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Chapter_3: Tee

Naruto stared in dumbfounded disbelief at the paper in his hand. Well, the piece of paper wasn't so shocking. It was the planet creature words written in neat pen strokes which spelled out the seven worst house rules he had ever come across in his entire existence.

You are under no circumstances to leave the house unless accompanied by myself.

You are prohibited from speaking to me, interacting with or to me by any means verbal, physical, human or alien.

The main living room, the bedroom I have assigned to you and its adjoining bathroom are the three rooms to which you have free access.

If you are found in any other than the aforementioned quarters, you will be confined to your bedroom for one standard Earth week.

You will under no circumstances authorized to touch any items besides what you find in the three previously mentioned rooms.

If you touch, damage or break any items besides those found in the three rooms stipulated, you will be confined to your bedroom for one standard Earth week.

You will under no circumstances initiate any physical contact with me or attempt to read my mind.

If you at any point in time attempt such, you will be confined to your room for one standard Earth month.

"You have got to be kidding me!" He waved the paper in front of the Uchiha's face. "I'm not a kid. You can't send me to my room if I do something you don't like."

"Rule number two,"

The blond started to check the sheet, realized what he was doing and shoved it away instead. "I'll talk to you whenever I want to, however I want to. I don't care how many rules I'm breaking!"

The raven didn't respond, but turned and walked away.

"Hey, wait,"

To Naruto's surprise, Sasuke actually turned in the doorway to face him. That surprise was quickly replaced by annoyance when the raven opened his mouth to speak.

"Rules three and four."

"I am not a pet!" The blond yelled at Sasuke's retreating form. "You cannot keep me contained within this place! I will not be restricted in this way! Your lists and rules and regulations will not hold me inside these walls! I won't…"

He realized suddenly that he was yelling at no one. The hall in front of him was empty.

Naruto blinked, trying to remember whether the raven had turned off into one of the doors studding the long hallway. His memory seemed to be failing him.

The blond sighed. Now that he had no one with which to vent his irritation, he found the exasperation was quickly fading. Now he was just bored.

Naruto turned back to face the large living room. It was huge. The walls were painted blue and all the furniture was black.

Why did the Uchiha give him such a depressing room to stay in? He glanced back down the hall. Despite his display of bravado, he didn't want to upset his host any more than he already had. And he knew a sure-fire way of getting the planet creature miffed was to shluff off his rules. So, he would have to stay here…until the 'hue-mon' was ready to come out and play.

He sighed before sinking down onto the bland black couch. He had a feeling this was going to be a long wait.


The monitor glared back at him in docile serenity. And the Uchiha realized that he had been staring at the blank screen for… He glanced at the clock. Nearly a quarter of an hour had passed this time.

Sasuke's brows furrowed in irritation. It was no use; no matter how hard he tried, he could not seem to keep his mind from the extra-terrestrial sitting in his secondary living room.

Why had he taken it into his house? Why had he decided to take care of it? The idiotic creature wouldn't have lasted a single day on the streets by itself. But it wasn't like it was his fault that it crash-landed here and had to deal with a new culture.

A tiny voice in the back of his mind whispered. 'But you did wish…'

He squashed that thought trail immediately. He didn't believe in wishes. He was a man of logic and reason. It wasn't his fault that the alien crashed on this planet and was currently screwing up his life.

Well…it had been…a few hours since the raven had left his 'houseguest' and he hadn't heard a peep.

Sasuke reached out and flipped his computer closed. It was time for lunch. The alien had been good; at least he hadn't heard the creature since he'd been here. Granted, he was in an entirely different section of the house, but still. Maybe the blond deserved a few props.

The raven stood, his sock clad feet sinking into the plush carpet. He padded out to the hall and back to the living room.


He was bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored…

He didn't know how long he had sat on this squeaky piece of furnishing, it wasn't like he could read this planet's time counters.

All he knew was that he was bored out of his mind.

He was getting grumpy.

He was hungry.

He was horny.

He was…horny?

Naruto looked down in disbelief. But there was no denying the rather large tent in the front of his borrowed sweatpants.

How was it that this happened? Blue eyes shot to the wall he had been studying for the last…immeasurable period of time. No, it really wasn't sexy or stimulating enough to have caused this physical reaction in him.

This was unacceptable. He decided. He could not become aroused as a guest in this planet creatures' residence. It was rude. And if it persisted, he would have to take it to its natural conclusion. No, no, no! He was certain that this particular planet creature might have some sort of cerebral hemorrhage if he caught Naruto…relieving the ache in his home. He had to get rid of it some other way.

