Author's Note: This installment is a crossover between Glee and The Vampire Diaries, which I've just started watching. I've only seen Season One, so, please, no spoilers in reviews. In terms of setting, let's place this at sometime during Season Two for Glee and Season One for The Vampire Diaries. No Blaine, because this is me. I started this with the intention of Kurt and Damon trying to one-up each other, but it evolved into something else. I'm not exactly sure just what that is, but I hope you enjoy it.

Oh, heads up: Kurt et al are loosely based on the Gloaming verse, in that they're witches. Because Kurt with magical powers makes me cream my boxer briefs. :P

Damon stared at Stefan and Elena with thinly-veiled disgust. They were so nauseatingly in love with each other and their epic romance that he only barely refrained from vomiting all the blood he had ever consumed onto the floor of the Mystic Grill.

He cocked his head and considered more carefully that scenario. It would have been worth it just to watch Matt have to clean it up. He smirked.

As usual, whenever he entertained even a miniscule thought of naughtiness, his brother and the girlfriend had turned to stare at him, both of them arching respective eyebrows. He rolled his eyes. What drags. Sometimes he really wanted to pull the sticks from their asses and then beat them like piñatas.

He really didn't know why he had bothered returning to this ridiculous town trying to pass itself off as some posh suburban mecca. Well, other than to torture Stefan, of course, which was always worth any discomfort he himself might have to endure.

He stilled and felt the little witch glaring at him with what she thought passed as malevolence. He turned from the bar and smiled widely at her, tipping his drink in her direction. It was really too bad she was such a pain in the ass, because he was sure she'd be a freak in the sack. Unfortunately, she had those wonky powers she was still trying to figure out, and he wasn't really interested in becoming her voodoo testing doll.

He pursed his lips as his gaze traveled the restaurant in search of more interesting prey to study. His eyes landed on a group of kids obviously from out of town. They were too busy shouting at the girl who believed herself in charge to notice his scrutiny.

Damon licked his lips. There certainly were some tasty morsels in their little cabal. The arrogant blond princess looked icy, but he was sure she would thaw quickly with the right encouragement. The other blond looked even more ditzy than Caroline, which he hadn't thought was possible, but she appeared to be under the protection of a fiery Latina who looked far scarier than any human had the right to look.

His eyes lighted with glee. He loved lesbians!

The quiet Asian girl made him want to giggle. Her clothes suggested she was into faux vampire culture and he was betting she had read every piece of popular fiction regarding the subject. He imagined that, had he tried to get her alone, she would have demanded that he make himself sparkle. He would enjoy killing her after tying her up with the fake tracks in her hair.

The black girl oozed confidence and menace, and the thought of rendering her into a screaming trainwreck made his cock twitch.

But which one to choose?

Definitely not the mouthy midget who was attempting and failing to boss them all about. She would probably screech a lot while simultaneously posing a litany of questions about his nature.

He scoffed at the alleged men in their company. The kid with the mohawk was a joke, his muscles more about making an impression on the females than indicative of any real physical strength. The tall one had a goofy smile and donned a look of perpetual confusion; he'd be fun to eat. The boy in the wheelchair was wearing an outfit which made Damon's eyes cross, and the Asian boy was so lovesick for his girlfriend, it was like looking at a Chinese Stefan.

The last boy, a fake blond, was looking around anxiously, and Damon couldn't help but wonder for whom he was looking.

The door suddenly flew open and, for the vampire, time stopped.

Who on earth was this delicious creature?

"It's about time the ladyboy pranced his fairy ass inside," Puck groused.

Damon snarled.

"Don't talk about my brother like that!" Finn barked.

Damon's eyes widened to the size of saucers. How in the name of everything unholy could this baboon be related to such unmitigated perfection?

"Shut the fuck up, Puckerman," Santana griped. "Besides, Kurt doesn't prance. He fucking stomps."

Damon smirked, deciding he liked this girl. He then cocked his head as he heard Stefan and Elena furiously whispering to each other.

"Is Damon staring at that boy?" asked a shocked Elena.

Stefan murmured that, yes, his brother was indeed staring at said boy.

Elena turned to regard her boyfriend with large eyes. "Does Damon...I mean..."

It was all Damon could do not to burst out laughing.

