Tomb squirmed as fast as he could. Over hills and dales, through giant lettuce patches and corn mazes. He was moving that fast so he could get to DragonFace quickly. He had to be warned of the impending doom, the Evil Team could not be allowed to succeed.
Meanwhile, near DragonFace.
"In order to win this war," started an annoying worm with a high-pitched voice and slight British accent, "we have to work together. If we do not, both of our teams will be destroyed."
At that moment Sigurn squirmed up.
"Is Freya bugging you," he asked DragonFace.
"Yep," came the short reply.
So Sigurn pulled out a baseball bat and hit Freya with it. Freya went flying over an enormous apple and landed on a mine that detonated instantly. He flew up even higher and hit another mine that again detonated instantly. That second mine sent him flying back up over the apple and ended up face planting him right where he started. Sigurn grabbed him by the tail and dragged him away, no questions asked.
"Sigurn," complained Freya while spitting out a mouthful of dirt, "what the hell was that for?"
"No alliances, that's final."
"But we need to work together."
"Why did I use another lightning strike on you instead of Rhubarb?"
"Because I'm dependable," suggested Freya.
"Of course not. Why are you going to succeed me when I die and not Rhubarb?"
"Because I need to learn sometime," suggested Freya again.
"No more witty remarks out of you."
What about me? Can I make witty remarks?
"I'm fine with you Russian narrator, it's Freya that bugs me."
Tomb was still running (or squirming, I still have yet to figure out a good verb). Through Giant Watermelons (scientific name: Giantus Watermelonus) and brick walls. Over valleys and through mountains. Under bridges and over water, nothing could stop him. Except the ocean, he realized he had come too far and turned around. Over water and under bridges, through mountains and over valleys etc.
Crashing v. Log
"Okay Crashing, take this," yelled Log as he hit Crashing with a baseball bat (the weapon of choice for the most hyperactive worm in the world). Crashing ducked just enough to allow the baseball bat to hit his metal hat. The force of the hit caused the baseball bat to shatter and vibrations to be sent throughout Log's body (like a reverse bell). The hit also gave Crashing a headache, but that did not bother him. While Log was still shaking Crashing pulled out a shotgun and promptly hit Log with the butt. Log's head drilled into the ground, he ripped it out, jumped up, and started shooting at Crashing with a paintball gun. He was dodging and weaving as if he was in The Matrix. He then proceeded to rip off Log's left hand (do not worry, it is prosthetic) and started hitting him with it like one of those white gloves. Log then grabbed a white glove and they continued fighting by slapping each other in the face with white gloves. Interestingly enough Log's prosthetic hand was holding a white glove, so Crashing was holding a hand that was holding a glove. After going on like that for about thirty minutes Crashing pulled out a grenade and pulled the pin on it, Tomb chose that precise moment to come barreling over the nearby hill, crashing into Crashing (into crashing into crashing into crashing). The grenade flew into the air and fell down Log's throat. Tomb got up, shoved his hand down Log's throat, retrieved the grenade, took off Crashing's helmet, put the grenade on the ground, and finally put the helmet over the grenade. The grenade was a dud so Tomb picked up the helmet and the grenade, put Crashing's helmet back on, and shoved the grenade back down Log's throat. How exactly does a grenade fall down ones throat? Anyway, Tomb then yelled, "We've got to find DragonFace!" And proceeded to charge over the nearest hill, to which Crashing yelled, "Wrong way!" Tomb came barreling back over the hill, and went over dale, which was in the direction he had to go.
"DragonFace," yelled Tomb as he came stampeding over Dale.
"Hey, what was that for," yelled Dale.
"DragonFace," Tomb yelled again.
"What do you want," yelled DragonFace. He then saw Log and Crashing come stampeding over Hill and Dale (they are very unlucky worms) and yelled, "Look out!" Quick as Flash, he pulled out a Sniper rifle and shot off Log's left hand and Crashing's right eyebrow in one shot.
"No," Tomb screamed, "don't shoot them!"
"Why not," DragonFace screamed back.
"Because there is a plot of most evil proportions."
"Proportions evil most of plot a is there because?"
Now I am confused.
"Whenever something comes as a total surprise," explained Tomb, "He repeats what was just said backwards."
"Nialpxe," said DragonFace
"Well, the Evil Team bought the newspaper, printed the story, gathered the four strongest teams here, and now is plotting to bayonet all the wounded. World Domination."
What did he say?
"He said explain backwards, so I explained."
But not backwards.
"We need Sigurn," exclaimed DragonFace.
"Here I am," announced Sigurn moments before he appeared out of thin air. Not there one moment, there the next. Actually, it was more like the Cheshire cat, his smile appeared first, then his scar, then his hat (a Tam o' Shanter), then finally the rest of him appeared.
