Summary: One shot Ted/Barney, during the episode 'Jenkins.' A little 'extra' on Barney and Ted's drinking game.

But, Um

Laughing hysterically, and way drunk, Barney picked up the empty vodka bottle.

"We need more alcohol." He was still laughing at the TV, which was now turned off.

"The show's over, Barney."

"But, um." The other friend grabbed another bottle and opened it, pouring it in the shot glasses, and spilling some on the floor.

"Ted, you made a mess." Ted started giggling, and looked at Barney and left the room for a towel, still laughing. Barney tried to get up every once in a while, falling over and giggling about it, flopping on the floor close to the wet spot in the carpet, his hand falling in it. "Ted! There's a wet spot in the carpet! I made it wet by touching it."

He started giggling again, and Ted laughed as he threw a towel over it and flopped next to Barney's laid-out body, his hand under the towel. "Where's my hand?"

"Right here." Ted lifted his hand, and moved the towel back over the stain. "Ted, I think I'm drunk."

"I'm right there with you, buddy."

"I can't get up. I want off the floor! Ted!" Barney looked up at Ted, who just rolled his eyes, and lifted him up from the floor.

"Stop that."

"Stop what, Ted?"

"Being so whiny."

"I like being whiny."


"Because you get this cute little redness in your face when I am." Barney started laughing, falling back on the floor, his head falling in Ted's lap. He bit his lip. "Hey, Ted?"

Ted was looking down at the still giggly Barney. "Yeah, Barney?"

"You're my best friend."

"You want to know a secret?"


"You're my best friend too." Barney stopped giggling, and smiled up at Ted, who was smiling as well. Then, out of nowhere, Ted started to lean down, and Barney started to sit up. Their lips touched.

After breaking the small kiss, they giggled and stayed inches away from each other. "Stand up time, Barney." Ted stood, and helped the flimsy Barney to his feet. He smiled again, and Barney bit his lip again, which made Ted blush a little. Then Barney started giggling again. Ted grabbed the back of Barney's head and kissed him again, more passionately. While he kissed Barney, Barney moved his hand to Ted's groin. "Mmm."

Still a little giggly, Ted pushed Barney onto the couch and knelt between his legs, carefully tugging at his pants like a dog. Barney laughed and moaned continuously, and lifted himself off of the couch, unbuckling his pants and sliding down his boxers. Ted stared in amazement at the erection in front of him. "I don't know if I can do this."

Barney chuckled and stood, turning so that Ted was on the couch and he was in between his legs, and he slid down Ted's pants and boxers. Then, Barney stood and removed his tie and dress shirt. He leaned towards Ted, taking off the one lonely shirt and grabbed the tie off his head, laughing once more. Kneeling back in front of him, "Watch and observe, Teddy boy."

Barney automatically put his mouth around Ted, and Ted gasped. "Whoa, Barney, easy."

Barney stopped, and looked up at him. "Can you hold still? It's very nerve-wracking with you moving."

"Sorry. It's just- Where did you learn to do that?"

"Less talking."

Barney put him back in his mouth, and Ted started gasping, trying to hang on as Barney used techniques that had never been used on him before. He threw his head back as Barney continued almost fitting the entire thing in his mouth. "Oh god, Barney."

All Ted needed was one more rough lick, and Barney knew it, but he wanted him to last a while, so he teased him. "Barney- Fuck!" Ted threw his hips up into the air.

Barney stopped, and looked up at Ted, chuckling. "Hey, watch your language."

"Finish me."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Then I'm going to jam your face into my crotch." Ted smiled afterwards, as did Barney, and then he went back to what he was doing, using the twisting methods that were driving Ted mad. "Please. Barney." Finally, since he was begging, Barney used that one long, hard lick that drove Ted over the edge, and his entire body shuttered at the climax.

Barney cleaned him off, and made his way to Ted's face. "Did I do okay?"

"You're an ass."

"Is that a yes?" Barney giggled as Ted grabbed the back of his head again, kissing him. "Do- you have- any lotion- or Vaseline?" Ted stopped.

"Why?" Barney raised his eyebrow, and winked at Ted. "Whoa, I never agreed to that."

"And you never said no."

"Isn't that taking it a bit too far?"

"Come on, Ted, I know you want me." He kissed Ted again, and bit his lip.

"In the bathroom."

Barney giggled. "Where?"

"By the sink?" Barney stood and walked to the bathroom, as Ted laughed and poured more drinks.

Barney then started walking back, holding up two fingers. "It would be less awkward in a bed, Teddy boy." Ted stood, and started walking towards his bedroom and closed the door behind him, leaving the drinks on the table, and climbed on the bed. "Turn over."

Ted flipped to lie on his stomach, and felt Barney's hands on him, gently rubbing and tapping. "Spread your legs nice and wide for me, Ted." Ted did as he was told, and spread his legs, and then felt a finger at his entrance. "On your back once more."

Ted flipped again. Barney's other hand held him up in the air. "Ready?"

"Yeah." Barney then stuck the finger inside Ted, and got a moan. Eventually, he added a second finger, and Ted moved his hips to Barney's movements and twists. "Oh god, Barney."

Suddenly, Barney stopped, and made his way to Ted's mouth with a smile on his face. "Ready for the Barnacle?"

Ted laughed, and wrapped his arm around Barney's neck, and brought his face down to his, kissing him passionately. Barney descended into him slowly, Ted letting out gasps, and breathing hard. "Are you okay? Want me to stop?"

"No, never stop. I want you inside me forever."

Barney giggled once more.

He then started moving in and out, Ted moaning uncontrollably, as was Barney, who had gotten faster and rougher. Ted was clenching Barney's hair. "Oh god, Baaaarrrrrney!" Ted exploded over his stomach and chest.

Barney pushed once more, hard and fast. "Ted!" He reached his point, and exploded inside of his friend, and then lay down next to him. "Hey, Ted?"

"Yeah, Barney?"

"How big is my chance of nailing Marshall and Lily? I mean, I get them, then I would have nailed everyone in the group."

Ted started laughing, and looked over at Barney, who was still trying to catch his breath. "You're an idiot. But you're a cute idiot."

"You want to play the Robin Scherbatsky drinking game again tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but without the massive drinking."

"So, just the sex part?"


"Works for me. See you tomorrow, buddy." Barney laughed once more, and got up out of the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"Home, to go clean up and throw up from the alcohol."

"Good plan. See you tomorrow."

"Doing this is going to resolve into feelings for each other, isn't it?"

"Most likely." Ted smiled at his friend, a little more serious.

"No one must know, and we have to continue our lives so they don't suspect. Agreed?"

"That means chicks, and you?"


"Deal." They laughed, and Barney reached his hand over, shaking Ted's hand and walking silently out of the room. After Ted lost sight of him, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.