Because I knew you
Authors note – So this is the longest fic I will attempt, it is a Klaine fic, but there will be other pairings added later, so this is to feel out what people think of this fic, so please leave any comment's you wish, be they good or bad, give me critiques and help me improve it, anyway enjoy. This is hopefully my nanowrimo piece of the year; let's see if I can get it finished by Christmas, fingers crossed.
Dalton academy used to seem like a fairy tale castle, almost, it's huge halls, with its high ceilings, its statues and young men in uniform made it look like it was right out of some English novel. But it wasn't, not when I first came here, then it was an escape, somewhere for me to come to process what had happened, to heal. That in itself had almost seemed like a bad plot from a book, probably written by some lonely 20 something woman, living at home with only a cat and a computer for company, writing out every deranged thought that entered her head.
But it was my reality; it was everything that I could focus on for a long time. The bad, the physical, everything circling round my brain and drowning out anything I had felt before, it was overwhelming and made me almost numb for months as I was finally released from the hospital, only to know I would be in a wheel chair for at least 6 weeks as my legs healed and even then I still had to use it while I was going through my physical therapy, which took nearly 4 months for me to walk without a limp, it was another 2 months after that till I was allowed to go to dancing classes again.
Even then I was in what amounted to the beginners class again, just so I could loosen up my muscles and get used to the physical exertion again and don't even get me started on how long it took for me to go back to the amount of flexibility I had before this all happened, I'm not even fully sure it has, but I think I'm at least close.
But now I'm beginning to enjoy Dalton, now that I can properly walk round it on quiet days and just look at all the history built into the walls, it's impressive really, just how many pieces of furniture here are over a hundred years old; it can be very humbling at times.
The worst part about coming to Dalton originally, was having to meet new people, don't get me wrong, all the boys here are friendly, at least for the most part, but I didn't like the questions and as I found out, even in a school devoid of girls, the rumour mill runs as rampant as it does at public school.
I was the talk of the school for the first 3 months I was here and not just because I was still in my wheel chair when I came here, I had terrible bruising covering nearly half of my face, it was so depressing that I only looked in the mirror twice a day, whereas at my old school I used to check my hair in the mirror I kept in my locker between periods.
I suppose I should actually tell you what happened, after all it's a major part of my life now and there is no hiding from it, no matter how much I desperately want to. It's now a part of any and all future relationships I will have, be they romantic or now.
You see, when I was at public school I was out and proud. Well, I say out, I couldn't have hidden the fact I was gay if I could have climbed into my wardrobe and gotten lost in Narnia. But that isn't the point, people made assumptions, they were the right assumptions mind, but they treated me as they thought I should be based on that.
So I was a regular target of bullying, just simple things, you know, stuff you accept or ignore, the names didn't bother me, I had been called worse than a fag. As horrible as the connotations of that word are, did you know it comes from faggot, which is what people used to call the bundles of sticks they used to build the pyres which they burnt witches and gay men at the stake with. Pretty gruesome isn't it?
Anyway, I got pushed around and beat up some, but mostly it was the looks, guys didn't really like to be in the same room as me and I never understood that. After all sexuality is genetic, you can't catch it. It's to do with testosterone in the womb as a baby develops, but anyway.
But what I never expected was to gain a sort of mix or admirer and twisted stalker, he was one of the jocks, who was so far in the closet it would have taken a full on military expedition years to find him, he would harass me in the hallways, then he'd leave note in my locker, I got really freaked out, because I was sure he was following me, but for a very long time I convinced myself I was paranoid.
Turns out I wasn't he was following me, not just at school either, I found out that he had followed me home on more than one occasion and would hide in the bushes in the yard, peering into the windows and watching my every move.
So, finally he walks up to me at the end of the day, gym had been my last class of the day and like so many times before, I had waited until all the other boys had left to have my shower. They didn't like me in there with them and I didn't like to be with them. So I was showering quickly, just to get all the sweat and the smell of uncultured teenage misanthropes off me when I heard a noise in the locker room, I had grabbed my towel and covered up as he'd come strolling in almost expectantly and he took one look at my towel and I swear he pouted.
He came over to me leaning propped against the divider between the shower cubicles and looked at me; I can still remember what he said perfectly. He said "Want to fuck Hummel, after all, it's not like anyone else wants you." He sounded so smug too; I wanted to smack his stupid fat face in.
I said "No, unlike you I have taste, you sleep with anyone who opens their legs, besides, and I thought you were worried about catching queer." I pushed past him, intent on getting dressed as quickly as possible, but he grabbed my upper arm, his fingers left very distinct bruises. He threw me against the wall, the tiles felt so cold as I looked into his eyes, which were almost manic.
