Note: HAHAHA guys did you think I was gonna abandon this little fart? WELL TOO BAD, SO SAD. (tumut) We're in it for the long haul.

If you're wondering why I haven't updated in the past few weeks: It's not you, it's me. (u_u) Seriously, you guys are all biznasty cooldude(tte)s and I always want to keep updating for you, but I just really needed a break. Because each chapter literally takes me hours of toil, which usually translates into a solid week of working on it nearly every day. So I took a vacation. Of two weeks. And then got sidetracked on other writing projects. And then came back started working on some more "intermission" shenanigans that will happen down the line, rather than the actual ch 16... yeah. Sorry.

(Real Life might have had a say in it too but SHHHHHHHH.)

In case any of you have forgotten, the Universal Clock Time Setting For The Story says we're in Day Three: Wednesday of Hogwarts beginning-of-school-shenanigans.

Sure feels like longer. xP

I own nothing of Homestuck or Harry Potter. I am not making money from this, nor am I intending any copyright infringement.


Chapter 16:


Herbology:

The Golden Trio were in Greenhouse Three, partaking in a very hands-on activity involving the harvesting the vines of immature Venomous Tentacula plants. Despite its overtly aggressive nature when fully grown, the younger incarnation of stubborn flora had a defensive habit of burrowing itself into the dirt when threatened, which required a great deal of digging around in small pots while wearing thick dragon-hide gloves to avoid getting bitten. It was all a very delicate and frustrating process which led most people to explosive expletives within minutes.

Ron worked standing between his two friends, teamed up with Harry, while Hermione focused on her own Tentacula.

"Alright," Hermione hissed, two fingers digging around in the fragile, dirt-packed teacup in front of her, "This is what we are going to do about the trolls."

Ron shook his head doubtfully as he managed to tug a writhing, hissing plant out of the pot of earth in front of him. "Hermione, let me cut you off right there. I know that tone of voice. There's no way this'll end well."

"Not end well!" she snapped, her voice a high-pitched whisper, "And who was the one to let Pyrope of all people try for Beater?"

Ron shrugged and waved his Venomous Tentacula seedling vaguely at Harry, who hastily ducked out of the way. Luckily, he was quick enough to avoid the snarling fangs on the ends of the young plant's spindly vines.

"So we're on last-name terms with her now?" Harry asked, after carefully pushing Ron's arm out of the way.

Hermione looked somewhat flustered, her hair standing slightly more statically on end than usual, but her expression was determined.

"That isn't the point. We have to understand what they are doing here and why! And now that we've lost the book..."

"So what?" Ron snorted, pushing his pot aside and laying out the wriggling plant on the bench in front of them, "We're going to brew a bucket of Veritaserum in Myrtle's lavatory? I've had more than my fair share of moping about in a haunted girl's room, thank you very much."

There was a long, silent pause as Hermione pulled her hands away from the teacup and said nothing.

Harry, who'd been just about to cut away the vines on Ron's Tentacula, glanced up at Hermione's wordless face.

"You're joking," he said flatly, "Tell me you're joking."

"No, I don't think Veritaserum is the answer. Suppose they aren't even affected by it? It would be a huge waste of time."

At that, the two boys heaved sighs of relief, and Harry looked down at the bench again to see that the Tentacula was trying to gnaw through Ron's gloves. He quickly sliced away its vines and scooped them into a jar.

"But," Hermione continued, "Remember that assignment we had in Potions class?"

Ron nodded and dropped the sobbing Tentacula back into its pot, where it immediately buried itself. "Vaguely."

Harry shook his head, screwing closed the lid on the vine jar. The vines inside twitched slightly. "Yeah. Probably bombed it."

"I went in to speak with Professor Slughorn after classes," Hermione's tone turned slightly bitter, "My marks weren't perfect."

Ron put up both gloved hands in the air and shook waved them about emphatically, "Ohhhhhhhh, they weren't perfect. What an awful shame."

Harry snickered.

Hermione, however, did not seem to find the remark amusing, and kicked him hard enough in the shin to elicit a yelp.

"Anyway, turns out the Hazeblight I put in has a reactionary effect when you mix it with the Karoton root that puts the drinker to sleep," she frowned, "He took off some points for that."