"Sigurn," shouted Tomb, "where is Freya, and we need to sotp the Evil Team."
"Why did you just say sotp instead of stop? Freya should appear in a few moments, and I know."
At that moment Freya appeared.
"Stop dragging me through parallel dimensions to get from place to place, only you can do that, it gives everyone else tuberculosis for a week."
"Sorry, I was in a rush," Tomb and Sigurn answered simultaneously, for their own questions.
"Bad Wolf 1 ready for take-off, over."
"Doomsday 3 also ready, over"
"Exploding Bird 666 ready. Waiting for Peace Breaker 2, Cravat Man 4, Conspiracy Freak 6, and Technical Genius ."
"Technical Genius ready, over"
"Peace Breaker 2 ready also, over."
"Cravat Man 4 ready, over."
"Conspiracy Freak 6 finished pre take-off protocols, ready for take-off, over."
"Death Squadron 3 cleared for take-off."
The Last Great Battle
"Left, right, left, right, le-"
"Sigurn, we don't have feet, therefore we don't step left then right or vice-verse," remarked Tomb.
"Sorry," Sigurn replied.
"Here we are," announced Crashing, "Let's knock up the door."
"You mean knock on, right," asked Tomb, praying.
"Sure, let's say I meant that."
*Thud* *Thud* *Thud*
"Sigurn," yelled Tomb, "what the *Thud* hell was that?"
"Well, in the time *Thud* it took you and Crashing to talk about knocking *Thud* up the door."
"He was talking about that *Thud*, I was correcting him," protested *Thud* Tomb.
"Whatever, anyway I went to Arrakis, stole a *Thud* thumper from the Fremen, came back, and *Thud* placed it on the aforementioned door."
At that precise *Thud* door, er, I mean moment, *Thud* Banana Joe, wait… Joe Bananas *Thud* doored through the enter *Thud* yelled.
"Get that f- *Thud* -g thumper out of my f- *Thud* -g door!"
"No, we have to talk to you," bellowed Sigurn.
"Crap, Ming, Mao, Yertigonilt, get the *Thud* here."
"What," the three yelled in *Thud* unison as soon as they arrived.
"We have deadly *Thud* company."
"What's with the thumper," asked *Thud* Yertigonilt.
"Sigurn, get rid of *Thud* that."
"Fine." So *Thud* Sigurn grabbed it and threw it up, *Thud* back towards Arrakis.
"What do you lot want?"
"You are in serious trouble."
"Because you bought the newspaper, printed the story, gathered the four strongest teams here, and now are plotting to bayonet all the wounded and World Domination."
"Run my team, run," roared Joe Bananas.
"Get them," bellowed Sigurn.
So the chase *Bonk* *Thud*.What the hell, the thumper landed on my head, well at least it bro- *Thud* *Thud* *Thud* *Thud* *Thud* *Thud* -ken. So the chase began, Sigurn chased Joe Bananas, Tomb chased Ming, Freya chased Mao, and Crashing started loading Log up with caffeine to chase Yertigonilt. Over Hill and Dale Tomb dashed, over canyons and under water, through steel walls and around Sigurn, he ran until he heard DragonFace's voice, "We have a car you imbecile!" So Tomb hopped in the car and started driving. Over mowed lawns, and through sheetrock, crashing through trees and corn, carefully avoiding Giant Watermelons, then he saw Mao, standing in front of a lake. Tomb hopped out of the car and was getting ready to beat the crap out of him. He put on spiked gloves and slowly approached him.
"Stop," Mao yelled, "For I have Amoeba trapped." Amoeba was the fourth member of the Gods; he was dangling on a rope over water. "If you attack me, he dies." Tomb heeded his warning and stopped approaching. Then some strange noises started to come from Amoeba, Glub, Blub, Bubble. Suddenly a Giant Walking Catfish emerged from the water, but alas, Mao did not notice.
"Mao," yelled Tomb, trying to spare a casualty, "Look behind you!" Mao turned around and saw the catfish and tried to yell scream, but only succeeded in Scre- before the catfish lunged forward and ate the pudgy little worm. The catfish looked at Tomb, then at Amoeba, and retreated back into the water. Suddenly, a lightning bolt hit Tomb like an idea, wait… flip those around. He remembered that Amoeba could speak fish. (Somewhere along the chasing lines Tomb and Freya flipped mice.)
"His name is Froderick," said Amoeba, "he's my pet."
Freya caught up to Ming and beat the crap out of him within 30 seconds.
