Principal Victoria hung herself

By Shadowgate

A/N….. This takes place after the episode Bass to Mouth. After seeing that episode I lost all respect for Principal Victoria. This story contains a parody of the song Richard Hung Himself.

Stan Marsh went into school the day after Lemmiwinks killed his brother and he was prepared to apologize to Wendy.

Stan walked up to Wendy at her locker and said "Wendy I need to talk to you."

Wendy said "shh" and put two fingers up to his mouth.

Stan said "Wendy I'm sorry" and Wendy cut him off "Stan something major just happened."

Stan froze and looked Wendy straight in the eye and Wendy told him "the principal committed suicide."

Stan was shocked and he began shaking. Wendy immediately grabbed him and said "easy Stan easy."

Stan said "I am having major chest pains."

Wendy replied "that's because you're under a lot of stress over what's happened this past week."

Kyle and Kenny came up to Stan and they both wrapped their arms around him to keep him from falling.

Kyle said "Stan she planned to feed us pizza that was laced with laxatives and have us all shit our pants. She figured that if we all shit our pants then it wouldn't be such a big deal for Pete Melman and Jenny Simon. Mister Adler was in on it as well and he's since been terminated from teaching. He's under suicide watch at the South Park Mental Hospital. Mister Mackey was in on it and he's since paid the price when he shit himself right here in the hallway."

Wendy jumped in saying that a vote was taken and it was decided Stan should give the eulogy for Principal Victoria.

Stan was shocked but none the less he headed down the gymnasium where all the students gathered.

Bill, Fossy, and Terrance Mephisto were up on the big stage with speakers.

Bill on Bass Guitar

Terrance on Lead Guitar

Fossy on drums

Terrance took the lead and began singing.

"Bad publicity she felt it like it was coming through the walls.

She felt her career going down and she'd take the fall.

She enlisted Eric Cartman and to fuck up her life she had him and that was all.

Principal Victoria hung herself

Principal Victoria hung herself

Principal Victoria hung herself

Damien watched her step off the shelf."

All of a sudden Damien appears beside the three boys on the stage with his fire in his eyes.

The three boys continue singing.

"Principal Victoria hung herself

Principal Victoria hung herself

Principal Victoria hung herself

Her career and life went down a shit canal.

What a swinging gal!

Principal Victoria hung herself

Principal Victoria hung herself

Principal Victoria hung herself"

Counselor Mackey cuts the power off in the whole school and then says "that's not appropriate boys."

The trio of destruction and hate got off the stage and Stan Marsh took center stage.

Stan said "dim the lights in this time of mourning please."

The lights went dim.

Stan stepped up and breathed as deep as he could. His heart was pumping and he could feel the sweat running down his back.

Stan then began his eulogy.

"Principal Victoria was our school principal and now she is gone forever. She was a breast cancer survivor. She was a fighter. This past week many of us found out what it was like to be hurt deep inside emotionally. We saw children in this school lose control of their bowels. We saw secrets put up on a website for all to see by a dirty rat. Principal Victoria wanted to prevent suicide in this school. In the end she went nuts and ironically committed suicide herself. We're all aware of the desire she had to make most if not all of us shit in our pants. That's when she truly lost her mind. Her body is at the South Park Mortuary and will be on display until Sunday. That is all thank you for your attention. At this time I am turning the stage over to Henrietta Biggle who would like to say a few words."

Henrietta Biggle the Goth chick gets up on the stage.

"Life is about pain and death. Our school principal taught us that lesson by hanging herself right in her office. Hey I think now whenever any of us gets in trouble and gets called to the principal's office we'll have chills go up our spines like never before."

After that the short assembly ended and the students all returned to their classes.


Kyle leaned over and said to Stan "I can't believe Terrance Mephisto and his two goons sang that fucking song about Principal Victoria."

Stan replied "Kyle forget about your old nemesis it's not worth it. Let it go."

Kyle responded "you're right."

Cartman decided to jump in and ask an outrageous question.

"Hey guys is it true that after someone is hanged they cum? I'll bet Principal Victoria had one big fucking orgasm just after she jumped off the shelf with that rope around her neck."

Kyle turned to Cartman and told him to "shut the fuck up."

At 3PM the school bell rang and Stan walked by Craig and Clyde and saw a cage with Lemmiwinks inside it.

Stan asked "what are you guys doing?"

Clyde said "we're comforting Lemmiwinks because he's been through a very hard time like all of us."

Craig had a box of Apple Cinnamon Cheerios and was feeding the poor gerbil.

Wendy approached Stan and asked if he had anything to say.

Stan got on his knees.

"Wendy I'm so sorry I looked at another girl in a way that was not appropriate. I know this has embarrassed you and if you want to kick my ass like you kicked Cartman's ass then I understand."

Craig stepped forward and said "I'd like to say a few words if you'll let me."

Wendy nodded and Craig went on to say "I came close to being embarrassed by the Wikileaks website and I know Stan is in pain. Wendy I must say Stan is a good person and I hope you still love him."

Wendy said "on your feet big guy" and helped Stan up.

Kyle walked by and gave Stan a hug.

Stan turned to Kyle and said "we have to move on."

Bill and Fossy were walking through the hallway saying repeatedly "Mister Mackey is gay."

Stan, Craig, Wendy, and Kyle walked out of the school into the parking lot and felt the cool wind blowing.