Disclaimer: I do not own. Or make any money from this fic.
Robbie slouched into his sofa and watched the amber liquid swirling around in his glass, the straight double single malt whisky capturing the light and seemingly fascinating him, his music was playing in the background, nothing more than a noise, an echo in his thoughts. Once again he was inside on a Friday night after a long and hard case where once again the hours had been nearly 19 hours a day, grabbing odd hours of sleep when they could manage it and even weirder eating times.
Normally after a case like this he would grab something to eat before going out, finding a club and drinking heavily while finding a warm body that would distracted his thoughts for the evening before hurrying back to his flat, grabbing a shower and heading into work. He had never brought any woman back here with him, he always went to their flat.
Except he hadn't been out or found a warm body in nearly four and a half months, not since he realisation and the shock and long hours of thought…well brooding…that his realisation had inspired before deciding to drown himself in angst and whisky.
A knock on his front door startled him from his thoughts and he blinkingly looked up, his visitor had to knock again before he stood and made his way to let them in. He had every right to be shocked, he received maybe two or three visits to his flat a year, most of them Jackie. He didn't know what it was about his flat, his space that made him want to keep people away from it and keep it as his own, he preferred to go to other peoples houses or meet them in restaurants or pubs. He had never, never taken a woman home with him and they were always happy to take them back to their place.
So for someone to be knocking on his door at twenty past twelve at night when he well spread reputation meant everyone that he knew would think he would be out. When he looked through the peep hole no one was there so he swiftly took off the snip and lock, throwing open his door and peering round in time to see a very familiar back about to step into the elevator.
"Stewart?" Robbie called startling the smaller man into spinning around.
"R…Robbie, I thought you weren't in," Stewart looked flustered as he took a hesitant step back towards the flat.
"Sorry, barely heard the door the first time. Come in, everything alright?" Robbie waved him inside the flat and relocked the door before them.
"I'm sorry I'm disturbing you," Stewart sighed, he was used to Stewart being nervous and hesitant around him, the lingering memory of what people like him had done to Stewart in school making him jumpy every now and then. But this was different, it wasn't his normal nerves or shyness.
"No your not, I was just sitting drinking by myself. Do you want one?" Robbie asked stepping over to where his bottle of whisky sat.
"Erm, yes please. I'm shocked that your home," Stewart smiled sitting hesitantly on the sofa.
"Not really been one for going out lately," Robbie shrugged handing over the glass and sitting down himself, probably slightly closer than was right.
"I've noticed that you haven't been going out as much," Stewart said quietly taking a small sip of his drink.
"More like not at all," Robbie snorted sinking back into the sofa again.
"W…What?" Stewart turned to Robbie wide eyed.
"I've not been going out at all, the last few months not really fancied going out," Robbie shrugged.
"Oh…its weird, never been to your flat, its nice. I figured you lived in a dump or a mess the way you always come over to mine," Stewart grinned.
"Sorry to disappoint you," Robbie chuckled. "I kept meaning to ask you round but…I just have this thing about people coming round,"
"I shouldn't have shown up without checking," Stewart mumbled looking uncomfortable. Looking startled Robbie turned to Stewart.
"I didn't mean you, your more than welcome here whenever you want. Its just a habit I haven't broken, not very good at inviting anyone around," Robbie said quickly.
"I'm sure you've invited plenty of woman round," Stewart said teasingly but there was an undercurrent, something else in his tone that Robbie couldn't quite put his finger on.
"No never, the only woman who has been in here is Jackie and that's on her very occasional visits, mainly when she's come round to tell me what a prick I am. Your one of about eight people to have been in here. And you're the only one that's welcome whenever you want to come here," Robbie cursed himself for drinking the other two doubles before Stewart had showed up, while not making him anywhere near drunk it had loosened his tongue enough that he was saying and revealing way too much.
"Why? Why am I different? You've been acting differently towards me lately, I don't….I don't understand. If it was anyone else…but its you and…and you need to stop because it hurts Robbie and I've tried but I can't…not when your being so…" Stewart choked out before draining his glass and putting it down.
