Disclaimer: This is so obviously not mine.

Yes, I will still update 'My Hero', but between chapters, I hope that you guys will be kind and allow yourself to be distracted by another of my mind's odd musings.


Men are from Mars

Chapter_1: The Encounter

The night was black. The stars twinkled and flashed: a million pinpricks in the endless black backdrop of space. They each reflected off his eyes, obsidian eyes, void and clear and so dark that they were their own little universe. In his eyes, the stars looked bright and clear, as if his own jaded gaze had been transformed into a separate galaxy, small and apart from the one into which the man now looked.

The moon also shone brightly in the velvet expanse, nearer to the earth than her sister planets which she could see rotating listlessly in the far distance. She cast her luminescence upon the man lying in the roof, and mourned that her face should be as perfect as his; her skin as white and flawless as his own. She envied the ebony silk which lay about the man's face, the long bangs gently caressing the soft cheeks and faultlessly formed cheekbones as the breeze teased them to sweep across his beautiful features. The sordid blackness which hung around herself could in no way compare to the perfection of this man's smooth raven hair.

The breeze, which did still stir and muss his hair, toyed with the man's dark blue shirt, easing down the simple crew neck and down the man's sculpted torso.

The man breathed deeply of the cool night air, of the sweet scent of Sakura and Camilla on the wind, allowing the calm to consume his mind. He exhaled; the worries and trial of his day temporarily forgotten in the languid peace of the moment. For a man like Sasuke Uchiha, problems rained like grains of sand in his life, and like the sand, never seemed to really go away, but clung to him. This portion of his day was vital to the survival of every bonehead he associated with on a daily basis. He liked the serenity of the stars, always right, ever present and exactly where they were supposed to be. They held a mystifying tranquility which had ever eluded the Uchiha's life, but now frustratingly more than normal.

Work, co-workers, boss, friends, all had seemed to suddenly become oppressive, aggravating.

He had worked the same job for the last eight years of his life, ever since he'd turned fifteen and was old enough for his father to legally employ him as a computer engineer. He had graduated from college at fourteen, a full year later than his older brother had. His master's degree had come eighteen months later. But despite all his best efforts, all that his father saw was Itachi, his heir and vice-president of Uchiha Corp. Sasuke had realized this sad reality long ago and had learned to ignore his frustration towards his father. It was an overachiever's prison the youngest Uchiha had found himself in after years of trying to please his insatiable father: plush and gilded, but no less of a cage for all of its comforts. And his friends…Sasuke had no friends. He had his work…and he had the stars.

Though he didn't even have his work to bury himself into anymore; Fugaku had made sure of that.

Lately, Fugaku, also the head of Uchiha Corp. had become argumentative and irritable. He would find arbitrary errors in the raven's flawless work and make him start a project over from scratch; he would call him into his office for no reason to talk for hours and then later rage at him about his lazy, shiftless ways. The man had even gone so far as to call him out in front of the board of share-holders about the fact that the color of his tie was unprofessional. Uchiha Corp. had become a battle ground and Sasuke didn't even know what he had done to set it off. It had all come to a head yesterday when the Uchiha patriarch had insisted that his son take an eighth of the vacation time he had saved up, a mandate which Sasuke knew had originated from his mother, and not his father's suddenly overinflated concern for his well-being. The question which now hung over Sasuke's head was simple: what was he going to do for the month Uchiha Fugaku had banned him from stepping foot into Uchiha Corps?

The options so far were not all that promising.

He could take a vacation, somewhere remote and tropical. But Sasuke had little desire to go somewhere he had never been by himself. He knew that he could invite any of the hundred women who worked at his building and get a very cheerful companion, but once more his apathy got in the way. He had no desire for such empty-headed company.

And so now he was doing the only other thing he could honestly think of to do, which was lie on the roof of his house and stare into the night's sky. It wasn't such a bad option, but he could only do it for twelve hours a day. He could sleep for no more than seven hours each night and thusly five hours of his day was as of yet, unaccounted for. Eighty hours total with which to…what?

