Noy's Spam Cabinet of Spamfics

~Noy Telinú~

Warning: attempting the stunts in this spamfic is stupid and dangerous. I am ze Text, listen to me!

Spam: level is over 9000! Words. Yep.

You have been warned…


Spam the 8th: Limo-Pet!

Kodachi Kuno is a rich girl. A rich girl from a rich family that's rich. In fact, she is so rich that she lives in a castle-like mansion.

But none of this was enough to get Ranma Saotome, her love, even to LIKE her.

"It's finally here! Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed.

That is why she bought something that would maybe, probably, most likely, sorta change his mind… (Yeah, right.)

"Now… my new pet… RISE!" Kodachi spoke dramatically.

A giant box opened to show a black limousine.

*BEEP, BEEP!* the limo beeped affectionately.

"Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi laughed as she jumped in, her upper body sticking out through the sunroof.

The limo beeped in appreciation; its superdeformed body was animated.

"Ride, my pet! Ride towards my darling Ranma! Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi commanded.

The limo beeped happily and drove off, riding on the rooftops.


Ranma was walking on the fence, being nonchalant, when he heard a song… a song sung by little kids.

"It's a Limo… it's a pet! It's a Limo-Pet! *BEEP, Beep*!" the song sang.

"What the…?" Ranma turned around to see Kodachi sticking out of a limo, riding on the rooftops.

"There he is!" Kodachi pointed Ranma out. "… Get him."

The limo beeped in agreement and sped up towards Ranma.

"AHHHH!" Ranma turned and ran away.

"Come back here, Ranma-darling! Oh ho ho hoho!" Kodachi called out.

Ranma fled as fast as he could and hid behind a building.

'What the hell is THAT?' Ranma thought.

As he caught his breath, he heard singing again.

"It's a limo… it's a pet! Ride in my, show off my… Limo-Pet!" the children sang as it came closer and closer to him.


*BEEP! BEEP!* the limo beeped right behind him.

"ALRIGHT! TIME OUT!" Ranma shouted at Kodachi and her limo. "WHAT… THE… HELL... IS... THAT?!"

Kodachi blinked-blinked. "Why, my dear Ranma-darling… this is my new pet. It's a Limo-Pet! Oh ho ho hoho!"

Ranma sweatdropped. "I can see that… but… WHY?!"

Kodachi smiled evilly. "Isn't it obvious?"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "No."

Kodachi laughed to herself. "Oh, you…"

The two Japanese teenagers stood there… along with the Limo-Pet… for a moment or two.

"Uh… OK, bye!" Ranma threw his hands into the air and left.

"Huh? Come back, Ranma-sama-san-senpai-kun!" Kodachi spoke very fast.

"WHAT?" Ranma was very confused.

Kodachi shrugged. "I can say that now because of Lucky Star and LittleKuriboh."

Ranma blinked. "No… you can't… This spamfic is in English…"

Kodachi crossed her arms. "Oh, so -chan is acceptable, but not the others?"

Ranma shrugged. "Akane said it in the translation… 'P-chan.'"

"Ooh… right…" Kodachi tapped her lips in thought.

Ranma took this opportunity to walk away.

"Hmmm… you make a very valid point, but… HEY! Arrg! He ran away…" Kodachi sighed.

*Beep* her pet beeped in a way to try to cheer her up.

"Let's go home, pet… I need a plan…" Kodachi said sadly.

And so they did, the theme song playing slower and sadder.


The next day, Kodachi got herself ready to find out a better way to appeal to Ranma. She knew that Ranma didn't love her, but she would change that! (Ha!)

"I hope senpai will notice me…" Kodachi said to her Limo-Pet, make-up on and eyes huge. "… Screw this, I'll just kidnap him. Onward, my pet! Oh ho ho hoho!"

The theme song started again.

"It's a limo… it's a pet! It's a Limo-Pet!" the kids sang from the limo, but since it was a CD, no kids were there…

Kodachi scoured the area to find Ranma, making a lot of noise and being an obnoxious rich girl.

What she found instead was Nabiki… eating a banana.

"Ah, look, it's the greedy Tendo girl… Tell me where my Ranma darling is!" Kodachi demanded.

Nabiki, who was eating the banana in a sexually suggestive way, held out her hand.

Kodachi frowned. "Tell me, Tendo! Or face the wrath of my limo!"

Nabiki tilted her head and stared at the limo, which, despite having no facial features, seemed happy.

*Beep, beep* it beeped.

Nabiki finished her banana and swallowed. "Pay up or I won't tell you."

Kodachi crossed her arms. "And who are YOU to tell ME, Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose, to pay for information?"

"I have a photo of Ranma," Nabiki said.

Kodachi shrugged. "You've sold me a ton of Ranma items. I won't be swayed that easily."

Nabiki rubbed her chin. "True… I forgot that… So has most of the school…"

"Those idiots," Kodachi scoffed.

Nabiki thought it over. "I'll get you a pair of his boxers and you'll let me ride in your limo."

Kodachi's eyes widened. "It's a deal!"

Nabiki smirked. "Oh, and Ranma is in the ice cream shop."

*Crash* Kodachi had her limo go right through the wall.

"Ranma-darling! I have come for you! I… wait… YOU!" Kodachi gave female Ranma the pointy finger. "What have you done with my Ranma-sama-senpai-sama-san-sama-kun?!"

Ranma rolled her eyes as she ate ice cream. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I'm outta here."

With that, Ranma left the building.

"…" Kodachi grumbled.

"Hey! What's the big idea breaking down my walls?!" the ice cream manager complained.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, peasant," Kodachi replied. "Come, my Limo-Pet."

"It's a limo… it's a pet! Ride in my, show off my Limo-Pet!" the song sang as Kodachi left, riding off into the sunset even though it wasn't anywhere near that time.

"Weird…" Nabiki noted and shrugged.


Author's notes: you are right, Nabiki, it is weird… oh well, I'm the Text, buy a Limo-Pet!

Authour's notes: whee hee! Hi there! I came up with this when I passed by a limo while singing the Pillow Pet song… so… Limo-Pet! It's awesome! Whooo!