A/N: Ah, finally, a computer that isn't slow as molasses. Only reason I'm on right now is due to school power outage. Good news: I live on the other side of town. Ha. Ha. Although building a small car that runs on a hydrogen fuel cell is not easy in the dark.
Disclaimer: I do not own. Anything. At all.
"Why do we even bother, Ben?" She's so mad at me that I can actually feel it. It's sickening, it hurts, it's like being stabbed by a thousand forks. "We know you're going to run off with someone else into the sunset at the end of the day and it's never going to be me. Why do we keep on trying?"
"Because we love each other, Jules," I beg and plead, hoping maybe for one last chance. I'm sure I can't screw this one up. I know I can't. I just can't. I just need one more chance. One last chance... "We love each other and it's meant to be and that's how it's supposed to end. Happily ever after. That's how it always ends." I flash a charming smile and hope that she'll melt into me or something and a horse will appear out of nowhere and she'll get her turn to ride off into the sunset with me.
The whole reason I want to keep her: because once upon a time, we ran off into a sunrise together. That date meant the world to me whether she knew it or not. Someone in the whole messed up world accepted me and all my ten aliens. Someone who didn't care how big of a freak I was.
That was Julie.
"Have we ever said it?" Her brown eyes flare angrily, the darkness lighting up with rage. "Ben, it's not about saying it or about spending time together. It's about the connection, it's about something that's supposed to be there. Sparks, fireworks, romantic poetry, songs, dancing. It's not what love is made of, it's what love is. Love is deeper than you know, Ben." She's about ready to turn away and just outright leave me there in the pouring rain after I'd been two hours late to our date due to a Sumo Slammers marathon that I'd decided to watch and then forgotten to turn off. I deserve it.
"You're right, I don't know anything." A trick I picked up from Kevin not too long ago, was that agreeing with whatever a girl said would keep you from getting a black eye. Although I have a good feeling that Gwen is the only girl in my life who will use her fists for evil against loved ones. But agreeing is still the greatest tactic to get a girl to stop yelling like a maniac.
"You don't know anything." But Julie does shove. She pushes her hands against my shoulders and I slide a whole foot backwards because of the mud under my sneakers. "There's nothing between us, Ben. There never was! The first date was pity and desperation for both of us. We don't really love each other, we never did! This is all a sick act!" Rain drips from her ebony locks as thunder rolls overhead, shaking the ground like an earthquake. Her voice doesn't waver and she's still mad. "We've wasted almost a whole year together fighting for something that was never there!"
"How do you know that?" Because what if I feel something? The butterflies and all that jazz? I felt it. I like spending time with her, I like having her by my side, I like knowing that she's just there. Having her close is all the reassurance I need. "What if I care?"
"Either way, Ben, I don't." And she began counting on her fingers. "You're a nerd, you're a loser, you're never on time, you never return calls, you don't know how to act, and I'm not even sure if you know what flowers are! You're an egotistical jerk!"
Why not stab me a few more times? Those forks don't get enough of a workout anyways.
She takes a breath and water drips off the tip of her nose. "Ben, I care about you, I do, but this isn't love. This is a slow and painful death." The anger has boiled out of her eyes and has been replaced by hurt and defeat. "Nothing's there. Nothing was ever there. This was never love." Her gaze has fallen to the sidewalk that stands between us. "It was just torture."
It's like the world's crashing down around us. It's like the raindrops are ashes of a global fire. It all hurts. To drink in the cold air. To look at her in this pouring rain and have to resist the urge to fly her home to safety. To wonder why she never felt the way I did.
Whenever I saw her, it was like I could sit back and think 'Finally, a moment of freaking peace.'Julie was relaxing to spend time with. Listen to her talk on and on about tennis, listen to her talk about new shoes, and listen about what movies she wanted to see. It was relaxing. Kick back, drink a smoothie, listen to Julie. I loved it. The calm, the quiet.
But now looking back on it, that was all I ever felt. The first date was perfect because she accepted all my flaws and didn't seem to mind my naturally occurring chaos. The first date was the only time I ever really thought I could love her forever.
Nothing was ever there.
I admired Elena. I was so sure she was the one back when I was thirteen and stupid. She and I were always on the same wavelength, always using the same mentality, fitting each other step-by-step. Forever would've been great had her dad not been a crazy. And if she wasn't the new queen of the swarm.
Eunice was on the same page, same hero style, same attitude, same will for adventure. Eunice and I could probably make if work if we wanted to. And if she weren't on Primus.
But Julie and I are worlds apart. She's too simple for me, I'm too much for her. I'm not reliable enough to give her exactly what she deserves. Elena wouldn't care if I were late. She would give me a glare and we'd move on with our lives. And Eunice doesn't know enough to care too much. Julie and I are complete opposites.
"Slow and painful death," I answer, watching lightning strike something beyond her; Julie's whole frame was lit up as she looked at me with disappointed eyes and a cold face. The lightning beyond her snapped back into the clouds and that broken girl was lost in the darkness of the night again.
There's only a pause in the air as thunder crackles through the clouds and another streak of lightning smashes into the earth a few miles north. "Goodbye, Ben," she breathes without hesitation. "I hope there's someone out there who can put up with your ego." And she turns quietly with her hands in the pockets of her soaked pink jacket and begins to walk off, not even asking for a ride home.
It's lonely, but I almost feel like I don't have to force myself on her anymore. I don't need to push myself to be the perfect boyfriend. "And I hope there's someone out there who deserves you."
A/N: I caught like four typos in editing. Generally, I do better than even that, but chizz, that's good for me. Anyways, gracias for surviving through my angst. Review? Sorry if Julie's OOC. I blame my love for Belena.