"Again, big f***ing whoop," Ron snorted.

"I'll jinx your lips closed Ron, just watch... The point is, Slughorn said my concoction was a promising start to a kind of Sleep Sight potion. He said if I could perfect one, he'd give me extra credit to get my points back."

At this, Harry raised their jar of Tentacula vines reverently in the air and murmured lovingly, "My points... I will do anything for you..." Ron laughed loudly, but Professor Sprout did not notice.

Hermione sighed irritably, "Neither of you have read the chapter on Sleep Sight potions, have you? It was only chapter 16, you should've covered that over the summer."

"You do know that you're the only student in the entire school who does more than the bare minimum of summer reading?" Harry lowered the jar and resisted rolling his eyes.

She ignored him, and took on the smooth, controlled tone of voice that meant she was quoting, verbatim, a passage from something she'd read. "In their simplest variations, Sleep Sight potions allow the drinker to become aware of themselves when they are dreaming, letting them to dream lucidly and make the most of their dreaming experience. For this reason, most Sleep Sight potions are commonly sold commercially, due to their complexity to brew and appeal to most dreamers."

Harry and Ron exchanged a look that said, "can-you-f***ing-believe-this-machine-girl-well-alright-man-prepare-yourself-for-something-ridiculous-you-know-it's-gonna-happen-any-second."

"However, in their most complex forms, a brew of Sleep Sight potion can allow its drinkers to share the same dreams. And then the book goes on about the legal implications and the historic power struggles between potion masters who'd try to steal each others' secrets from their dreams, but you get the point don't you?" She looked up at them expectantly.

Harry and Ron exchanged new a look that said, "can-you-f***ing-believe-this-girl-now-brace-yourself-man-here-comes-the-punchline."

Hermione pressed on, "If I can brew a good Sleep Sight potion, we can spy on the trolls' dreams and figure out what's going on!"

She sounded positively triumphant.

Harry knocked his forehead into the lid of the Tentacula vine jar. Ron nearly facepalmed before he remembered that his gloves were covered with dragon dung fertilizer.

"Hermione. You want to spy on their dreams?" Harry asked incredulously, "Tell me, how could this possibly go wrong?"

"Yeah, the last thing I want to do is wake up in the middle of some alien hatesex dream. Merlin-f***ing-forbid," Ron said, apparently disgusted. And then he paused, before saying jokingly, "Unless we're inviting Terezi and her pixie friend."

He dodged a very serious blow from Hermione's fist, nearly knocking Harry over in his haste to escape her wrath. ("It was a joke, Hermione! I was joking!") She finally drew her fist away but kept it held up threateningly.

"It's a good idea!" she said, her cheeks coloring slightly, "I'd like to see you two think of something better!"

Harry was silent for a moment, his mouth gaping open and closed like a fish. Finally, "The Pensieve," he said simply, making it sound as though it were obvious.

Hermione turned redder, but remained silent; a clear concession on her part. She then turned back to her Tentacula and said, somewhat snootily, "Well, that can be a backup."

Harry and Ron glanced at each other and fought down extremely manly giggles.


Transfiguration:

Karkat had succeeded in detonating a glass of water into a cloud of red smoke. Although Terezi seemed to appreciate the smell, the classroom was evacuated after a human student keeled over in spasms when the smoke wafted into her face. While Professor McGonagall cleared out the classroom, Terezi made a show of spewing rainbow sludge from her wandtip to plaster the hallway, and the rest of the Griffindor students talking amongst themselves and only glancing occasionally at the increasingly colorful mess that their classmate was producing. For lack of anything better to do, Karkat pulled out a small grubphone and slapped it into wakefulness.

[carcinoGeneticist CG started trolling grimAuxilliatrix GA]

CG: KANAYA
CG: IF FOR ANY REASON I CALL IN TERMINALLY SICK WITH *IDIOTS SHITTING AROUND IN MY NOOK AND EMOTIONALLY TRAUMATIZING MY BATTERED PSYCHE-ITIS* YOU ARE HEREBY RELEASED OF ANY LEGAL RAMIFICATIONS THERE MAY BE OF SUCKING MY CORPSE DRY OF UNGODLY BLOOD.
CG: F***, I'M STARTING TO SOUND LIKE TEREZI.
CG: OH GOD SHE'S RUBBING OFF ON ME WE'VE BEEN SPENDING WAY TOO MUCH TIME IN EACH OTHER'S BREATHING SPACE.

