As promised, another chapter the very next day ;D

I don't own Doctor Who.

Jack's Stag

The Doctor was drunk. Him and Rory had gone with Jack for a 'few drinks' on another one of Jack's stag parties.

''Honey, I'm home!'' he shouted, almost tripping over as he stumbled through the TARDIS doors,

''And what sort of time do you call this? Seriously, what did you say again, 'I won't overdo it'''

''You look beautiful'' he slurred,

''These are my pyjamas sweetie'' River sighed. He really was quite something when he was sloshed, ''they are what someone usually wears when going to bed''

''Well, you shouldn't of bothered. I wouldn't have minded…''

''Hey!'' Rory also tripped through the doors, ''father entering the room. No filthy talk whilst I'm here thankyou very much'' he added with a sloppy wave.

''River, whens dinner? I am shhhtarved. Could really eat some fish custard right now…''

''Dinner was over 12 hours ago sweetie. Its two o'clock in the morning'' then she turned to address her father, ''mums furious by the way''

Rory groaned.

''You know'' piped up the Doctor and clapping Rory on the shoulder, ''that sometimes, sometimes she lets me lick the custard off of her!''

Rory paled. ''Doc-,''

''And sometimes, if she's been a very good girl, I let her use her hallucinogenic lipstick on me! Can you imagine the shenanigans she gets up to?''

''I think that's enough Doctor'' River cut in; slightly worried he was going to go into deep discussion about their sex life, but it just seemed to encourage him further.

''Do you know, one time, we even had sex in your shed!''

''I said that's enough!'' He immediately shut up, looking at her sheepishly whilst Rory tried to stay focused, going cross eyed.

''You'' she pointed at the Doctor, ''get yourself to bed. I'll be there in a minute'' His face lit up and he saluted before stumbling towards their bedroom, smacking her backside shamelessly as he passed her. ''that's not what I meant. I have to make sure he gets home in one piece''

10 minutes later.

River climbed into bed after safely seeing her dad back to his house. The Doctor snuggled up to her, wrapping an arm round her waist under the covers and nesting his face into her chest. She sighed contently until she felt something press into her leg,

''Doctor are you not wearing bottoms?''

''Nope, I told you not to bother with pyjamas'' he smiled cheekily then started grazing his lips sloppily on her chest just above her vest top

''Sweetie, not tonight. You're drunk. It would be taking advantage''

''Maybe I want you to take advantage… Isn't that what you do… Mrs Robinson…''

''Nope. I'm not in the mood and if I was, that certainly ruined it''

''What do you mean 'not in the mood', River Song you are always in the mood… In fact, come to think of it, I don't think there has ever been a time when you've been 'not in the mood'… Ever'' he finished in a low voice and the hand under the covers started tugging her pyjama bottoms down.

''Oi!'' she slapped his hand away, ''what did I just say? Now stop it. I'm still mad at you for all those things you so boldly shared with my father which was totally uncalled for by the way, I just hope he doesn't remember it in the morning. You do realise he may never allow us near that shed ever again? Doctor?'' she looked down and found him spread out across her lap. Snoring lightly and completely naked. Oh the things she could do, this is going to be fun.

Sorry if it seemed a little OOC, it was drunk Doctor .