The raven slid a little down the metallic roof he had had installed to replace the old shingles. It was nicer looking and he wouldn't have to replace it for a few decades; not that the Uchiha had to worry about his finances.

His job had granted him a fortuitous home that was large enough to house ten people instead of just himself. It was out of the way, which Sasuke liked, and afforded a generous view of the nearby woodlands which bordered the far southwest corner of his grounds.

A flash of light to the right caught his eye. Sasuke turned his head to track the foreign object which became clearer upon closer inspection. It was a meteor which lanced across the cosmos, streaking past the Uchiha's field of vision.

A shooting star.

Distantly, Sasuke wondered how many others in Konoha had seen the star and were at this moment, casting their fervent prayers upon its celestial back.

His own wish was cast almost reflexively, subconsciously. It was something his Mother had shared with he and his brother while they had been young and still could stand the other's company. They had all three watched the night sky together, studying the heavens until each of them had gotten a wish.

Back then he'd wished for pointless things like toys and pets and happiness.

I wish that I had something to do for the next month.

Sasuke sighed at his foolish wish. He'd find something to occupy his time.

A wry smirk toyed with the corners of his mouth. Maybe he'd visit his parents.

.:xXXx:.

Alarms blared and sirens shrieked. A smell reminiscent of burning fossil fuels and wet leaves permeated the cock-pit.

"Jitz!" The blond cried out repeatedly, frantically pressing what few buttons remained lit on the expansive control console in an attempt to stop any one of his mounting mechanical failures. But it was no use. As soon as he fixed one, three more would appear.

"Vez gramachez lem j'ourez!" The blond spat, slamming his fists into the flashing metal dash.

The lights went out.

"Ahhh!"

The emergency power flickered, but no more sirens went off. The old ones had shut off also since what little power was left would be needed to keep the pilot alive and critical systems functioning. One pad, the sphere surveyor lit up, but dimly. The screens white light battled with the impenetrable darkness of space.

On its sputtering surface was a planet, a single blue and green jewel slowly revolving against the black backdrop.

He checked the readings, those he could actually make out between flickers and power spikes. It was an oxygen based atmosphere; their main source of water was in liquid form and covered approximately seventy percent of the planet's surface. It was capable of supporting humanoid life; at least, he'd be able to breathe, the degree of difficulty after that would depend upon what other trace elements were mingled in. And just so long as there was no helium, he couldn't tell from the display.

The planet: Earth, was 1.45 light years away. Under normal circumstances that would've been the sort of jump he could do while blindfolded, but at the moment he had 0.72 left of one engine left.

This was his best shot.

"Vlas qwants ip mladen e bacc." The blond muttered, hurriedly pressing controls in preparation for what may be his last jump.

"Y gants mlade e bacc."

He took a deep breath…and pressed the lunch button.

.:xxXXxx:.

Something was wrong.

Sasuke's brow furrowed, a rare show of confusion, an emotion he only displayed when he was very, very alone. His eyes still trailed the meteor he'd spotted. But he shouldn't be able to still see it to track it. The celestial phenomenon ought to have consumed itself within seconds of it forming. It shouldn't still be gliding across the clear, cold sky. It shouldn't be getting…closer…bigger…brighter?

But it was. The luminescent ball of fire was coming to earth. It had already hit the atmosphere. It would burn up and blow away; maybe that was why it hadn't disappeared; because it was heading towards earth. Or maybe he had mistaken a comet for a meteor, but Sasuke would have bet money that he had nailed the off-handed tag. Besides, the tail was all wrong and it wasn't circling earth, it was striking the planet, burning up in the atmo-

But that wasn't true either.

Sasuke's frown deepened.

It had gotten through the air layers intact and it was…heading straight for him.

.:xxXXxx:.

"Kyez!" The blond hollered as his view screen was engulfed in flame, but it wasn't the calm, mellow blue tongues he was used to. This fire was bright, red-orange, hot and angry.