GA: Karkat I Am In The Middle Of Class, And I Am Willing To Gamble Away My Few Remaining Boonbucks, Or Rather, "Galleons," That You Are As Well. Is It Absolutely Necessary To Speak To Me At The Moment?

CG: IT'S FINE I JUST RELEASED A CLOUD OF MAGICAL-ASS NOXIOUS FUMES IN THE CLASSROOM AND EVERYONE HAS TO FLAGELLATE AROUND OUTSIDE LIKE WORTHLESS BULGEQUENCHERS ON A F***ING ASSHOLE JAMBOREE FOR THE TIME BEING UNTIL THE BITCHY HUMAN HIVE LEADER CLEANS IT UP.

GA: I See.
GA: And By "I See," I Actually Mean, "Please, Upon Reconsideration I Would Much Appreciate If You Did Not Elaborate On The Topic."
GA: Is There Anything Else That Is Of Such Pressing Importance To You That You Wished To Communicate With Me In The Middle Of My Studies?

CG: I DON'T ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND WHY ANY OF US GIVES A SINGLE REEKING SERVING OF SHIT ABOUT THESE MAGIC CLASSES.
CG: WELL WHOOP-DE-F***ING-DO, I CAN WAVE A LITTLE WOODEN NOOKPOKER IN THE AIR AND MAKE SOME UNNATURAL LITTLE SANITY BLISTERS POP OUT OF NOWHERE!
CG: WELP, BETTER GO TO SOME F***ASS SCHOOL AND WORK REALLY HARD SO I CAN LEARN TO MAKE THESE DARLING SANITY BLISTERS TURN GREEN!
CG: OR BETTER YET, PERFECTLY SPHERICAL! ! ! ! !

GA: Personally I Find The Classes Genuinely Interesting.
GA: There Are Many Thought-Provoking Subjects To Learn About Here.
GA: And Besides, What Else Would We Do With Ourselves In This World?

CG: SCREAM AND RUN ABOUT IN GIRLY CIRCLES LIKE A BUNCH OF SNOT-NOSED LOSERS TRYING TO SURVIVE THROUGH THEIR FIRST CULLING SEASON.
CG: I SURE AS DAYLIGHT HAPPYTIMES AM ALL FOR IT. YOU?

GA: ... Quite. But Please, Karkat, Try To Be Sincere For Once And Take Into Consideration Our Current Location And How It Affects The Overall Picture.
GA: It Seems To Me We Have Mysteriously Landed On A Planet Of Magic Wielding Humans That Have Never Heard Of The Game. And That Is The Extent Of Our Knowledge About Our Circumstances.
GA: We Do Not Even Possess A Maitrorb, Nor The Equipment Or Grist To Create One From Scratch.

CG: YEAH, WE'RE THOROUGHLY F***ED AS USUAL. WHAT ELSE IS NEW ON PLANET SHIT-FOR-LIFE?

GA: I Am Actually Hopeful That By Studying Magic Here, We Can Discover A Way To Resurrect Our Species.
GA: This Castle Is Filled To The Brim With Phenomena That, Up Until Witnessing With My Own Two Ocular Scrutinization Orbs, I Would Have Most Certainly Considered To Be Impossibilities.
GA: If Nothing Else, I Would At Least Like To Find Out Why And How We Came To Arrive In This Place.
GA: Whatever Of The Game? I For One Do Not Recall Any Resolution.
GA: And What Of Bec Noir?
GA: Of The Humans We Trolled And The Universe We Created For Them?

CG: KANAYA, DON'T BOTHER FLAPPING YOUR ASKING PALLETE AT ME. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE. FOR ALL WE KNOW, WE WON ALL THE SHITTY PRIZES AND THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A GLOBEF***ED PLANET IS OUR TROPHY.
CG: BUT I DON'T REALLY WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT, TO BE HONEST. IT'S MORE LIKELY WE JUST PICKED OUT EVERY CHOICE EVER PRESENTED TO US ON THE VAST MENU OF FAILURE AND NOW WE'RE STUCK HERE, IN THIS JOKE OF A PURGATORY TO CHEERFULLY F*** OURSELVES UNCONSCIOUS WITH THE NEAREST BRISTLY CLEANING UTENSIL.