Naruto grit his teeth and set about the unappealing task of shrinking his…well…to put it in planet creature terms…his dick. After thirty minutes of hard…uh…, with nothing to show for it besides a steadily increasing manhood, he was beginning to realize that he only had the one option left.

The blond peered down the long quiet hallway. Nothing moved in the great beyond.

Shutting the door as quietly as he could, Naruto began to search for the optimal spot to…take care of his 'problem'.

Now, in order to understand the full extent of Naruto's situation, it must be explained that his species is a very communal society. As they developed as a planet, as a culture, their touch telepathy became a centralized part of their daily lives. It was attributed in some way to every aspect of their existence. All creatures were connected, shared, lived and loved together. Physicality and transcendent thought were as one. They were never questioned for motive beyond good will and the desire to share whatever great thoughts or feelings one had experienced.

This principle counted doubly so when it came to ones sexuality. It was not typically an activity sheltered and hidden. It too was an experience to be shared with others. Naruto was taught not to be ashamed of his impulses. But it was more than that. He was taught that it was almost wrong to not share such a marvelous knowledge.

Naruto was very alone at the moment. He had no idea where the planet creature was right now. And even if he did, it wasn't as though he would walk up to him, say: 'I require that you share my experiences while I ejaculate.' and expect the raven to understand. He would probably be thrown into his bedroom for a week.

So he was left with one option, though it wasn't something he was very good at. He'd never had a problem finding someone with which to share before. If he touched the couch, or somewhere the Uchiha had come into contact, he might be able to read the surface images and manufacture someone with which to allocate his understanding.

He slid back down to the couch and began running his fingers across the squeaky surface.

It wasn't the option he would have preferred. But it was all he had.

The blond could feel the stray filaments of refracted thought. Those gossamer strands were all that remained of a memory. The tips of his fingers tingled lightly when he began to pull it into himself.

A time bleared image slid over his eyes as Naruto shut his eyelids. He would have to concentrate for this to work. Otherwise, his subconscious wouldn't let him complete.

He could distinguish the ravens' distinctive hairstyle. The planet creature was sitting on the couch, he was sitting across from two older creatures, one male, the other female. They were speaking, but Naruto couldn't make out the words. What mattered, though, was that the raven was present.

The alien's hand slipped down underneath the loose elastic waistband to teasingly touch his awakened flesh. He hissed in appreciation, but his mind wouldn't accept the pleasure. He was not sharing.

The blond began to toy with the memory, to shift the focus. The raven was on the couch, but so was Naruto. They sat next to each other, side by side; close enough to touch. He could almost feel the heat from the body so close to his own.

He stroked hesitantly up and down his shaft. Blood thrummed in his ears and endorphins danced under his skin. It was so good, but it wasn't going to be enough. His mind wasn't fooled.

But he needed more.

The 'hue-mons' fingers had joined with his, aiding in the gentle teasing pulls that had his head spinning. The raven's hand was long, his fingers slender, but they were surprisingly strong.

His breath was beginning to come out in sharp pants, hot and heavy as the man's pale digits moved down to rub his glands.

Not enough.

The man's other hand joined with the first and Naruto was flying.

As he continued to squeeze and circle his sacs, the raven's index finger began to message the head of Naruto's heavy manhood. And then they curled possessively around the shaft; began pumping at a brutal pace which had the blond teetering on the edge.

But it still wasn't enough. His mind would not accept that this was real. He knew it wasn't but…maybe that was the problem.

He would have to try harder. Because his erection was getting painful now and would only get worse if he couldn't get off soon.

The raven dipped his head down. A sweet, pink tongue peaked out from between the pillows of his lips. The planet creature's intensions were clear even if Naruto weren't making this up. No, he wasn't making this up, he was…S'feek. He was defeating himself.

Naruto groaned low in his throat when the wet protrusion began to run up and down his sensitized. It flicked at the many small veins spider-webbing across his length. It was incredible, the heat, the rush of sweet heady bliss flushing his cheeks. The raven's thick hair began to bounce as his head did the same. Hot wetness encased the blond and he cried out in frustrated need. It was so much. And when the planet creature started doing the sucking thing with his mouth while toying with the base of his cock, Naruto though he might actually come.

He could feel the burn deep in the pit of his stomach. He was almost there.

