Your Penname: ***
Story Title: Done Fighting
Song that inspired you: Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore by REO Speedwagon
Summary: The one time he steps out of his comfort zone ends up being what brings him to the love of his life, or so he hopes.
Rating: M rating
Pairing: Edward and Bella
Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended
We have been close since the day I decided to step outside of my comfort zone, say hi and introduce myself. I had never done anything like it before. I was a nervous wreck, my palms were sweating. I was grateful that I was wearing an undershirt; otherwise, I'm sure I would have had sweat stains in the pit of my oxford shirt. Thank God I didn't try to shake her hand or it would have been swimming in mine; and not because my hands are huge, but because they were sweating that bad. I'm surprised that she didn't notice that my heart was about to beat out of my chest, if she did, she never said anything and still hasn't to this day.
She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life, albeit it was a short life at that point; a mere fifteen years, however, she was still the most captivating creature on the face of the earth. We had advanced biology together, the seat next to me was the only one open, she was new and I couldn't keep my eyes off her as she sauntered her way over to sit next to me, a slight reddish hue on her cheeks and neck, as if she had just ran or been standing in the wind. It was beautiful, just like she was.
She had long brown hair, which flowed to the middle of her back. Not quite chestnut, it was many shades of brown; you could almost make a rainbow just out of the different highlights that were in her hair. She had it feathered on the sides and had a beautiful blue ribbon that ended with a bow on top, which was kind of on the side of her head. She was wearing lip gloss that I could smell the moment she sat down, it smelled like strawberries, which made my stomach growl, just thinking about how good it would be to eat some strawberries, I hadn't had breakfast that morning, so the smell just caught my attention even more. She had very little makeup on, which was unusual for girls at the time. Most girls in my opinion wore make up that made them look like clowns
I couldn't tell ya what she was wearing, because my focus was solely on her face at the time. Her glossed lips were so full, the side of the bottom one slightly being bitten by her beautiful white teeth. She looked so unsure as she came to sit next to me. She wasn't paying attention however and nearly tripped and hit her head. With my quick reflexes, I was able to reach out fast enough to help her steady herself and prevent her from hitting her head on the desk. I didn't want her to mar that beautiful soft skin of hers. That would have been a shame.
After that first day, we were inseparable; she was brilliant, smarter than any other girl I had ever met. She was in all advanced placement classes which meant that we had most of our classes together. She was the only girl to also have given me the time of day. Not only did we spend all the time we could at school together, but outside of school as well, when she wasn't busy.
Not only was she smart, but she was one of the most popular girls in our high school. She hung out the popular kids, the ones who always made fun of me for my dorky glasses and "Flock of Seagulls" hair cut, well as much of one I could have with how wild my hair tended to be. I was also the biggest nerd of our high school. People would always ask her why she was hanging out with me, and they couldn't understand the draw that we had to each other, the way that we were able to get each other sometimes without words being said.
Our high school years passed relatively uneventful, We never went to any of the dances as she wasn't crazy about them. She always said she couldn't dance and saw no real reason to go to them. I was okay with that because it meant that I had her for the whole night to myself to do whatever we wanted, which usually ended up being watching the latest movie that was out on VHS. VHS was the new thing that was out, it was really cool to be able to sit at home and watch a movie that was in the theaters right there on your own television.
However, it was our senior year and prom was coming up. I desperately wanted to go! This was the last dance of our high school career and I wanted to go with her. I wanted to show people how beautiful she was, especially in a dress. I wanted to dance with her, have one last wonderful memory we didn't have together. I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend. I know, I know, we were graduating and going to different schools, but things had also changed. While I was still the nerdy boy with the glasses and crazy wild and weird colored hair, I had also grown, put on some muscle, and lost the little boyish looks I had. I had started becoming a man. I wanted to start college off right with her as my girlfriend. I wanted to be able to tell others that I had the most wonderful, beautiful, and smartest girlfriend and beam with pride as I did.
