Yo dear readers! So sorry about the extreme delay, as settling into 2013 and the new school year has been a bit of a hassle. And surprise surprise, this is the first chapter of the year! Brava! I sure hope everyone is finding the year enjoyable so far, and the best of luck for everything:)

Also, I have not replied to some of the reviews in the last, say, 4 chapters, so I am really sorry. I probs won't get to doing it, but I would just like all the reviewers to know how grateful I am:D I will work hard to reply to all reviews this year!

A Green slushie!

A suggestion from me! TUGB!

a Weather forecaster

The sleek, black car sped off without a minute's silence, and within, Xanxus bored through the tinted windows with anything but an enthusiastic mien. Ah a scowl it was indeed. One of the best scowls recorded in his 26 years of living that the Varia Boss had let loose on his perfectly wrathful features, since the Ninth had taken him to a kiddo amusement park years ago. Funny that was the same amusement park that Xanxus had scored himself the once-in-a-lifetime award in letting loose a seemingly genuine smile when witnessing the incalculable fire-blasting and fire-breathing circus performances. Ironic was it not?

However, what was even more ironic than he had ever experienced in his sardonic past, was that he was going to be on the job in that very same amusement park. Duple ironic, roger that.

A look of amusement played on the old chauffeur's dark orbs when he stifled a glance at the rear mirror to study Xanxus's reactions, but that was swiftly and unfortunately silenced by a deadly glower in the very same direction. Xanxus hissed a livid curse at the back of the front passenger seat rooted opposite him and began fuming in his own hot, red, makeshift lava pool, because believe me, that was how the atmosphere inside the car felt. Even Mr. Chauffeur had to steal a quick glimpse at his passenger in slight concern yet mirth, and the Mafia Boss swore he caught the elder's hand and fingers shift marginally off the wheel and towards the air-con switch.

"Sir, we have arrived at Small World Amusement park, Kyoto. Please enjoy your stay."

And if the chauffeur hadn't had strained his last line tinged with mock gusto, then Xanxus definitely would have snorted and laughed vociferously at the name of the nonsensical park as he stepped out of car, which would have been a damn straight pretty sight to take in and would have earned him another once-in-a-lifetime title right there in that instant.

Small World. What a ridiculously spectacular oxymoron indeed.


"Ah here you are, Xanxus-san! We were expecting you," a short, tubby middle-aged man grinned up, with immense relief plain in his features and bodily movements. And sure enough, the man named Pitoshi Roshi was busy bidding to professionally explain to his new employee the charm of the amusement park and dab at his large sweaty forehead with his sweet home-made hankie. Xanxus wrinkled his nose slightly in disgust and turned away from his so ever professional employer, who would have been wading miserably in his own sweat pool if Xanxus had turned up a minute later. The old man had stated that Roshi-san was tremendously fraught at finding a new employee to fill in for today. Timoteo had also mentioned the fact that he swore he had heard numerous glass bottles being gathered loudly through the phone when he had said he didn't know anyone available to take the job, and the beginnings of the effects of alcohol were soon audible hereafter.

Luckily, that was ceased when Timoteo had suggested his grandson, who was supposed to be on New Year's holiday all the way in Australia, enjoying the sunshiny, overheated beaches and simply just throwing a shrimp on the barbie. And not to mention guzzling down bottles and bottles of Australian beer at that, and of course, that very holiday was spent with the rest of the Mafia as it was a treat from doing such a remarkable job in the Red Phoenix Ablaze on Christmas. Timoteo smiled softly at the thought of his grandson enjoying the alluring beaches down-under, but that soon transformed into a sombre frown. Well, this was an emergency after all…and he was slightly, yes, only a fraction sure that Xanxus hopefully wouldn't mind too much.

And so, now here he was.

"…and this is park is sponsored by several eminent companies that are surely the faces of Japan in this century, and I shall list some of them being-"

"Where the heck are we heading?" Xanxus rudely interrupted, just when the little man was thoroughly enjoying his lil' prep talk on the park, and he conveyed his expression with shocked opening and closing fish lips at his employee's behaviour. Guess Roshi-san was inexperienced in the category of interruptions huh.

When he had eventually recovered, which had created an extremely awkward silence between employer and employee, he chirped excitedly, "It's just up ahead there, Xanxus-kun! I'm so terribly thrilled that you are here as a substitute today! Just what would I do without you?!"