GA: That Is Not Much Of An Optimistic Outlook.

CG: YEAH, WELL, OPTIMISM CAN GO BITE ITSELF IN THE ASS AND CHOKE TO DEATH ON A SWOLLEN DISGRACEMENT GLAND.
CG: I FEEL LIKE IF WE TRY TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT LIKE WE'VE TRIED TO DO BEFORE,
CG: PARADOX SPACE IS GOING TO STAB ALL IT'S INFINITE NUMBER OF MIDDLE FINGERS THROUGH OUR THINK PANS AS PER USUAL.
CG: F***. I WISH WE DIDN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO LIVE IN THIS STATE OF CLUELESS DUMBF***ERY
CG: AND THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING OUT THE PAN-TWISTING TRUTH EITHER.

GA: Calm Down, Karkat.
GA: It Will Be Fine.
GA: We're Here, And Are Doing Perfectly Well For Ourselves In The Meanwhile.
GA: We Will Just Have to Deal With Any "Dumbf***ery" As It Presents Itself To Us.

CG: ARGH, FINE, I GUESS.

GA: Alright.
GA: Well, If That Is All, I Must Put Away Trollian Before The Teacher Notices.

CG: YEAH, YOU DO THAT.

GA: Farewell.

CG: BYE.

[grimAuxilliatrix GA ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist CG]


Future:

An assembly of trolls and humans were meeting in a discreet location of the castle (that is to say, THE GREAT HALL).

And a chorus of furious voices shouted in angry unison; a choir of enraged mythical beasts known as angels:

"ERIDAN!

"Wwhat?" he asked, fins fluttering with surprise and nervousness as his eyes skipped across the assembled party's irritated expressions.

"IF I HAVE TO F***ING EXPLAIN WHAT THE F*** IS 'WWHAT,' YOU SERIOUSLY NEED AN EXCESSIVELY INVASIVE THINK PAN INVESTIGATION INVOLVING BOTH OF MY SIC-"

He was suddenly silenced by a flick of Hermione's wand, and after a mere heartbeat he started to make up for it by flailing his arms about as violently as physically possible.

"It's no trouble," Rose said placidly, "I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable paradox explanation for this."

Eridan scowled. "C'mon, it's not like I did anyfin wwrong."

"WELL YOU DIDN'T F***ING PIPE UP EITHER WHEN WE WERE SETTING OUT TO PUT OUR SORRY ASSES INTO THE NOOKCHOMPING DANGERHOLE OF-" He broke off again as Hermione offhandedly flicked her wand once more.

"Givve me a break! I had blood f***in shooting out of both nostrils and other places betides," he said, rightfully affronted.

"IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT FOR-" Hermione flicked her wand. Karkat lividly flipped her off with both hands.

"Guys, we should really stop fighting already and get started!" Aradia cut in, before Eridan could bite out a retort to Karkat's amputated tirade.


Present Wednesday: After Classes:

Terezi, Nepeta, Equius, and Luna Lovegood were settled happily in the dungeons. In respective order, they were cackling, dutifully scribbling red chalk onto the walls, sweating profusely, and rereading a certain copy of The Quibbler.

Terezi finished cackling at the enormous red dragon she'd ground into the walls and picked up her cane, which she'd attached her wand to with a hearty roll of Spellotape. With an impressive flourish, she drummed the end of the cane into the dragon's forehead, and within instants, the haphazardly scrawled beast came to life, stretching its wings out and galloping away down the darkened hallway.

Not to be outdone, Nepeta pressed the last of her red chalk into the eyes of a double-mouthed lion she'd drawn, and drew her own wand, tapping the two-dimensional feline on its forehead and sending it down the hall after the dragon, roaring all the while.

Terezi nodded with approval and picked up from the floor her near-empty box of red chalk.

"LUN4!" she grinned, shaking the small cardboard box, "More please!"