I had it all planned out. I was going to ask her one night while we were watching some sappy chick flick, I was thinking maybe during Sixteen Candles or The Breakfast Club or some other Molly Ringwald movie that she loved. She always begged me to watch those with her and as always, I gave in. I couldn't ever resist her; she was too strong for me! Plus I loved the smile I always got in return when I let her watch one of them. She would snuggle into me, the popcorn on my lap and her arm wrapped around the arm closest to her, her head on my shoulder. It was very euphoric for me little did she know, that every time she touched me like that, I always got hard for her. I couldn't control it, it just happened.
Her hands on me, her breath on my neck, the smell of that strawberry lip gloss, her soft hands that would caress my arm every so often. Even though we saw those movies hundreds of times, I still have yet to see one all the way through. My mind was always preoccupied with other things.
I had never told her, and I don't think she knew, but I fell in love with Isabella Swan that first day she walked into my life. It was literally love at first sight. From there on out, for me, I fell harder and further in love with her. She's my world, always has been and always will be. Everything about her draws me in, which is why I just had to ask her to be my girlfriend, but first I had to get her to go to prom with me. So I had my plan in place, it was another night of watching one of her movies. Instead of her begging me like always, I told her I would choose the movie. I hoped that with what I was choosing, it would get her into a great mood, maybe soften her up a little. I chose Pretty in Pink. I figured that since it was somewhat centered on the prom, it would be a great intro into me asking her.
After eating pizza, getting popcorn, and some bottles of Pepsi, she sat down on the couch in my basement and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and got comfy.
"So Cullen, what movie are we watching tonight?" She asked me, as I took the video tape out of the box, not letting her see what it was.
"Well, Swan, you'll just have to wait and see, but I'm pretty sure you'll like it…" I trailed off, just watching her face as the movie came on. Since we had watched it so much, we knew the previews by heart and I could see the smile on her face begin to form until it was so big it almost took up her whole mouth.
"Squee! Edward, oh my gawd! You are so awesome, like totally awesome! I can't believe you chose Pretty in Pink, you are the bestest friend in the whole world. Like, seriously, no other best friend compares. I love this movie, so much." I walked over to her, sat down in my spot, and as always she got comfy cuddling into me.
I didn't watch the movie, I watched her; the way her lips moved as she recited the lines from the movie, sometimes before the actors did. She knew this movie inside and out, as did I, after watching it so many times. I loved seeing her facial expressions to certain parts of the movie. She got all excited and she would beam when Molly's character was happy, sad when she was sad. Even though Molly was the lead in the movie, she loved Ducky; she always wanted Ducky and Andie to end up together. She loved how geeky Ducky was and wished that he could be happy with who he was in love with. This was another reason I chose this movie; she always went for the underdog in romances, she always wanted them to end up happy. I in some ways felt like Ducky, being nerdy and different and all, so it always made me smile when she made comments about how cute or in some cases, depending on her mood, sexy he was. It gave me hope; enough hope that she would say yes about going to prom with me without much hesitation.
The entire movie, her head lying against my shoulder, her hand rubbing on my arm, just lightly, like she always did. When she would tear up a little during the movie, I would as always wipe away her tears, Just another excuse to touch her face how I always wanted to, how I always dream of touching her, as something more than a best friend.
I wasn't sure when I was going to ask her. Each moment I wanted to ask, I felt it just wasn't the right time. Finally, the movie was over and she was sitting up, stretching, just like she always did at the end of a movie, and raised her arms above her head, yawning and groaning. The sounds of her stretching almost made me that much harder, it wasn't the growl kind of groan; it was that soft, sweet kind that went straight to my lower half. I always had to wait a couple minutes after a movie to get up. I never wanted her to see how hard I was for her, what she did to my body. I was also always so happy that she preferred to watch movies in the complete dark, only the light from the television illuminating the room and us. It made it easier for me to hide what was happening.
