Pen Name: ***

Beta Name: ***

Story Name: A Good Boy

Song: Crazy for You - Madonna

Summary: He's Bella's first love. But teenage boys don't get everything right the first time.

Rating: M

Pairing: Edward/Bella

Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

He was a good boy, and I loved him. From afar, because at sixteen that was the only way I knew how. And it wasn't the song that broke my heart, though it's the song that'll always remind me.

I never wanted anyone like this

It's so brand new

I'm crazy for you

I remember the first time I saw him. My first day in high school, as I was struggling down the steps with a pile of books in my arms that almost made me overbalance.

"They must weigh more than you do. Are you sure you've got enough to read?"

"Uh - yes."

I was bright red. His eyes, crinkling into a smile, were bright green. Together we'd look almost festive. But I didn't know then who he was, just that he was a boy: an older boy, who'd spoken to me and caused my heart to leap through my throat and prostrate itself at his feet.

And then he was gone, and I didn't even know his name. But that didn't matter, because I'd felt everything shift inside me and I knew he was going to matter. That everything was different now, just because a boy with messy hair had made a passing comment.

I nurtured that moment in my head for the next few days, refusing to answer when Alice and Angela asked me if there were any boys I liked. Because I didn't know who he was, and I wouldn't tell them anyway. Because that single fleeting moment mattered too much to pass on as gossip fodder.

But I wanted to know who he was, and three pairs of eyes were better than one, so a week later I confessed.

"How old was he?"

"I don't know."

"What does he look like?

"Green eyes. Messy hair."

"Well that's helpful." Alice rolled her eyes. "What colour of hair? How tall is he?"

"Tall. Definitely tall." I remembered how far I had to look up to see the bright green eyes when he spoke. "Brownish-bronze hair, I think. Maybe he's a junior? I don't know."

"Bella, you'll have to do better than this."

I huffed, blushing red, pulling at the neck of my sweatshirt and ducking half my face inside, wishing I could be bothered to wear my hair down so that I could use it like a curtain, cursing my neatly tied back ponytail. "It's stupid anyway."

"It doesn't have to be."

Alice had a lot more confidence than me. You could tell by her crazy hair, cut short on one side and permed into a mass of curls on the other, caught up with a big lace bow that matched her fingerless gloves. She didn't look like she fit with us- me in my jeans and sweatshirt, Angela in her big glasses and oversize sweater. We hadn't found a style of our own yet, in the way Alice had. Then again, it wasn't like we'd been looking. It wasn't like our parents would have given us the leeway to express ourselves that Alice's had.

We filled our lunch breaks wandering round the school grounds, on a continuous loop looking for boys- or in my case looking for boy. I pored over yearbooks in the library until I found him, unaware then that this might be the first step on the road to what they called stalking. And then I found his picture, and next to that his name.

Edward Cullen.

From that moment on we walked around the school looking for him - or at least I did. I'm pretty sure Angela and Alice had their own ulterior motives. In the way that information feeds through a school by osmosis, it wasn't long before everyone knew that I liked him. That in the morning I looked forward to being here, just so that I could catch a glimpse of him between my classes. Because it wasn't long before I figured out his timetable and we found ways to take the long way round to our classes, just so I could see him. But I wasn't fool enough to think I stood a chance. I don't remember anyone telling me, but I knew he had a thing for Rosalie Hale. Who had a thing for his friend Emmett.

I could see that Emmett was more her type than Edward- more confident, more willing to be the big man on campus with the girl who looked like a movie star. Her appeal was obvious. You'd have had to look hard to find mine.

And yet his friends seemed to think I stood a chance. Emmett took to spinning me off the ground every time we saw them, making me squeal and blush. Jasper flirted with Alice, using the kind of innuendo that seems clever when you're at that age. And they cajoled and bullied Edward until they made him kiss me on my birthday. And I fell a little more in love.

I didn't care he'd been persuaded. I'll always remember it, because though it wasn't my first kiss, I'll always choose to think of it that way. It was my first kiss from someone that mattered.

"Jasper says Edward's going to ask you out," Alice told me excitedly the next day.