"I'm being so what? How am I hurting you? Tell me what I'm doing wrong," Robbie reached out and touched Stewart's arm but he may as well have burnt him the way he wrenched away and stood up running a hand through his hair in agitation.
"Its not you Robbie, its not you its me. God I should have known when we first met and your always so charming and…I always swore that I wouldn't develop any feelings like that for one of my co-workers but you made it so difficult just by being you. And then lately you've been so different with me, the way I catch you looking at me sometimes, how you touch me just casually, the way to stick by my side when we all go out for drinks, I'm the first one you check on after an op and…and its become so hard and your going to hate me now, but its too much," Stewart partially sobbed out, turning away from Robbie. Because of this he missed the growing look of hope on Robbie's face.
"Wait…your saying that you like me? Like fancy me," Robbie said slowly, standing almost silently and making his way towards Stewart.
"Yeah that's what I'm saying. You can kick me out now, hit me if you want," Stewart said defeated, dropping his hands and just standing with his back to Robbie waiting for whatever he thought the other man was going to do to him. What he clearly wasn't expecting was for Robbie's arms to wrap around his waist and tug him back into his warm, hard chest and to bury his nose into the crook of his neck and shoulder. "R…Robbie?"
"The reason I haven't been going out is because I don't want that anymore, because I don't want to be that person, sleeping around and drinking too much. Because the only person that I have wanted for nearly eight months now is you, I've wanted to hold you, touch you, kiss you, make love to you so much that I ache, all I have been able to think about is you in my bed, in my arms, waking up to seeing you sleeping right through there, curling up with you to watch TV of an evening when Burke finally lets us go," Robbie confessed into the beautiful pale skin that had had him entranced and distracted so often lately. Stewart's breath hitched and he stared disbelievingly at the arms he had longed for for so long wrapped around his waist.
"Robbie, please don't be playing with me, I couldn't…I can't take it," Stewart sobbed not able to believe that this was true, that he would be that lucky that the unshakably straight Robbie Ross would want him.
"I'm not playing Stewart, I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally and if I did hurt you I would do everything I could to put it right. Please, please give me a chance to show I can love you the way you deserve,"
"What about Jackie?" Stewart asked hesitantly, his desire and want for what Robbie was offering as well as the pure truth in the other man's words warring with the part of his mind that was screaming this wasn't real, it couldn't be.
"What about her?" Stewart could hear the confusion in Robbie's voice relaxing him just slightly.
"Everyone, including her, thinks that you are going to realise that you are madly in love with her, marry her and have lots of children together," Stewart said quietly, just saying the words out loud hurting something in his chest.
"Is that what you believe?" Robbie asked softly against the skin of Stewart's neck.
"I…yes…" He sighed dropping his head again, he was a fool to believe in this even for a second. He let out a embarrassingly startled squeak when he suddenly found himself spun around, before he could think or say anything Robbie crushed him to his chest and pressed their lips together in a desperate, searing kiss. His lips moving desperately, tasting and claiming Stewart. With a small sigh into Robbie's mouth Stewart finally kissed back, wrapping his arms around his neck and standing slightly on his toes so he could put more pressure to the kiss.
Gently Robbie eased the franticness to the kiss so that he was just massaging their lips together in a sensual but loving manner that managed to make Stewart feel light headed and boneless. Slowly and clearly reluctantly Robbie pulled back from the kiss but rested his head against Stewart's.
"The only person I can ever see myself marrying and spending the rest of my life with is in my arms right now," Robbie confessed nervously, not wanting to scare Stewart off with the depth and extent of his feelings. Stewart gasped at the words and the raw intensity pouring from Robbie into him.
"You would honestly marry me?" Stewart said, the disbelieving tone clear in his voice.
"Maybe not tomorrow, but in the near future yes. But if I could move you in here tomorrow, and never let you leave me again I would do it," Robbie admitted honestly.
"Robbie…I love you," Stewart confessed in a voice so quiet that had they not been standing a breath away from each other he wouldn't have heard it. There was a seconds beat where Stewart felt as though he hadn't breathed in about four hours before Robbie burst out laughing and hugged Stewart tightly to him, leaning down to bury his face in Stewart's shoulder to smother the laughter slightly. The tight contact was the only thing that kept Stewart from bolting and thinking that this had all been a game.