I decided to be playful with her like I had been on occasion and tickle her. She was wearing a shirt that was tied off to the side, so when her arms were raised, a sliver of the creamy, flawless skin on her stomach showed. She wasn't one of those girls that is stick thin and skinny. She wasn't fat either, not even close, she was the perfect size. She had some muscle on her and you could see it, she was after all a cheerleader and played volleyball, which took a lot of muscle, and surprisingly, those were the only two things she was graceful at. She could walk across a flat floor and trip, but put her on a cheer squad or on a volleyball court and she was a whole different person, graceful, not clumsy. She was simple in so many ways, but at the same time, so complex. I loved that about her.
So, there I was, tickling her, and she was squealing, telling me to stop. Her face was getting redder by the second and it came out of my mouth before I realized what I was saying. I didn't plan on asking her the way I did, but it happened. I was tickling her, she was begging and the next words out of my mouth were, "Only if you go to prom with me…" When the words flew from my mouth, I stopped immediately. My hands flew to my mouth, shocked at what I had just done. That was not how I wanted to ask the most beautiful girl in the world, the girl that I was head over heels in love with, to go to prom with me.
It either took a few seconds for what I asked to sink in or she had to think about it, because I didn't hear a word out of her for what seemed like forever. She sat straight up, looked me straight in the eye and just gazed at me, like she was trying to see something clearly; what, I have no idea, but the look was one of curiosity.
"Edward," she called my name and I heard her, but I didn't respond, not by facial expression, not by looking, nothing. I was kind of stunned still, and she called my name again. "Edward, look at me please," I raised my eyebrow, not sure what she was meaning because I was looking at her, I was always looking at her.
"I am looking at you, Bella." I responded, not quite sure what else there was to say. I was still in a state of semi shock.
"Edward, did you just ask me to go to prom with you? In a round about way?" She looked at me again, with a look of perplexity.
"Um, uhhh," I gracefully stuttered out, "Yeah I did, it's not how I wanted to ask you. I'm sorry, you don't have to answer! I won't blame you for not wanting to go. For one, that was the lamest, most uncool way to ask you. Just forget I asked." I turned to sit facing the T.V. so I didn't have to see the rejection in her face when she told me that she would forget it; that it was okay and let it go. I didn't want to see how it looked to be rejected by the girl, the person I loved with my whole heart. I couldn't handle it right now. I was a dork and a nerd and so out of her league, but at least I could still keep her as my best friend.
"Edward, why did you ask me to go to prom with you? You know I don't like dancing, and getting all dressed up just to look like a fool because I can't dance. Not to mention, I don't want to fall on my face in front of all of our classmates in heels."
"Bella, I said don't worry about it, just forget I asked. But just so you know, I would never let you make a fool out of yourself, you wouldn't have to dance, I would do it all for you, I would make it effortless for you. I just thought it would be fun to go to something together since this will be the last thing we can do together in high school, before…" I left my words hanging; I didn't want to bring up going to college just yet. We were both going off to different schools, which sucked big time and hurt because that meant we weren't going to be together, but I didn't want to think about how not taking her to prom would throw my other plans out the window.
"Okay…" that's all she said and was silent for the next minute. I figured we were done with the conversation, so I sat there and just let it sink in, that we weren't going; that this was it, there was nothing left to do. I couldn't exactly ask her to be my girlfriend just out of the blue, that would be weird, right?
"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, did you hear me? I said okay. I figured you would have had a better reaction than just sitting there." She started laughing.
"What?" I was confused…"You mean, okay you'll go to prom with me?"
"Yes, Edward, best friend of mine, I will go with you. But we are not going to any after parties, got it?"
"Sure, yeah, no I wasn't planning on any after parties, but…" I wasn't sure how she would take what I wanted to do, so I just kind of left it.
"But… what?" she looked at me with her eyebrow raised, waiting for me to finish.
"Well, I figured, since it would be late when the dance was over, that…that maybe we could get a room in the hotel where the prom is at instead of having to drive home. I mean we don't have to, I just thought it would be easier, we could get ready in it and relax before, and if we wanted to, we could… we could maybe get some alcohol. Do the whole cliché thing that you always hear about proms."
She sat for a minute or so, looking like she was mulling over what I had proposed.
