Disclaimer: Not mine, boohoo!

A/N: this is truly VERY M-rated so please don't read if you're underage or not a slash-fan :) otherwise, go ahead, hope you enjoy! :)

Losing control

He's sitting on his couch. The couch he picked out because it was stylish and yet comfortable. But he doesn't notice the comfort the piece of furniture normally brings him. His muscles are tense, his shoulders unable to slump, even in the anonymity of his own apartment.

Anthony DiNozzo knows he won't sleep tonight, not after the nerve-racking case they've finally closed tonight after two gruesome weeks. Every single time he closes his eyes, he sees the lifeless form of the little girl they hadn't been able to find in time. The reaction of her parents he got when he'd had to tell them that the team had been too late and their daughter was never coming home, is now forever etched in his memory.

When the case had been closed and the paperwork filed, he couldn't get out of there fast enough but now he finds himself longing for company. He knows where he wants to go, but he can't. They've made a promise to each other and knows that if he goes over there now, he'll break it and not even care about it.

His knees quaver and he bites his bottom lip in an attempt to keep himself from jumping off the couch and going over there. His fingers are white from clutching his keys so tightly but he doesn't even feel the hurt of the metal being pushed against his skin. He's afraid that if he stays here, he'll break something. Or – if he goes out – break someone. The destructive anger he feels right now is the price he pays for his drive as an investigator. He loves his job, he thrives on the gratification he gets from solving a case. But on days like these, when he's confronted with the extreme lack of morals in some people, it's all he can do not to explode with fury.

His hands tremble and he drops his keys. The harsh sound gets him out of his trance and when he bends forward to retrieve them, he notices his reflection in the glass coffee table. His face is tight with tension from clenching his jaw and he has a haunted look in his eyes. What if he can't move past it on his own this time? He needs him, needs to be told that they won't be too late when this sort of thing happens again.

He glances at the door and bites his bottom lip. He'll fuck it up if he leaves, but he's more afraid of what'll happen if he stays here alone. There's too much alcohol in his apartment to stay here by himself. He sits there, doubting himself for a few more minutes, before he jumps up with a newfound determination and strides out of his apartment towards the parking lot. Maybe he shouldn't be driving in this state…

A few minutes later he's sitting in a cab, fidgeting with his jacket and annoying the cab driver with his nervous glances out the window. They both sigh deeply when he reaches his destination. He simply presses a few bills into the cab driver's hand that more than cover the fee and slams the door closed without looking back. He takes a moment to regain his composure but his breathing stays ragged and his fingers itch so he gives up and walks up to the front door, pushes it wide open and takes in the room. As soon as his eyes reach the kitchen area, he freezes and forgets to close the door.

Gibbs gazes at him and Tony expects him to be angry but he merely knits his brows at the sight of his Senior Agent. He must look really bad, then. Standing next to Gibbs is another man and he just looks dumbfounded at the sudden presence of Tony. His hair is disheveled, his swollen lips are a deep shade of pink and his shirt is half unbuttoned. He's holding onto Gibbs' arms.

Tony knew this would happen, knew he was standing on an edge about to either fall off or only just able to keep his balance. The past two weeks catch up to him in a matter of moments and the tension in his body erupts suddenly, causing him to growl at the other man like an animal, unable to form words. He clenches his fists so tightly he feels his fingernails pressing into his palms and the pain makes him take a deep breath. Unfortunately for the stranger standing next to Gibbs, it doesn't help much.

Tony takes a few more steps towards them, leaving the front door still open. He barely acknowledges Gibbs' presence and glares at the other man. He's attractive, there's no denying that. He's about Tony's age, with chocolate brown eyes and black hair styled in a trendy haircut. He's toned but not in an obvious way and he's wearing tight fitting jeans and a simple grey T-shirt.

"Get out." Tony speaks the words threateningly and keeps staring at the other man, who's looking at Gibbs now.

"Who the hell is this? Are you going to let him speak to me like that?" Tony snorts when he hears the guy's questions to Gibbs but it doesn't contain any humor. He takes one more step forward until he's almost nose to nose with the guy.

"Trust me, you should be glad that I'm even speaking at all. Now get. The fuck. Out." Tony's voice is cold and detached now, and he is pleased to notice the shiver running down the other man's spine. He watches the man look at Gibbs as if he's silently asking why Gibbs isn't saying anything. His Boss merely shrugs in return, never taking his eyes off of Tony. The guy seems to realize that he won't get an explanation of any kind so he angrily turns his back to Gibbs and stalks off, slamming the door closed on his way out.

It's only when Tony watches the door close that he takes a better look at Gibbs. The man's eyes are red and he looks like he hasn't slept in days – which is probably true. Being so close to the silver haired man makes the fire in his stomach return full force and he stumbles back to put more distance between the two of them.


