Fluffy Shizaya: BE WARNED.
Alright~ Well, gotta say that this fic was based off the song Suppose by SecondHand Serenade, so I recomend you listen to that before reading maybe, not that it matters although it's a great song~ Anyways, enjoy some fluffy angst Shizaya (I guess..) and review ^^
My heart was throbbing.
When had these feeling showed up?
When did I start having these strange dreams? And why did I want them to become real?
As days go on I find myself curled up in my bed thinking of him. I'd hate for anyone to hear the thoughts I have everyday; about how I feel empty when I don't see him, or how just the thought of not being near him made me want to actually cry. When I wasn't dreaming of these things, I dreamt of what we've been through, secretly treasuring all those fights. Yet, I also wanted them to vanish and be replaced by something more sentimental.
I seemed to be recently asking myself stupid thoughts. They were normal, to anyone who was in love. So why was I having them? My love was for no single person, but I can quickly realize that it is true. I was indeed in love with the monster of Ikebukuro.
These thoughts continued to flood in; always starting with 'what if' or 'suppose'. The were starting to become a drag, but I couldn't dispose of them. I didn't want to, but.. this is stupid.
I released a sigh I was holding, unfolding myself from the covers and grabbing my jacket, heading to Ikebukuro.
It's right here. All I need to do is go to the front door and knock. Knock, Izaya.
I pulled my hood and placed it nicely on my head. It might be nice protection if I just happen to get to nervous, or God forbid start blushing.
I've seen all my lovely humans in these predicaments, but out of all the horror, fear, and loneliness I've felt along side them, this one was a new and quite uncomfortable feeling. I still don't know how to deal with it. This thing took over me, leaving no self-control, and I didn't like that. So despite that, why did it feel so great and so horrible at the same time?
I hated the pain in my heart of not being with the person I love in such a way, but enjoy all the butterflies that fill my stomach as I think of all the things I admire about that person.
The thoughts creep up on my, making me want to turn back, but persue forward at the same time. Damn these feelings.
I took care with my steps, not wanted my presence to be heard on the other side of the door until I had knocked. Which I did after a reassurance to myself and a few deep, nervous breaths.
I heard a groan from inside before footsteps subtracting distance from the door. The knob jingled and as the door opened I ducked my head, staring at the mat in front of my feet before he saw my face, or I saw his. I knew at this point he was most likely raged. Even with the face he's most likely making, I didn't want to see it yet.
I just have to keep calm. Pride is the key.
I was getting my feelings out one way or another at this moment, and the only highest expectation I wish for is to stay with him tonight. The weight of loneliness kills me, the only thing at night that I can suffice as Shizuo's arms around me being my own.
As soon as I was reassured, I held my head, mouth parted slightly with a sharp gasp as I see his face for the first time since I've recognized these feelings. It seemed different to me than before, yet the features were all still there. I always knew he was handsome, not that I'd ever deny it before, but now this time I felt my heart stop for a second before turning into speedy pumps.
If confidence wasn't my strong suit, I would've been defeated at that very second. I almost forgot what was happening until his voice coated with anger.
"What are you doing here, louse?" I hoped he wouldn't reach inside for something to chuck at me, and was glad when he just stared, waiting for a reply. I saw his eyes get more calmed as I spoke, or more of a confused gaze instead.
I shrugged. "I was thinking about you so.." Watching his expression I thought about that understatement. And what a big one at that. My mind cleared just to make space for him. My eyes were screaming for the sight of him. My heart beated only for him, waiting to be loved by him.
"Hah. What do you mean by that?" He chuckled weakly, obviously confused and not knowing whether to let me continue or throw me far away from his house. And I probably would've let him. I'm not up for a fight.
"Suppose that I missed you." I thought I heard a light gasp come from him. Then again, it might've just been me with all these confessions.
"Suppose that I care." I gulped, face heating up.
"Would you give me a chance? If I asked to stay with you tonight?" I regreted the feel of tears around my eyes, waiting to be let go at rejection. "I don't wanna be alone another night.. and I want it to be with you.."
Maybe it was to ward away the tears, but I started to laugh, mainly at myself.
"Isn't this funny?" I spoke up instead of waiting for his response. "I thought I hated you Shizu-chan, I really did. And well, while you may not believe me, I can't seem to find that hate anymore."
I glanced back up to him, noting the frown on his face as he stared at the same mat I was a while ago. I couldn't read him, and that was horrible in this situation. I took it as his answer when he sighed and took a step back until he was in his apartment. I wondered for a breif moment if he was holding the door open as an invitation. As soon as I took a causious step forward, the door slowly began to close. I could feel the tears again. I couldn't be alone with this feeling anymore, and I didn't want it joined with heartache now either.
"Suppose we were happy." The door stopped suddenly. He finally looked back to me, and as our eyes met I wasn't sure if I could continue. But in fear of him closing that door permentally for the night I kept going.
"Suppose it was true. Chances are meant to be taken. What would we be without them?"
We shared an intense look until his eyes changed directon, following a spot on my cheek. I reached up to touch where he was looking, but his arm stopped me, instead grazing the spot with his own finger.
"... You're serious." It was more of a statement than a question, but I meerly nodded anyways.
I saw him struggling, whether he knew it or not. He saw the truth, but still, I was certain he was most likely going to deny me anyways. Yet.. I was surprised. He wrapped his arms around me, and I instantly responded, wrapping my own around him.
"This is it.." He pulled back to look at me, giving me a questioning gaze, but I simply pulled him back. "This is that warmness and comfort I've been wanted from you." I nuzzled more into his neck. "So, may I stay, Shizu-chan? I've desperately been wanting this, you don't even know."
"..Izaya?" His voice was a smooth whisper. It gave me chills.
"How did you-"
"Come to love you?" I wasn't sure if I had guessed the correct words, but it seemed to be correct, as I heard no more sound coming from the man I was clasped to.
He pulled back again, more curiosity on his face. I chuckled at how cute I found it.
"Not that I don't, but I only had to realize that it was love I've felt. Always felt. Let me hope, that's it's the same for you?"
He had kept quiet for a minute, watching me carefully. If he didn't answer, it was fine with me. All I wanted was hope. Although, as I watched him lean towards me and realized he wasn't going to embrace me like before, I again became breathless. I watch his lips close in towards mine, gladly accepting.
It was sweet at first, what I had hoped for, but I'm glad it still had that rough demenour that we were both used to as it turned more passionate. We stood there, slightly moaning into each others mouths, until he pulled away to answer me.
"As always, the feelings are mutual. Why is it when you hate me I hate you, but when you love me I can't help start loving you?" I felt my face flush.
"Mm, well I've never truly hated you I suppose, so that's invalid," I inquired before taking his lips to mine again, pulling away after a few pecks. "You haven't answered me yet."
I acknowleged him, then the inside of his house. He grinned before pulling me inside suddenly. I glanced around at his simple apartment before falling on his bed. I crawled up in his covers, on instinct wrapping my arms around me. I waited for Shizuo to join me, pulling my arms off as he tugged me closer as his arms rested on and under my waist.
"You're not going to leave me in the morning now that you've got me falling for you, are you?"
"Hm, never would I be so foolish, Shizu-chan. Don't doubt me. Why would I abandon the one I love?" Shizuo replied by trailing kisses on my neck.
"Mm, alright then." We drifted off together, and I finally realized that this feeling of love, wasn't such a horrible thing.