Log was chasing Yertigonilt with 76 Red bulls in his system, with 110 coffees right behind, and they were followed by rows and rows of the greatest Mountain Dews. He charged right over Yertigonilt, ran completely around the world, and ran over Yertigonilt again. He skidded to a stop, turned around and picked him up. As Log was lifting Yertigonilt he was punched in the face, then slapped in the face, then kicked in the face, then bitten in the face. So Log threw him upwards, pulled out a baseball bat and hit him the moment he was within strike range. Yertigonilt went flying and crashed into a steel wall.
"Bad Wolf 1 nearing Harvest Island, over."
"We hear you loud and clear, over."
"Exploding Bird 666 here, shall we prepare the air strikes, over?"
"Confirmed, Cravat Man 4, over and out."
Sigurn v. Joe Bananas
"It's now or never Sigurn," Joe Bananas spoke first.
"We both know that if you escape now there will be more battles," Sigurn replied.
"So it ends here."
"Agreed." So a battle began. Who would win, Joe Bananas, the battle genius or Sigurn, the ultimate warrior? The two circled each other, planning their tactics. An epic battle between Sigurn, son of PurpleLite and Joe Bananas, son of DragonFace. Sigurn threw the first punch, Joe Bananas barely avoided it and Sigurn's fist crashed into a steel wall, shattering it. Joe Bananas grabbed Sigurn's head and smashed it into the wall. Sigurn grabbed the hand off his head and flipped the worm attached to it. He then punched down towards Joe Bananas face, he dodged and the fist left a crater and caused an earthquake 5 miles away. Joe Bananas seized the opportunity and shoved a grenade down Sigurn's throat, in response to that Sigurn threw Joe Bananas straight up in the air. The grenade exploded and left Sigurn with a mild case of gas. As Joe Bananas was flying, he looked due west and the sight shocked him, seven bombers headed straight for the island. He came plummeting back to Earth and started running towards his nearest boat. Unfortunately, Sigurn seized his tail, swung him over his head, and piled him into the ground. He crawled away spitting out dirt and said to Sigurn, "It's the Military Worms. They are coming." Brief history lesson: The Military Worms are an army for a ruthless dictator controlling 86% of the Mainland, 23% of the Island Chain, the Arctic Circle, Antarctica, 98% of the ocean floor, and the Sea of Tranquility. They have been enemies of the worm group living on the Island Chain since 3 years after the worms landed there. A small army of worms on the Mainland has been holding off the military for a while, and the Island Chain is close to driving them out. An even bigger problem is that the dictator is immortal. At one point Joe Bananas was a General for the island chain and led a force that drove control of the Island Chain by the dictator from 99.99% to 13%, and control of the Mainland from 100% to 50% without ever fighting there. He then resigned. So if you were wondering, how Joe Bananas could take over the world while there is such a large empire, the answer is that he could take over the planet with a spoon a rubber band. The only reason he has not (well, there's two) 1.) Sigurn is there to stop him. 2.) Vultures who are even more skilled than him would swoop in after he succeeded, vultures like Sigurn, Tomb, and DragonFace's evil twins, and some aliens that have been watching and waiting. And, just in case you were wondering, Sigurn, the youngest of the three is 75 years old. (what I mean by the three is DragonFace, Sigurn, and Dragon. Tomb is DragonFace's son.) End history lesson.
"The Military Worms," Exclaimed an appalled Sigurn.
"Yes, I- I- I saw 7 bombers, I recognized t- t- two. Bad Wolf 1 and Doomsday 3," stammered Joe Bananas.
"Their two most powerful bombers.
"Bad Wolf 1 here, almost over Harvest Island, prepare multiple runs, over."
"Doomsday 3 here, sink that pesky little island. Joe Bananas is there, over."
"Quickly, we must get off this island," remarked DragonFace, "Gather your tombstones, hurry."
Worms were scrambling all over the place, hurrying to gather fallen comrades. Everywhere they squirmed, running into each other, running into thin air and screaming.
"Where is Mao," Joe Bananas screamed.
"He was eaten," Tomb yelled back. The buzzing from the planes was getting louder each second, sending worms into an even bigger panic. The first plane dropped an air strike, effectively destroying the corn.
"Quickly, we are running out of time," yelled Sigurn over the panic.
The second set of air strikes dropped, almost killing Crashing and destroying half the lettuce.
"Everyone who has gathered all tombstones, head to the dock," Log yelled, all the caffeine scared out of him, along with everything mentioned in the previous chapter involving Arthur. Three more air strikes were dropped, destroying the grapes, the caves where mushrooms are grown, and the coconut tree with the swallow nest.
"Quickly," yelled Joe Bananas, "Only two bombers left, Bad Wolf 1 and Doomsday 3. They have the most powerful bombs." As he said that Bad Wolf 1 dropped one of its bombs. All the worms stopped and watched the first bomb plummeted to the ground, heading straight for the Evil Team base. It crashed through the roof and landed on the ground, but did not detonate.
