Alright, my girlfriend would beat me if I didn't give her credit for this. This is her story and I'm just posting it on my account because she is to much of a lazy bum to create her own. We hope you enjoy.
I'm cold and broken
June 1978. Standing silently and stiffly beside the fathomless lake, Severus Snape stared out at the glassy reflection of the moon on the surface of the water, which was as still and as silent as he was. Any objective observer would believe that the young man was void of emotions, if his facial expression (or rather lack-thereof) was anything to judge by. There were no traces of stress on his smooth face, his mouth was set apathetically and the emptiness of his unblinking, dark eyes made him appear to be an invalid. As his glazed eyes unseeingly stared out over the lake, something inside of him was steadily fighting his trained tendency to encourage a devoid expression.
It's over, I didn't want to see it come to this
I wonder if I will ever see your face again
Severus was graduating from Hogwarts tomorrow, and this fact had suddenly hit him like a freight train. After tonight his world would never be the same, and although he was keen on not allowing a single soul to notice, he was filled with a foreboding fear. Of course, God only knew that Severus's seventeen years on this planet had been a nightmare with the exception of a few precious moments that he would always remember. Looking back he realized how often he had taken those glorious and sacred moments for granted. He had always thought that his life could never get any worse than it had always been; that there could be nothing worse than having an abusive and loathing father, being the epitome of a social outcast, or being bullied ever since he could remember. But Fate is cruel and unrelenting in its desire to bring down man into the very gutters of disappointment.
The one part of Severus's life that had been a gift sent from the gods themselves (or so he liked to think) was Lily Evans. But he should have known that Lily was never his to keep; that Fate would take her away from him someday to spread her angelic light elsewhere while leaving him utterly alone. That horrid day had been two years ago already, but during those two years he had always kept at least a tiny grain of hope alive and shining in his battered heart that Lily would one day glance up from her dinner at the Gryffindor table and catch Severus's eye and miraculously come running back to him with regret at how she hadn't forgiven him sooner. But now that tomorrow was his last day at Hogwarts, and Lily still hadn't given into that fantasy of his, that last grain of hope deserted his heart just as quickly as Lily had. As that grain vanished, Severus knew he would never see Lily again; it would be foolish to think otherwise. That fiery angel was engaged to the equally fiery James Potter and had all but forgotten Severus's mere existence.
And I know that I will find a way to shed my skin
It's simple, I know that I will suffer in the end
Severus knew at that moment, standing idly by the lake, that even though he had been attempting to ignore the fact for the best of two years, he would inevitably become a Death Eater. Lily had always been his conscience encouraging him to follow her path of light; she had at one time whole-heartedly believed that his inner strength would ultimately beat his hidden darkness into the ground forever. But now that Lily was no longer with him, and never would be again, Severus found that darkness maliciously lurking its way from the dungeons of his heart up to his very being and strangling all that had been left of his so-called 'inner strength'. Giving in to the inexorable darkness was only easier when he accepted that Fate had always been at war with him, merely teasing him with Lily like a person teases a pet dog with a treat tied to the end of a string…something so close that it is real but always just out of reach until it is abruptly snatched away. Severus felt his mind asserting that this trick is the cruelest thing Fate could ever conjure, and so believed his life could and would no longer be pulled down. He had reached the very bottom after years of torture and suffering.
The moment Lily had walked out of his life, so had his very soul. He felt as hollow and automatic as an inferi, and what better occupation for such a worthless puppet than to serve a master such as Lord Voldemort? But just before Severus caved into his fate, watching the bright reflection of the moon begin to disappear from the surface of the water as it began to set behind the shelter of the forest, Severus felt a single tear slide ever so slowly down his blank expression.
Fast I fade away
It's almost over
Slow I suffocate
I'm cold and broken
October 1981. Severus had been wrong. Fate was crueler than he could have ever thought possible. He had thought that by surrendering to the whims of Fate, he would finally be free. At that moment, as he struggled to breathe against that bitter hand of Fate asphyxiating the life out of him, he betrayed his urges and let all repressed emotions of three years sweep away all thought and time. These emotions were nameless; as he was sure no one had ever before felt what he was feeling in that second. The weight of them crushed him as he collapsed to the hard and cold floor. He crawled like a vulnerable infant over to the lifeless form which had eyes even more dead than Severus's eyes had been on that night by the lake three years ago. Those sharp, deep green eyes that had haunted him every moment for three years were now almost as pale as the skin that surrounded them. Those colorless eyes now staring blankly at him horrified Severus as they forced their way into his memory in place of the formerly buoyant eyes. He retched drily as his violently shaking hand reached over to her face and closed her lids forever.
The only part of her that had retained even a remote sign of life was her hair, and even it appeared to be a flame that was drowsily burning out by the second. Wanting desperately to not allow that last drop of life to leave her, Severus hastily took her corpse into his arms and held on to it, as if to prevent her very body from floating away into the vast eternity of space. He gripped a handful of her fading mane and pressed her head against his chest, as if attempting to force his heart beat into her and revive her. When his Lily did not open her eyes and as the final flame was extinguished, Severus screamed in complete agony. His tears ran freely down his sallow face and rained remorselessly onto her locks. He remained in this state for what felt like eternity, all the while feeling his own life fading away into nothing. "I wish…I wish I were dead…"
It's hopeless, the end will come and wash it all away
Forsaken, I live for those I lost along the way
And I can't remember how it all began to break
You suffer, I live to fight and die another day
May 1997. Severus stood in his office, staring blankly out at the castle grounds, much in the same way he had nineteen years ago. And once again, his life was about to change drastically very soon. Whoever had said that free will existed had lied, as Severus had no more choices. He would have to kill Albus Dumbledore with his own hands. Dumbledore had been the one person who had cared about Severus for sixteen years and had been the one to regenerate what little life was left in Severus's worn body with a sense of righteous purpose. But now Severus was about to lose that hope for the third time in his life, and this time he was certain that he would never regain it. He would continue to fight with every ounce of strength he had left until the very end for the sake of Lily's memory. And then he would welcome Death with open arms, finally able to escape Fate.
Well I hope you enjoyed, please leave a review.
I believe this story was inspired by a song by Breaking Benjamin and her recent addiction to Snape x Lilly stories. Anyways, Red out.