It's the first word he's heard Gibbs say since he barged in here, and as usual that husky voice tugs at his heart, making it ache in longing for the other man. Gibbs rarely looks as concerned as he does right now, and it's probably because he knows what state the younger man is in at this moment.

"Boat." Tony's voice is tight and pained, begging Gibbs to give him something to take his mind off of the past weeks.

"No way, in this state you'll break the whole thing." Gibbs says it carefully, his voice controlled and soft. It feels like Gibbs is treating him like a victim's family member and it pisses him off. Gibbs reaches out to touch his shoulder and he jerks away from the touch, backing up until his back hits the dining table standing behind him.

"Don't touch me!" he yells the words and Gibbs flinches but then he comes closer anyway.

"Tony, please. What did I do?"

Please. With Gibbs, that word is never empty. He knows the older man cares about him a lot and the tugging feeling in his chest heightens. He starts to pace around the small area. Gibbs grabs his arm in an attempt to get Tony to look him in the eyes.

"Tony!" he shakes the younger man's arm to make him focus, not expecting the reaction he receives.

Tony growls, grabs a fistful of Gibbs' T-shirt and slams him into the refrigerator. "I'm trying so hard but I know I'll break my promise if you don't keep your hands off of me!" he lets go of Gibbs' T-shirt and puts his hands on both sides of Gibbs' head against the fridge. The space in between them is so small that they share the same air to breathe. Tony is panting heavily, doing everything in his power not to give in to his urges. He watches Gibbs' eyes darken in response, his pupils dilating until there's only the smallest ring of steel blue still visible. Then the older man shrugs.


Tony expected all kinds of answers but the one he gets didn't come up in his list of possibilities. It confuses him enough to suppress the anger for a moment but then the frustration only worsens it.

"What the fuck does that mean?", he yells, "I thought we weren't doing this, that we weren't going to act on whatever the fuck this is, so we wouldn't bring the team in jeopardy in case it blew up in our faces?"

When it looks like Gibbs is going to answer, Tony continues his speech.

"I promised… You promised!"

This time he lets his Boss answer.

"I can't fight this anymore, Tones. What's the use of protecting the team when all I want is you to come home to after cases like this?"

They stare at each other for a moment, taking in the emotions clearly visible on each other's faces. Tony seems to find whatever he's looking for, and he moves his hands to cup Gibbs' head and crushes their lips together in a raw and heated kiss. That one touch is enough to leave him lightheaded and he screws his eyes shut in an attempt to keep standing on his feet.

Gibbs grabs him by the waist and draws him impossibly close as if he wants to cover every single pore of Tony's body with one touch. He opens up to the kiss without any hesitation and it makes the younger man groan in a way that goes straight to his groin.

Tony's brain seems to short-circuit when everything around him is reduced to the feeling of Gibbs' warm tongue meeting his. it's sloppy and wet and uncontrolled and Tony thinks he's going to die right there from the scorching heat that radiates off the other man. He bites Gibbs' bottom lip and the older man arches his back and bucks his hips, causing the two men to see sparks when his erection rubs against Tony's.

The younger man backs off and looks at his Boss properly. He looks fucked already, his lips swollen and slightly apart, a heated blush on his cheeks and his hair ruffled. He doesn't even try to hide the obvious desire and lust in his eyes and Tony allows himself to lose control. He grabs Gibbs by his wrist and jerks him towards the table.

He pushes the older man down between his shoulder blades so he's leaning on the table on his elbows and Tony gets a nice view of his ass. He keeps Gibbs down with one hand and moves around Gibbs' waist with the other, undoing his belt and unzipping his pants in fluid movements. He shoves his hand into Gibbs' boxers without warning and the silver haired man moans loudly when his cock is taken in a strong hold and pumped a few times. Then Tony releases him and for a second. Gibbs thinks he's going to back off but then Tony tugs his pants and boxers down in one move and grabs him by the hips, rubbing his own covered cock against Gibbs' bare ass. Gibbs arches his back further to give Tony more friction and the younger man slams his hips against his ass, making them both moan hard.


Tony gives a cocky smirk in return, even though Gibbs can't see it. "So impatient."

He holds his hips still and rakes his hand against Gibbs cock before moving down and cupping his balls to fondle them between his fingers. Gibbs unconsciously widens his stance a bit to give Tony better access.

Tony is slowly getting high on the trust Gibbs has in him and moves his hand to knead the older man's ass, reveling in the moan he receives, full of lust.

"Were you going to let your little fuck toy do this to you?"

Tony doesn't get an answer but he knows what the other man was doing there earlier; Gibbs needs to give up control just as badly as he does right now. After a bad case like this, they need to feel like they're not responsible for everything. So he'll give Jethro whatever he needs right now.

