Author's Note: When boredom strikes me, I end up writing a oneshot titled When Boredom Strikes Natsume. XD And I'm sorry if this story turns out badly, because I was watching TV while writing down notes for it. xD Again, I apologise if this story is cliche. So, that's about all. :)
When Boredom Strikes Natsume
Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom. The first is being a bore. -Jean Baudrillard
"Now, now, isn't this rare, Natsume-kun?" Naru exclaimed in delight, beaming from ear to ear. "It's so rare indeed, that you don't skip class! Do you have any idea how delighted I am that you're willing to attend my lesson once in a while?"
"Yeah, actually, I do have an idea," I muttered, rolling my eyes at the blonde-haired male teacher standing in front of me in a blouse with a... a ribbon. I tried not to gag.
"Excellent," Naru grinned and gave me a thumbs-up. "You chose the right time not to cut class, my dear Natsume-kun, because today..." That idiotic teacher paused for a dramatic effect. Tch. "You're going to write an essay!"
The whole class groaned.
"Actually, I've changed my mind. I'm skipping class," I snapped as I pulled myself up from my chair.
"Uh-uh, no can do." Naru appeared by my side in less time than it takes to blink, grabbed my arm and shoved me back into my chair. "It's an extremely interesting and fun essay because I set the question myself!"
Right. If an essay topic set by Naru can actually be interesting and fun, then pigs can fly. Honestly. He made us write a love letter to him for a previous exam essay. Fun, indeed, very fun. Please note the sarcasm there, thank you very much.
"The topic is '7 Things You Do When You Are Bored'. Why seven, you ask? It's because '7' is my lucky number!" he announced, laughing as he twirled back to the front of the classroom. "And please include a description of some sort for each of the seven things you write. For example, if you write, 'I eat when I'm bored.' Then, you will have to specify, like 'Eating is a wonderful hobby, you can get to...' and things like that! After you hand up your work, I will personally leave comments on your writing! How fun is that? Now, what are you waiting for? Get to work, dears!"
I rolled my eyes. Okay, Naru is seriously nuts. What else do you do when you're bored? Doesn't being bored just mean staring into space and stuff? I seriously have to get out of this class ASAP. As if he could read my mind, Naru pulled out a cactus from under his desk and looked at me.
"I'm reusing this darling cactus. Remember him from the previous exam? But right now, he serves a different purpose. If you dare to step out of this classroom... you know the consequences. So you'd better get down to work and stop whining like a little old lady, okay, Natsume-kun? " he winked. Ew, disgusting. "And in case you're thinking of burning him, think twice. He attacks Alice-users too, remember?"
Muttering crossly, I grabbed a pen and scrawled my name at the top of a piece of paper. Boredom, boredom, boredom. Yeah, right then, I was bored as hell. Then I noticed what I was doing. An idea hit me. Before I knew what I was doing, I was bent over my desk, engrossed in my work.
7 Things I Do When I'm Bored
1. Do Naru's assignments
It's pretty much what I'm doing right now, and 'bored' is pretty much the best way to describe how I feel right now. I guess killing time by doing Naru's, or should I say your, stupid and tacky assignments is a rather good choice.
2. Read manga
Don't you rattle on about how reading manga is bad for students like us, because I beg to differ. In fact, it practically saves lifes. Remember the stupid Alice festival or whatever it is? Yeah, that was when that stupid Polka (Mikan Sakura) was at a loss for what to do for the dumb SA class. And she happened to see the cover of my manga and got an inspiration. And guess what? Their RPG game was a total hit. See what I mean?
3. Tease and bully Polka
It's totally worth it to bully her. Do you know that her reactions are all so damn funny and weird? Like the time I flipped her skirt and called her Strawberry Pattern for a laugh, and she had to scream the house down. I was actually kind of shocked she could still speak the next day after screeching like a pig, which she definitely is, being slaughtered.
4. Play with Youichi (and Polka)
I plan to spend time with Youichi, that kid from the Elementary A class, only, but that Polka just has to interrupt every single time and try to suck up to Youichi. Well, sad, but the kid is smart. He'll summon his ghosts and scare the hell out of that stupid Polka and, once again, she'd scream and run around the place like someone's just shoved fireworks down her underwear. That's how 'playing with Youichi' will end up as 'playing with Youichi and Polka' every time, with Polka being the losing one. Tough luck.
5. Be Polka's guinea pig
Okay, that Polka is just plain stupid. She says that her Alice can't work when she practises with people except me, so she begs me to practise with her, on the condition that she'll be my slave for two weeks. Actually, it's not a really tough chore. I get to burn her skirt and hair to a crisp because her Alice won't work most of the times. I sometimes wonder if Imai created a fireproof spray for her to spray on her skirt and hair because they seem to be fine and flame-less once again after a few minutes.
6. Try to escape the Academy
Don't get your pants in a twist first. Listen up, (or look up, or whatever), that was in the past. I don't do it anymore. I don't know why. I guess it's because that stupid Polka will cry her eyes out and start shouting at me every time I do so. I don't want to get accused of bursting her vocal cords for shouting too much, you know. Who knows, what if I went to jail because of that? Every attempt to escape seems futile anyway. The Academy has security measures that are too good, I'll give you that. Hn.
