A/N - This is my first fanfiction so bear with me. It's set after episode #7.04 so will have spoilers up through that point. Will most likely become AU soon.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. If I did, the show would have very little plot and a great deal of chick-flickiness.
Update: Watch the trailer for this FF here: www. youtube (.com) (/) watch?v=DJXPKFbnQGY (minus the spaces and the parentheses).
Sam felt good. It was amazing really. He felt happy, something he hadn't in years, or maybe ever. Like he told Dean, the guilt was finally melting away. At first he thought it was because... Well, those people had died to atone for their remorse, right? Sam? Sam had died multiple times and been tortured in Hell for over a hundred years. Shouldn't that mean that he made up for everything? Shouldn't that be the reason he felt like this?
Theoretically. But after much psychoanalyzing, he figured out that that wasn't it. Not for him. It had nothing to do with Hell, with him dying at all.
It was always Dean.
That had always been the worst part, the knowledge that Dean would never look at him the same way again, that Dean would never trust him again. No amount of Hell would make up for that. No amount of physical pain he could suffer would ever make that better.
But Dean had said he trustedhim. He had said it and actually meant it for once. He hadn't killed Amy when Sam knew without a doubt that he had wanted to.
And that, Sam realized, was why he felt so good. That was why right now, it felt like everything was right in a way it hadn't been his entire life. Crazy, right? There were freaking leviathans on the loose. And then there was the fact that Lucifer kept popping up at random points in time. But see, none of that was really much of an issue because Dean trusted him again. Everything else just paled in comparison. If Dean trusted him then he could take on Lucifer time after time and win. It was what was currently keeping him sane, keeping Hell from taking over. Dean trusted him and that made everything else okay.
He honestly never thought he'd hear the words 'I trust you'directed at him again. In which case, he would have felt perfectly justified wallowing in self-hatred and loathing for the rest of his life. But he felt that if Dean could believe in him and forgive him, maybe he could forgive himself too...?
Because in all honesty, Dean's opinion was the only thing that had ever mattered.
A/N 2: If people like the idea then this will be a multi-chapter story full of Guilty!Protective!BigBrother!Dean and Hurt!Limp!Sam. Because I miss BigBrother!Dean and what better way to bring him back than whumping Sam?