"Here comes a nice, weak one."

"Well, he's strong by their standards."

"The important thing is he's alone and he doesn't display any signs of disease or parasite."

"Let's not make a racket this time."

The three Gerudo women crouched on a rooftop, waiting for the Hylian man to unwittingly get into position. As soon as he examined the bait they left, they pounced, getting him bound and gagged before he could make a sound.

"It's not our fault." one of the Gerudos told him, "Your king was going to cut off our supply of boyfriends. We would do the usual fuck and release, but your king ruined that."

"Bad king." a second Gerudo added, "You'll feel better under the rule of our king, Ganondorf. All you'd have to do is help us produce offspring and maybe do a little cooking and cleaning. You'll get a warm bed, warm meals, and pretty, pretty dresses to wear."

"Maybe he'll even kiss the other guys we've captured." a third added, "Like the guys in our books. Our books are better than yours. Yours had too many girls kissing each other and not enough guys kissing each other."

As soon as they were safely out of town, they placed him in a waiting wagon, taking care not to hurt him or the others they captured.

"Don't get any ideas." one of the Gerudos warned, "We only captured women so that we'd have a steady supply of guys."

"Not that the whores haven't expressed interest."

"Eww, nasty whores. We only like guys in that way, especially guys that like other guys. Two guys, facing each other. Looking into each other's eyes as they ponder if they should savor the moment or head for the privacy of their shared bed immediately. The only downside is that neither has a womb that will help complete them nine months later. Not that they wouldn't try anyway."

"You can look forward to reenacting what she just described." the driver told him. The three Gerudo captors climbed into the wagon before it took off as fast as the horses could pull it.

"I think some of them are crying."

"They're crying because they're weak, pathetic Hylians. Well, except for the Zora. He's a weak, pathetic sea monkey. I wish we had a few of those Death Mountain mole people. They eat rocks."

"Welcome to your new life, weak, pathetic elves and weak, pathetic sea monkey. We have no Kokiris at home, since they would have had no way to make toys for all the good little boys and girls. Only red-headed Amazons, their king, and their slaves/pets. We're thinking of branching off into other places, especially those islands with the big, talking birdies and a few pirates. We could merge with the Terminian pirates and conquer the world, as soon as we have enough Gerudos. We're looking forward to nabbing a few pet birdies before that Tingle guy floats by and ruins everything."

"What's up with that Tingle guy?"

"I heard his parents are a chu chu and one of those tiny moblin things."

"I heard his parents were a Great Fairy prostitute and a Hylian. She even gave him half-price."

"Let's stop talking about what spawned Tingle. Instead, let's focus on who gets what slave/pet/husband."

"Jasmine is right."

"My name's not Jasmine."

"It is now."

"No it's not. If it's Jasmine, then you have to be Abu or Jafar and I don't think you want to go into an entirely different semi-canon."

"Quit your whining and help me decide who's going to be paired up with who."

"I think that blond guy there really likes Mr. Seamonkey."

"I think you're right. Which one's on top and which one's bottom?"

"I wouldn't mind watching them take turns, especially if they kiss first."

"What about that blond boy who hangs out at the fishing pond?"

"I'm sure we could help him grow up to be a great butt boy."

"Shut up and help me get the blond guy acquainted with the sea monkey. I don't think they can stand being so far from each other."

The blond Hylian squirmed as the Gerudo women moved him closer to the Zora.

"I wished they wouldn't squirm so much."

"It just means they're trying to get out of their clothes."

"Should we help them?"

"The sun is setting, so they won't burn. Plus, we won't be home for quite some time. We wouldn't want them to be bored, would we?"

"Let us help you with those pants, lover boy."

The Hylian started panicking when the Gerudo women started to pull his pants down. Afterwards, they put him face-down on top of the already-nude Zora.

"Isn't love a beautiful thing?"

"It sure is. I have a feeling they'll be spending quite some time one on top of the other."