Looking back on it now, I think they hoped, more than they expected. They thought I'd take his mind off Rosalie, I guess, and if desperate adoration isn't a turn-on, the flattery of having someone want you, isn't exactly a turn-off either. Especially when the person you want doesn't. I looked like the answer to everyone's problems- except perhaps his.

And I was swept away by it all, by the hope and the promise, and it never occurred to me not to want him because he had to be persuaded, and for three glorious days I believed it might be true. Of course, I hadn't thought it through. There was no way on earth my parents were going to let me go out with a boy two years older - or probably any boy at all. I had no plan to deal with that. Maybe I thought they couldn't argue, not when it was Edward. Because he was perfect, and good, and everything they could have hoped for in my boyfriend. Because he was perfect, and good, and more than I'd ever dared to hope for in a boyfriend. Because that was all that I saw.

"Come to my house before we go to the dance," Alice urged. "I'll make you look pretty."

I eyed her suspiciously, not sure I wanted to borrow Alice's brand of pretty. But it was easier to escape from my house to hers without my parents raising a storm about what I was wearing. So I left in jeans and an off-the shoulder shirt. It stayed. The jeans didn't, though I refused Alice's choices of suicidal footwear. I did agree to be hounded into a denim skirt with white biker shorts underneath, though I insisted on bright blue Converse hightops to match the shirt as well the bow I wore on the crimped ponytail on the side of my head. I was definitely a vision. I'm pretty sure Alice was proud, which says everything.

Strangely enough, it didn't seem to put him off, and when I heard that song start to play it felt like I knew he'd be right there.

Swaying room as the music starts

Even if he was escorted to me by his friends.

Can't you feel the weight of my stare?

You're so close but still a world away

And just like that they were gone and I was in his arms, and it was like the words had been written just for me.

I'm crazy for you

Touch me once and you'll know it's true

With my eyes closed I could have been older, the school gym decked out with its glitterball and spinning disco lights, a nightclub. I'd already seen a few couples making out in the corners- this was before they decided that was inappropriate and brought in a rule that you had be the width of a ruler apart. You couldn't have got a sheet of paper between Edward and I. My head was on his shoulder, my lips almost pressed into his neck, and he was tight against me, holding me the way I wanted. I'd never been so happy.

But at last the slow songs ended, and he disappeared for a while. When he came back, he took my hand and led me outside, to sit on the steps. And I knew this was it, this was when he'd ask me out. Except that it wasn't.

"You know, Bella, my parents are pretty strict," he said. It wasn't exactly news, but it made me feel a little closer to him.

"Mine, too," I admitted, and it felt like a relief to say it out loud, that one thing that might threaten to spoil my night.

"They wouldn't let me go out with anyone before. They wanted me to concentrate on school."

"Mine, too," I agreed again, because it was true and I'd have agreed with anything he said. I tried to angle myself towards him, knowing he was about to ask the question, and then he'd kiss me, and it wouldn't be like on my birthday. This time he'd be my boyfriend. This time there'd be tongue.

"So, I don't think we can do this."

And the bottom dropped out of my world.

I don't know what I said, but I took his hand when he offered it. I needed it to help me to my feet. He kissed me on the top of my head and then he deposited me with Alice, my eyes dry, my heart numb. I clung on to Jasper when he came over to give me a hug.

"He's an idiot," he told me, and I was gratified by his support, though I refused to agree. "What did he say to you?"

I tried to tell him, but he only shook his head. "I don't know what he was thinking."

A couple of weeks later I knew exactly what he was thinking. He wouldn't let them foist me on him just to leave the path clear for Emmett and Rosalie. But if he wouldn't let them solve his problem, it became obvious they were going on ahead. They officially got together at the after-party for the school play, although at that point it was only a formality. Drama wasn't my thing, but Alice was involved with the costumes and Rosalie was the star. I went along to help sell refreshments at the performances, just so as I could go to the after-party.

And of course Edward was there. I don't remember what his excuse was - he certainly had no more involvement than me. But I saw his face when he saw Rose and Emmett kiss, and I recognised the pain writ large upon it.

