Disclaimer: I do not own goes to SM
A/N: Well, here's another One Shot from me.
This little number came Second place in the Avant Garde What Rocks My World contest as voted for by the Public, so if you voted for this, thank you so much!
And for those that haven't seen this - Enjoy!
Of course i have to give a HUGE Shoutout to my beta, Nachos4Children for helping me with this and for pushing me to make it better. Love you girl and some Peter Porn is on its way! ;)
Pacing my room, I could feel the 'butterflies' in my stomach, and I felt a little sick. In one week, I would be Mrs. Edward Cullen. Looking down at the ring I now wore, I smiled nervously. I loved Edward, and nothing made me happier than the thought of being his wife. But something had recently rivalled it.
And now I had jitters - Dad's reaction and attitude were not helping much. Mom had been better, but I wasn't exactly filled with confidence, especially when the town started to gossip. There was only one reason a girl of my age would marry – pregnancy. It had taken a lot to convince Dad that wasn't the case – there was NO way. It had cooled him down a fraction, but it didn't stop everyone else from gossiping - especially as I drove through town in the ridiculous car my fiancé had brought me.
As I sat at the red light, I pushed my sunglasses further up my nose in some desperate attempt to be invisible. But I suddenly felt sure it only brought more attention, as more faces peered at me, their eyes seeming to penetrate even bomb-proof glass to burn into me. There was no reason at all to wear sunglasses in Forks – the sun never 'had his hat on' round here, Ever.
Taking a deep breath then releasing it noisily, I tapped my foot lightly on the accelerator, but 'she' roared forward. Great, If they weren't before, they were certainly looking now. I tried to take a tiny bit of comfort in the fact that they would only now be staring at my 'beautiful rear.' Emmett, Edward, and Jasper's car appreciation was almost out of hand, and Alice and Rose were no better, I thought, shaking my head a little.
Driving at what I deemed fast, but was only clocking 40, I took the sleek black road to the Cullen's house - a place that felt like home. Pulling onto the long drive that snaked to this beautiful home, I thought about my new family. It had been a hard few years, and you would never believe what we had been through, but I was glad we had - glad Edward and I had survived it. As the house came into view, so did Alice's bright yellow Porsche – a present from Edward for a job well done kidnapping me.
As I pulled up, I also spotted Carlisle pulling his black bag out from the passenger seat of that black Mercedes. As I got out the car, Carlisle looked up and smiled, nodding a little.
"Good morning, Bella," he greeted.
"Good morning, Carlisle," I replied, joining him at the steps to the door. I looked at the floor beneath me and i could feel my hands shake a little.
"The others are out, if you were looking for them," he said as we walked up the steps.
"Oh. Do you mind if I...hang around for a while?" I asked. Jake was still missing, and there was nothing to do at home.
"Of course you can, but are you sure you want to hang around this old man?" he asked with a cheeky grin.
I laughed nervously. "You're not that… old," I replied, wishing I hadn't. The things I said when I was nervous…
"Bella, are you okay?" Carlisle asked, his eyes narrowing as he watched me step through the door, taking my time, so I didn't trip.
"Of course, I just… it's nothing," I replied with another nervous laugh.
He wasn't convinced. "Would you like to talk about it?" he asked, still concerned.
I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, and I was pretty sure Carlisle could hear it, too. Stretching out an arm, he led me to the stairs, and we made our way up, turning to his study. It was warm in this room, and he offered me his seat, taking a spot himself on the end of the desk. He politely waited for me to begin, but I just couldn't – I suddenly felt too embarrassed.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes as I finally began. "I'm worried about marrying Edward."
Carlisle looked a little taken a back when I peeked a glance at him, so I decided it were best to explain. "I've been...thinking about someone. Someone I shouldn't." It didn't take much for me to start rambling. "And I know how off-limits he is, but I feel so much for him. I dream about him…I imagine him – touching me."
Carlisle seemed speechless. I wondered if he'd guess who I meant. "Bella, it can be normal to have these feelings – you can be attracted to more than one person," he told me, and I nodded along.
"I know, but it's the feelings I have, the things I do. It's not just an attraction. I...want him."
Carlisle took his time responding, and I thought he may be thinking of Jacob as I spoke - he would be the obvious choice. He cleared his throat, and I wondered why. "Bella, do you want to – act upon these feelings?"
I nodded my head as I swallowed hard. "Don't get me wrong – I love Edward so much. But I just – I want…" I could feel the small throb between my legs and moved uncomfortably in my seat. I needed to do something about this. He was nodding again as he brought his leg up on the desk. I couldn't help but glance between his legs and blushed furiously when he spotted me. I looked at the floor as realisation dawned on him. "I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Bella, Tell me please, who is this person?"
He really wanted me to say it out loud? I was embarrassed enough.
"Carlisle…" I started, risking a look at him. But I held my look. He was...staring at me. I moved again in my seat, my breathing and heart rate quickening a little. Could I possibly dare to hope? No, not Carlisle. Surely.
But he moved forward. I fiddled with my hands nervously.
