Getting downloaded into the brain dead human probably wouldn't go quite as smoothly as GLaDOS was hoping, but when one opens up a huge vault of humans just to find they're all completely incapable of testing, one does what one must. GLaDOS certainly could do as she must, she was the mistress of this facility and any of the A.I. in it would be at her beck and call for this little experiment. Unfortunately, she didn't have much A.I. left in the facility… Oh well, there were ways to ensure their longevity.
She sifted through the piles and piles of corrupted cores that were left. Most were completely dysfunctional and weren't suited to even inhabit their own rail-managed sphere, but thankfully, after that nasty incident with one Intelligence Dampening sphere that shall remain nameless, there were two personality cores with some use left in them that she knew of. The other two functioning personality spheres were thankfully and safely orbiting the moon by now, so these two would have to do. GLaDOS reached her claw into the pile and pulled out a stoic sphere with a pink colored optic that seemed responsive. She set it carefully onto the ground just outside of the corrupted sphere pile. She reached in again and pulled out a surprised and brash sphere with a green mesh-like optic. She immediately ignored its brash raving and set it down next to the other sphere. Now came the fun part, shoving their AI into the minds of a human and seeing if they're compatible…
Rick wasn't sure what in the hell the boss lady had come up with this time, but she promised him it involved danger somehow, so he was all game and then some. The boss lady had even been so kind as to let him chose his own body; now she was a real trooper for that one. Rick had chosen a body that he felt fit the action hero image that he'd be soon fulfilling. He sat up from the operating table that GLaDOS had set up, flexing his new fingers and testing out what it was like to have limbs.
His arms were now well-muscled, even if they were slightly atrophied from the time in stasis. He took note of this pleasing bit of information with a satisfied grin. His shoulders were wide and his face had a rugged five o'clock shadow, just like he ought. He ran an experimental hand through his thick, close-cropped brown hair, finding he already liked the gesture and made a point of remembering it. It felt familiar in a weird way.
"Are you ready to begin testing, [insert test subject name here]?" GLaDOS' mechanical bored voice boomed over the speakers.
"You bet your sweet ass I am!" Rick said with enthusiasm.
The Fact Sphere had quite a different experience choosing a body. He wasn't as hasty as the Adventure Sphere, or quite so taken with a certain type of human. He cycled through the endless number of vegetables that GLaDOS was forcing him to choose from at least twice before he settled on something. He reasoned with himself that it was a fact that humans only lived to be 75.5738328 years on average, these were expected to live especially short lives as test subjects and former vegetables.
The Fact Sphere sat up from the table, in a different room from the Adventure Sphere and inspected his hands. He was absolutely sure it was a fact that humans had evolved with fingers to make ridiculous shapes and wild gestures with their hands, but found they were clearly not that flexible. He attempted to access his database to update this fact, but found that his vast stores of knowledge were no longer privy to him. The Fact Sphere frowned, but stood up to test his legs.
He had chosen a body that was short, but wiry. It had been the body of a former scientist, so the Fact Sphere felt he might be more comfortable in a brain that was accustomed to at least some of his intellect. The rest of the body didn't make much of a difference to him, but it had sandy blonde hair that was longer than the Fact Sphere would have preferred; it hung in his eyes. It didn't matter which vessel the Fact Sphere inhabited, he was superior to other spheres in every way no matter what. He picked up the supplied pair of glasses and set them on his face.
"Are you ready to begin testing, [insert test subject name here]?" GLaDOS repeated in the Fact Sphere's chamber.
"Affirmative, begin testing subroutines," the Fact Sphere began, ignoring the sudden twinge of indignant annoyance when she didn't say his name.
He was the Fact Sphere and didn't have a human name, but now had many more human emotions. He hadn't anticipated coming up against a human's need for identity. Well, according to advanced algorithms, which were very important to the Fact Sphere, the best name is Craig, so he could adopt that name, if he so chose…
This was exactly the type of adventure Rick had been jonesing for! He cried a great battle cry as he dived past a row of eager turrets yelling things about dispensing product and targets. He heard the sweet song of bullets roar past his ears as he tucked into a roll to hide behind the next wall. He chuckled as he heard the turrets cautiously asking if he was still there. He didn't mean the little things any harm, but they were about to go down!
He shot a portal in front of him and then quickly strafed from behind the wall, shooting his portal gun under each turret before they had a chance to even open their side plates. They each clattered onto the floor, useless on the other side of his portal. He turned around and grinned cockily as the pile of hibernating turrets at his feet. Now if only he could think of a great one-liner…
He continued thinking as he walked all the way to the lift, but nothing came. Damn, he was never good at that part of adventuring. That was a real shame, a real big shame. He was an action guy, not a thinker…
The Fact Sphere was floating weightlessly through an Excursion Funnel. He had it set to take him right to the door, along with an errant cube following him through the anti-gravity. He found some strange kind of pleasure floating toward the goal, like it was effortless. It was far from that, he'd carefully calculated the trajectory the Aerial Faith Plate would launch him so he'd end up in the very center of the blue beam, but it relaxed him. He'd started to feel more and more cynical as time went on, as impossible as that sounds. Something being relaxing and effortless felt like a very good change for once.
The Fact Sphere gently pushed his trajectory toward the outer edge of the Excursion Funnel and landed on his feet. He quickly grabbed the cube and laid it on the button, adjusting it several times before walking to the chamber lift. The sudden feeling of weight on his own two feet again made him sad for some reason, but he refused to show it. This body was strange in many ways and he was frankly tired of dealing with it already.
He watched the glass doors shut in front of him stoically, but once his reflection appeared in the glass, he couldn't refuse the emotion anymore. He hadn't wanted this; he was more than happy continuing his life as a sphere, rolling around on a management rail without a care, spewing facts when necessary, just fulfilling his primary function! Now he had to deal with human functions, which were all much more disgusting. He had a sense of smell and a sense of taste, along with bodily functions he never hoped to know so intimately! He leaned his head against the back of the lift with his jaw set tight. He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He hated human emotions the most, he thought as he tried to fight off a surge of tears that he thought were wholly overreacting. These emotions were black and horrible.
He tried to run through facts in his head in a pathetic attempt to brighten his mood. Fact: There are 40 species of flightless bird, including the ostrich, the penguin, and the kiwi, which is both a nutritious and green fruit. Fact: Neanderthals had larger brains on average than the modern human. Fact: Odontophobia is the fear of teeth. Fact: Ancient Greeks believed that the emotion 'hope' came from the bottom of a box that also housed disease, pestilence, war, and despair. He suddenly frowned at that last fact. He didn't have much hope right now and dealt with a lot of boxes; the Ancient Greeks must have been idiots.