He had come out of the jump a split second too late and had been on top of the planet before he could say: "Jella planetions, Y ei e startion." Normally, he would've done better. But normally, he wouldn't have had to try jumping without all the proper equipment functioning. Heck, normally, he wouldn't have to crash-land on this random bloody world. And now that he was tearing dangerously through the oxygenated layers of atmosphere, he was beginning to wonder if he would live past his one 'abnormal' trip.

Whatever had remained of the emergency power had quit the moment he'd exited his jump point. There hadn't even been enough juice to close the screen-shutters, a malfunction he was paying for as the temperature in the cock-pit continued to rise perilously high.

Circuits sparked and sputtered while the very ship around him moaned in distress. It was coming apart at the seams and when it did, he was going to die. No one would ever find his body. He would be one in a million meteors to burn up and be blown away, whatever dust still remained of him fertilizing the soil of this strange world.

The ship shuddered violently once, and then again. It shook…and then he was out, still plummeting downwards without his stabilizers to slow his descent, but alive.

Through the blackened view screen he could make out what looked like buildings. His stomach rolled. This was bad. He couldn't land in the middle of a city, he had the galactic order to think about. But then his craft collided with something, briefly, but it was enough to turn the ship slightly. He was falling though a forest of some sort. The trees were growing thicker as his ship spiraled down. He would be safe from prying eyes when he went down at least.

The next order of business was to survive a crash-landing.

.:xxXXxx:.

He was running through the thick undergrowth, pushing past plants and ducking under low hanging branches. Little light made it through the heavy foliage which clung to the trees and if not for the small flashlight Sasuke had grabbed on his way out the door, he would've been lost by now.

The light's sallow beam glanced off the overgrown shrubbery, weaving a ghostly trail of shadow across the leaves and trees far behind them.

The Uchiha pressed though, in the direction he'd seen the meteor go down. He could smell something burning. He'd smelled something like it before at a gas station, but this held undertones of…organic…he couldn't describe it, but it didn't belong with that dirty fuel smell.

He caught a flash of red from between two trees, it was some ways off, but it was a sign. He was getting closer.

Sasuke wasn't really sure what it was he would find, though he wasn't honestly expecting too much. This was the most he'd had to do all day and he was not passing up the opportunity to see a meteor, especially not when one had landed basically in his back yard.

The forest suddenly ended and Sasuke was standing on the lip of a very large crater. The dirt spit up was dark and brown, the grass and whatever plants had been growing were nothing but blackened ash and in the center of the unnaturally excavated circle was…it.

It was still glowing, red-hot and sending an eerie glow over the violently churned earth underneath its gently smoking shell.

The Uchiha had switched off his flashlight and was about to head back home when a hiss of released air drew his attention back to the…meteor?

It was opening. A section of the rock's pitted surface was sliding open and an unlit hollow behind the panel was revealed.

Sasuke stepped behind a nearby tree, watching as a lone figure staggered from the…he couldn't say it, he couldn't even think the word; it was too bizarre. But it lay right there in front of him, smoking in front of him, the proof. It was incredible.

The figure stumbled on the loose dirt, falling to its knees before lunging to its feet and starting up again. This attempt failed as well. It was staggering and falling about as if it were drunk.

That it had been injured in the crash seemed plausible to Sasuke, though he wasn't sure if he should offer an alie…nope, he still couldn't say the word, help. He wasn't one to make rash decisions, but as the raven watched the…he sighed, the alien, wobble around the crater, unable to gain the lip five feet above his head, he made what was arguably the most impulsive decision of his life.

One moment he was watching, concealed behind an accommodating oak, the next he had his arms wrapped around a slender torso and he was pulling the humanoid visitor up to the top of the crater. If the creature ate him once Sasuke got him out of his dirt prison, then the raven hoped that it appreciated the fact that it had done what no earthling had accomplished. And many people had wanted to 'eat Sasuke up' over the years.