I know, drown your pitiful trash self in cheap-ass low class damned alcohol and piss the freaking shit out of the old man, he replied mentally, grimacing as they neared the news studio. And at that, his grimace practically transformed itself into a soft laugh in incredulity at the ridiculously ironic name of the studio – Big Speck Channel 7 News Studio. Yep, just what a fitting name for the spectacularly sardonic Small World amusement park.


"Here are the lines you will need to revise on while you can, however there will be a miniature television screen situated approximately 4 metres in front of you for you to read off if you require any additional aid," a polite middle-aged French woman drilled as she supplied Xanxus the script, and meanwhile Xanxus was frowning in slight concentration to fathom what she was pronouncing due to her distinct and incoherent accent. After an exasperated nod which rendered the woman faintly taken aback as she was sure that the instructions were not that grim to grasp, she led him to the make-up studio which utterly deepened his glower.

After passing a small number of busy and vacant rooms, he arrived at a large, hectic room that smelt strangely of worryingly overused perfume, deodorant and lavender sachets and candles, which caused Xanxus's skin tone to proceed down a notch. The French woman, seeing this smiled dryly, "Well Xanxus, I do hope you'll enjoy your time here with us." And with that, she left him to defend for himself in the realms of the make-up department and at the hands of an excessively hyperactive young female.

"Hi Xanxus-kun, u-uhm, I mean, Xanxus-san, aahahahaa!" the woman greeted stridently, and perceptibly had to correct herself to greet him without the 'kun' due to the murderous glare he had shot straight at her. "My name is Topa-chan, and I'm truly looking forward to working with you, Xanxus-san!" she added with a gigantic grin, exhibiting on full display her extremely whitened teeth which seemed as if she had been to the specialists quite a few times to get those pearls done. Despite her thrilled personality, a touch of edginess tinged her actions here and then.

"Xanxus-san, please take a seat here while I brush some toning powder onto your face, and don't shift as it might catch into your eyes!"

Xanxus nodded gruffly before grudgingly allowing the ginger-haired female to brush the pale brown foundation lightly on his tanned face, which smelt vaguely of waves of hot chocolate mixed with eye-stinging cinnamon. After that, the Varia boss did a double take at the platter she was holding to find in horror and unconditional disgust that she was going to apply a pale rose pink powder on him. His role as a weather forecaster hadn't even begun and he was already having difficulties. Topa, seeing his perplexed facial countenance, shot him an amused smile before clarifying, "Do not worry Xanxus-san, this will only add a little colour to your appearance so that you will stand out as the forecaster." After he visibly relaxed, she added with a beam as she leaned towards him, "The lighting in the recording studio cannot always be attuned to suit everyone ya' know, desu!"

Xanxus made a soft, hasty sound at the back of his throat before Topa proceeded to dab at his already powdered mien with a mischievous twinkle in her pastel brown orbs.


"27 degrees with a slight chance of a storm…gale force winds…then I will have to point at the blasted screen around Kyoto…cold front…" he hissed exasperatedly whilst holding out his script which he was absolutely tempted to burn a hole in with a deathly glower from his flashing crimson orbs. "To hell with this shit," he then snarled menacingly as he pushed himself off the wall and directed himself to the recording studio where he would be up in a few minutes.

"Xanxus-san, ah here you are!" Roshi-san exclaimed eagerly and breathlessly as he bundled towards his new employee with anything but a professional impression; Xanxus had to cringe at the approaching man's dirt brown oil slicken hair and bright pink, glossy cheeks that was also caked with a sickening layer of oil. The Mafia boss had to wonder how the heck the guy didn't end up with any pimples on his insipid, porcelain face.

"Xanxus-san, you're up now – please do your best and thank you for everything!"

You should really be thanking me in the end, you oily bastard, he thought with a smirk, I could be ruining this whole forecast for you, trash.

"Ok, Xanxus the screen's here and you're up in 4 seconds. Prepare!"

"Tch…fricking hell…"






"Now we shall cross over to our new substitute for Itopoto-san – Xanxus-san, for the weather report."

"This is the weather forecast for the day, trashes."

Roshi-san laughed nervously at his last word, as he dabbed at his gleaming forehead in slight anxiety, hoping that the additional 'trashes' was just a one-time mistake.

"Today was an extremely warm day [wasn't it?] I could've sworn I saw some scums sizzling their dumb asses off on a roller coaster. Today reached a maximum of 29 degrees and that was around 1:00pm." A/N: Words in brackets are what Xanxus is supposed to add in, but didn't.

