Ouran Highschool Host Club © Bisco Hatori
Is it weird to start a note to your brother like that? Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry. I never wanted it to go this far… But I just couldn't take it anymore… By now, you're probably wondering what in the world I'm talking about, huh? I guess I should start from the beginning.
We've always been together Hikaru. Since the very moment I was born, you were there with me. All the way through grade school, middle school, and now in high school… Something long overdue has finally come. We're drifting apart.
I've heard that you only ever need one person in your life… And my time as that person is now over. Because now you have her. Haruhi Fujioka. I don't mean to sound hateful or anything, because that's the last thing I want to come across as. I don't hate either of you, or anyone for that matter. I don't blame you.
But the point is, all you need is Haruhi now. From now on, I'll just be your shoulder when you need it. Maybe someday you'll come back to me. And it may sound selfish, but… I just can't wait that long.
I can imagine endless years of waiting for you. Waiting and waiting. And in that time, you and Haruhi will have gotten together. You will have started dating and getting closer… And you will have started ignoring me. I know that I've always been the supportive little brother, but I don't think that my heart or my head will be able to survive that kind of life.
So this is what it comes down to. I didn't go to school today. You asked me if I was sure I wanted to spend the day alone, I said yes. At first you tried to refuse, but when Haruhi was mentioned you bolted right out the door without so much as a goodbye. That was the first time I cried today.
And as I write this letter, I'm wondering about what you'll think when you get home. I honestly don't want to hurt you, but this is something I need to do. I can't stand not having you by my side all day, every day. Because, Hikaru…
I love you.
And call it wrong, but not just in the brotherly way. It really makes me mad when people say that homosexuality is wrong. Imagine if suddenly, laws changed and being straight was now seen as immoral and disgusting. How would everybody else feel? Like there rights were being infringed upon? Like they were being kept from having a relationship? Having love?
Because really, that's exactly how homosexuals feel. All their doing is loving someone with all of their heart. And to have everyone against you? Saying that what you feel is wrong? A sin? It hurts so much to hear someone say that. Sometimes, I wish we weren't twins. Not that I don't love you as my twin Hikaru, but just so that my love for you wouldn't be seen as something completely incestuous and taboo. I wish that I could've met you and fallen in love with you and our relationship wouldn't be frowned upon as much as it would be for brothers to love each other like that. Sometimes, I wish that something in the world would change. That everyone would be seen as equals. No matter what they were. Straight, bisexual, homosexual or asexual.
Really, homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. What is it that makes it so bad? That we're the same gender? What difference does that make? What are your reasons for loving your own love? Their looks? Because if that was your answer, maybe you don't really love them. But if you answered something like, their personality or how they treat you, what if all of those traits belonged to a boy?
Can you honestly say that you wouldn't love them because they were the same sex as you? Because that's just being biased! Wait. I'm sorry Hika. I'm ranting. The point of this letter wasn't to make anyone feel bad, it was a goodbye note.
Yes. You did just read that right. This is a goodbye note. I don't mean to cause you pain or anything, but I simply can't take it anymore. I'm done.
So I'm writing this note to let you know that no matter what, through countless years, I'll never forget you and through countless years, I'll never stop loving you. I know that you'll forget about me soon enough, with everything that'll be on your mind. But I will always remember the years that we were by each other's sides. The years when we were all the other needed. When we were a single being. Those years when we would hide from whoever was trying to keep us apart. When we would never let go of each other no matter how weird anybody said we were, because all we needed was the other's love.
I'll remember when Hikaru loved Kaoru and Kaoru loved Hikaru just as much.
We were a single entity. I guess if you have two halves it makes a whole, but if you have three halves, there's still one half left over. And with my being that half, I don't have another part left over to run to when I feel lonely. Or proud. Or jealous. And if I don't have anybody, all of my feelings will be bottled up and I can't just let that happen.
I've reached the end of the line. And I'm so sorry Hikaru, but don't be mad at me. Or yourself, for that matter. This was NOT your fault. And if you're going to be sad, please don't be for too long. Because I wouldn't be able to handle it if my nii-san was sad because of me.
And so Hikaru, these will be my last words. Please remember them. You can throw this paper away, and erase me from your mind entirely, but please remember, however vaguely, that somebody who loved you very much said these words:
I will never love another as much as I loved you Hikaru. Please know this. And please know that I wished with all my heart that I could've been enough for you, because you were everything to me. If I didn't have you, I would've felt empty inside, and I probably never would've known how true love or happiness felt. So I thank you.
(Please read the following messages to the people listed)
Mother and Father: I'm so sorry about this. Don't blame Hika for my feelings. If you're going to be mad at someone, be mad at me. I know that you'll be able to cope… Eventually. At least you won't have to choose between two heirs anymore, huh? I love you both very much and I wish that you'll find happiness in everything you do.
Mori-sempai and Hunny-sempai: Thank you both for being there for me whenever I needed it and providing me with such amazing friends to look up to. I wish I could've eaten cake with you guys one more time.
Kyoya-sempai: I know that you always seem to be calculating and emotionless most of the time, but you can really be a great guy. You were always there for me when I need a friend, no matter what you said you had to do. I wish you would show that side more often. Everybody should be able to see you for who you really are, and not who you need to be.
Haruhi: I know you, and I know that you'll probably blame yourself for my pain with all that: "If I hadn't been so blind, Kaoru would still be here" crap. This isn't your fault Haruhi, and the only thing I need to say to you is: Please keep my brother happy; please shower him with lots and lots of love, because between you and me, Hikaru is very spoiled! Hehe. You were one of my best friends Haruhi. Thank you.
Tamaki-sempai: Thank you. I know this sounds really mean, but I'm glad you had to leave France. Not that I'm not sorry that you lost your mother, but if you hadn't transferred into Ouran Academy, Hikaru and I would still be closed off from the world. We would still ne those rude, selfish brats who didn't have any friends. So thank you a million times for expanding our horizons. I'm glad that Hikaru finally has the chance to have a life free of the burden that is Kaoru Hitachiin. Please continue to be there for him when I'm gone. I know that he'll need it most now. So, again… Thank you… Daddy.
I'll miss you Hikaru. Never forget that. I love you.
Forever yours, Kaoru Hitachiin
Kaoru smiled weakly and set the note down on the dresser. When he reached the door, he took a last tender look around the room he had shared with his brother for so many years. A lone tear streaked down his face. He closed the door. When Hikaru got home from school later…
His little brother wouldn't be there.
I might make this a chapter story, maybe just two chapters, about what happens when Hikaru comes home… Depends on how many reviews I get… At least 6? Or is that too much? Reviewing is good for the body, mentally and physically.