"I guess… I guess there's nothing wrong with that, and it would be nice to not have to rush to get ready and I'll think about the alcohol, I'm not sure about that yet. I'll let you know. So I guess, I'm going to prom, with my best friend." She sighed but with a smile on her face. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in and sighed myself, relieved that she had said yes. Now to figure out the next step of my plan; how I am going to ask her to be my girlfriend, and not asking her how I asked her to go to prom.
Time went by; prom was just a few days away. We had everything we needed. I booked the room, I had my tux, and she had her dress, though she wouldn't let me know what it looked like. She said it was a surprise; I didn't even know what color it was. When it came to my cummerbund and bowtie, I went with black, you can never go wrong with black, so whatever color her dress was, it would match it. I was excited and as the days drew closer I get even more psyched.
We had decided that we would go as a group, with our other friends; Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie, who was dating my older brother Emmett. It was also Emmett who I had gotten the idea from for the room. He knew how I felt about Bella; he saw it before I ever admitted it to anyone but myself. I'm sure others probably knew, but I never admitted to anyone, my brother on the other hand, forced it out of me.
"Dude, bro, what the fuck? When are you going to get with Bella? Shit, it's been three years and you still haven't done a damn thing. Are you a pussy or something?" he stood in my door way on one of his weekends home from college, berating me about Bella once again.
"Emmett, leave me alone, and leave Bella alone. We're fine; she's my best friend, isn't that enough?" I wasn't quite sure I wanted to open to him, to tell him my true feelings.
"I don't know, baby bro, you tell me. Are you satisfied with being her best friend? I see how you look at her, how you are so caught up in her, you would do anything in the world for her, hell, you are so wrapped in her that you don't see how the other girls out there look at you. Sure you're still dorky as fuck, but you have changed a bit and the girls are noticing, but you don't seem to notice because your head is stuck so far up Bella's ass. So, if you ask me, I don't think it's enough for you. Either you're lying to yourself or you honestly don't know, but your ass is fucking in love with that girl. You have been since you were fifteen. So when are you going to do something about it? You don't have much longer before going to college you know."
"Don't remind me, I know, and yes I know… fuck, I know, Em! I know I'm in love with her. I have been since the first day I laid eyes on her in biology. She's all I ever think about, I know we only have a short time before college. I know that we won't see each other, but what the fuck can I do? It's not like I can ask her to be my girlfriend before we go off to school in completely different places. That's not fair to her, I can't just ask her to give up her whole college experience of dating just because I can and will. God knows, I will not date while in college, I know no other woman out there will ever compare to her, I am quite aware of the predicament I am in. So if you don't mind, just butt the fuck out of it." And with that I got up off my bed, went to my door and closed it on him. I didn't want to hear anymore from him about it, not then, not ever, or so I thought.
However, the words he said set off my thought process of being with Bella, on what I would and wouldn't do as far as being with her. I loved her with every fiber in my body, but I wasn't sure how she felt about me. I decided right then and there I would stop fighting the feelings I had for her, fighting wanting to be with her. I was going to start fighting for us, to make us more than what we had been. I wasn't sure if it would work at the time, but now that we are going to prom together, I can only do one thing and that is to try. I just hope that it doesn't come back to bite me in the ass. I was stoked but freaking out at the same time.
I picked Bella up at her house to head to the hotel. We were going to meet the others there to grab some grub, to schmooze it up some, and to let the girls do their gal-pal thing. All the girls were going to get ready in mine and Bella's room, while the guys got ready in Emmett and Rose's room. I couldn't wait to see what she looked like, what her dress looked like, her hair and makeup. I bought her a corsage for her wrist; it was a white ruffled tulip called a Parrot Tulip. It wasn't traditional, but then again, neither were Bella and I. I hoped she liked it and that it would go with what she was wearing. I was nervous about it; I had never seen Bella in anything other than her school clothes which mostly consisted of the typical eighties fashion.
