Author's Note: I don't own Star Wars. This story is a comedy. I don't normally write comedies, but my sister gave me this crazy idea and I ran with it. I hope you enjoy it and please write me a revew. Thank you.
Anakin's True Love
My circuits were on fire. They felt like they were about to overload with excitement. I was overjoyed. Today was the day. At last, my love of my life, the one who understands me more than anyone alive was going to finally dump that dumb donut ringed girl for me! I was so happy I could barely contain myself.
"Hey, are you feeling alright?" asked Anakin.
I raised my lens up to my one and only and beamed. I responded in basic binary code. A series of beeps and whistles, but Anakin understands. He's a genius when it comes to machines, but oddly his binary deciphering skills are limited. Though, it doesn't matter. He accepts me for me and I can accept him as well.
I basically reply, "Yes. I can't wait" and my lovely human smiles.
"Yeah, R2, I can't wait to see Padme either. It's been a long time. I'm sure you can't wait to see C3PO too."
I beep in agreement. It's true. I did miss that shiny whiner. I never before met a droid that got into so much trouble in so little time like him. Though, C3PO was Anakin's creations. I had to learn to be nicer to the kid since I was going to be his future-step parent. And I couldn't have asked for a more perfect gift than a wonderful normal family.
A second later Padme's ship landed on the platform. She walked out looking fat as usual in her white senator outfit with my charming new step-son waddling behind her obediently.
Padme smiled at Anakin and said, "Hello, Ani. It's been a while. I was surprised to hear from you. You sounded urgent. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, Padme. I'm great. It's good to see you and C3PO."
Padme looked around the platform and asked, "Where's Obi-Wan?"
"Oh, he went go run an errand. He'll show up soon, but there's something I need to tell you and it can't wait."
Padme was confused and narrowed her brow. She wondered what Anakin had to say. The last time they met he told her that she beautiful and that maybe they could explore each other's feelings. Padme had turned him down at first. It was against the rules for a Jedi to fall in love and grow attached. She didn't want him to risk his career, but his dreamy eyes and amazing Jedi skills were too much to resist. She had never kissed somebody gifted with the Force before Anakin.
"I'm in love," stated the young Jedi.
"What! But I—I thought we were just good friends, Ani. I mean, I like you, but love?"
Anakin wrinkled his nose and said, "No, not you. I'm in love with R2."
Padme was shocked. She looked down at the little droid and couldn't believe it. However, I was over the moon. The Senator's face was priceless. I beeped in confirmation and began telling her what I thought.
"That's right, donut-head! He loves me! Don't stick your tongue ever again down my handsome man's mouth ever again or I'll hack ever device on your ship. You'll be knee deep in burnt toast before I'm through with you. I'll make a Sith look saintly compared to me."
Meanwhile, C3PO was overwhelmed. He had never heard such vulgar words out a droid in his life. He twitched abruptly and exclaimed, "Oh my! Such language. You should be ashamed. She's a humanoid. A master."
However, Anakin stepped in and said, "No, C3PO. Let R2 speak. Padme needs to know how it is. After all, we're engaged."
"WHAT? I don't believe this. You're dumping me for a robot," shouted Padme.
I wheel closer to her and said, "He was never yours, donut-head."
I felt satisfied when I saw that she understood my binary words and glared at me with hate. Though a second later her look of rage transformed to confusion. She said, "How can you even—even share anything with this droid. R2 isn't even organic."
Anakin replied, "We live in the modern times, Padme. You shouldn't be so racist. And besides, I've touched R2's parts plenty of times."
"Oh my! I can't believe I'm hearing this!" cried C3PO.
Yet, Anakin continued to defend me. With an adorable smile, my brave Jedi met my lens and touched my dome with his fingertips. His hand was rough and callus from years of lightsaber training, but they were skilled. I never met a more attentive or sensual mechanic in my life.
"R2 is the bravest droid in the Core. He's saved me countless times and watched my back in every battle. He's stood by me through thick and thin. He's heroic, intelligent and sexier than hell. When we touch sparks fly and that why I asked him to marry me so we can be together forever."
Meanwhile, I was sure that if I had eye ducks than I would be tearing. It was the most beautiful thing Anakin has ever said to me. Impulsively, I extend my portable arm and touch his leg. It was the only part of him I could reach, but it spoke volumes. I never felt more proud to love a bio-organism in my life.
Yet, Padme was too confused to even speak. She watched on in horror as Anakin then bent down and kissed R2's dome shell. It was so unbelievably wrong and weird that it felt like a nightmare. Though, before she could shout or puke, Obi-Wan showed up and greeted them.
"Oh, hello, Padme. How nice to see you again, Senator."
Obi-Wan was bewildered by Padme's stutter, but then noticed Anakin planting kisses all over R2's dome. It was like watching a space-ninja kissing a Dalek. And for a moment even Obi-Wan was paralyzed by shock, but then slowly he recovered sternly crossed his arms over his chest like an angry mom.
"Anakin Skywalker, what the Force are you doing?"
Anakin pulled back and quickly stood up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Oh, hello, Master."
"Anakin, I demand an explanation. What were you doing?"
The young Jedi was about to make an excuse. Anakin never could tell Obi-Wan anything even if it was staring the Jedi Master in the face. I knew I had to do something. It had to come out. Confidently, I rolled closer to Obi-Wan and thanked Bill Gates and IBM that he spoke binary fluently and said, "Mr. Kenobi, I love your apprentice! There, I said it! I love him. He's my man! We're getting married."
"I want your blessing. Please, give Anakin away at the wedding?"
"Is this some kind of joke?"
"No! I'm serious. We're serious!"
I wheeled an inch closer and gazed up at him and added, "I'll change my step-son's name to Obi-Wan Junior. C3PO isn't really a name anyway. Come on. What do you say?"
"I must protest," whined the shiny droid. "What's wrong with my name? And I am not your step-son."
Though, Anakin interrupted and said, "Well, technically you will be, sort of. I mean, I did create you, C3PO. I'm sort of like your mom, so R2 will be your step-dad."
Yet, all Anakin's explanation did was sent C3PO into a frenzy. He waved his arms in the air and said, "No! Now I've heard everything! The Creator can't marry R2. R2 will be a horrible dad. Oh, good heavens, what am I saying? This is utter nonsense."
Then, out of nowhere, Obi-Wan said, "Alright. You have my blessing, R2. You can marry, Ani."
"WHAT?" exclaimed Padme, C3PO and Anakin.
"But, what about the Code of non-attachment?" asked donut-head.
Obi-Wan smiled and patted my head and said, "There's no rule against a Jedi falling in love with a droid. And R2D2 is the most dependable non-humanoid I know. Most of them like C3PO are completely useless. I think it's a fine match. After all, R2 is the best looking droid in the entire fleet."
And once again I was overwhelmed and touched. I knew I could count on Mr. Kenobi. I mean, there was that one night on Genosis, but we swore never to talk about it. We knew it would never work out. It was only the danger and mayhem that lead us to experimenting, but Mr. Kenobi was a great mechanic too, if you know what I mean.
Though by then, Padme had enough. Furious, she ran up to Obi-Wan and pointed down at me aggressively and screamed, "For god's sake! It's a machine! You can't possibly fall in love with that!"
However, Padme was met with nothing but silence. Obi-Wan narrowed his brow and then turned to face Anakin. The two Jedi shared a look before elder Jedi stated, "Force, Padme. I had no idea you were so prejudice."
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