He put his other hand on my hip and I froze, he licked his lips and looked into my eyes which I know were wide with horror. He kissed me, I'll always remember that taste, it was disgusting, it was how I imagined drinking paint thinner and motor oil tasted like, not that I'd ever done either, but I imagine what that tastes like.
I tried to fight. But at the time I was only 5 foot 4, I weighed like a hundred pounds, he was nearly 6 foot and must have been close to twice my weight. He smiled at me and I was almost physically sick as I saw his eyes move across my barely covered body. I know I started crying when he began touching me, he forced me against the wall and shoved his knee between my legs. Both my mall wrists held in his massive hands, it was almost like being held by a bear.
He kissed me cheek and bit at my neck and I started screaming as his free hand moved towards my towel. But no one heard me, staying behind to shower later had the disadvantage of the school being nearly empty, except for the janitor and I know he always leaves the locker room till last, he must have known it too.
I ended up on the floor, unsure of how I got there with a throbbing pain in the back of my head, so I must have hit it on either the wall or the floor at some point. His hands were all over me, he'd tied my hands together with something, it looked like the belt from a bath robe, but I didn't notice, I was too busy trying to kick him as he removed my towel, leaving me naked on the floor.
I felt his hands skimming over my chest and I know that I couldn't even scream anymore, even though I kept kicking at him, all the noise I could make were gut wrenching sobs. He was talking to me, giving me an almost play by play of what he wanted to do. I wanted to be sick just hearing it, but that was nothing to it actually happening.
Feeling him breach my body was so painful, it completely overloaded my brain and I think all I could do was struggle and scream as best I could, I don't know how long it took. All I could distinguish was the pain, then the sudden loss of feeling as he got off me, leaving me laid on the floor in a heap.
I didn't hear him leave; I managed to sit up and yelped in pain, the tears coming again. I struggled to even partially dress and grab my phone and car keys, I called the police, I mean it was all I could think to do. Explaining to the operator what had happened was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do, I had to tell her that I was going to go and sit in my car until the police arrived, I didn't realize how big of mistake that would be, I just knew I didn't want to be in that room, not then or ever again.
I stumbled out bleeding from places I'd rather not think about and crying hard, I stumbled down the steps of the school into the car park, then I heard something, tyres screeching on the tarmac, then for the second time that day I felt excruciating pain, something I also never want to experience again as I was hit and flung over the bonnet of a car, collapsing in a tangled heap on the tarmac as the sounds of sirens rang in my ears and words which were indistinguishable through the veil of pain.
I know there was an oxygen mask placed over my face, I know that they moved me, but I couldn't tell you anything that they asked me, or even if I answered, I couldn't tell you about being loaded into an ambulance or what happened when I got there. All I can remember is waking up, an insistent blipping noise around my head somewhere and a dry irritating feeling around my mouth and nose.
As soon as my eyes blinked open all I could see was white, then I heard my dad, he was a little hard not to hear, considering how loud he spoke and how relieved he was. I could feel his hand in mine and he kept stroking at my cheek with the other hand, reassuring himself that I was there and I was awake, that's what he told me later.
It took me a few days to really understand what was going on, that was when the doctor told me what had happened, what injuries I'd sustained, both from the….rape, and being hit by the car. It took me a long time to say that word. He told me that both of my legs were broken, I'd damaged my shoulder from where it had hit the ground, I'd bruised my ribs, in a way I'm still not sure how, there was a concussion from the rape and tearing as well, so I was on a liquid diet for a while.
But arguably the worst thing was the act itself, he'd taken my virginity, I would never have that back, it wasn't something I could experience again and I was scared I'd never be able to let someone get close again, that was what scared me and something the doctors wanted me to talk about with a therapist, which I agreed to if just to put my dad at ease, that I wasn't suicidal. I was depressed and withdrawn, but I wasn't suicidal, I could never do that to my dad, I could never be that selfish.
As soon as I was well enough to go back to school, my dad told me he'd talked to my grandparents, my mother's family, they had set me up a trust fund when I was born, they came from old money and between them and my dad they forked out more than enough money for me to go to a private school, one I'd be safe at, that's how I ended up at Dalton.
Authors note 2: So as I said, this is my nanowrimo piece this year (nanowrimo – national novel writing month, project) I will probably not update every day, but I will update when I can and I will be working on it daily, my aim is 2000 or more words a day for the 30 days. But all reviews and comments will be greatly appreciated.
Also, I need random names, separate forenames and surnames, just so I can build up the characters in Dalton. Thank you x