Without glancing up from her magazine, Luna tugged her wand from behind her ear and waved it at the box, which immediately refilled with fresh sticks of chalk. Giggling to herself, Terezi pulled out a few sticks and passed them around. Nepeta pounced on hers eagerly, but Equius took his with great reluctance, his sweating hands smearing the compressed red powder as soon as it came into contact.

"Nepeta," he said, teeth grinding together, "Are you... udderly certain that this is not against the established r001s?"

"Yep!" she confirmed cheerily, and carved a long, curving, red line into the dark stone wall where it seemed to glow, somewhat eerily. "Come on, Equius! Just have a little bit of fun for pounce!"

"Hehehe! Vriska will piss herself crying when she sees this all over her PR3C1OUS SLYTH3R1N T3RR1TORY!" Terezi snickered as she energetically dragged her chalk back and forth across the wall.

"Speaking of which," Luna commented, "Have you heard of the Skaian trolls that beat up Macnair in the French Alps yesterday? I meant to bring it up."

"Nice segue. It's not like those need to make sense or anything," Terezi snorted, finishing off the jagged fangs of yet another dragon, and moving onto adding spikes down its spine.

"Yes. Thank you. Now back to the question," Luna said seriously.

Terezi paused her work to splay her tongue against the wall. After several long seconds of slobbering all over the chalky dragon, she pulled her face away and resumed scribbling as though nothing had happened.

"Skaian trolls?" she said slowly, "Like Skaia?"

"Yes," Luna replied matter-of-factly, and turned another page, never averting her gaze from The Quibbler.

"Hermione mentioned something about the French Alps this morning," Nepeta added, brandishing her own stick of chalk in the air. "Remember, Terezi? And Equius, don't just stand there! You're just going to leave behind a pawful puddle on the floor if you think about 'r001s' too much. You didn't have to come down here with us, you know! I just thought it would be a purrfect chance to hang out togefur. Try it!"

Equius drew a very shaky, very hesitant red line on the wall, and then broke into a new tempo of sweating.

"Anyway," Nepeta continued, addressing Luna, "Why did you follow Equius here?"

"I thought I should get to know you better, is all. Besides, the Wrakspurts were acting up ridiculously in Ravenclaw Tower. I couldn't focus on my homework."

"Oh. That's... a shame?"

Terezi cackled suddenly as her stick of chalk had been ground into a small nub, which she popped into her mouth and savored, her eyes closing as she hummed contentedly.

"Also, I thought that perhaps Equius' friends would be more outspoken about the incident yesterday in the Alps. How could any of you trolls have been there?" She finally pulled her gaze away from The Quibbler and looked up seriously at the three trolls around her.

Terezi cracked her chalk nub into pieces in her mouth and grinned, her teeth stained bright red.

"Hehe, don't be S1LLY, Lemony!"

"Luna."

"Like I said, Lemony. Not even trolls can be in two places at once! Unless time shenanigans." She stopped, and seemed to stare at he half-finished dragon on the wall before her. She rolled the flecks of chalk around in her mouth contemplatively for a moment, before spitting them against the wall where they stuck, and then slowly sank down the wall in sticky globs of reddish teal. Terezi then glanced at Nepeta.

"Aradia hasn't showed up yet, has she?"

Equius stiffened.

Nepeta shook her head slowly, "Yeah, but... Oh. Ohhh..."

Luna glanced between them expectantly, her enormous eyes turning from one troll to the next.

Equius ground his cracked teeth, and then spoke up. "She showed up on Trollian. Yesterday."

"Did you talk to her?" demanded Terezi.

He started to sweat even harder. "N-no... 100dicrous. I. I need a-"

Nepeta tugged a towel out of her sylladex and tossed it to her moirail before he even had a chance to finish his sentence.

"Thank you, Nepeta."

Luna raised her eyebrows a little and asked, very politely, "Will any of you please explain?"

"But...Aradia is one of the nicest!" Nepeta insisted. "She never hurt anyone unless it was necessary for the... timeline..." She and Terezi exchanged a look.

"We don't know any more than you do," Terezi said to Luna, withdrawing another stick of chalk from its box, "Except that if Aradia is resorting to violent measures, then something bad has happened, is happening, or is going to happen. There's nothing we can do about it! She's the Maid of Time. It's her G1G. And we can't do SH1T about it. There are only two things you can do about time shenanigans."