"My brother appreciates beauty in whatever form it takes," Stefan said, with, surprisingly, no judgment in his tone.

Elena thought about it and nodded. "I guess I can understand that." Her eyes roamed over the latest arrival. "He is very handsome."

"Pretty, I'd say," said a thoughtful Stefan.

Oh, yes, Damon thought. Very pretty indeed.

Kurt stormed up to the table at which his friends were sitting and glared at none of them in particular. "The bus is now repaired," he said. "If you all are fed and watered, it's time to go."

"You actually fixed it?" asked a startled Puck.

Kurt's stare was withering. "What part of licensed mechanic did you fail to grasp? Or was it the polysyllabic words which so confounded you?"

Damon almost swooned.

"You're such a bitch," Puck shot back.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "A wholly uncreative insult from a boy whose head looks like a freshly-waxed vagina. How will I ever survive the shame?"

Damon grinned when he heard Stefan snickering from across the room and repeating the rejoinder to Elena, who burst out laughing.

Santana, meanwhile, had all but collapsed from her own laughter, sliding to the floor and having to be propped up by an equally hysterical Brittany.

"You didn't have to be so mean," said a wounded Puck, his lower lip trembling.

"Oh, Noah," Kurt said quietly, before affixing a sneer to his face, "save it for someone who doesn't know you."

Puck sighed and shook his head before blowing Kurt a kiss. "Why don't you sit on my lap, Princess?"

Damon growled.

Kurt arched a brow. "Because I don't wish to partake in a three-week round of Cipro."

"It's not burning anymore," replied an earnest Puck.

Kurt's eyes widened. "That's not a good thing, Noah."

"I ordered you a salad," said a shy voice.

"Thank you, Sam," Kurt said warmly, running his fingers through the other boy's hair.

That was all the incentive Damon needed to stake his claim. He stalked over toward the boy who had captured his loins, blowing past Matt, who looked up at him in confusion. He felt rather than saw Stefan and Elena coming his way, always ready to interfere in his fun at the drop of a hat.

He shook off the vicious glare the Latina was now throwing at him and paused in his steps once he was all but pressing up against the boy's back. "Hello," he purred.

Kurt gave an exaggerated blink before slowly turning around. He looked Damon up and down, obviously unimpressed, which caused the vampire to furrow his brow in confusion.

"Yes?" Kurt asked in a cranky voice.

"My name is Damon, Damon Salvatore."

"How perfectly fantastic for no one but you."

Puck, Santana, and Quinn snickered.

Damon licked his lips, his cock hardening with every scathing syllable. "Are you new in town?"

Kurt cocked his head and stared at this unwelcome intrusion. "Is that really the best you have to offer?" he finally asked. "How disappointing."

Damon opened his mouth to retort but was summarily cut off.

"Mr. Salvatore," Kurt said, saying the name with an exquisite Tuscan accent, "your interest is flattering, but ill-advised. I'm unavailable, and even if that weren't the case, you're far too old for me." He gave Damon another considering look. "By about a century and a half, I would estimate."

About half of those sitting at the table fell quiet and stared at Damon in horrified fascination. Santana, Brittany, Quinn, Mike, and Sam, however, immediately shot to their feet. Artie whirled around in his chair to face Kurt.

"You know what I am," a shocked Damon said. Rather than irritation or fear, he was experiencing intrigue and something akin to relief. "How...interesting."

Kurt shrugged with boredom. "If you say so. Are we going to exchange threats and intimidation now, or are we done?"

Damon was bemused. "You're going to threaten me?"

Kurt waved a dismissive hand. "Yes, yes. You can snap my neck before I can even blink and then drain all of my friends in the space of a minute. Of course, I doubt you'll do so in full view of the many patrons of this establishment, because you couldn't possibly compel them all to forget what they've seen, even with the help of the other vampire coming our way."

"That might be true," Damon conceded.

"And there's the fact that my brother now has a tranquilizer gun aimed at you from underneath the table, loaded with darts filled with vervain. He's a very good shot."

"Another deterrent," Damon allowed.

"Finally," Kurt said, "I can kill you with my brain."

It was at that moment that Stefan and Elena arrived.

"You're a witch," Stefan surmised.

"Indeed," Kurt replied. He turned and waved toward those who were standing. "My coven." He leaned toward Damon. "Santana is pyrokinetic, so you definitely want to be careful around her," he confided. "She's very testy."

