Hello! This is my first fan fiction ever on and likely my last and also my first successful one on Serebii. I know I said I'll improve the fic, but I think I did change the fic a bit from the Serebii version and I'd like to believe that since I edited it to add more stuff and no one reviewed it after that, people thought my edit was good. Who knows, but easing away from that matter, this fan fic is rated extreme T since it got a PG-15 rating on Serebii.

And, finally, without further ado, here's the really dark fan fiction labeled 'i love pokémon'.

i love pokémon

Dear Reporter for Castelia Newspaper

I'm just some random guy that wants to share something to you! Put this in the Pokémon Lovers or wherever the hell you want to, as long as you put it somewhere. I read the Castelia Newspaper, you know, and I'll be watching you guys carefully...

Did I ever mention how much I love Pokémon?

It's true.

They're cool and ta...terrific and...warm too.

I love them so much, but unfortunately I don't have a Pokémon of my own.

I don't know why.

I envy my schoolmates who have cool Pokémon. Their flavor is simply delicious, metaphorically speaking. Do you think I'm not being metaphorical about that?

Of course I am being metaphorical.

The only time I ever remember having a Pokémon was a cool Vanniluxe. My family gave it to me as a present for my birthday, you see.

I complimented Vanilluxe's metaphorical flavor, for many weeks. Vanniluxe was so cool and anyone who saw my Vanniluxe greedily stared at it.

I guess they wanted something cold to cool them down, like I did, in this extremely hot summer.

However, one day, it just disappeared.

What happened to my poor Vanniluxe? I tried to solve that mystery for a long time because I loved it and now it disappeared somewhere in the hottest day of summer. We can't even find his poor vanilla body. We did find drops of vanilla in my bedroom, however.

I don't know how those drops of vanilla got there, but, well, I guess that's what happens with ice cream cones.

My family?

I forget what happened to them, but I vividly remember tasting human flesh, fresh blood, and juicy guts once. Tasted good.

Not as good as a Pokémon, though.

You see, I'll do anything for a Pokémon. For some reason, my friends don't give me any Pokémon for my birthday or for Christmas. I don't know why.

It makes me sad. And mad. So mad.

I'll wreak my revenge on them, though.

You see, it's for revenge and a good meal.

I'll burn it down.

Nuvema Town, you see.

A peaceful place. Not for long though. You know, my friends will regret that they never gave me a juicy Pokémon as a present...

A person needs to eat, right? You understand, don't you?

I'll burn it down.

Oh wait, never mind, I already did. At any rate, burning them alive is much more humane than eating them alive.

And I hate raw stuff, you know.

I love eating freshly cooked stuff, cooked by a fiery oven.

Or in this case a fiery flamethrower.

Now, where to go next after I fill my hungry stomach on the people and their weak Pokémon?

The Pokémon League?

No, too strong.

Opelucid City?

Nah, too far.

Castelia City?

Surely. It's not too far and full of Pokémon and humans. I don't see why I wouldn't go there for some food.

You have been warned. Both you and I know I will burn every living thing in that city, and perhaps some more.

Humans taste good, especially cooked.

But not as good as tasty Pokémon.

Did I ever mention how much I love Pokémon?

It's true.

Sincerely, your friend, Henry from Nuvema Town.

And of course, special thanks to several users in Serebii for reviewing my fic when I posted it on there, and Ultimate Ridley for beta reading this fic when I decided to put this fic onto this site! Thanks guys, you really helped me advance as a writer and gain more confidence in myself!

Oh, and also noting, I might make a sequel to this called 'Sanity' which chronicles Henry's journey into insanity. If not...just call this fic a poorly written (or maybe not poorly written) crack fic or something else related to a crack fic.