7. Think of ways to piss Polka off
Like I said, her reactions are really amusing, but my bullying methods seem to be out-of-date. She seems a little immune to them nowadays, so I'm wrecking my brain to come up with fresh ways to piss her off. Strawberry-patterned and polka-dotted underwear seem to be all she can wear, and I've sort of gotten sick of calling her the nicknames 'Strawberry Pattern' and 'Polka'. Why can't she wear underwear of other patterns, anyway?
I put down my pen, sighing and stretching my arms. I hadn't written that much for a long, long time. I read through my work and slammed the paper down on the desk. I knocked myself on my head. What the hell was I thinking? What the hell had I written? I actually mentioned Polka's underwear so many times! I got too carried away, honestly. Too engrossed in the work. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Okay, this piece of work was totally off. I could never, ever hand up this piece of shit. I sounded like a pervert, the way I wrote. That's what Polka likes to call me. I groaned and ignited a small flame in my hand, ready to burn the damn piece of paper into ashes.
The flame in my hand disappeared as I felt my body being pricked by tiny, sharp needles. I winced and cursed. I glanced at my arm and noticed that countless small needles were piercing my skin. Naru strode over to me and smirked.
"What did I say? You tried to use your Alice, didn't you? This cactus here taught you a lesson!" he grinned as the cactus hopped back into the pot in his hands.
"Damn you," I muttered, glaring at him.
"Oh, wow, you finished your work! Don't tell me, you were trying to burn this?" Naru exclaimed as he swiped the piece of paper from my desk. "What could be so interesting and secretive that you want to burn this?"
"Shut up," I said in a low voice. "Want me to burn you? I'm not scared of that midget cactus."
Naru laughed a high-pitched laugh. "Oh, maybe you're not, but I've got this." He raised a small, smooth stone dangling on a necklace around his neck. "Nullification Alice stone."
"Screw you," I groaned in defeat.
He laughed again and danced to the front of the room with my embarrassing-as-hell piece of work. Damn it, damn it, damn it. How did things come to this? Why had I been so carried away that I wrote all those stuff that were meant to be secrets? Who knows what sort of crude remarks Naru would write on it?
My mind was in a whirl throughout the whole day. At the end of class, Naru called me up to his desk and handed me my essay from that morning. He winked and whispered, "Good job, Natsume-kun!"
I felt like giving him a good punch and burning his blonde hair. I clenched my fists, crumpling the paper and stormed out of the classroom before I lost control of myself. I smoothed out my essay, rather curious. There were some words scribbled in red ink at the bottom.
'Excellent essay! I'd thought that you weren't normal before, but now I know that you're a perfectly healthy little boy with a couple of dirty thoughts, but that's absolutely normal, don't worry! ;) And I've noticed that most of the things you wrote about involved Mikan-chan, eh? ;) Ohoho, young love is just so cute! ;D I'll give you an A++ for this essay, well done, my dear Obsessed-with-Mikan-kun!'
I was absolutely mortified. I felt like digging a hole in the ground and hiding in there for all my life. To my horror, I found out that I was blushing. My face was as red as my eyes. What the hell?
"Natsume!" a bright voice called. I groaned and buried my head in my hands. What, what, what? I felt like screaming.
"Oh, your essay?" Polka asked, grinning and eyeing the paper in my hand. "Ooh, let me read it!"
"Over my dead body," I hissed as I whipped the paper out of her reach.
She pouted and appeared to give up. Just as I let my guard down, she reached out and snatched my essay away.
"Ah hah!" she smiled, sticking her tongue out at me. She began to read, and I could see her eyes widen and her cheeks flush pink. Oh God, she must have read the part Naru wrote about me having a crush on her... Oh God, shit. Darn it. Someone give me a shovel, I thought. I have to dig a hole, now.
"NATSUME!" she screeched. "What is it about me being a pig? You're the pig! And what's wrong with me wearing polka-dotted and strawberry-patterened underwear, huh? Pervert! You stupid idiotic pig, I'll kill you!"
I snatched back my essay, created a flame at the end of one of her pigtails and jogged back to my dorm. She was screaming about her hair and whatever. I entered my room and slammed the door. I leaned against it, breathing hard. That stupid wooden-block. Of all the things to pick on, she chose to pick on the fact that I called her a pig. Right, she was huge pig indeed. A stupid, dense pig. I glanced at my essay again. The words 'And I've noticed that most of the things you wrote about involved Mikan-chan, eh? Ohoho, young love is just so cute!' just kept dancing in front of my eyes.
That idiot Naru doesn't know what nonsense he's blabbering, I told myself firmly. He's just... a middle-aged, deranged, love-obsessed freak. He doesn't know what he's talking about. NOTHING, okay? NOTHING, NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It's all lies. LIES, yes, lies. I'm definitely not having a crush on Polka. Definitely NOT. NOT. NOT. NOT. NOT. I'd shoot myself if I did.
God, why was it that I had to try so hard to convince myself? Why, indeed? I flopped down on my bed, crumpled up the essay in my hands and aimed it at the rubbish bin.
Thank you for reading, and I hope you liked it :) Sorry if there are any errors, but I'm, as usual, in a hurry, so I've no time to check. DX Review, please? :)