The Trip to the Aquarium

"Mummy, mummy!"

"Mummy's a bit busy now, Karen!" answered the long-suffering Sue somewhat distractedly, as she tried to prize Ben away from the tank of stingrays. "Come on, Ben, you've been staring at them for the past twenty minutes."

"But they're cool!"

"I know you think the stingrays are 'cool', Ben, but-"

"Did you know stingrays are related to sharks?"

"That's nice, but…"

"And some of them have stingers 35 metres long!"

"Metres? I think you mean centimetres…"

"And they can rip people in two with their-"

"That's very nice, Ben!" Sue said, trying to cut across her son before he gave any young children in the aquarium nightmares. "You're holding us all up! We want to go and see the other fish now."

"But the other fishes are boring! I only like the scary ones that can, that can… … can tear out people's organs!"

"Mummy, mummy, listen to me-"

"Not now, Karen! Pete!" Sue looked over her shoulder pleadingly. "Come and help me!"

Pete, who had been hoping to slink off to another part of the aquarium with his rather more sensible son, Jake, notably flinched as Sue glared at him. It wasn't like he could actually doanything about Ben, though. Apparently, it was his son's mission in life to offend and disturb all those he came into contact with, and he adamantly refused to be silenced or taken away.

By this point, Ben's enthusiastic speech on the many dangers of stingrays had drawn quite a crowd. A small gaggle of young children were looking at him, wide-eyed, trembling in fear, whilst their parents tried to drag them away. One young redheaded boy even whimpered and declared, very loudly, he was never getting on a boat in his life ever again.

Pete couldn't deny, he was impressed with his son.

Terrified, but impressed.

Ben had some incredible skills of oration.

…Then again, so did Hitler.

"Daddy, daddy!" Karen chorused, turning to look at her dad instead. "Daddy, I have a proposition for you…"

"Proposition?" Pete asked, voice tinged with surprise. Wasn't that a big word for a six year old?

"Yes." Karen nodded seriously. "Don't laugh, daddy, I'm being serious. I want a pet shark."

"W-well, I don't think…"

"I want a shark, daddy! You said you'd get me a cat and you didn't, so you lied, and when you lie you need to… to make up for the lie by getting me whatever I want!"

"Is that how it works…?"

"Yes, or I'll never love you again."

"Karen, you shouldn't measure love on what pets I may or may not have promised to get you."

"But you said ages ago you'd get me a fish! A shark is a fish!"

"Sharks are mammals."

"But they live in water! Don't lie! That's twice you've lied so you need to get me two sharks."

"I'm not lying-"

"Three sharks!"

"Pete, get over here! I can't shift Ben by myself!"

"Oh, and you know the Little Mermaid?" Ben continued, to the chagrin of several Disney-loving young girls in his rapidly growing audience. "They found a half-fish half-human mutant thing washed up on the beach ages and ages ago, and it was all dead and rotten and smelly and its insides had been pulled out and-"

"I want a shark, daddy! If you don't get me a shark I'll hate you forever and I won't come to your funeral!"

"That's a bit harsh, isn't it, Karen?"

"Y-you mean… Ariel's dead… …?"

"Pete, tell your son to stop scaring the other children! We're making a scene!"

Jake, meanwhile, could only sigh.

It was really impossible to take his family anywhere.

a/n: I wrote this pretty quickly on a whim because I was just really happy to see there was an Outnumbered section on here… XD I love this show! I can't believe I didn't check before XD~
I also adore Ben. He's such an adorable psychopath XD