She always wore her stone washed jeans, L.A. Gear shoes, layered socks, shirts that were too big, tied on the side. She even sometimes wore miniskirts, but her dad Charlie would never allow her out of the house with one on unless she had something under them, so she would wear some things I think were called leggings. I just remember asking her all the time what they were because they were funny to me. She always wore her hair feathered, or pulled into a pony tail onto the side. Her bangs were always sky high, it almost seemed like girls were in competition to see who could get their bangs the poufiest, the highest, and how much hair spray they could use doing it. You couldn't walk by the girl's locker room without having to have a gas mask; there was always so much hairspray that came out of the doors, it's amazing none of them died of inhaling it with the chemicals alone, but the amount that they used, I think there was more aerosol in the air than actual air.
She always surprised me though, never ever doing what I thought she would do, so I was more than curious as to what she would do for prom. In some ways I didn't care, I was just happy she was going to be there with me, dancing with me, her arms wrapped around me, me guiding her on the dance floor, smelling her hair, her strawberry lip gloss, wanting to kiss it off of her and then licking it off of her lips and licking it off mine after we were done kissing. That was something I was hoping I would get to do tonight, among many other things. I just hoped I wouldn't push things to the point of no return.
It was decided that after we got ready, we would meet them just outside the doors to where prom was being held to keep the suspense of what the girls looked like after they spent all afternoon primping. I grabbed the corsage for Bella off the table in Emmett's room. My hands shaking a bit, nervous about what this night would mean. It could go so many ways; I was just hoping it would go the way I wanted it to. Maybe tonight would be a major turning point in our relationship and hopefully not the end of it. With that thought, we were out the door heading downstairs. Each of us pulling at our bowties, they weren't very comfortable at all. I don't see how people used to wear these all the damn time.
As we neared the ballroom for the prom, I could sense Bella; it was always that way with us when we were in the same area as each other. It was like our bodies and our senses called out to each other. I wasn't sure if she ever felt it, sometimes I think she did, but she never said anything to me and I never said anything to her. It just was. I grew more anxious as we got closer, and I could see the girls just a little bit in front of us, outside of the ballroom. It was dark, the mood being set before we even got into the actual event. As she came into focus, my breathing faltered and I almost tripped over my own feet. She was breathtaking. She for once had me speechless, even in my own mind. Emmett and Jasper went up to their girls, grabbing them and kissing them then twirling them to get the full view. Then they put on the girl's corsages, kissed them again, and they both giggled. The four of them went into the ballroom, leaving Bella and I outside in the hallway all alone. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, she was stunning, and as always just like the first time we met, she was nibbling on her bottom lip on one side. I reached up and gently pulled it from her teeth, and the sensation of touching her mouth almost too much for me in that moment.
"Wow, Bella…" those were the only words that I could manage to get out at the moment, my head was spinning. I always knew she was beautiful, no matter what she wore or how she wore her hair; none of that ever mattered because she was beautiful to me in anything. But in this moment, with the gorgeous blue dress that fit her curves just right, she was wow! It was short, it looked sleeveless and had a bow that was more up and down than side to side and had kind of flower in the middle of it, and it was poufy or ruffly, I can never tell the difference. Just that it looked kind of bunched together and stuck out from her body a little bit. It showed off her gorgeous legs, which led down to some of the shiniest shoes I had ever seen. They were silver heels and blue sparkly bows that matched her dress. I was so glad I went with black for my tux and white for the corsage because there was no way I would have been able to figure out she would wear this.
The blue against her skin was amazing. She had a little bit of a tan from always being outside, but it wasn't enough that it looked fake. She was almost glowing with how beautiful she was, how magnificent she looked. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, it wasn't until she cleared her throat and called my name that I actually realized I hadn't said anything else since I said wow.
"Edward, you look amazing, so handsome." She eyed me, a slight blush rising on her cheeks, her eyes glowing. I had never seen her look at me like she was at this moment. It was so new and so intoxicating, to have her blushing for me. She never blushed when it came to me. I wasn't sure what to think in that moment, but I wanted to get the night going, to spend it with her, so I just put it to the back of my mind. I grabbed her hand, and put the corsage on her wrist. She looked down and eyed it, looking at it with curiosity.