Santana's grin was feral.

"You aren't scared of me," Damon said, blinking harshly with the realization.

"Takes the fun out of it for you, doesn't it?" Kurt asked, smiling.

"Strangely, no."

"How...odd." Kurt said, now frowning. "And vaguely unnerving." His frown deepened. "This isn't going to devolve into one of those tedious fatal attraction scenarios, is it? That would be terribly pedestrian."

"Why are you here?" Stefan asked.

Kurt turned to regard him. "We're a glee club. We're scheduled to perform in a singing exhibition in Richmond." His eyes turned grave. "Nothing more than that, I promise you."

"Uh, is everything okay here?" asked Matt, who had materialized next to Elena.

Kurt gave him a blinding smile. "Everything is just fine, Matthew, thank you."

"How did you know my name?" asked the now suspicious boy.

Kurt's smile became flirtatious. "I make it my business to know the name of the cutest boy in town."

Matt's mouth fell open at the bluntness of the words. It was apparent he was struggling for a reply, but finally settled on blushing lightly and shuffling away, a surprised Elena smirking at his retreating form.

"You're telepathic," Damon said.

Kurt nodded. "I am."

"What other powers do you have?"

"Why are you so interested?"

Damon weighed his options carefully. "May we speak privately for a moment?"

Kurt's eyes hooded.

"What are you doing?" Stefan hissed at his brother.

"Back off," Damon snapped.

Finally, Kurt nodded. "Santana and Sam come with me. The girl and the other vampire stay here."


"Aren't you scared of him?" Elena asked Kurt.

"No," was the boy's honest response.

"Why should he be?" Damon asked.

"Perhaps because you're a murdering fiend?" Kurt suggested.

"Well, there's that," Damon agreed.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Stefan asked the boy.

"Do you know Santana can incinerate you with a thought and I can cast a spell which will wipe your existence from the mind of the entire town?" Kurt countered.

"I do now," Stefan said blankly.

"Damon kills people," Elena quietly said.

"That's his nature," Kurt said.

Damon's head almost snapped his neck, he turned it so quickly toward Kurt.

"And that doesn't bother you?" she pressed.

"Excuse me, muffin," Santana drawled, "but isn't the hunk of sinewy goodness attached to your hip also a vampire?"

Elena blushed.

"I find it pointless to ascribe a human morality to a creature who is not, in fact, human," Kurt told her.

Stefan grimaced when he saw the telltale signs of obsession dawning his brother's eyes. "That's some pretty dangerous thinking."

"It's also dangerous to allow this girl to believe that you're anything but what you are," Kurt volleyed. "Instead of handling her, you should be preparing her for what she'll eventually face." He tilted his head. "Or is it her face which has so beguiled you?"

Elena gasped. "You know..."

"Not personally," Kurt interrupted, "but she's rather notorious in supernatural circles and she's in our Book of Shadows. Eventually, she will come here. You'll be targeted." He turned toward Stefan. "You know this."

Stefan swallowed heavily.

Kurt looked at Damon. "Let's talk."

"Can you hear them?" Elena asked.

Stefan grunted. "No. The blond boy did something to muffle their voices. It must be some innate power he possesses, because he didn't say a spell."

"Do you notice that Damon keeps inching closer and closer to Kurt?" Quinn murmured to Tina, who nodded.

"Sam's playing it close to the vest, but if the vampire doesn't back off, he's in for a world for pain," the other girl said.

"So they're together?" Stefan asked them.

Quinn rolled her eyes.

"Duh," Tina sang.

"You're not like the witches I've known," Stefan said casually, desperately trying to hide his anxiety and confusion.

"Then you haven't met the right witches," Brittany said sweetly.

"I take offense to that," Bonnie said cheerfully, plopping down into Santana's vacated chair.

"Fair enough," Mike said. "Let's just chalk it up to differing traditions."

Bonnie nodded, a small smile on her face. "I'd like to learn more about you."

"That's up to the Triad," Artie said, thumbing in the direction of Kurt, Santana, and Sam.

"Are they your leaders, for lack of a better word?" Elena asked.

"This is a democracy," Quinn said flatly, "but Sam and Santana are two of our strongest. Even combined, however, we're no match for Kurt."