Trying hard to control my heart

I walk over to where you are

Eye to eye we need no words at all

I made sure I was there to cling to him again through that song, and stored the memory up for tears.

From that day on I knew we shared the pain of unrequited love.

The year moved on, and the flame of fall turned to festive red. Alice and Jasper still flirted, and Rose and Emmett were the golden couple. And I had friends, and maybe Edward was one of them, though I knew the bond we shared was one of pain.

Rosalie held a Christmas party, and we were all invited to attend. I don't know why- I'm pretty sure I didn't figure on her radar, though maybe Alice did with her intentions towards Jasper. Maybe Emmett was still hoping Edward would take a chance with me - who knows? Either way, we were there, and I knew Alice was hoping her flirting was going to yield some reward. I'd talked to Jasper about it - or rather he'd talked to me.

"I just want a bit of fun over Christmas. Would you say Alice might be up for that?"

I couldn't say she wanted more, and I guess he thought she knew he didn't, because from that night on they were together, at least for the time being. And in the midst of all the Christmas music, and the mistletoe, I found my way to Edward, and someone put "Crazy for you" on, and he didn't even ask. He just pulled me into his arms and kissed me, the way I'd hoped he would a couple of months before. His tongue in my mouth was the best thing I'd ever tasted. He kissed me over and over, under the mistletoe that people waved around us helpfully, and maybe, just maybe, even if it was just for those moments, he wanted me.

I knew that he wanted. I could feel that he wanted, but maybe I was just a warm body, soft curves, wet lips and mouth and tongue to him while he was everything and more to me. And with all that I hoped and wished and wanted, I knew this didn't mean a thing.

It was harder after Christmas, with Alice always off with Jasper, and though they invited me to tag along, my mother wouldn't let me travel in his car, driving who-knew-where on icy roads. I listened to her lectures, bit my tongue. I couldn't bite my tongue when Alice made plans in her head for the months to come.

"Alice, have you talked to him?"

She tossed her asymmetric hair and laughed. "We talk all the time, Bella."

"No - I mean - he said he wasn't looking for anything long term."

"I know, but. . . you don't know what's going on with us now. It's fine."

Until it wasn't. Until it was Valentine's Day and I'd posted my card to Edward and, polite boy that he was, he came to say thank you, and kissed me on the cheek. And still it meant nothing, and everything, serving only to remind me that he was worthy of my dreams.

That was the day Alice and Jasper broke up. Things weren't the same between us after that - perhaps she caught my smugness at being right. Perhaps she simply hated that I was. But she grew a little wilder, and I spent more time with Angela and Jess instead.

But there was always Edward, and when spring brought signs of life, I hoped for something new. He'd be gone soon, after all: what time we had was running out. He hadn't dated - or at least I hadn't heard, and I was pretty sure I'd hear. All the talk was about prom, and who'd be going with whom. Jasper claimed Maria, a girl he'd dated before and Emmett was still with Rose. And the rumour grew and swirled that Edward would ask me.

I hoped and wished and dreamed, and blocked it out. Or at least I tried, but the rumours grew more insistent day by day, until even my teachers picked up on them. I think it was Alice who put Mrs. Cope up to using it as a probability exercise in our math class. I'm pretty sure the rest of the class didn't exactly care. And I know I must have spent that class hiding under my table because I don't remember it so well. I do remember walking straight out the door into Edward, though. And he smiled and he said hi and he made me think that maybe, just maybe, this time, this was it.

That was a Friday afternoon and I spent the weekend dreaming.

On Monday, everything was different. I could feel it in the air and I knew my dream had gone to hell.

"Hey, Jasper," I said as I walked past him into school.

"Uh, hi, Bella."

He was scratching at the back of his neck as if he was embarrassed. As if he didn't know what to say. As if he wished he could pretend he hadn't seen me.

It didn't take a genius to figure out something was wrong.

I saw the looks I got, though no one volunteered to talk. But I heard whispers, or absorbed them from the air. Like osmosis. There were names. There was his, and there was Tanya's. And I saw the way she looked. I was aware of whispered conversations, and I saw her blonde curls and vapid eyes. And I knew before he told me. I knew I'd have to hate her.

