A/N: This is dedicated to Becca, one of two IRL friends who has ever read my stuff. I didn't think I would ever let anyone into this part of my life, and now I have, and it's equally terrifying and thrilling. Anyway, Becca, this is for you. I love you and I hope you like it.

and the sad truth of the matter is i'll never get over it.

He remembers his heart breaking when the Sorting Hat yelled "Gryffindor" from atop her fiery hair. He remembers that moment like it was yesterday; he sees her smiling and running toward the lions and away from him. He remembers his heart breaking even more when the Hat yelled "Slytherin" from atop his own head.

He remembers heading toward his own table and meeting her eyes across the Hall before he is being patted on the back and welcomed into Slytherin. He remembers thinking that he had already lost her.

He remembers watching her engage with James Potter that night; he remembers seeing her blush just a tiny bit (and he probably wouldn't even have noticed if he didn't know her so well). He remembers being nauseous and completely skipping the feast. He remembers being watched, scrutinized by his own housemates. He remembers realizing almost instantly that he did not belong there; that the only place he belonged was with her, and he had ruined his chances.

He remembers their first class together, how she hesitated before sitting with him. He remembers how he looked at her with pain in his eyes and she told him she just wanted to meet some new people. He remembers feeling more in love with her as she slipped away from him.

He remembers their long walks at night; he remembers how he thought, for such a fleeting moment, that nothing would change. He remembers being so thrilled that she would continue to be his friend even though he had been marked as a freak by nearly everyone around him, including his own house.

He remembers exceeding in Potions and being teased even for that.

He remembers his parents fighting every summer, and he remembers fleeing to their place, to the place where they were together, and he remembers the moments she made him whole. He remembers the first time she didn't show up to their place.

He remembers the moment he called her a Mudblood. He remembers the shame, the terror, and the realization that he had broken everything for good. He remembers chasing after her, calling her name, only to be laughed at by those around him. He remembers being sick in the early morning hours; he remembers being sick for days. He remembers the way she glanced at him with such hatred in her eyes.

He remembers the day they leave Hogwarts; he remembers getting on the train and saying nothing to anyone. He remembers being relieved to leave; he remembers thinking he would never come back. He remembers going to join Voldemort the next day and deciding he had nothing left to lose.

He remembers hearing the prophecy and realizing he still had everything to lose.

He remembers going to Dumbledore and begging for him to save the only thing he had ever loved. He remembers Dumbledore staring coldly back at him as he promised to give up even his own life for her.

He remembers holding her cold body in his arms and realizing, for the first time, that all hope was truly lost.

All of this he remembers when he looks at the boy who lived, the boy who looks so very much like his father, who acts so very like his father. The boy who would dare to show up and be a living reminder of the man who taunted him throughout his entire school career. He remembers her eyes, and he sees that boy with her eyes. And he remembers.

but i'm gonna try to get better and overcome each moment in my own way.

—"even if it kills me," motion city soundtrack.

A/N: I know it's short, but I like its length. If you got all the way to the end, it would be great if you would review, : ).