"Jesus Christ," Stefan muttered.

"Do you have your own Book of Shadows?" Mike asked Bonnie.

"I have the spellbook of my many-greats grandmother," she cautiously replied.

He nodded. "When you go home, look for an entry on the Hand. I'm sure there'll be one."

"He's the Hand?" Stefan whispered.

Elena shot him a puzzled look.

Quinn nodded.

"That boy is the most powerful witch on the planet?" Stefan demanded.

Elena's eyes widened before shooting over to study Kurt more closely.

"No," Artie said.

"He's the most powerful witch to walk this planet," Finn clarified. "Ever."

"His cousins rank just below him and above us," Brittany added.

"Cousins?" Bonnie repeated.

Stefan closed his eyes. "They wouldn't be three sisters, would they?"

Bonnie paled.

"So you've heard of them," Quinn drawled, smirking. "I'm sure they'll be pleased to know they're so famous."

"Stefan, what is going on?" Elena quietly asked.

"I'll explain everything to you later," he promised. "Kurt was right. I'm doing you no favors by not informing you of absolutely everything."

She carefully nodded.

"I presume we're finished with Show and Tell?" Kurt asked, startling even Stefan.

"Is everything all right?" Elena asked, her eyes traveling back and forth between Kurt and Damon.

"It's just fine," Kurt said, a slight smile on his face, his hand entwined tightly with that of Sam.

Stefan noticed Damon's thunderous look at the gesture, and though Kurt had his back to Damon, he was sure Kurt was aware of it as well.

"Relax, Stefan," Kurt said. "Damon won't hurt me. It's my strength that attracts him, but he's not so stupid as to believe that I can't protect myself and my friends."

"Power is the greatest aphrodisiac," Damon said.

"We just wanted to reach an accord," Kurt continued, ignoring him, "and we have. My coven has no interest in involving itself in the affairs of vampires, let alone the darkness which surrounds this town. That said, if you need our help, we will provide it as long as certain conditions are met."

"What kind of help?" Stefan asked.

"Protection," Santana said. "For her," she added, looking at Elena.


"And for Bonnie," Sam added, smiling at the girl. "Damon also negotiated for Elena's brother Jeremy, that guy Matt, and a girl called Caroline."

"Why would you do that?" Elena asked Damon, who said nothing.

Stefan already knew the answer. He was contemplating how to address it when he noticed Kurt's eyes flash at Sam, who smirked back. Kurt then spun on his heel, his chest coming to rest against Damon's own. Stefan almost laughed at the comical looks of surprise and terror on his brother's face.

"You are not unintelligent," Kurt said to the vampire. "I would not be averse to speaking with you again."

Damon's mouth opened, but before he could say anything, Kurt leaned over and gently kissed his cheek.

"You have my number," Kurt continued, "use it if necessary." He raised a brow. "And by necessary, I mean a dire apocalypse, not informing me of what you are or are not wearing."

Damon leered. "Already picturing me naked?"

Kurt looked at Tina. "Should I bother?"

She gazed at Damon and, suddenly, her eyes flashed white.

"Oh, my god," Elena breathed.

"X-ray vision," Kurt explained. "Well?" he asked Tina.

"Impressive," she admitted, "but he's no Sam."

Kurt smiled softly. "No one ever could be."

Sam blushed and pulled Kurt tightly against him.

"Aw," cooed Brittany, Mercedes, Finn, Rachel, and Elena.

Santana, Tina, and Artie rolled their eyes.

"They're nauseatingly adorable," Mike whispered to Damon.

"I'm familiar with the horror," he said, eyes landing on Stefan and Elena.

"Dude," Mike said, "you've got it way worse. You brother looks like he broods a lot. Did he watch too many episodes of Angel or something?

A delighted peal of laughter burst out of Damon's mouth, and he looked just as surprised by it as Elena and Stefan.

Stefan scowled. "And what does that make you, Damon? Spike?"

Kurt eyed Damon. "If you ever did that to your hair, I'd have to take steps."

"Noted," Damon replied, grinning like a loon.

"We have to get going," Mercedes piped up. "The hotel will only hold our reservations so long."

"You could stay at our house," Damon said, looking at Kurt longingly. "We have more than enough room."

"What is wrong with you?" demanded an exasperated Stefan. "Are you drunk?"