"Bella, can I talk to you?"

"Sure." I shrugged and followed him, and we walked around the grounds.

"I know you'd heard I was going to ask you to prom."

It felt like I'd been here before, and I knew that now he wasn't. That he'd thought better of it. That I was just some kid, and he didn't want to be seen with me. That he'd found something else, something brighter, something new. Something I didn't want to hear about.

"And I was."

I was surprised. And no less hurt because the end result was going to be the same. It was clear it wasn't happening.

"But I went to Jasper's party on Saturday, and, well, I was drinking. And Tanya was there, and she was drinking, too. And we - well, we were together. And I can't be that guy - she's not that girl. I don't want to lose my reputation, or her to lose hers. I- we - I'm going out with her, Bella. I'm taking her to prom."

Just like the first let-down, numbness was my friend. "I get it."

He looked relieved. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Thanks for letting me know."

And that was that. I praised him to my friends for telling me himself- he owed me nothing, after all, and I was pathetically grateful for that. I wouldn't let myself hurt, because I kind of knew he was hurting too, and because really? Edward and Tanya? It was insane. Any fool could see they were never going to work out.

I was dimly aware of the pregnancy scare. And he didn't deserve that, and maybe she didn't either, but I didn't care about her. I hated her, because I blamed her, and I wanted to be her all at once, though I'd barely admit that to myself. Edward, well, he had his whole life in front of him - he was clever, and sweet, and good, and she was the thieving whore who'd seduced him away from me. Too strong? Well, at sixteen, believe me, those emotions were that strong. Let's leave it at I blamed her. And maybe I was slightly scared because really, that could have been me. If I'd gone out with him, been his girlfriend, I doubt I'd have been putting up a fight to protect my virtue. I was glad when it proved a false alarm. His parents would have disowned him.

The first time I heard our song after that I threw up.

Swaying room as the music starts

Strangers making the most of the dark

Two by two their bodies become one

"What's wrong?" Alice asked, following me to the bathroom.

"Must've eaten something," I muttered, wiping at my mouth. I tried not to confide in her any more. I didn't want her pity.

As for Edward, he played Tanya's dutiful boyfriend until graduation, and then he was gone - and that was what counted for closure on my first love. I moved on from there, I went on dates, until we were seniors ourselves. My longest relationship lasted three months, with Jacob Black. And we rounded a couple of bases, but I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved, and no one yet matched Edward. We hadn't kept in touch at all, though occasionally I heard how he was doing - he'd gone to Dartmouth, right across the country, and he didn't come home much - just a week at Christmas and for a little while in the summer. I guess when he was here I wasn't, or maybe he just kept himself to himself. I really didn't think about him that much any more.

Two years later I graduated. Alice followed him to Dartmouth, and I wondered if she'd always had a thing for him and kept it to herself. I went to UCB, craving some sunshine after Forks. It was Christmas in my freshman year when I arrived home, and met up with Angela, Jessica, Lauren and Alice. Alice was even wilder than she'd been at school, her hair punked out with pink streaks and her clothes with a rock ballerina vibe.

"We have to go to the diner on Christmas Eve," Jess said excitedly.

Everyone knew that was where the college kids went to catch up. Everyone else knew to stay away. This was the first year we'd be welcome. So we crashed into it, and I saw him for the first time in so long, and I swear I heard the words of our song.

I see you through the smoky air

Can't you feel the weight of my stare?

You're so close but still a world away

I watched for a moment, nursing my glass and seeing as he greeted Emmett and Jasper. Alice was standing in the corner, cigarette between her lips, and I knew she was watching me watch Edward. She'd never mentioned him, either in her infrequent letters or since we'd been home. Maybe she thought he was in my past. Of course, he was in my past. Jasper caught my eye while Edward's back was turned and waved. I waved back, wanting to turn away, not to be caught staring at Edward. It was probably too late.