She flicked her chalk against the air as though tapping an invisible diagram hovering in front of her. "One: Be Aradia." She flicked it again. "Two: Nothing."

And then she laughed, turning away from the alarmed gazes of her peers and scribbling away at the red dragon before her.

"Yeah, the best we can do now is f*** around with chalk until something more interesting come up, hehehehehe! Time isn't worth spending time worrying over."


"Vvris? What the f*** is that?" Eridan asked tentatively of the female troll as she stood by a library window clutching a handful of bright red fur of what appeared to be an extremely hairy, extremely wriggly, somewhat spherically shaped creature.

"It's Pyrope's," she snarled calmly, and shook the beast until it squealed a little, "I snatched it from under her armpit during lunch before Kanaya broke us up again. I think it's supposed to be some kind of adopted lusus. Path8tic!" She made a sound of derision in the back of her throat. "Does it look to you like she loves it?" She held it up to eye level and shook it again in Eridan's face.

Truthfully, the thing did not look well-loved in the slightest. Or if it was well-loved, it certainly was not well-cared for. It's fur was spiked up and matted in places with what appeared to be dried spittle, not to mention the somewhat... deflated look it had about it, despite its generally rotund shape. But Eridan didn't feel the urge to voice any of those sentiments.

"I didn't see you at lunch," he said bitterly, crossing his arms irritably and leaning away from the creature in Vriska's face, "where wwere you even?"

She snatched her hand away and huffed, "None of your business, Ampissra!"

And then she unlatched the library window, wound up her arm, and pitched the creature through with all her might. It sailed over the grounds, squeaking all the way.

Eridan screwed up his face in a more pronounced grimace at the way Vriska was smiling happily out the window at her handiwork. A sharp bang like a gun going off in the distance sounded moments later. Once upon a time she would've been trying to do shit to his treasured... red... hairball... lusus... if he'd had any. F***in' unbelievvable. And unfair as shit. Cod!

"You knoww wwhat, Vvris, I don't evven care. I'm gettin the f*** outta here," he fumed, and stalked away, leaving her to sigh contentedly as she leaned out the window, her elbows propped on the windowsill and her hands cupped around her chin.

He was such a mess, getting quadrant crushes evverywwhere. Eridan bit down on his tongue in a flash of fury, and didn't care when he tasted blood.


It was evening, and the sun was nearing the end if its descent behind the horizon. The light was quickly getting dark, but not quite to the point that anyone who happened to be outdoors felt the need to light their wandtips.

Neville Longbottom was watering a Lunar Maggot-Cruncher when something flew through the hatch in the roof of the greenhouse and crashed into the stack of extra flowerpots that Professor Spout kept on hand, cracking the ones it came into direct contact with. He turned hastily, dropping the watering can to his feet with a CLANG and nearly knocking over his prized Mimbulus Mimbletonia. (Professor Sprout had agreed to let him keep it in the school greenhouses for the duration of the academic year, as his roommates had not appreciated having something in their dorm that would squirt stinksap everywhere whenever it was startled.)

He quickly lit his wand and pointed it at the pile of cracked flowerpots in an attempt to get a better look at the object. The flowerpots suddenly rustled, scaring Neville half to death, but then a bright red pygmy-puff scuttled out, tripped over a shard of ceramic, and fell on it's face, churring pitifully.

Just as he was about to move forward and check to see if the poor creature was alright, something else came striking through the ceiling in a flash of light, and crashed directly into the dazed Pygmy Puff. Neville scuttled back for the second time that evening, ducking behind a large planter for shelter. When nothing happened for several moments, he peered curiously over the rim, raising his glowing wandtip over his head.

The mysterious flying object that had crushed the mysterious flying Pygmy Puff was a perfectly spherical grey object that had odd, orange protrusions studding its surface. Cautiously, and doubting his own sanity, Neville picked up a clod of dirt from the floor and threw it at the object. The impact knocked the thing off-balance, but it simply rolled slightly and came to a rest again, showing no sign of reacting to the dirt clod.

Neville stood and crept over to the ball, and poked the item with the end of his wand. And then quickly put up a Shield Charm.