He bends forward until he can look at Gibbs' face. Gibbs opens his eyes because he always knows when he's being stared at, and a wordless conversation takes place.

Gibbs smiles softly and it gives Tony the courage he needed to take the last step. Tony raises one eyebrow.

Gibbs jerks his head in the right direction. "Left drawer."

Tony leaves his side for a minute to retrieve the lube that's placed there and then he returns to stand behind Gibbs, like he always should be. He unbuttons his own jeans and doesn't waste any more time. He lubes up one finger and teases gently slides it into Gibbs' hole. He can't believe they're doing this. He removes his finger, lubes up the fingers on his other hand too and takes Gibbs cock in his slick hand. He starts pumping the hard shaft and then he goes back to preparing Gibbs with his other hand.


It's barely a whisper but Tony needs to look away for a second to force down the urge to come right then.

He lets go of Gibbs' cock and grabs him by the hip with one hand. He waits a moment and Gibbs holds his breath, before Tony takes his cock in the other hand and bottoms out in one move. Gibbs moans loudly and Tony moves out almost entirely before slamming back in and setting a frenzied pace.

He lets go of all control and pumps in and out like an animal. He doesn't aim for Gibbs' prostate, he just digs his fingers harder in the older man's flesh to move harder and faster. This isn't about taking time to explore each other. They both want to lose control and they need each other to accomplish that. It's about his release only, and he feels it's approaching rapidly.

The fire is building up fast and he's moaning constantly at this point. His thrusts become animalistic and erratic and he drives in as hard as he can for the last time before he comes hard. Tony bucks up his hips to thrust his dick as far as possible up the other man's ass and he roars when he shoots his load deep into Gibbs' body. Tony moves out a little and then back into the tight hole, prolonging his orgasm as long he can. His cum makes Gibbs' ass even slicker and Tony keeps thrusting in and out slowly. He reaches around Gibbs and takes his still hard cock in a loose grip. The older man groans and trembles but he knows better than to thrust into Tony's hand. The younger man rubs his thumb against the tip of Gibbs' erection and the older man claws at the table in a desperate attempt to keep from begging Tony for release.

"You've been so good." Tony's obvious approval sends a shiver down Gibbs' spine and he relaxes instantly. "Do you want to come?"

Gibbs merely nods, having lost the ability of speech a while ago.

Tony slowly pulls out of his body and wraps his arms around the older man's waist, kissing his way up from Gibbs' back to his neck, making the little hairs on the back of his neck stand up in anticipation. He grabs Gibbs by the shoulders and pulls him off the table, steadying him with an arm around his waist. They share a moment of silence, each man silently asking the other if they're okay. Tony smiles and softly strokes Gibbs' cheek with his thumb. He entwines their fingers and pulls Gibbs along, up the stairs through the Master bedroom towards the shower.

He starts the shower and starts to help his boss' out of his remaining clothes. They only break the eye contact that's established between them to pull Gibbs' T-shirt over his head. Tony tosses it on the floor and looks back at the other man. Neither man feels the need to say something so they just enjoy the silence for now. They're not okay but they're getting there.

Gibbs reaches out to pull off Tony's T-shirt and tugs at his hand to get him under the shower. They both groan at the surrounding warmth meeting their exhausted bodies. Gibbs' arms encircle Tony's waist and he moves one hand to cup the back of the younger man's neck and draw him even closer. He kisses the right corner of Tony's mouth, his cheek, his jaw line and up to his ear. He takes Tony's hand and places it on his hardening cock. He bites the younger man's earlobe and gives his hand a squeeze when his cock twitches.

"Now you be a good boy and suck me off with those pretty lips."

He doesn't wait for Tony's reaction, just slams their lips together and kisses him thoroughly before pushing him down by the shoulders. Tony moves to his knees willingly, already licking his lips at the sight of Gibbs' rock hard cock before him. He looks up at his Boss through his lashes and then entwines his fingers behind his back.

Gibbs takes his dick in his hand and strokes Tony's cheek with the tip, smearing the precum gathered there across the younger man's flesh. His breath hitches when he runs the tip over Tony's lips and the younger man parts them without any signs of hesitation. He keeps his gaze focused on his boss, holding eye contact as he opens his mouth further and tentatively runs his tongue over the head of Gibbs' erection.

The older man groans loudly and throws his head back, enjoying the soft caress. Then without warning, Tony sucks his cock between his lips and swirls his tongue around the shaft while taking it deeper into his hot, wet mouth. He sucks one more time before releasing Gibbs' cock from his mouth and then tilts his head to lick Gibbs' balls. He sucks lightly and laps his tongue across the tender flesh, reveling in the sounds that earns him from his boss. He keeps licking and then moves even lower to kiss Gibbs' upper thighs and groin. He knows he's pushing the other man, and waiting for Gibbs' reaction makes his heart beat so fast he thinks it'll pound out of his chest.

