I wrote this a couple of months ago for a musical challenge on ffchaoticcosmos- the prompt I wrote this for was from toffeethesnob, who wanted a fic with Tidus based off of the Liam Kyle Sullivan video 'Let Me Borrow That Top'. If you haven't seen it, check it out on his site or youtube- the fic will make much more sense if you know the video!
This is also my first attempt at writing Kuja, which was interesting. I think maybe he's taken on a few more of Kefka's habits in this fic than he'd ever want to admit, but hopefully it stays enough within character!
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy, Dissidia and Duodecim belong to Square Enix; the referenced videos belong to Liam Kyle Sullivan. I'm just here to (hopefully) give you all a good laugh at Tidus's expense!
There was complete silence for a good thirty seconds before Cloud asked, "What?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Kuja said in an overly casual tone. "The poor boy is feeling...how shall we say...inadequate?"
"Hey!" Tidus protested, clenching his fists. "Nobody said anything about inadequate, OK? And that's not it at all! I just don't think it's fair everyone else got a full outfit and I didn't!" He paused for a second, glancing briefly at Kuja before saying "Alright, well, almost everyone. And besides, it won't be permanent! I just need to borrow a shirt!"
"Why not just ask Chaos?" Cloud shrugged at him. "He's provided our armour so far. He could give you a new outfit."
Tidus gave him a look that suggested he'd lost his mind. "I tried to ask Garland to ask him, y'know, test the waters and all that. It was all 'blah blah certain tasks' and 'work to unlock privileges yadda yadda'. I mean, how unfair is that? There's him walking around in some top to toe tin can and I don't even get a shirt!" He heaved a sigh before putting his hands on his hips and shooting them what he obviously had down as a winning smile. "So, how about it guys?"
Cloud seemed to be considering how best to say 'no' before deciding on, "But I'm wearing it. I need it."
"Aw, c'mon, man! You have, what, three outfits? What about one of the others? You're not even wearing them!"
"Have you asked any of the others yet?" Cloud said, trying to deflect it further.
Tidus snorted, a scowl on his face by now. "No, all their outfits suck! How am I supposed to do anything in as much armour as most of them are wearing? And even if they're not...I'm not gonna go around wearing something like the Emperor! At that rate I might as well just paint a giant gold target on myself, y'know?" He huffed in annoyance before turning to Kuja. "Well, how about you, buddy?"
Kuja, who'd been watching the scene play out so far with growing amusement, just smirked at him. "Oh please. I do know the line between alluring and trashy. I'm hardly going to put everything out there for the world to see."
Tidus spluttered as though he couldn't believe what he'd just heard. "Oh come on! I thought you'd understand!"
The genome raised a silvery eyebrow in response. "Odd how this all only came up after you saw your dear father running around the battlefield earlier sporting a very similar look, wouldn't you say?"
Brotherhood was out in a flash. "Don't you dare- this isn't- this has nothing to do with-"
Cloud wondered whether he ought to draw his sword or maybe just leave now whilst most of the surrounding area was still intact.
"Besides," Kuja was carrying on, waving a hand dismissively, "Even if I were to lend you a jacket, what would I do with it afterwards? It's not like I'd be able to wear it again."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Kuja laughed and tossed back his hair. "It means, Tidus, that you'd stretch it hopelessly, seeing as you're at least twice my size-"
"Alright, that's it!"
Cloud dived forward, just barely managing to catch Tidus and hold him back from skewering or strangling the genome, or possibly both simultaneously.
"Tidus, leave it-"
"I wouldn't worry if I were you, Cloud." Kuja alone seemed to be enjoying the situation- Cloud thought he could probably count the number of times he'd heard the genome sound so utterly gleeful on one hand, and all of those times seemed to involve trouble in some way. "The poor child is just jealous that his figure can't compare to mine and distraught that someone else turned up pulling off the same outfit far better. It's entirely understandable."
And then, with another laugh, he turned and headed off, leaving Cloud to deal with the still struggling Blitzballer.
"Stop it." he said roughly, feeling that he needed to be paid more for this. Or maybe paid at all. That might also be nice. "It's really not that bad. Your outfit's not exactly strange compared to a lot of peoples' around here and if you just do your damn work, maybe you'll finally get round to getting extra outfits like the rest of us."
At his stern tone, Tidus suddenly relaxed. Cloud let go of him and when the younger man turned to face him, he looked rather sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Sorry. Guess I got a little carried away."
Cloud nodded in acknowledgement. Feeling the need to make amends for the semi-headlock he'd just had him in, he added in a friendlier tone, "At least you have shoes, right?"
And then, all of a sudden, Tidus's scowl was back. "Yeah, but I mean, look at them! These shoes suck!"