But the thing simply lay there. Indeed, it seemed like a perfectly normal, nonsentient, grey object with sunset-colored lumps all over it.

Shrugging, Neville lifted the thing into the air with a spell and carefully took it to find Professor Sprout. Surely she'd know what the heck to do with it. Maybe the Whomping Willow was sending out seeds or something.

Even though he was sure that Whomping Willow did not have such oddly-shaped seeds.


In the Gryffindor Girls' Dormitories later that night:

"H4S 4NYON3 S33N S1R C4NDY D3L1CIOUS?" Terezi cried hysterically, overturning everybody's beadspreads and running around the room worriedly.

"No, Terezi," Hermione said calmly, casting spells around the room to tidy away the health hazard zones that Terezi was making out of the dormitory.

"When was the last time you paw him?" Nepeta asked worriedly from her safe perch atop the pillars of her bed, which Terezi was currently tearing through like a starving man into a five-course gourmet meal.

"1 DON'T KNOW! I had him under my armpit before lunch, but-"

"Your armpit," said Hermione flatly, her facial expression somehow failing to communicate any degree of surprise.

"Yes!"

And then Terezi, struck by an idea, suddenly straightened up and picked up her cane.

"No, I wouldn't advice a Summoning Spell," Hermione said quickly, "It might crash him through a window and kill him."

She dropped her cane and started to turn in place, surveying the room critically as Hermione put Nepeta's bed back together. ("Thank you, Purrmione!") Finally, Terezi picked her cane up again and moved over to her own bed, flopping down with a heavy sigh.

"I guess he'll turn up again..."

"Mm-hmm," Hermione responded, not sounding particularly convinced.


Karkat sat on his four-poster bed with a husktop across his lap, quickly finishing up an essay about F***ING UNICORN CRAP. After typing out the last line, he saved the file and opened a Trollian chat window.

[carcinoGeneticist CG started trolling twinArmegeddons TA]

CG: ALRIGHT BITCHFITS HORNF***ER

It was quite late in the night, and Karkat was too exhausted from Filch's shitty detention rituals to even pretend to initiate any semblance of pleasantries. Not that he would've used them anyway even if he were well-rested. His fingers flashed quickly across the keyboard as he typed out line after bluntly-phrased line.

CG: KANAYA SAID YOU'VE GOT A PRINTER RUNNING.
CG: IF I SEND YOU SOME DUMBF*** HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS WILL YOU PRINT THEM OUT?
CG: THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO WRITE IT ALL BY HAND.

Moments later, he received a response from the other end.

TA: well 2iince you put iit ever 2o niicely,
TA: okay let'2 thiink real hard now
TA: how about...
TA: no
TA: and let that teach you 2omethiing about beiing poliite

Fighting down an aneurism, Karkat pressed his fists against his eyes for several moments before laying his hands back on the keyboard.

CG: HA. HA. YOU F***ING GODAWFUL EXCUSE OF A JOKEWAD.
CG: I SUPPOSE YOU'RE GONNA SAY SOMETHING DUMB AND CHILDISH NOW LIKE
CG: YOU'RE F***IN' WALCOME!

TA: no thank2 that'2 your job.
TA: 2mell you later 2tumpy nub2
TA: ii'm goiing to have 2ome 2weet as 2hiit dream2 now

[twinArmageddons TA ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist]

Karkat kicked his bedpost hard enough to bruise a toe. He swallowed a scream of ragepain and smashed out a message that Sollux would most assuredly never read.

CG: THAT'S IT.
CG: I'M BREAKING STRAIGHT INTO YOUR SMUGSHIT LITTLE RAVENBULGE ASSHOLE TOWER TO THROTTLE YOUR SELF-IMPORTANT AIR CHUTE INTO BLOODY CHUNKS.
CG: TAKE THIS AS A F***ING WARNING.


End of Chapter 16


Note: Yeah I'm still having Real Life shenanigans, so don't expect the next chapter to be on schedule either. I'M SORRY GUYS, REALLY, but I'm only human, and I do like my beauty sleep... Okay so maybe it's more like average sleep but wwhatevver.

I hope this is okay for you guys? I'm quite proud of how the KK/KN conversation turned out, but I'm not as sure about the rest. :X

Lalalalala :P