Okay. This is probably like. Fifteen levels of OOC and AU but. Whatevs. I WAS INSPIRED. GO CHECK OUT ALL THESE.

http : / kuyeng - thl . livejournal . com / 17333 . html # cutid5

Eliminate the spaces. (SHAMELESS ADVERTISEMENT.)

Premise of this: Timmy's was kidnapped by Joker. Harley was watching him (this is inspired by the above link, written by the lovely Kuyeng!) and the Joker doesn't come back, Tim's being sweet and patting her on the back awkwardly (while bound) and LO. Tim is suddenly her gay bff. I decided to include Ivy and Catwoman in this happy circle of girlfriends (think Gotham City Sirens). SO.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS. IT WAS REALLY FUN TO WRITE. C: I'm going to go work on updates now.

Tim isn't entirely sure how he gets himself into these kinds of things. It's bewildering. Maybe he's too empathetic? That's a possibility. After all, he had just had to comfort Harley (but she had just looked so very sad). And so here he is. But instead of one girl, there are three.

How does he get himself into these things?

Pamela Isley is sitting on his bed in one his other apartments in a green nightgown (if it could even be called that), brushing her red hair. (If Tim had been a girl, he thinks he may have killed for hair that shiny and long.) Selina Kyle is sitting opposite her, in a black not-quite-nightgown of her own. Between the two of them is Harley, in a black, red, and white striped not-really-a-nightgown, sans her makeup, her blonde hair in braided pigtails (Pamela had done them). Tim has the most clothes, with his large shirt (it is Jason's) and sweatpants.

It's a sleepover. At Tim's home. And they know it's (one of) Tim's homes because they know who Bruce is because of Selina so of course they know that he's the not-Robin who helped out Harley. (And they all know who Jason Todd is and apparently, everyone knows who Jason Todd is dating.)

Tim is currently painting Harley's nails black and red (he had just finished painting Pamela's green) and is trying to be very careful. Girls can be picky about their nails.

"I just don't know what to do about my puddin'," Harley says mournfully, her eyes puffy and red from the crying she has been doing recently. Tim has been the shoulder she cries on. (How do I get myself into these things?)

"He isn't your 'puddin' anymore, Harley," Selina says simply.


This has been going on for the past hour. Tim thinks that maybe it's his turn to speak.

"Harley," he says, moving to do the second coat on her right hand, "the Joker uses you, often humiliates you, and then gets rid of you when he feels that you aren't a tool of his anymore. And then he asks you to come back to him when he's in Arkham to free him and then the cycle starts over." Pamela and Selina nod in the way that Tim has come to associate as girl for preach it, sister.

Harley starts sniffling again.

"You can do so much better. There is a guy out there who will love you and you don't have to be evil to impress him. I mean, wow," Tim gestures with the nailbrush. "You're beautiful."

"That it the nicest thing—" she says and then breaks off into tears. If that was so nice, why was she...?

Well. Anyway. Tim's on a roll. He had better keep talking before this roll runs out.

He points to Pamela and says, "and you. You are lovely. You don't have to use pheromones or pollen to get men or women to love you. You need to check yourself out in a mirror. And there are plenty of people who love plants almost as much as you do," all the woman are riveted on his words. It's pretty cool to know he can hold attention like that. He continues painting Harley's nails. "You could find someone who loves plants and start a non-profit organization to help with all sorts of reclamation of land. That sort of thing could also lead to a wonderful, meaningful relationship for you." Pamela's eyebrow's go up and she stops brushing her hair.

"And you." He looks at Selina next. "You need to understand that Bruce loves you. It might seem like he doesn't trust you, but when he bugs you or your clothes, it's just because he's worried." Harley awwws. "He's bugged me tons of times. Hell, I've bugged people. I. Uhm. Yeah. Anyway. He loves you, Selina." He shrugs, "he's also probably worried you won't take his baggage. Like. Talia." All the girls roll their eyes at her name, but Selina gets that determined look to her, that I'll just have to make him see otherwise.

And Tim feels a little winded, on that tirade. But all of it's true. It's not like he's making it up for their benefit. If they felt better about themselves, maybe they wouldn't do so many bad things.

All three of them look at him and Tim backtracks his thoughts. Maybe he shouldn't have said those things. He's always been pretty bad at gauging social cues and perhaps he shouldn't have said—

But then all three women pull him into a group hug and he is pressed up against three bosoms (well-endowed bosoms. Dick would be jealous). He cranes his neck to see if Harley's nails smudged, but they're fine. Girls are experts at keeping their nails perfect, he guesses.

"You are the nicest person ever," Harley wails and squeezes tighter. He's never been called the nicest person ever before. Maybe one of the best listeners, one of the best detectives. But never the nicest person ever. Especially by someone who has probably always seen him as an impediment to everything she ever loved. Wow.i

"I was—just speaking the—the truth," Tim says, embarrassed. He had been speaking the truth.

"You do know just want to say to win over the ladies," Selina purrs and Tim feels a blush creeping down his neck.

They let him go and look at him slyly, Pamela tapping her lower lip.

"So when you were talking about bugging others, do you bug your boyfriend?" Selina says, grinning to show off her pearly white teeth.

Oh, this is what he had been trying to avoid. "What?"

"Jason Todd," Harley says. "Everyone knows you two are in looooove. In fact, everyone knows you two are a thing." She smiles. She looks a lot cuter with her makeup off.

"Well..." He swallows. "I. He." Pause. "We sort of bug each other. It's sort of. Expected." He shrugs.

"That's precious," Pamela says, who has started looking at her nails, also unsmudged from the hug.

"What's your status?" Selina asks. "Are you just dating or are you just sleeping together," Tim blushes. They haven't slept together yet. "Or..." She trails off, tapping her fingers against her cheek, a smile sitting on her lips. She sits perfectly (cat-pun intended), as if she is always putting on a show.

He rubs the back of his neck. "Two days ago he told me he loved me." Why is he telling them this? Why do they care?

"What did you say!" Harley squeals, flopping down on the bed, eyes shining.

"That I love him too." Naturally. He does love Jason. He has loved Jason for a long, long time. He'd been waiting for Jason to say it first, for fear he was rushing things.

"That's so beautiful," Harley plays with one of her pigtails, looking wistful. "No one's surprised he loves you though. After all, he moons over you when he thinks no one notices. It's so sweet." Tim smiles, a little.

"Have you slept together yet?" Pamela asks, tossing her luxurious hair over her shoulders. The red-orange really does complement her light green skin tone. It's amazing.

"Uhm." He looks at the ceiling. "No."

"...would you like some pointers?" She smiles wider this time, and there is no malice. (While Tim is awful with social cues, he is a master at body language.) Pamela is much prettier when she's smiling a genuine smile.

Tim feels his whole body flush in embarrassment. But he nods. He's sure Pamela knows these kinds of things. Tim makes sure his memory is totally focused on this (because he would hate to disappoint Jason in bed, when they get to that point). And, wow, there are a lot of things to know.

Tim wonders if it's weird that as the night progresses (and they do not sleep at all) he gets more comfortable with these three women. In fact, he doesn't think he's had a group of friends he's ever been this close to (because all they really do is talk, and it's so strange).

Tim thinks he could get used to having these girlfriends (not the relationship kind. The friend kind).