly hope that your assumptions are wrong, because it would kill me to see you suffering like that," I say. I'm honest and I feel like she needs that sometimes. She has been under pressure for a long time. Somehow she is also left out, just like me. We both work away from the main action figures. We are the same, but then again, she wears a gun and I don't.

"I hope I am wrong. This is not the destination I wanna have. This is not my plan. But maybe it's time to give it up and live for the moment. The fact is that no plan is perfect and some distractions might come along. Things don't go as planner or we just didn't think of everything. Maybe I need a new destination," she said.

I looked at her and I know the distraction she is talking about. He has blue eyes and silver hair. We both know him. And we both know what happened, but that doesn't change the facts.

I tie her hand so the veins pop up. He cleaned her hand and then used the needle to get the blood out. I got it and that dark red fluid came from her. I took it a lot for tests. Finally I took the needle and made her lie down. I felt her searching for my hand and I give it to her. I feel her grabbing my hand and I know that she is scared.

"Now all I can do is hope," she said quietly to me. Her voice was just above the whisper.

"Hope is the destination that we seek," I say to her. I run my other hand on her other hand up and down. It seems to work, when people are afraid. I feel her getting loose a little.

She stands to sit. I protest, but not enough. She looks at her hand, that now has a white strip on it. She agrees with it and lowers her shirt so the plaster is hidden. She hops down and walks to the door. She doesn't look back, she doesn't want to break down, I know that.

"Let me know when you got the results. When I can stop hoping or seeking destination or whatever," she said and left.

"Hope is the destination that we seek," I correct her, but she is already gone.

Suddenly she was that cold person that others knew. I know she is afraid to show her weaknesses, but she shouldn't be.

"Hope is the destination that we seek," I repeat once more as I start cleaning things I used.

Now that she is gone, I feel that loneliness taking over once more, when I think that I have no-one. Sad, isn't it ?