I figured that out a beat later, when the music abruptly shifted, so that the song I heard wasn't only in my head. Jasper went to walk past Edward, making him turn so that he was facing me. We stood there for a moment, until I remembered that I wasn't the same little girl who'd waited and hoped.

Trying hard to control my heart

I walk over to where you are

Eye to eye we need no words at all

He smiled, older now, but still the same boy, now verging on the man I'd known he could be. I held out my arms and went to hug him hello, the only kind of greeting that felt appropriate. I felt him take a breath, and then his arms were round me. Maybe he'd mistaken my intention because he didn't let me go. His hands rested on my waist and he started to sway with me, moving in time with the music, shifting us in slow, lazy circles.

Slowly now we begin to move

Every breath I'm deeper into you

My hands played with the ends of his hair, running up and over his neck as his head dropped closer to mine. I saw the look of amusement on both Emmett and Jasper's faces, the glare that didn't quite make sense on Alice's. I closed my eyes and let my head rest on his chest. The years between us didn't matter any more.

Soon we two are standing still in time

If you read my mind you'll see

"Can I talk to you, Bella?"

I knew how this ended. It ended with me having my heart broken, hearing some reason why this didn't make sense right now. But the response was too ingrained to say no. I tried to avoid saying yes.

"Happy Christmas, Edward."

I don't know who waved the sprig of mistletoe over our heads but I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him lightly. Except it wasn't lightly. And if I'd thought I'd grown up and knew how to deal with my reaction to him, I was wrong. When he pulled back and smiled, he asked again.

"Can I talk to you, Bella?"


Nothing about this felt like the times before, though I tried to tell myself it did. He held my hand as we left the diner, and I saw Jess and Angela raise their eyebrows and smirk. I thought he'd stop outside but he led me straight to his car.

"Where are we going?"

"Come to my house." He pushed a hand through his hair. "My mom and dad won't be there - they're at the hospital's Christmas party."

"Edward. . ."

I tried to sound doubtful. He leaned over to kiss me again.

"Please, Bella."

I'd never been able to turn him down. "Sure."

It was strange to be in a car with him, strange to be alone with him without people watching and wondering what was going on- or maybe knowing, better than I did. My heart beat a little faster than it should.

"So - how's Dartmouth?"

"Good, thanks. How's California?"

"Warm and sunny."

"Must make a pleasant change."

"Are we really talking about the weather?"

He sighed. "I guess we are."

"Do you see much of Alice?"


I waited for a longer answer that didn't come. "Really, Edward? Is that all you've got? You are the one who wanted to talk."

"Why would I want to hang around with Alice? The point of going to college was to make a new start. Plus maybe I didn't want to be reminded of the shitty way I treated you."


He drew the car to a stop outside his house. "Oh, come on, Bella. I screwed things up time and time again."

He was out of the car and opening my door before I had a chance to answer. "What would you have done differently?"

"I wouldn't have made such an ass of myself over Rosalie. I'd have listened when my friends told me you'd be good for me. I wouldn't have got drunk and slept with Tanya just when I'd started to listen to them, but I walked in on Rosalie and Emmett that night - and, well. . ."

"I don't need to hear all of this, Edward."

"Maybe you do. I was sorry when we stopped speaking."

"You had a girlfriend. And it's not like I knew you that well."

"You knew well enough that wasn't going to work, though, didn't you?"

I didn't have to tread on eggshells around him any more. "A blind fool could see that. And for the record? You can't salvage a reputation like that."

"I know."

He unlocked the door and ushered me inside. We stood awkwardly. I didn't know what he was waiting for. I certainly didn't know what I was waiting for.

"Bella, I'd like to go out with you," he said at last in a rush.

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry.

"We're on opposite sides of the country," I objected.

He took a step closer. "I graduate this year. I don't plan on staying there."

"We haven't seen each other in nearly four years. You're hardly moving to be near me - and if I don't know you, you certainly don't know me."

Girl-with-a-crush had given way to woman-never-to-be-scorned. I was grateful for her sudden appearance.

"Don't ignore the fact you knew me better than you choose to remember, Bella. And that went both ways, you know."

He'd moved closer. I tried shutting my eyes, but it didn't close him out.