"Edward, this is gorgeous, what is it? It doesn't look like a carnation or a rose like the other corsages I've seen. Where did you get it? It's so awesome, you are totally making this night awesome. Thank you so much. Oh that reminds me…" she turned as if she was going to grab something from behind her; I hadn't noticed that one of her hands had been behind her back the whole time. What she pulled out was not what I was expecting. In her hand was a beautiful boutonniere, just as unique as the one I gave her, in many ways even more so. She went beyond the typical flower one and had one of a peacock feather, the part that looks like and eye; it matched her beautiful blue dress just perfectly. She had managed to get some of the color of her dress for me, and the best part was that what she gave me would never wilt or die. I'm not a sappy kind of guy that keeps tons of mementos, but there are some that I have kept over the years with Bella. Bottle caps from our first movie together, bubble gum wrappers, which I wrote dates on; sometimes with little notes saying what it was from and the important things that happened with us.
As she reached up to pin it to my lapel, I couldn't help but to get a whiff of her natural smell. She never wore perfumes, it was always just her natural smell, along with her shampoo and her body washes. It was always so intoxicating for me, so overwhelming, yet I would never want to give it up for an instant. After she was done pinning it, I made sure to mention to her how much I loved it, how different it was. She gave me a huge grin and wrapped her arm into mine and we walked into the prom; arm in arm, both of us with huge smiles on our faces, neither of us knowing what the night held for us exactly. I had some hopes, but I wasn't sure what she had going on in her head. I did want to show her a good time at least, she did after all give in to me to come here. It was the least I could do.
The inside was amazing; lights were dangling everywhere, streamers and balloons, and all the other typical decorations that were used for a prom. The theme was "Just For a Moment", and oddly enough to me, it was apt for tonight, for what was hopefully going to happen tonight. Just for a moment, we weren't Edward and Bella; best friends. Just for a moment, we were Edward and Bella prom dates, and the future possibly held much more… just for a moment.
We went and had our picture taken, and it was so natural for us; we posed like we had been together forever, which even though it wasn't forever, it had been three years, We were so use to being around each other, our bodies just seemed to know what to do. The camera person even made a few comments about how natural we were able to pose with each other, he didn't give us any other directions other than to look here or there or right at the camera. From there we went to find the others. I was thirsty after being in the penguin suit for the last hour and I felt like I was stifling, not to mention my nerves were going a million miles a hour, so after finding the others, I told Bella I would be right back and was going to get us some punch. I downed about three cups before I finally headed back to the group. As I approached her, I had to stop, my step faltered a tiny bit, and I was hit with her beauty once again; she was just so totally hot and amazing. All the best things about her were amped up. Her hair was down, flowing over her shoulders, but the front was poufed up and she also had the sides of her hair pulled up, being held with two combs that made her hair look even more feathered. The combs had blue and diamond looking rhinestones on them; it was just another little thing to pull her look together. When she moved her head, a light would hit one of the combs and they would sparkle, showing off her beauty even more, drawing attention to her that she didn't realize she had, especially by me.
I walked up and gave her the punch then asked her to dance. She surprisingly said yes and we danced a few dances on the floor; some of them fast to the latest eighties pop songs, some slow, and then, one song that stood out among all the others, then one that summed up that night starting playing. I pulled her closer to me, my mouth near her ear and I felt her shiver just slightly, goose bumps rising on her skin. I ran my hand down on of her arms to warm her up a bit, not entirely sure that she had gotten them because she was cold; part of me hoped it was because she was having some feelings stirring in her, feelings that maybe she didn't know existed.
Right as the music started, I put one hand on her waist, and with the other I grabbed her hand and pulled her even tighter to me, made sure I did all the work. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster and I swear I could almost hear hers as well; beating to the same beat as mine. My face automatically smiled at the thought, the thought that she too could be feeling the same feelings as me, at least I was hopeful. As the words started, I started singing them to her in her ear, it was a song I had heard many times and knew the words by heart.
I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.
What started out as friendship,
Has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.
I tell myself I can't hold out forever.
I said there is no reason for my fear.
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.
You give my life direction,
You make everything clear.
And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the window,
On a cold dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crushing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.