Finally, he breaks Gibbs' resolve and the older man grabs his chin in a strong hold. Gibbs takes his own cock in his other hand and pumps it a few times in front of Tony's face, making him hold his breath in anticipation. Then his boss pushes his rock hard dick between his lips without releasing his grip on Tony's jaw. He pulls the younger man's mouth open a little further and pushes his cock deeper. Tony opens up even more and takes in as much of Gibbs' length as possible in one move.

"Good boy." Gibbs sighs, and it makes Tony even more aware of his own arousal. His own cock is impossibly hard and every time he moves, it rubs against the smooth tiles under his knees, effectively driving him crazy with the desire to come.

Gibbs lets go of his chin and moves his hands to cup both sides of his head. Tony moans loudly as he senses what's about to happen. He relaxes his throat as much as he can, but it's not easy given how excited he's getting.

Gibbs slowly pumps his shaft in and out of Tony's wet mouth and when he finds no resistance, he drives his cock deeper until it's almost entirely swallowed by the younger man. He speeds up the pace of his thrusts and it feels so good that soon, he's grabbing a fistful of Tony's hair and slamming his cock against the back of Tony's throat with every thrust.

"You feel so good… makes me wanna come." Gibbs is panting now and Tony thinks he's never heard anything hotter. With every time Gibbs jerks his head closer to the base of his erection, his own cock rubs against the floor and he feels a tingle in his balls that's slowly settling in his belly. The excitement makes him suck harder and Gibbs growls heatedly.

The older man moves out of his mouth and takes his own hard dick in his hand again, jerking himself off in an erratic pace. Tony sticks out his chin and Gibbs groans loudly.

"You little slut, you really want it bad, don't ya? Dunno what I want more, to come on your pretty face or deep in that hot mouth of yours."

Tony screws his eyes shut tight as he feels his desire reach the boiling point. He hasn't even touched himself but he feels his cock twitch and the tingle in his balls is slowly moving up his spine, climbing higher and higher until he tumbles over the edge…

He tries to hold back his orgasm, his eyes widen when he tries to keep looking into Gibbs' eyes. His boss instantaneously knows how close he is and he tilts up Tony's chin with one finger. The younger man opens his mouth again and Gibbs lunges in, immediately feeling his orgasm approach rapidly.

It's more than Tony can handle and he comes right there with an intensity that makes him see stars. It's almost impossible to keep sucking and licking but he does, his lips tight from the tension still in his body.

Gibbs moans continuously until he can't hold back any longer. He grabs Tony by the back of the head and slams his cock against the back of the younger man's throat.

"Take it all!" he roars and then he has to hold onto Tony's hair to keep his knees from bucking as he shoots his load down Tony's throat. The younger man swallows fast and keeps licking and sucking the softening cock until finally Gibbs is so sensitive he can't take it anymore.

He holds out his hand and pulls Tony up before shutting off the tap. He'll probably be out of hot water for the whole week. He helps Tony out of the shower. They help each other dry off, all the while stealing kisses whenever they can.

Gibbs crawls under the covers and lifts them for Tony to join him. The younger man moves closer until their thighs brush. Gibbs is about to close his eyes when he feels Tony's hand make its way down his abdomen. He lifts his head to look at the Italian.

"Haven't had enough?"

Tony gives a little shrug in return. "You are behind one orgasm."

Gibbs smiles. "Why does that even matter?"

He hadn't expected the reaction he receives. Tony's eyes tear up and his bottom lip trembles.

"I'd like to do something right for a change." The words are whispered and Gibbs knows the courage it takes Tony to admit he feels weak. The whispered confession makes Gibbs' heart ache and he wraps a strong arm around Tony, drawing the younger man against his chest. Soon he feels sobs racking Tony's body and he can only hug him tighter because he knows how badly they both wanted to save that little girl.

He moves his fingertips through Tony's soft brown strands, all the while pressing soft kisses against his temple and holding him closely against his chest. He doesn't know how much time passes but eventually, Tony's breathing slows down and he feels the younger man returning his kisses against his shoulder.

"I love you."

Those words have been true for so long that it doesn't even take him a special effort to get them over his lips. But his words hold more significance than the obvious meaning of those three words.

I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. And next time, we'll get those fucking bastards before it's too late.

Tony jerks his head up and gazes into Gibbs' steel blue eyes as if searching for confirmation of the words he just heard. He seems to find it because after a few moments he smiles shyly.

"I love you too."