Roshi-san nearly fainted from shock at the additional input and had to be steadied by nearby staff, before taking a seat on a wooden stool and sluggishly sipped some water that was offered to him by an equally dumbfounded yet inquisitive Topa-chan. Roshi-san shook his head, "Yes…it has to be a mistake…I was just imagining things, e-ehehe…" However, beneath that hopeful and expectant cloak lurked a smothering blanket of doubt, distress and uncertainty.

Xanxus, seeing his employer's afflicted-stricken expression on the other side of the recording studio with a hefty roll of paper towels ready to be used on his sweaty face, only smirked bitterly inwardly and mentally sniggered. Heck, if the audience had seen him smirking like that, they would have instantaneously registered that he was a serial murderer or even…an assassin, and not to mention a Mafia Boss of one of the most notable and infamous famiglia in the world. But then, a note of inexplicable sympathy hit him, so he decided to tone it down a tad. "Tomorrow will be a top of 27 degrees, with a slight chance of a thunderstorm. In the late afternoon and into the evening, there will be gale force winds of up to 74km/h, so expect extremely high tides. As a consequence, the temperature will drop dramatically into the mid-10s due to the cold-front."

Roshi-san couldn't stop himself from letting loose a perceptible sigh off his chest after hearing his new employee's last, successful few lines. He knew Xanxus wouldn't be so vindictive as to sabotage his news studio; he knew it aaalll along that is – that Xanxus was just the right young man for the job. Yes, he nodded encouragingly, his eyes glowing with admiration and pride, he was definitely, and I mean definitely, the right man for the job indeed. Those other lines were just him struggling with his nerves, that's all! No need to worry yourself, silly Pitoshi!

"Now get ready to shit yourselves drunk, trashes [because the weather's going to get rocky!]," he paused and grinned slyly for an enhanced effect, and deepened the grin after he caught a glimpse of the parted lips of the speechless news crew to his left. "There will be rain every day of the bloody week, so prepare well for the backslash of today's sunny weather at the amusement park, scums. [I suggest you take an umbrella when you're out and about!]"

Roshi-san could feel his eyes rolling a tad at the sudden, unexpected outburst of irrelevant statements and lines of the 'script'. And just when he thought that he had the right man…Oh boy, oh boy, he didn't think he could take it anymore.

"And so, all you trashes are pathetic if you think you can go out without a frickin umbrella. This is finally the end of the weather report, so go and screw yourself in a shithole and sizzle your bloody asses while you still can, dumbasses."

And thus, Roshi-san fell into a void of his own lil' puddle of sweat and extreme shock. Tough, love.


"Roshi-san, you have a visitor," informed the nurse who was in charge of him due to an unfortunate and overly-exaggerated turn of events a few hours ago which rendered him in hospital with the very cause being heavy and excessive sweat loss. And Xanxus, being Xanxus, just strolled casually through the entrance with a whopping satisfactory smirk; without a single momentary glance over his shoulder at that.

"Roshi, Roshi! Check this out!" cried his co-worker hysterically as he shamelessly scurried towards him, with anything but a disheartened demeanour – which was what everyone in the news studio should be feeling after a greenhorn was hired and utterly attacked their program – on his stretched, thin face.

"What is it…?" Roshi-san mumbled gloomily, whilst propping himself up to properly face his friend with a dejected exhale.

"It's this! Look at the views! We've got 17 million more views then usual after Xanxus-kun finished the weather report! When Reelie-san was doing the usual news, we had the usual numbers! And yet…when Xanxus-kun finished…"

Roshi-san gaped at the calculations of the popularity of their news studio in astonishment and bliss, but also in slight unease. He shook his head in scepticism and whipped out his hankie to once again, dab at the sweat that was building on his forehead.

Xanxus…what a fearsome man…

He shrugged.

Maybe…maybe perhaps he was the right person for the job after all…


NAME: Xanxus

OCCUPATION: Weather forecaster




Xanxus was praised highly from the news crew and some are even looking up to him as a role-model. Viewers around the world are constantly re-watching his forecast due to the unusual 'colourful' language used, and can be deemed as a rising internet phenomenon, as luck would have it. The Varia, namely Levi, once finding out about their Boss's rising popularity, has abruptly and efficiently cut all ties from the media until the obsession had died down, with the threat of assassination from the underworld.

Thank you:))

A review is always welcome! And I'm not sure when I will update again, but hopefully ASAP!;P