"I thought…I thought I would never hear those words coming from you mouth aimed at me! I've dreamt them so many time but I thought you were too smart to fall for a mess like me," Robbie admitted still laughing.
"Oh Robbie, your not a mess, you have issues and faults like anyone else, you just don't work to hide them like most people do, you wear them like a badge of honour. How could I not love you you idiot?" Stewart sighed cupping Robbie's face between his hands and pressing a loving but still hesitant kiss on his lips.
"I don't deserve you Stewart, you are perfect to me," Robbie smiled pressing their lips back together.
"I'm not perfect," Stewart argued pulling back after a few moments from the kiss.
"Yeah babe you are," Robbie smiled widely capturing Stewart's lips in too short a kiss.
"I never dreamt when I came round that things would end up like this, never," Stewart said breathlessly against his lips, his blue eyes closed in pure relief.
"Why did you come round? Not that I'm not thanking every god in existence right now that you did," Robbie asked curiously.
"I don't know really what I was going to say, you've been driving me mad with the way you have been acting, I couldn't bare it today anymore after you grabbed me the way you did when the suspect shot at us, you held on too long to just be protecting me. I didn't think that you've been acting that way because you…" Stewart drew off clearly not sure how to put it.
"Because I realised that I was in love with you and have been falling more so every day?" Robbie offered. He watched delighted as a blush stole over Stewart's pale cheeks and he ducked his head. "Stay with me tonight?" he asked softly. Stewart raising his head to look at him and bit his lip hesitantly. "Just to sleep I promise, I want to have sex and make love to you so much, but I want to do this right, take our time, go on dates first. But I also meant when I said that I've dreamt of just holding you, sleeping next to you and waking up next to you, I don't want to sleep away from you if I don't have to," Robbie murmured stroking his hand up and down Stewart's back soothingly.
"Just sleeping?" Stewart asked worrying his lip.
"Just sleeping sweetheart, I promise," Robbie nodded. He felt as well as heard Stewart's breath hitch at the pet name and stored the knowledge that he liked pet names away.
"I don't have anything to sleep in, or a toothbrush," Stewart said but the argument was weak and they both knew it.
"If you don't want to I won't be hurt, but I have pyjamas you can sleep in and I don't mind sharing my toothbrush this once," Robbie offered, an unsure look on his face.
"Do you mind if we go to bed now then? I'm exhausted," Stewart asked quietly, looking away and then meeting Robbie's eyes shyly. Robbie grinned widely and happily down at him before hurrying over and turning off his lights before making his way back to Stewart as quickly as he could without making a fool of himself, he held out his hand which Stewart took with a small shy smile, cautiously linking their fingers together and stepped back into Robbie's warmth again.
Robbie led him in to the bedroom and quickly stripped down to his boxers, grabbing two pairs of sweat pants and after handing Stewart the smaller pair he tugged on the others to try and make the smaller man comfortable. As he slipped into bed he watched Stewart standing unsurely by the bedside, he looked so much more vulnerable and open without his perpetual suit on. Robbie lifted up the other corner of the duvet and Stewart slipped under and edged closer to him.
Robbie had to admit that it was pretty amusing the pair of them were both clearly wanting to be close to each other, but they were scared of going to far. Both of them edged slowly closer to each other until eventually and nearly five minutes after they had gotten into bed they were lying down side by side. Stewart edged himself so that he was lying on Robbie's chest and Robbie quickly wrapped his arm around Stewart's waist encouraging him to slip his leg over Robbie's thighs. Finally they were snuggled down together under Robbie's heavy duvet, Stewart absorbing the feeling of being surrounded by Robbie's arms, surrounded by his scent leaving him in a warm, content cocoon.
Robbie on his part happily buried his nose into Stewart's hair and breathed in a sigh of relief. He had been so worried and so confused for so long, but lying here, with Stewart in his arms everything else melted away and he relaxed happily back into the bed holding Stewart close to him.