"Yes," cheered Yertigonilt, "It's a dud!" At that moment they saw Bad Wolf 1 flying around, with a worm leaning out the side. He had a huge grin on his face and was holding a button. The worms knew what that meant. They watched in horror as he clicked the button in slow motion. The fallen bomb detonated, completely disintegrating the base, sending all land around the base flying, and flash boiling several feet of water. Luckily, the worms were safely out of harms way, they all screamed in unison and started to run for the boats. Another bomber flew over them and destroyed the dock with an air strike. Now they were trapped with Doomsday 3 about to drop its bomb. Sigurn was watching the sky, clearly he had seen something. Joe Bananas was looking up too, following Sigurns gaze. He saw something very large and glinting in the light.
"I forgot about that," realized Joe Bananas, "a forty pound diamond." They continued watching as the diamond, somehow unscathed by the blast, started to fall. It fell, and fell, straight towards Doomsday 3, estimated by Sigurn. Doomsday 3 flew right under it at just the perfect time, the diamond ripped clean through the plane, barely missing the explosive load it was carrying. The plane started to roll, heading straight for the ocean.
"Bad Wolf 1, come in, I'm going down, over." Then it crashed into the ocean and sunk.
"That's all fine and dandy," exclaimed Sigurn, "but we still need to get off this island." At that moment, directly behind them they heard of voice.
"Hop on, the island's only going to last so long." The worms all turned around and were shocked by the sight. There was Amoeba riding a catfish.
"Froderick is ready, he can swim through salt water, keeping his back above water. Although, just in case we are chased, wear your worm gear." Worm gear is to worms as scuba diving gear is to humans, they are both used to stay underwater for an extended period of time. So the worms hopped on the back of the rare Giant Walking Catfish, and set off.
"Exploding Bird 666 come in, over"
"Exploding Bird here, what is it Bad Wolf 1, over."
"Chase that giant catfish, over."
"Copy that, over and out."
"Guys," yelled Amoeba.
"What," they all asked in unison."
"Put your Worm Gear on. We're being chased." So Amoeba made some more weird sounds, and Froderick started to descend.
"I'm losing them, over."
"Fine, return to the island and help me finish it off, over."
"Copy that, over and out."
Several hours later the Giant Walking Catfish emerged near the Science Factory, a large building mostly underground that a very large group of scientists collaborate in order to create new weapons, utilities, etc. This island is one of the only two to use telepads, the other being the Gods. At that moment the Head Scientist, Einstein (not Albert), came out to greet them.
"Hello, you've arrived just in time to test my newest creation."
"Not right now," Sigurn said, "Harvest Island is gone. We just want to get home."
"Well what about the dead, you need to revive them."
"Okay, we'll do that, by the way, what is the new creation?"
"Check this out, Explosion in a Jar. For every explosive you use, half the blast strength is put into this jar. The power a dud mine would have had is put into the jar also. When you are ready to use it you throw it and when it breaks it releases the total blast strength that you have gathered. Therefore, the longer you wait, the more powerful it is."
"Cool, who're you going to test it on?"
"You remember that scientist that tested one of his inventions on himself."
"Yes, I remember."
"He turned into a giant horrible Mutant Worm that we shoved into the titanium closet. From that point on we've sent someone in to sedate him, then we chained him up and tested weapons on him."
"Good luck, we're going now." So all the worms returned to their original teams, except Evil Team, who had to find a new base.
"Sigurn, wake up," pestered Tomb, "We've been hired to find a new Harvest Island."
"Ugh," grumbled Sigurn, "Fine."
"According to the list," started Tomb.
"There's a list?"
1. Must have fertile soil.
2. Must have source of freshwater on it.
3. Must be fairly large.
4. Must be undetectable to the Military Worms.
5. Must have a cave system.
6. Must not be battle ravaged.
7. There must not be mines or oil barrels under any circumstances.
8. If any worms are located there, drive them off.
9. If any weapon supplies are found, confiscate them."
"That's a long list."
"You should've seen the list Einstein made last week. It had 4,638,556,384,628 items on it, and that was just the shopping list!"
"Well then, let's go find the perfect island."
To Be Continued… Yes, I'm still alive! The Russian narrator lives.
The War of Harvest Island has been finished. I've been working on this chapter for 7 hours straight, then I had to sleep, then I started working on it again for another hour. I became slightly depressed when I had to sleep, I wanted to finish it that bad. This is what I believe to be the best chapter. Also sorry about Technical Genius missing the number, I tried to get pi in there but was unable to. Questions: (Please answer, I might need to make answers more obvious).
Where is my pen? (still haven't found it)
Why won't I stop asking questions? (This question may or may not have an answer)
Where did Sigurn learn to disappear?
How did Tomb get his name? (This should be obvious)
Have I done a good job?