AN: Welcome to the bonus chapter! This story is NOT canon; it is completely independent from the rest of the tale. It's just a bit of a parody of the importance of romance/shipping in a story. Oh, and remember: I don't think shipping/pairing is 'wrong'. I just don't think it needs to be an excuse to read or enjoy a story. Enjoy!


"She loves me," GLaDOS said with a grin. "I mean, come on. She went to the ends of the earth just to bring me back. What else do you call that?"

"Oh, please. Just because she respects you doesn't make it love." Doug huffed, crossing his arms. "And you're not even human. Need I remind you who built that body of yours?"

"Speaking of," Wheatley said, his optic narrowed in annoyance, "when're you gonna build a new body for me like that?"

"Never!" the other two answered at the same time.

Wheatley huffed. "Anyway, she likes me best. Loves, even. Gave me so many hugs due to all the times I saved her. Saved her, I did. Any of you do that? And she cried when I came back."

"Well, she cried when I came back," GLaDOS retorted.

"I think you both are forgetting something," Doug interrupted. "I'm human; I'm the only one who can give her what she needs. Warmth. Compassion. Tenderness. Respect."

"Oh, please!" GLaDOS laughed. "She thinks you're a creep!"

"Not any more!" Doug sulked. "She respects me now. Just the other day, she and I were working on a new robotics project, together, and she was totally okay with me being close to her."

"Doesn't mean she wants you, mate."

"It's a good start."

"Need I remind you how old you are?" GLaDOS said.

"Need I remind you that she'll die long before you decide you've had enough of living?" Doug retorted.

GLaDOS fell silent at this, but only for a moment. "I can clone her."

"Right. I'm sure she'll enjoy that. Replicating her body and using her like a disposable razor. Or maybe you'll put her brain in a computer? She'll just love that."

"And what kind of future are you going to give her? You'll just die in a decade or so anyway."

"I'm not that old! Give me a few decades, at least!" He smirked, leaning back. "And I'll be sure to leave her a happy widow, be sure about that."

Wheatley held up his hands. "I think you two're forgettin' something really important."

"And what's that?"

The blue optic gave an expression of haughty triumph. "That Chell is in love with me!"

The trio continued to bicker and argue, filling the empty corridors with voice and dissension. Meanwhile, up on the surface, Chell lay on a red-and-white blanket, arms folded behind her head, smiling as she enjoyed the warm sunshine on her body. Beside her sat Cube, and on top of it sat her portal device. Orion was playing a cheerful song, an instrumental version of "Walking on Sunshine".

She loved her family. She just kept thinking about all of them. How she could never prefer one over the other, how they'd all done their equal share of work to help her and, to a greater extent, help each other. GLaDOS took care of Doug's episodes, and Doug had built Wheatley's body, and Wheatley had helped with GLaDOS's mission against the Combine.

Closing her eyes, she let out a small squeak as her chest swelled with joy. How wonderful it was to have a family, even such a weird one like hers! Everyone cared and depended on each other, and they all loved her and she all loved them. And nothing could be better.

Nothing except...

With another squeak, Chell rolled over, remembering the entire reason she was here. She gave a gentle rap on Cube's side, and it obligingly popped open, revealing its compartment. Chell pulled out a large and moist and delicious slice of chocolate cake, licking her lips at the sight of it.

She sat up on the surface, warmed by the sun, eating her cake and feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.