I've been running round in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,
Cause you take me to the places,
That alone I'd never find.
Right before the next chorus, I pulled back a little and was shocked to see her face. She had tears streaming down her cheeks. She was crying. Why was she crying? This was not what I was going for. She was still smiling but she was crying.
"Shh, Bella, sweetheart, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Baby, don't cry." I hadn't realized it, but I had just crossed a line, I had called her pet names that I had never called her before. Ones I had always wanted to, that were always at the tip of my tongue, but I never had the guts to do so. Seeing her in this state, after the song that was just on, left my head and my heart in different places. I wasn't sure what to do, so I suggested that we go to our room. She nodded and said she was going to go to the bathroom first and would meet me outside the ballroom doors in the hallway.
I went to let the others know that Bella and I were calling it a night, that she wasn't feeling good; I didn't want them to know she was crying and was upset. That would just get Rose and Alice into a frenzy and ruin their night. I quickly went to find Bella and she was right where she said she would be. I took my tuxedo jacket off and put it over her shoulders, figuring she might be cold and if not, at least she had the warmth of my body since it was kind of hard to walk and hold her at the same time. We headed up to the room, my arm over her shoulders as much as possible; she was carrying her heels in one hand, her hand bag in the other.
We got to the room and were both quiet. I wasn't sure what to say, what to do; I was in uncharted territory for us. This was not something we have ever had to deal with. Bella and I never dated anyone in high school so I never had to be there to console her when she got upset about a guy, because it never happened. So I just stood there, waited for her to come around, to open up. I didn't want to pry, as much as it was killing me to see her upset, I didn't want to push her.
Finally after about ten minutes of being in the room she started to talk to me. I was in such a state of confusion, of trying to think of what to do that I hadn't heard her the first time she said my name, and I only knew that because of the way she had said my name when I finally heard her.
"Edward, please look at me! Edward, I need you to look at me," she was almost begging.
"Sorry, Bella, I was thinking. I didn't want to bother you, didn't want to push you to find out what was going on. Are you okay? Did I do something? Did I say something? I'm sorry if I upset you, I don't even know what I said or did, but if you tell me, I'll fix it. I don't like seeing you upset like this, it kills me. You're my best friend; you're the only person I care about so much. To see you hurt and upset and crying, it kills me and I will do whatever I have to, to fix it. If it's me, tell me, I'll do what I can…" I knew I was starting to ramble so I just kind of let my words run off, not quite sure what else I could say, I just wanted to see her smile again.
She got up and came towards me, she wasn't crying anymore, but she wasn't smiling either. She had this look on her face that I had never seen before. I didn't know what to make of it.
"Edward, why did you sing that song to me? Of all the times we have heard it; you have never once sung it to me like you did tonight. I don't think I was imagining that you were singing it to me, was I?" Oh God, my stomach was in knots, I was starting to feel sick with anxiety. I was out of my element. I was on the cusp of possibly doing the most dangerous thing I had ever done.
"Bella," I sighed, taking a deep breath a few times, "no, you weren't imagining it. I was singing those words to you. I… I have always sung them to you, but never with the feeling that I… fuck! This is harder than I thought it would be." Bella stepped back; I rarely cussed in front of her and never used fuck in front of her.
"Oh Bella, I'm sorry, shit, I'm just trying to sort my thoughts out here, trying to get what it is I want to say out right so I don't mess this up, mess us up. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I somehow messed up what we have. I may have already done so, I hope not, but I have to try. I can't keep fighting this, Bella; I have done it far too long. Since that first day in biology, I have been in love with you." I pinch my nose; turn away for a second, not looking at her, but trying to gain the strength I would need to do this, to confess my undying love to her; to hope against all hope that in the end, it wasn't futile. I couldn't have this night end with us ending.
"Edward…" she started towards me, started trying to talk to me.
"Bella, baby," The word was foreign to my mouth, other than the one time I had just said it earlier, however it felt so right to say to her, felt so natural.
