Noy's Spam Cabinet of Spamfics

~Noy Telinú~

Warning: this is fanfiction. Everything that is in this cabinet is fanfiction. Made by fans, for fans. It's the cheap stuff you get that rips off real cereal. Noy owns none of it. Nope.

Spam: this whole story if full of Spam. Very spamy. Spam. If you don't like Spam, don't go to Hawaii. They spam everything.

Caution: this is a collection. Each story is only one chapter long… cuz its spam.

You have been warned…


Spam the 1st: Berry to mint!

"Really Nabiki? Why do I have ta do this?" Ranma asked, holding a piece of paper.

"They are testing it out with different types of people, you, your dad, and the rest of the Jusenkyo cursed people are different." Nabiki answered. "Said something about tasting different or something."

"Fine… I don't trust it though…" Ranma said suspiciously.

"It's just gum! What could go wrong?" Nabiki smirked knowingly.

"DON'T SAY THAT!" Ranma threw his hands up, panicking.

"Remember, this helps with the bills." Nabiki threatened even though she didn't mess with the bills in the first place.

"Yeah, yeah, where's Pop?"

"He's already on his way, better go now; they pay lots for you guys to test this."


On his way to the testing site, Ranma spotted his father.

"Hey Pop! What do you think this is about?" Ranma asked as he jumped down next to Genma.

"I don't know son… but they give us free food afterward. Remember what I taught you, never turn down free food." Genma smiled with glee and his glasses fogged over.

"Except Akane's…" Ranma added.

"Quite right my son… for me. You have to eat it. You are engaged to her. It's a matter of family honor." Genma reminded him.

"Shut your yap, you're just a wimp."

"Not now boy, look at the time, we have to get there before they give away all the food!"

The two dashed off to the building.


Ryoga Hibiki, the eternally lost boy, was lost. Duh. Anyway, right now he was in America, specifically Hawaii, eating a spam sandwich, with spam.

Looking into a note in his hand, he see's the invitation to test gum.

"If only I knew where it went! It has got to be here somewhere!" Ryoga called out in agony.

It took only 5 minutes for him to disappear from the islands…


At a café that most certainly does not sell cats, a purple haired Chinese girl is getting ready to leave for a testing site with a mostly blind boy.

"Not know why stupid Mousse have to come." Shampoo complained.

"Child…" her great grandmother said. "It is for all Jusenkyo victims, and that means more money for the café."

"Shampoo still no like."

"It will be great Shampoo! Even if that no good Ranma will be there." Mousse butted in.

"Stupid mousse! Shampoo like Ranma! No insult arien!" Shampoo threatened.

"What does he have that I don't?" Mousse whined, desperate to gain his lover's affection.

"Ranma no duck for starters!" Shampoo insulted.

"Just go you two; I need a break from this teenage ruckus." Cologne rubbed her forehead.

"Yes great grandmother, even if have to go with blind boy." Shampoo insulted Mousse once again.

"What do you mean by that you old dried up monkey?" Mousse asked Cologne.


"Who's a monkey?" Cologne yelled.


Way up in the sky, flying over Tokyo, was a Minotaur like beast with tentacles. He was headed to the same building as the other Jusenkyo cursed.

He would be there already if it wasn't for those girls in short skirts trying to kill him.

Sometimes, being mistaken for a monster is bad.

"Stop! You can't fly away forever Yuma!" cried one of many girls 13 blocks behind him.

"You can't fly away just like that!" another cried out.

The monster rolled his eyes, yep, there is a reason he doesn't visit southern Tokyo often.


They were all gathered in the room now. Well, mostly.

Ranma, Genma, Shampoo, Mousse, and Pantyhose Taro were there.

The only missing person was…


"Where the hell am I now?" Ryoga called out.

~ "Ah, right on time Ryoga, now, everyone can try the gum." ~ The voice from the intercom said.

"Why do I have to do this?" Ranma asked.

"Because free food." Genma answered.

They all took their piece of the gum, and chewed it.

"Well I don't taste anything." Ranma commented. "I think Akane's cooking might have killed my taste buds."

"Don't insult Akane!" Ryoga threw his glass of water at Ranma.

Now a girl, Ranma can taste it, a bit. "Oh, now I taste it, wait, it changed. Wasn't it berry before? Now its mint."

"What arien talk about? Shampoo gum taste fine. Ayiah! Gum change! Berry to mint!"

"Oh no! My sweet Shampoo! Saotome, what have you done to her?" Mousse accused the redhead.

"Hey! What did I do?" Ranma demanded.

"Shampoo! Get a hold of yourself!" Mousse throws his glass of water at Shampoo, who turns into a cat.

"AHHHH!" Ranma shouts as Shampoo lunges at her.

"Oh, there's the change. Yes, its mint now. Where's the food?" Genma comments when his glass is spilled when Ranma runs by with Shampoo hanging onto her.

[Food please] went a panda sign.

"Ha, the girly-man is still afraid of cats." Taro laughs. "They are right though. They do change flavors."

~ "Why aren't you guys freaking out more? Over." ~

"Huh?" Asked Mousse.

~ "Nothing..." ~

Taro stood up and stretched. "Well, this was eventful, but, I got someone to catch, later… losers." He threw water at Mousse and Ryoga at the same time, then himself, before flying off.

"Bwree!" P-chan complained.

"Quack!" Mousse agreed.

"Meyow!" Shampoo pouted.

"Ahhhh!" Ranma screamed.

[Food?] A panda wrote.

~ "Well… test concluded?" ~ The speaker spoke. ~"That was unexpected… Hey! The money is gone! Who stole it?"~

Everyone left in the room stopped.

"WHAT?" Ranma screamed.

~"Somebody stole the money!"~ The intercom voiced. ~"There is a huge hole in the wall and… uh, oh."~


Flying away, Taro clutched the money bag, smiling with glee, which looked odd on a whatever he is.

Unfortunately, the girls in short skirts found him and were screaming about stealing money.

How he hated Tokyo.


Author's notes: yes, this whole place is spam upon spam. Each chapter is a spam fic. This first one came out while Telinú was watching those gum commercials. I could just see them throwing water at each other when it was pitched. Anyway… these spamfics will be posted whenever, usually when something comes up. Yes, Noy knows that you can't use Taro as a name from Pantyhose taro but... eh... Oh and Ryoga is eating turkey spam in his first appearance in a Noy Telinú fic. Everything is random for this… on to serving 2!