A Very Shepard Halloween!

Disclaimer: While I would love to own Mass Effect I do not. For one thing I sure as hell would be spreading the joy of ME3 already with my fellow ME fans. So I do not own it nor will I ever. Bioware and EA are the owners. Thanks.

This is just a humor fic I came up with on the spot. Its a bit of little conversations and so forth on what I wondered what could happen if Commander Shepard decided to celebrate Halloween. Enjoy...

Shepard yawned as he exited the elevator. He had just gotten done with his Tali shagging session and was feeling a bit sore. The woman was an animal.

He made his way over towards the kitchen and to his delight he spotted a fresh pot of coffee.

"Morning Commander" Gardner said. Shepard merely nodded as he filled his cup with the black liquid. He inhaled the aroma and made his way over to a table and sat down. As he was sitting there he couldn't help but over hear a few crewman talking.

"Man I wish we could celebrate Halloween. I so would love to trick or treat." Crewman Eric said.

"What are you twelve?" Crewman Daniels asks.

The two continue their discussion unbeknownst that their little conversation suddenly gave the Commander a great idea.


"I really don't think this is a good idea." Tali said. Shepard had dragged her and to her surprise Garrus to his quarters and explained his plan.

Garrus had covered his armor with black paint but took some placement lights for the vents and covered his armor. He than painted his helmet black and added a blue neon light to the interior of his helmet. The overall look made him look like one of the characters from Tron.

Shepard had spent almost two hours in the bathroom when he finally came out she had to suppress a gasp at his appearance.

Shepard's overall appearance resembled the Human devil.

"Shepard, what the hell?" Tali exclaimed gesturing to his costume.

Shepard smiled "I take it you like it?" He asked. Tali shook her head and sighed "So what exactly will you be doing again?" She asked.

Shepard who was currently posing in front of the mirror turned to look at her. "Well were going to go to each of everyone's quarters. Well than ring the door and hope they answer."

"And what than?" She asked.

Shepard smiled "We scare the hell out of them."

Tali started to wring her hands together. "Shepard, I don't think... Shepard?" Tali said looking around. She turned to see Shepard and Garrus leaving the quarters.

"Why that Boshtet, that's it he's cut off for a week." She humphed and crossed her arms over her chest.


Kelly had just gotten up when her door chimed. "Come in" She said with her back turned to the door.

The door chimed again and she turned back to look and it was still shut. She frowned and approached the door. She pressed the panel and it slid open to reveal no one standing there.

She started to reach for the panel to shut the door back when to monsters jumped out in front of her and yelled.

Kelly didn't remember much as her eyes rolled up into the back of her head and she promptly hit the floor.

Shepard and Garrus looked at each other before each burst into laughter. "Quick, let's put her on her bed and leave. If were lucky she'll just think she had a nightmare." Shepard said.


Kasumi was stretched out on the couch with a good romance novel when the chime to her door went off. "Come in" She said while not taking her eyes off the book.

The door chimed again and she looked up. She got up and quickly cloaked herself before she moved to the door. The door slid open with no one standing there. She smirked and stepped out quickly and before turning and stepping backwards as she saw to figures jump into the doorway. They yelled but than stood there surprised when no one was standing there.

"BOO!" She yelled from behind them. Both figures jumped and she burst out laughing.

"How... How did you know?" Garrus choked as he calmed down.

"Duh silly, it's Halloween." She said moving past them. She turned before shutting her door. "Have a good night fellas."


The duo managed to scare a few more before they found themselves in front of Zaeed's door.

"Shepard.. I'm not so sure about this one." Garrus said.

Shepard waved it off as the duo hit the chime for the door. As usual nothing happened at first. So they hit it again. The door slid open to reveal a shotgun in their face.

"Devil's, you've finally come to take my soul you bastard's. Well, your going to have to fight for it." Zaeed said cocking the shotgun.

Shepard and Garrus both scrambled to get away as Zaeed started unloading shots towards them.


A very haggard looking Garrus and Shepard stepped out of the elevator onto the crew deck.

"Shepard, I think maybe that was enough for tonight." Garrus said. His joints were sore and he was pretty sure he was going to be picking shrapnel out of his ass armor plates for the next week.

"Well, we got time enough for one more. But this time well just say trick or treat O.K.?" Shepard asked.

Garrus stared at Shepard who was giving him the big puppy dog eyes and sighed.

"Very well, and stop looking at me with those eyes." Garrus growled.


Both stood in front of Miranda's door and hit the chime. Nothing happened so Shepard hit again... and again.. and again,again,again. Till finally the door opened and a very irate Miranda opened the door.

"What the bloody hell do you want!" She yelled.

Both couldn't say anything as they were to busy staring at her. She was only dressed in bra and panties. Apparently she had been in the shower as her wet hair was stuck to her skin.

Finally after what seemed like forever Garrus croaked out "Um... Trick or Treat?"

"Trick or Treat?" Miranda asked. She seemed confused at first but than her face contorted as she realized what was going on.

She growled and grabbed Garrus. "I'll show you trick or treat." She said jerked him into the room.

Shepard found himself staring at the door as Miranda had quickly shut it and locked it.

The screams of his companion inside unnerved him.. well somewhat. As he was walking away he paused as Garrus screams suddenly became different.

"Ahhhh! Shepard... Help!... Ahhh... Ah... Oh... Oh My.. Ohhhhhhhhh!" Shepard quickly jumped into the elevator and closed the doors as the mess quickly began filling up with spectators who were wondering what the loud moaning was.


Shepard somberly made his way into his quarters with a sigh. While it had begun as a great idea it actually wasn't that fun. Than again maybe next year he could have the whole ship celebrate. Yeah, that's what he should have done in the first place.

He came to a stop as Tali stood in front of him with one foot tapping on the floor.

"Sorry, I should have listened to you dear." He said.

Tali nodded "Well, at least you've learned something important."

"What? That Zaeed is trigger happy and Garrus sounds like a bear while he's getting... no forget that image." Shepard said shivering while trying to get rid of the sounds again.

Tali shook her head and sighed before stepping up to Shepard. "I have one thing to ask Shepard. Trick or Treat?"

Shepard glanced at her than at the bed and smiled "How bout a trick?" He said wiggling his eyebrows.

Tali laughed and turned while making her way towards the bed. She added a little swing to her hips to entice him.

Shepard quickly ripped off his costume and ran to the bathroom and scrubbed his face. He returned to the room to find the lights had dimmed and he dove into bed.

In the bed however he found Tali asleep with a note on his pillow.

"Dear Shepard, here's something else you need to know about women. We like our revenge. Now go take a cold shower. You've just been tricked. Happy Halloween." Love Tali.

Shepard groaned...

A/N: Thanks everyone. I think I rewrote this story like a dozen times and just couldn't settle on one thing. Thanks for all the support.

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