Damon opened his mouth but abruptly fell silent when Kurt laid a hand on his chest.

"Stefan, why do you love Elena?" Kurt asked.

Elena ducked her head.

"Because she understands me. She makes me...better," Stefan replied.

Elena smiled.

Kurt nodded. "You feel that she knows you, that she was - and please forgive the lame cliché - made for you to love. Is it really so inconceivable that your brother might want the same thing? Someone who will love him not in spite of what he is, but because of it?"

Stefan gaped at him.

"Let's not get carried away," Damon weakly blurted.

Kurt shushed him, his eyes remaining fixed on Stefan. "You think he's evil because he embraces who he is, and perhaps that is the case. You think he's a monster, and maybe he is, but, at the end of the day, no matter who or what he might be, Stefan, he's still your brother. You believe Elena was created to walk with you through this life, correct? Is that not also true of Damon?"

"Not at all," Stefan seethed.

"Then I feel sorry for you," Kurt said quietly. "You're not superior to him because you don't feed from humans. You're not better than him because you try not to kill. You deny him because you want to deny yourself, but here's a question I'm sure you try not to think on too closely: what would you be without him?"

Stefan trembled with emotion.

"We can't know love without hate, Stefan, nor peace without violence. Elena might be your soulmate, your salvation, but Damon is your other half. You easily could have been him. Friends, lovers...they come and go, but you will always have your family. You might think of it as a curse, but that's true only if you allow it to be. I was alone my entire life. My mother died when I was a child. I never thought I'd have the privilege of a sibling, but then my dad married Carole, and I got Finn for a brother."

Finn gave him a blinding smile.

Kurt smiled back at him fondly. "We're nothing alike. We don't have the same beliefs, the same friends, or the same orientation. We have no common interests, we have different styles of dress and speech, and we don't enjoy the same hobbies or subjects. I'm magical, and he's not." He looked back to Stefan. "But he's my brother and always will be. Nothing will ever change that, nor would I want that to happen. Ever." His face became stony. "As much as we frustrate each other, as often as we fight and hurt one another, we are family."

He held out his hand and Finn grasped it, a bright, white light erupting at the contact.

"That's our bond," Kurt said. "It will never be broken." He released Finn's hand and leaned over toward Stefan. "If anyone tried to hurt my brother, I would kill them, without hesitation and without remorse, and Finn would do the same for me."

Finn nodded frantically.

"If you really believe that Damon wouldn't do the same for you, then you don't know him as well as you think. If you don't believe you wouldn't avenge his suffering, you don't know yourself."

He stood up straight and signaled to the others, all of whom rose to their feet.

"Vampires might be long-lived, Stefan, but you're not immortal, not truly. You can be killed. Damon can be killed. If the idea that you could lose your brother doesn't terrify you, if the enmity that lies between you is more important than the fact that you're family, then you're not nearly as human as you'd like to believe."

Kurt turned around and stared hard at Damon. "That goes for you, too. You really should get it together, Damon, and try not to die. I might actually miss you."

Damon snorted. "You'd be the only one."

Kurt chuckled and patted the vampire's cheek. "It's sad that you really believe that." He turned toward his friends. "Mr. Schuester is waiting for us. If we don't leave now, we'll endure a lecture all the way back to Ohio."

Several of them groaned, while others rolled their eyes.

"I don't want to walk all the way back there," Finn whined.

"Oh, I never said anything about that," Kurt said, grinning, placing several bills on the table, enough to cover the meal and a large tip. "Sam, if you would?"

Sam nodded, closed his eyes, and Elena and the vampires could feel something happening, though they weren't sure of what. They felt a distinct bubble forming around them, sheets of air pressing up against their skin.

"Sam's abilities are better left unexplained," Kurt said to them. "Everyone else, join hands."

Puck grumbled about having to hold Finn's hand. Finn responded by crushing Puck's fingers.

Kurt winked at Damon. "Guess who can teleport?"

And just like that, they were gone, and no one in the restaurant was any the wiser.

Bonnie shook her head in wonder.

"What the hell was that?" Elena asked no one in particular.

"Provocative," Stefan said quietly.

"Awesome," Damon said.

"You actually like him," Stefan said.

Damon smirked. "You have no idea. I don't think I do, either, really, but I'm looking forward to finding out."