But no attempt was made to eat the Uchiha. Instead, once the pair had gained the lip, the extraterrestrial collapsed in exhaustion. Sasuke knelt by its side, getting a good look at the creature he'd just helped. It was humanoid in form, much like himself in essentials: two legs, two arms, torso, neck, one head, which possessed all the correct features in the correct locations and in the appropriate amounts. He carried a shock of unruly blond spikes and strangely enough, six whisker-esk marks upon his cheeks. And yes, it did appear to be a male, although Sasuke didn't completely substantiate that fact.

The alien opened its eyes and rolled on its side to look at its rescuer. Sasuke found himself staring into the bluest eyes he had ever seen in his life, they were wide and open, revealing every bit of the confusion it was feeling at the moment.

"Jella planetions," The man's voice was hoarse, but wryness of his smile was not lost on Sasuke. This creature was obviously amused by something. "Y ei e startion."

When Sasuke didn't respond to its statement, the blond frowned.

"Stlliz Y metnshe?" The raven said nothing, watching as frustration began to pool in the humanoids azure eyes. "Deet sharlen yets hakez mi fren?"

Sasuke was about to shake his head, try to get the moron to realize that he just didn't understand what it was saying. But a flash of awareness and something else twinkled in the alien's eyes: resolve.

Before he knew what was happening, the raven was being pulled down to the ground, his back squishing unpleasantly in something that smelled distinctly like mulch. But the thoughts about his soiled garment were roughly shoved to the side as another body dropped onto his. Sasuke would've told the…thing to get off of him, but his means of verbal communication was soundly cut off when a pair of lips sealed his own.

A foreign rush of hot fingers against his scalp pushed at his conscious mind. But it wasn't the blond on top of him. The alien's hands were busy pinning Sasuke's shoulders to the forest floor as his mouth continued to press against the man's pale, unresponsive lips.

The feeling intensified and was suddenly under the raven's skin. The fingers plunged through his skull in slow, alien infiltration until they seemed to touch his mind.

Waves of hot light lanced through the Uchiha's mind and he felt the fingers sliding through his grey matter like tentacles.

If there had been any space between their mouths, Sasuke would've growled. Since there was not, the man settled for notching the heel of his foot into the back of the extraterrestrial's knee and twisting. The world shifted and suddenly the Uchiha was the one in control. But the blond didn't seem concerned. It simply gripped the man's head in an incredibly strong grip, fingers tangling in raven spikes.

Impatience flared in the alien's eyes. The fingers in Sauke's mind poked at something and his mouth instantly opened. Well, there was one more item that the blond had which made him more humanoid. The creature's tongue lanced aggressively into the Uchiha's mouth, oddly enough, it didn't do anything more than slip under Sasuke's own fleshy appendage. The tip darted to the place were the raven's tongue met the left back corner of his gums and didn't move.

Satisfaction overcame the blonds' previous disappointment and the subtle feeling of fingers became white hot. Suddenly Sasuke knew what it felt like to be a flash-drive plugged into a USB port. He was being downloaded, every file in his mind systematical picked through. It seemed that the hands were in search of something in particular and once they found it…

The sensation changed. They were pulling now; the information was being drawn out of his mind like a spool of thread. The Uchiha could almost see the bright string of knowledge stretch between himself and the blond underneath who still had a tight hold of his head.

And then it was over, the tongue withdrew, pulling a thin filament of their combined saliva with it. Or at least, Sasuke hoped that it was saliva.

Slightly mortified, the raven stared down at the alien whom he had just…kissed. He wouldn't have been surprised if he heard the 'Twilight zone' theme song spring up in the background. This was…so wrong on so many levels.

For his part, the alien didn't look in the least bit ashamed, it looked, pleased, tired, but there was no mistaking the meaning behind the languid smile spreading across its whisker marked face.

"Hi planet creature." The alien spoke its voice weary. "I'm a creature from the sky and my name is…" He blinked sleepily before yawning. "Naruto…"


Author's note: I'm making this one a comedy on purpose. 'My Hero' is going to be getting really intense soon so I've got to write something more upbeat to keep myself from the Dark side.

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