"So what? We have a few days together now and then - what?"

He shrugged. "I'm not saying it's ideal, but if you say no now, you'll always wonder. This way at least we'll know."

The sixteen-year old girl in my head would never forgive me if I said no to that.

"All right."


"Yes, Edward."

He stepped in properly then, and kissed me, and this was new. I'd always felt, before, that he was kissing me because he knew I wanted him to. This time it was because he wanted to as well. His lips caught, his tongue played, and teeth nibbled, as we stood just inside the door, still in our winter coats.

"Come up to my room," he said eventually, his hands, still cold, slipping inside my coat, beneath my shirt, resting on my waist and making me gasp.

I wish I could say I felt less, felt more in control of my wants now I was grown up, but it wouldn't be true. Want had turned to something more like need, and if this was it, if this was all we were ever going to be, I'd take it. Just like I'd always known I would.

I kissed him as my answer, and then he was drawing me through the house to the stairs, into the room that bore more resemblance to a guest room than the lived-in home of a teenage boy. I wasn't sorry to see that.

I wriggled out of my coat and sat down on the bed. It didn't mean anything, that I'd taken off my outer layer. Except that it meant everything. He was messing around with his tape deck, and I almost laughed when it started playing. But it wasn't funny, not really.

"You like this song?"

He shrugged. "I kind of think it's our song, don't you?"


If he'd set out to seduce me, he was doing a pretty good job. He crawled onto the bed beside me, his hands and lips moving over all the skin I had free. Everything was fuzzy, fading in and out so that he was my whole world. Maybe he'd always been my whole world.

Swaying room as the music starts

Strangers making the most of the dark

My shirt came off as easily as his, my hands tracing over his chest as his fingers ran over my nipples, followed quickly by his tongue.

You're so close but still a world away

What I'm dying to say

Is that I'm crazy for you

Closer. I needed him to be closer, and he'd never be close enough. We wriggled out of jeans, and if I'd always thought I wouldn't be enough for him, I knew by the way he looked at me that now I was.

"Edward, I haven't . . ." I stopped his hand as it made its way into my underwear.

"You don't want . . ."

"No, I do . . ." I leaned up to kiss him, drawing his hand between my legs, feeling his moan as his fingers met my wet. "I just . . . I thought you should know . . ."

"You're sure?"

His finger slipped inside and my hips bucked up. I reached out for him, where he was hard beside me. He groaned.

"I'm sure."

It was happening fast now, the remainder of our clothes slipping away until we were naked, and it wasn't enough. Nothing seemed to be enough. And then my eyes were closing as his fingers moved faster and his tongue thrust in my mouth, and I was crying out, and still he was too far away. I was still coming down from my high when I felt him, condom-clad, right there. His eyes held mine as he pushed inside, filling, pinching, stabbing, still.

"All right?" he whispered, his forehead creased with effort.

"Uh-huh." I moved a little, and he moved a little more.

Slowly now we begin to move

Every breath I'm deeper into you

I could feel him climb towards his peak, and though I knew I wouldn't get there with him, I was in this moment with him, part of him, and nothing would ever change that.

Soon we two are standing still in time

If you read my mind

You'll see I'm crazy for you

He came with a groan into my shoulder, his body falling hard onto mine.

"Thank you," I mumbled, and I felt him laugh.

"I think I should say thank you."

I didn't have the energy to argue. "Whatever. I'm glad that was you. I'm almost even glad I wasn't your first - I'm glad you knew what you were doing."

He rolled over and looked at me. "I get that. But I'm sorry you weren't mine, all the same."

I reached out, enjoying the luxury of playing with the hair on his chest. "This was our first time. Maybe that's all that matters."

"It definitely won't be our last." He grinned. "It's really cheesy, Bella, but I have to say it - I'm crazy for you."

For the first time, and whatever might happen after this, I knew that it was true.

I'm crazy for you

Touch me once and you'll know it's true

I never wanted anyone like this

It's so brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss

I'm crazy for you

Endnote: Thank you for reading. Please leave a review and then check out all the other fantastic entries. Voting begins 11/1/11.