A/N: Oh...why is everything crazy? It wouldn't let me put this in Short Flash Stories and now it uploaded with no paragraph spacing from a text doc...as if my life isn't topsy-turvy enough what with trying to get a new computer and format working despite government mandates from heck. Sheesh!
Anyway, this was just to let people know I'm still alive if not exactly sane at the moment. If I drank alcohol would seriously be wanting vodka.
Disclaimer: DC owns everything with an iron grip save for me and my opinions of DC. If I could purchase at least Wally, I would.
Flash was laughing at him. Not just any normal laugh either; no, the guy was letting out belly laugh after belly laugh at better than triple the normal human speed like Alvin and the Chipmunks on helium or something.
Kyle internally snarled at the accelerated sounds, but said nothing seeing as he was too busy contemplating the various practical ways one could hide a deceased body clad in vibrant scarlet during All Hallows Eve before absconding to ask the Guardians for a change of sector address.
A pity it wasn't Christmas. You could do so much more with shimmery red and gold during Christmas.
Of course it might just be a possibility that he'd have until St. Nick decorations rolled around since laughing boy seemed able to remain a blurred target which made him difficult to hit.
Even as The Green Lantern thought this, the Flash's form stabilized enough so that Kyle could again make out individual features. The snickering speed meta was currently partially unmasked presumably so that the tears of mirth running down his cheeks wouldn't soil his cowl or something. He finally hiccuped and went silent.
Well, almost silent. There was still the odd gasp of mirth emitting from the reddened throat and cheeks while Wally's eyes were sparkling from continued wetness.
"It was an accident," Kyle grumbled, "an innocent accident."
"Yeah...sure." the red head wiped at his face, skull nodding about like a bobble head glued to the dashboard of a car traveling down a gravel road. "An accident." He fixed his cowl back into place.
"It was pure instinct! I thought it moved."
"Things tend to...you know...move...when the wind is blowing..." The Flash turned with exaggerated slowness as he glanced left and right at the mess surrounding them. "of course, having The Man Without No Fear go into a momentary panic and start blasting at the cardboard and cotton sheet boogie monsters with the most powerful weapon in the Universe tends to make things gain velocity even better than Mother Nature can manage. I liked the giant Buffy The Vampire Huntress, by the way. Very realistic...except for the fact that, you know, she was glowing like kryptonite and I would think she would be more apt to toss wooden stakes around than flyswatters."
"Was it a natural gusty breeze or a speedster zipping by them?" Kyle eyed his fellow hero with suspicion. "On account that the weather report for today called for zero wind and, wow, here's the man who can whip up a tornado faster than a cook can turn egg whites into frosting all live and in person. Not that I'm insinuating anything, but the facts tend towards being incriminating."
"That's possible too," Wally grinned in agreement. At the Green Lantern's darkening look he waved his hands about in a negatory gesture. "Not that I'm admitting to anything."
"No...of course not." Kyle sounded exasperated.
Well, Kyle was exasperated. This was all Wally's fault. Rayner knew it was because it was the speedster who had asked to meet him at these coordinates in the first place...and then he'd not been here at the appointed time, showing up a whole five minutes late while Kyle cooled his heels in a make-believe cemetery stuffed with fake ghoulies that -yes, okay- had momentarily startled him when they'd started moving.
Maybe he'd overreacted, but better safe than sorry.
"You know," Flash interrupted his thoughts, "you're going to have to make restitution...otherwise it's bad karma. Can't have that hanging over your head. Not healthy and all what with our line of work."
"It's just a haunted house." Kyle lightly kicked at the tail-end of an orange and black banner, trying and failing not to feel like an idiot.
"Was just a haunted house," his companion helpfully corrected.
"Okay, was a haunted house." Kyle's eyes rolled behind his armored domino mask. "No big deal."
He was not going to feel guilty over this.
It was Wally's fault.
"Yep." The speedster zipped over to drape an arm on his shoulder as they contemplated the wreckage. "Just a flimsy, discount-barn material, cobbled-up haunted house. Built by some kids probably over the past month during their free time. Nothing important enough for an esteemed member of the Green Lantern Corps to get concerned about. After all, it was just made up for fun and for a local charity that The The Fastest Man Alive had pledged to help them with. Not the end of the world." Wally picked up the raggedy remains of the paper mache Grim Reaper that had inadvertently initiated all the ruckus. "Bit of a shame though...poor kids. Neither the time nor materials to build another one."
"All that work." Flash sighed rather dramatically, letting the dummy fall into a pile of leaves.
"Nothing to show for it," his companion bemoaned, dabbing at the corner of his eye...which was a patently ridiculous gesture as his cowl sported white eye lenses.
Okay, Kyle knew he was not as bright as some, but he could see where this was going. Still, he had to ask. "So why doesn't The Fastest Man Alive build them a new one?"
In answer, the unashamed Scarlet Schemer waggled his fingers. "Can't. Double Carpal Tunnel Syndrome."
"Right..." Kyle drawled in disbelief, "a Justice League member with an enhanced metabolism disabled by carpal tunnel."
"Hey, it's a serious condition. No hammering or house building of any kind until Tuesday. Dr. Midnight's orders. You can check with him." Flash rubbed his chin as if just remembering something of importance. "Of course he's currently out of town doing a house call with Nurse Noon on the other side of the Time & Space Continuum so you may not be able to track him down and verify until November 2nd."
"Nothing convenient about Halloween without a haunted house...it's like Christmas without Santa." Wally pursed his lips...waited. He didn't have to wait long.
"I hate you." Kyle told him in the solemn way only the truly trapped could muster.
The speedster grinned.
And that was how the residents of out-of-the-way Blue Valley experienced their first ever high-tech special attraction for The Halloween Weekend Fair: The Emerald Haunted House of Glow-In-The-Dark-Terror.
As promised by The Flash.