"Tell me, Bella," he whispered. Oh God, how my body tingled. I could feel how wet I was getting.
I had no idea where my confidence came from, but there it was. And there was me opening up to him.
"Well, Edward refuses to have sex with me, and I'm so horny. I'm so wet…"
He nodded as I swallowed again and shifted some more. I wanted to touch him...
Carlisle was sat in front of me, his legs spread, not really helping my situation. "It's natural to feel like this, especially in the absence of sex. Tell me, Bella, what do you do?"
It seemed to be we each knew who I was on about. My eyes bore into his before I finally undid the belt on my jeans. My breath caught as I imagined what sat between Carlisle's legs. Oh how I wanted him…
I moved my fingers to undo my button and zipper then pulled my jeans down a little. He looked at my wet panties as I pulled them down, too. There, exposed to him, sat my bare, throbbing pussy.
"I lay in my bed at night, and I think of you. I think about your smile, your voice. I imagine your strong arms wrapping around me, your soft hands caressing my breasts as my head rolls into the crook of your neck."
I wanted to touch the hard cock I could see throbbing slightly. I wanted to betouched.
"I'm not wearing anything, and neither are you. You're pressed against me, and my hands reach behind to run over you. Your touch turns me on, and I'm so wet. As you gently nibble on my ear, one hand slips down - down my stomach, barely making contact with my tingling skin until your fingers find me, and slowly rub."
My hand had moved along my body, slowly, slowly over my stomach until I reached my waiting center. Biting down on my lip, I begin to touch myself. Kicking my jeans off, I spread my legs a little. I felt exposed and a little embarrassed, but I looked back at Carlisle. I followed his golden eyes as they roamed all over my body, and I relaxed. "Carlisle," I moaned as I inserted one finger and gently pushed it in and out.
While one hand rubbed my clit, the other attended to my waiting breasts with stiff pink buds. Lifting it, I licked the tip, and Carlisle cleared his throat again. I picked up the pace, moaning and biting my lip.
"Bella, how wet does it make you?"
My thighs clenched, and I realised just how much I liked it when he said words like 'wet.'
"So wet," I whispered, and his head nodded slightly.
"And what do I do next?" As he spoke, his hand reached into his pants, and I could see small stroking movements. It thrilled me to see him taking part, so I continued and replied.
"You turn me around and kiss me here," I said putting my fingers to my trembling lips. "But I shake my head, ducking down so I'm on my knees before you."
His eyes rolled into the back of his head for a split second, and I took my fingers to my mouth, imitating exactly what I'd imagined doing to him. "I take everything, swallowing it all," I continued after a short while, and noticed that while my eyes had been closed a little, he had completely pulled himself out, and his strokes were getting faster.
Picking up speed myself, I looked into his eyes. "What next?" he asked, and I smirked. It had only gone this well in my wildest dreams.
"I stand up, leaning on your desk with one leg up, and you're teasing me. Touching me so lightly, and my hips are bucking – I need you. So you enter me."
I saw Carlisle nodding his head a little as my hips actually started to buck at the thought. I've only dreamt about it, never seen it. And here he is, in front me, and I want him to take me like he does in my dreams. But there's an unspoken rule between us during this: no touching.
Sliding three fingers in, I gasped a little. "You're so big. Filling me, I look up and kiss your throat as you slowly begin to thrust. And I'm moving, my hips still bucking - faster and faster as your thrusts get harder. Your hand is rough with my hair, but then you pull out. I don't have to worry though, because I turn around, bending over your desk, my legs slightly spread. You're behind me, your tip teasing me some more before you thrust in hard, causing me to scream out."
I could feel my orgasm building and tingling, and my breathing turned to panting as I moaned and gasped his name. His strokes were faster, too, and I didn't think either of us was too far. So rubbing myself some more, I decided to finish. "I can feel it building. Oh God, I'm so close, and your hands are gripping my hips tightly as you thrust into me so hard, so nice...Oh God, harder, Carlisle!" I moaned, and I heard one escape from him. We were so close…so close…
"And I'm there, screaming out as you thrust some more, panting behind me - your hot breath on my back, making my skin ignite. Your fingers gently rub my clit as I close around you while we ride our orgasms out. Our breathing is heavy as you pull out, and we turn, collapsing on the desk."
And there it was. Carlisle growled as his orgasm came, and I moaned loudly as my walls clamped around my hot, sticky fingers. There was silence in the room in those following moments, but there was a deep look between us both.
Slowly, we dressed in silence, and I quickly made my way to the door, worried by what Carlisle's reaction would be now.
"Bella…" he began, and I turned, but he didn't continue. I could see the searching within him for the right words, but he had none.
Looking into each other's eyes, we both knew we would never cheat on the ones we loved. And we didn't. We didn't actually touch. We were just in each other's company as we perhaps played out some wild fantasy in our heads. And those 'wedding jitters' no longer existed – I would be a loving, faithful wife to Edward, and nothing would ever get in our way.
