This Means War!

A FanFic by: Brahian Hernandez

Chapter 1: A Mass of Characters

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Twilight, Percy Jackson, Kane Chronicles, Maximum Ride, or any characters of places associated.


Harry Potter paced around his house, muttering uncontrollably.

As Ginny passed him on her way downstairs, she stopped. "What's wrong?" she asked, setting down a huge pile of laundry.

Harry, however, did not reply, but just kept muttering.

Ginny strained her ears to hear what he was saying, but all she caught was something about vampires. "What is it?" she repeated. "Has someone been bitten?"

Harry shook his head no and muttered some more.

Well, at least he's answering, Ginny thought. Usually, when Harry was in one of his moods, he wouldn't reply to anything, or even acknowledge that anyone was there. At least this was an improvement. "What is it?" she asked for a third time, "What's going on?"

Harry just shook his head and left the room, still muttering. Then, Ginny heard one more word. "Sparkles."


But as Ginny was wondering what the heck was going on, something very different was happening, um… someplace in Washington. You know, the one named after an eating utensil. Anyway, Edward was laughing his head off.

"MU HA HA!" he laughed.

"What's so funny?" asked Bella, cradling her demonic baby.

"MU HA HA!" said Edward.

Bella looked at him dreamily. "That evil laugh was what made me fall in love with you in the first place…" she said dreamily.

Edward, however, did not reply. He just kept on laughing. "MU HA HA!"

"Okay, that's it!" said Bella, standing up. "If you don't tell me what's so funny, I'll… I'll… I'll send Jacob at you!"

Suddenly, Jacob got up from his hiding spot outside the window. "You rang?" he asked.

"Get out of here, you stalker!" yelled Bella. She grabbed a silver cane and whacked him upside the head with it.

"Ow, ow, that hurts! Okay, I'll leave!" And with a mighty howl, Jacob transformed into a monstrous beast and ran off into the night.

"As I was saying," said Bella, turning around, her hair casting a shadow over her eyes, which gleamed in the moonlight. "What is so funny?" she asked in the scariest voice she could manage.

Finally, Edward stopped laughing. "Fine," he said. "I'll tell you. But first, bring me a cup of cow's blood. This will be a very interesting story…"


So as Bella proceeded to slay a cow from the neighboring farmer, something very less violent and gross was happening on the other side of the country. Percy Jackson lay in his bed, in his lonely, lonely cabin. Finally, things were back to normal. Or as normal as they get in Camp Half-Blood. The Greeks and the Romans were finally getting along, the Giants had been obliterated, Gaea lay dormant for another thousand years, and nothing had attacked Percy for five days straight. Yep, finally, things were going great.

At least until Grover ran in through the door. "Percy!" he bleated, "Annabeth demands to see you in the Big House! She says it's urgent!"

Percy got up, put on his shoes, and ran outside to the Big House. There, he found out Annabeth had fallen asleep.

"Annabeth," he said quietly, shaking her softly.

Suddenly, her eyes snapped open, and she grabbed Percy's arm. She did a Chinese get-up and Percy began to moan in pain as Annabeth started punching him repeatedly in the stomach. Then she saw who she was attacking. "Oops," she said, helping him up. "Sorry. Bad dreams."

"Uh huh," moaned Percy as he tried to get his breath back.

"Ohmygods You'll never guess what I just find out!" said Annabeth excitedly.

"What?" asked Percy and Grover at the same time. They both hated guessing games.


But as Annabeth was boring Percy and Grover to death, Carter and Sadie were having similar problems on the other side of Manhattan.

"Ooh ooh ah ah!" said Khufu, which Uncle Amos translated as, "And that's how you stick 50 Cheerios up your nose." Khufu walked off the stage rubbing his significantly swollen nose.

"Grrrrr…" said Philip of Macedonia. "And now for a real presentation…" translated Amos.

Carter and Sadie groaned.


Meanwhile, on some uncharted part of America, something very different, very horrifying, was happening. Max was attempting to make breakfast. She was using the frying pan they had shoplifted from the nearest Wal-Mart, and was using it to cook robin's eggs on a fire.

"I think I'm actually getting a hang of this," she said as she flipped an egg and it landed on her face.

"Please," said Iggy, "A blind guy could cook better than you!"

"Jeez, no need to brag," said Max. "Bon appétit," she said, scraping some egg on everyone's handmade wooden plates. "Looks like burnt robin's egg tonight, folks!"

Nudge made a face at her food, and Gasman pushed his away. Angel gave hers to Total, who moved as far away from it as possible. Iggy sniffed hesitantly at his plate, and then decided against eating it. Fang completely ignored his food, but continued typing furiously.

"So how's the blog going?" asked Max.

"Great," said Fang, "But recently we've been losing views. It appears some other mutant teens are competing against us for popularity."

"Really?" asked Max. "What kind of mutant teens?"