"I'm sorry if this is too much, I know I'm dropping a lot on you, on us, right before school is ending, right before we go to college. I know the timing bites; I'm such a lame ass for waiting so long, for taking so long to get my head out of my ass and doing what I should have done a long time ago. I know I'm not the best looking guy, hell even for as smart as I am, I'm not even the smartest guy, but Bella, you will never find another person, another guy that loves you as deeply and as much as I do and will. I love you, I love you, I love you. I know it's overwhelming, I'm sorry, I just can't stop myself. I love you so much it hurts. I know I'm probably fucking things up, I know I'm probably ruining our friendship, the one thing that means more to me, other than you and other than how much I love you and care about you. But I'm done hiding and fighting like I said. I had to take this risk. I just had to…"
She looked at me, I knew I just opened up a can of emotions; I just poured all I had out there. It was going to take time for her to process but I didn't want time; I wanted to know what was going through her head, what she was thinking and feeling. I wanted to rush over to her, grab her and kiss her; to own her mouth, own her mind and her body, to have her do the same to me. The love I felt for her was like nothing I had ever heard about, or felt before, not even the love I had for her as a friend was this strong, and it was scary as hell. I just opened up myself to her and now I wasn't sure what was next for me, for us.
"Edward," she sobbed, "Edward, you love me? Are you sure? Are you sure that it's me? Are you sure it's not because I'm the safe route for you? It's easy to fall in love with someone you're close to. But Edward, why me? I don't understand. I'm just me, simple Bella."
"Stop, please Bella, just stop. You are in no way simple, you are the most gorgeous girl; no strike that, woman, the most gorgeous woman on the face of this planet. No one compares to you, no one can come close to being like you. I love you for so many reasons. I can't tell you all of them because it would take me a lifetime, to tell you, to show you. Bella, I just love you, I always have and I know I always will. This feeling is not going anywhere. No matter how far apart we go for school, or anywhere after that. I will always love you and I have a feeling that it will just grow and grow. However, if you don't feel the same, I understand. I know I've overwhelmed you, I never expected this to happen, not like this. I was going to tell you that I loved you, but not like this. I had it planned out much, much better than this."
As I stood there, watching her, her face started to morph, to change, she went from crying and sobbing to a smirk, then a smile, and then she was glowing. She was actually glowing, I don't know how else to describe it, but I knew right then that we were going to be okay. If the words that came out of her mouth hadn't been said right after, I would still have known we were going to be okay.
"Edward, oh my god, I… I love you too, I have loved you for so long, it's why I never went out on dates with the guys who asked, and it's why I preferred to stay with you. I love you too, Edward, always have and always will, you have always been more than my best friend, I have always wanted more, but never knew how to find out if you felt the same way." She paused for a second, thinking.
"Oh my god, we have wasted so much time of not being together because neither one of us knew what to do."
"Bella, shh, we didn't waste time, we were together, maybe not telling each other that we loved each other, but we still have those memories, will have those memories. I know it won't be the easiest thing in the world, being in two different places, but Bella, I love you, and I was hoping and wanting, to know, would you be my girlfriend?"
She started giggling. I can't believe she started giggling. I just asked her to be my girlfriend and she giggled at me.
"Edward, I think that the fact that I just told you I love you too should be your answer. Yes, I'll be your girlfriend. In some ways, I think I have always been your girlfriend, minus the kissing, minus the other stuff; we were very much like boyfriend and girlfriend. But first, I want something from you. I want you to kiss me; I have been dying to kiss you since that first day in biology. Please, will you kiss me?"
She didn't have to say another word, it just took a few steps to her, I pulled her to my body hard, feeling her against me, my cock getting harder, and she sighed, I took her mouth into mine, sucking her bottom lip, tasting the lip gloss finally and licking both of our lips. Nibbling on hers, my tongue found its way into her mouth as she opened her lips to me, letting me taste her breath. I was finally kissing the only girl, the only woman I would ever want to kiss and hopefully, not right now, but in the near future, the only one I would ever kiss. Only time would tell…
Endnote: Thank you for reading. Please leave a review and then check out all the other fantastic entries. Voting begins 11/1/11.