KATEKYOU HITMAN REBORN! AD


REBORN
Action!

Reborn shoots his gun.

The theme song: "Ran, Ran, Ran, Byakuran" plays.

SQUALO
VOI!

FRAN
Well done, sempai, we got their attention.

Squalo shoves the Frog-Head back.

SQUALO
VONGOLA GEARS! THE MOST FASHIONABLE ACCESSORIES!

TSUNA
(Naturally girly squeak)
Hiiiii!

SQUALO
THAT'S RIGHT! VOI!

TSUNA
(Naturally girly squeak)
HIIIII!

FRAN
Sempai, why do you sound so obnoxious and angry?

Mukuro stabs Fran's hat with a trident.

MUKURO
Quiet, little one, this is a method of advertising. Kufufufufu...


Ryohei
BOX WEAPONS! BUY THEM AND YOU GET A FREE MATCHING RING! AN EXTREMELY GREAT BARGAIN!

FRAN
(Blankly)
Hell rings are only available online. You get free marshmallows from Byakuran if you order from now until next...

He watches Byakuran eats his marshmallows.

FRAN
... Hour.

Ryohei takes in deep breath, but as that happened Gokudera punches him away from the stage.

Gokudera
Vongola Rings aren't for sale!

The casts that actually bothered to care about the ad spoke amongst themselves, trying to figure out a way to continue the ad. After 'serious discussions', Fran was pushed in front of Gokudera.

FRAN
Ah... Vongola Rings are special collections so... They're unavailable.
(Whisper) Just like all the things we own...

REBORN
Cue finishing catchphrase!

SQUALO
VOI!


Xanxus, who stayed seated on his chair, is placed onto the stage. In irritation, he aims his gun to the organiser of the stage... which happens to be Enma.

XANXUS
I'll kill you, scum!

While Enma hides, Dino frantically skims over the script.

DINO
That's not right! He's supposed to say...
Er... That's not right either.

Reborn looks over to his own script.

REBORN
No, it's right. He's supposed to say: 'Buy or I'll kill you, scum!'
He forgot the 'buy or' bit. Oh, well. Next!

FRAN
(Blank and fast)
Warning: merchandised are not actually for sale because the items mentioned are currently owned...
Can you stop telling me what to do now, Bel-sempai?

Bel drops the script and grins.

BEL
Ushishishi.

MAMMON/VIPER
Do we make money out of this advertisement?

FRAN
Nope.

The boy blinks, realisation strikes.

FRAN
Wait, if Mammon is here, why am I still wearing this stupid hat?


- Part Two: The Hidden Sale

Fran yells out from his microphone.

FRAN
FROG HAT FOR SALE!

BEL
What the... Don't sell it, you idiot!

FRAN
But Mammon's here so I don't have to wear this stupid hat

He tries to pull his frog hat off but Bel launches his knives at his hat to stop.

BEL
You wouldn't dare.

He prepared more knives and holds them up.
Fran challengingly stares at Bel and slowly holds microphone up back to his mouth.

FRAN
BUY YOUR FROG HAT NOW AND YOU GET FREE KNIVES FROM THE FALLEN PRINCE!
BUY NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE AND THE CREEPY CHESHIRE CAT STEALS IT BACK!

Reborn holds up his microphone.

REBORN
CUE BEL'S KNIVES

FRAN
Kero.


Tsuna was pushed into the stage by the Acrobalenos.

TSUNA
(Stutter)
Er... Acrobaleno Pacifiers... B-buy them now and...

Bel gets pushed away by Tsunomichi; the script changes.

TSUNA
... You get a free Leon- HIII!

Reborn's eyes squints with killer intentions.


SPANNER
Uh... Thank you for watching the REBORN Advertisement. You shall be rewarded by...
(Pause) Strawberry-flavoured spanner-shaped lollipops..?

SHOUICHI
Wait!

He adjusts glasses for awesome effects to show that he's in charge.

SHOUICHI
Is this still advertising? Was it even in the script that Spanner is giving away his lollipops?

Byakuran drops the script and walks away with marshmallows and spanner-lollipops.


REBORN
Cut!

Belphagor slashes on the stage.

SHOUICHI
What you do that for?

BEL
I got bored and annoyed. Plus...

He points at Reborn.

BEL
He said cut.

SHOUICHI
Varias are... Scary...

Fran is wearing a miner costume. He approached Shoichi and taps him on the shoulder.

FRAN
By the way...

The whole Varia, with the exception of Xanxus as he stayed seated, stands on the destroyed stage.

FRAN
The place is "scheduled" to be demolished. Please, evacuate to safe your life.

SHOUICHI
But the ad is not finished yet!


MAMMON/VIPER
Wait! So we really don't get anything from this?

FRAN
Nope. But we are rewarded with self-satisfaction.

XANXUS
(Roar)
SELF-SATISFACTION, MY ASS!

He relentlessly throws glasses at Squalo.

SQUALO
VOI! WHAT THE HELL?


KATEKYOU HITMAN REBORN!

Credits:

Creator: Amano Akira
Director: Reborn
Assistant Director: Irie Shouichi

Cast: The whole KHR characters
(Apologies. The Varia destroyed the studio)

Person-that-interrupted-half-of-the-ad: Fran

Abuser: "ilovechibis"

Hosts: Sasagawa Ryohei; Sawada Tsunayoshi; FRAN; Squalo

Script Writer: "ilovechibis"
Co-Script Writer: Dino
Script Holder: Belphagor
Co-Script Holder: Byakuran; Tsunomichi

Catchphrases/signature reflexes by: their respective owners.

Theme Song(s): "Ran, Ran, Ran, Byakuran" composed by Byakuran

Thanks to/All rights reserved: Katekyou Hitman Reborn characters and Amano Akira

Warning: Hooray, parody!