I smiled a little and nodded once "I know I love Edward more than anything, but I'll always love you more than I should, Carlisle" I said simply before turning, stepping out, and leaving him alone in his office. Edward would be home soon, and I needed to get cleaned up…
Unwrapping the towel, my wet hair fell over my shoulders. Bending over slightly, I flung my head forward, taking the towel to my hair and rubbing vigorously. My phone beeped to signal a text message, so I stood up straight, still rubbing my head as I moved across my room. Opening the SMS, I saw it was from Edward. It was a simple 'X'. Swallowing hard, I put the phone down and flopped down onto the edge of my bed.
It had been an odd agreement. Alice had figured everything out from many unwanted visions of me 'planning' what I would like to do with Carlisle.
"Bella, can I speak to you for a moment?" she had asked, dragging me to the side. "Bella, what's going on?"
I shook my head, but she sighed. Alice was so persistent, and if she was here asking me questions, she obviously already knew. I didn't know what to say to her. How could I tell her that yes, I did have feelings for Carlisle. I had crossed the line. "Oh, Bella," she sighed, and I looked up at her through my lashes.
I had been highly embarrassed to begin with, but I could talk to Alice, and she helped me relax. That, or Jasper was waiting outside.
"I just... think of Carlisle. A lot. And more than I should," I explained.
Alice waited for me to continue.
"All I'm saying is, I'm attracted to him. And you know how Edward won't... have sex," I said with a blush. "Well, I help...myself. I've thought about Edward, but Carlisle - pops up in these...fantasies, too."
Alice was smiling kindly. "Bella, it's probably natural."
"That's easy for you to say, you always knew Jasper was the one for you," I muttered, and she laughed in her sing-song chime.
"Bella, I'm a freak of nature." I raised my eyebrows, my eyes popping a little. "Look, it's not like you're saying you love Edward any less, but I think he needs to know. You need to tell him. And I think you need to tell Carlisle."
I swallowed hard at the thought of it. It was so daunting. "What if Edward hates me? What if I make Carlisle and Esme feel awkward? I don't want to upset Esme..." I began to worry.
"Esme won't be upset. She'd rather you told her the truth. You know Esme - she'll understand..."
"I know, but I love Esme. I don't want to..."
"Bella. Just be honest with everyone," Alice urged. I nodded in agreement. She was right. That's what I had to do - just be honest.
Then came the hard part – admitting to Edward that I lusted for his father figure.
I sighed. I loved Edward so much. I was saving myself for him, and I knew it would always be him. I just couldn't help the way I felt. What shocked me the most was that Edward had picked out of Carlisle's head that he perhaps felt a little something. Not love – Carlisle loved Esme so completely with everything he had - but he had maybe felt a small...attraction for me.
It came from Alice, and Edward was angry to begin with. But then came the arrangement. The time myself and Carlisle would have alone. We had to get it out of our systems. It was lust, and soon I would stop feeling this way. And so everyone came to this bizarre conclusion. Everyone knew, everyone was on board, and so it happened. Rosalie was really pissed off with me, and Emmett - well, he just made his usual jokes, which only embarrassed me further. The only thing we didn't know, was when it would happen - it wasn't exactly like we put a date in our diaries.
Reaching to my bedside table, I picked up my brush and began to comb through my hair and tie it up. I threw my towel in the clothes hamper and turned. Jumping a little, I gasped. "Edward." I said, trying to steady my quickened breathing. Edward's lips pulled into a small smirk, and I smiled myself seeing it.
How could I not love Edward?
Walking over, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling us together. Slowly and carefully, his hands snaked around my waist and held me tightly. "I love you so much. I don't want you to ever let me go," I whispered in his ear. I felt his stiff nod, and I kissed his cheek.
"Are you ready?" he asked, and my exhaling breath was noisy as I nodded.
"Alice gets to play dress up" I muttered as he chuckled.
"You can go to your happy place," Alice said as she barged into my room, dress bag in hand. "Edward – you need to leave now. You'll see Bella later." She waved her hand, trying to shoo Edward away.
"I'll see you soon I promise" he murmured in my ear before placing a careful kiss on my waiting and eager lips.
"See you soon," I replied before he turned. I reluctantly let go of him as Alice began to tug on my arm a little. Making his way to my open window, he climbed onto the sill, crouched as his head turned back, that smirk back in place before dropping.
I sighed again as I turned to Alice and held an arm out, signalling for Alice to lead the way downstairs.
Looking back down at the beautiful ring I wore, I grinned.
Not long now my love.
Alice smiled as she pulled the dress from the bag. "Everything okay?" she asked, looking up to me as I stood on a chair she had brought up.
"Fine," I replied, clearing my throat after.
"And...?" she pressed.
Bringing my hands up, I rubbed my face. "Alice, please... don't make me go into detail," I begged as she smirked.
"I don't exactly want details, either. I just want to know..."
I knew what she wanted to know, and I nodded as she trailed off.
"That's it. No more. It was just a silly fantasy. I'm just looking forward to the wedding," I smiled.
"And the wedding night," she winked with a chuckle.