The raven hummed.

Naruto opened his mouth and cried out, thrusting his hips frantically; gripping the 'hue-mons' head and pounding roughly into that constricting heat. He thrashed and screamed, reveling in the pulse of adrenaline, the shock of…

Not coming…

He hadn't finished.

Another cry echoed into the Uchiha's quiet living room, this one of absolute frustration and excruciatingly painful need.

His cock had become fiery and inflamed. It felt as though he were fit to burst, and not in the way he wanted. The memory had only served to engorge him further and faster, not complete him like he had hoped. It was becoming more than he could bear. All other rational thought was driven quite entirely from his mind.

He needed…and that was all.

So when he opened his eyes and saw another, black pair staring back at him, he didn't question it. He took hold.


If there was something Uchiha Sasuke expected to see when he walked into the alien's designated living room, it wasn't what he saw.

The spiky-haired moron was sitting on the couch, his couch, with Sasuke's sweatpants around his ankles and both wrapped around his…

And suddenly there were two more similarities between their respective species.

He was about to yell at the blond. He was going to scare him (because it was obviously a 'him') so badly he would never be able to form an erection again.

Fate, however, has a funny way of throwing kinks into even the most well laid plans.

The aliens began to scream, to writhe and moan, the volume rising as they went on. His hips started to thrust in a way that was blatantly sexual. Sweat beaded and trickled down the creature's temple, bouncing in time with his hips.

Was he...?

The alien screamed, but it wasn't the finalized outburst of a physically satisfied individual. It sounded, in fact, exactly the opposite. It was pathetic, needy.

Just as Sasuke realized that the alien's…he searched for the correct term…dick, had grown in size, blue eyes flashed open. And the raven was suddenly lock-eyed with a half-naked and very aroused extraterrestrial.

But for some reason, the shock and horror Sasuke had anticipated to see did not cross Naruto's features. His house guest didn't seem bothered in the slightest. Although, it did appear as though the blond was horny to the point of stupidity, considering the fact that Naruto had chosen to touch himself in full view of the unlocked door.

There was something else to those eyes that threw Sasuke though. The alien looked wanton. His half-lidded: screw what little brains I have out, weren't moving from the raven. They looked like they were begging, like he would do anything for Sasuke to spread him out on any surface without niceties and just…

Before the raven could recover from the initial shock of it all, Naruto had grabbed him by the front of his shirt and gave one swift tug.

He grunted as his body collided rather forcefully into the blonds' lean and surprisingly compact torso. He had time to do nothing more than blink before his hand was being pressed onto something which felt far more human than it ought to.

"Please," The alien's moan was hot and husky in his ear. "…assist me."

Now in order to fully understand the situation Sasuke had been put in, a single, vital tidbit of information must be fully disclosed: Uchiha Sasuke was gay.

He wasn't your stereotypical: I want to go shopping for hours on end/ will cry when watching a chick flick/ Oh my Gawd I love what you're done with your hair, gay man. He was more your: I despise women with the singular exception of the woman who birthed me/ I figure men are easier to deal with, sort.

That being said, Sasuke had never actually…turned that corner…done the deed…buried the bone…fed the kitty…okay, all those awful euphemisms aside; he had never gone past well…second base as it were. The long and short of it was: he'd never slept with anyone before. Okay, so once, but that it was in the true sense of the word and he considered it to have been a very poor life decision at the very naive age of three.

All he remembered was waking up with a mouth full of long dark hair and his mother standing over him and Neji with a camera.

She hadn't scrap booked that picture. Sasuke made certain that she never found it or the negatives.

All that to say: he had never been actively sexual; not even as far as it concerned other male someones. He just couldn't find anyone who wasn't too annoying for him to be around for an extended period of time, never mind 'getting it up' for that person.

He had just about decided that celibacy was a decent enough way of life (he always had work to fall back on after all) when…well…this alien crash landed in his back yard and this was suddenly happening.

Which led the raven back to his present situation: sprawled atop an alien being with his hand pressed into a very hot, very hard, very male body-part.

What to do…what to do…

The blond man's fingers wrapped around his own; slowly guiding them both slowly up and down the engorged length. Warm wetness trailed along the outer shell of his ear and suddenly Sasuke was being bathed in absolute pleasure. His heartbeat began hammering in his ears, but his blood was all travelling southwards in a rush so swift it left him light headed.

"Please…" The aliens' voice was thick and rough with lust. "It…hurts…please…"

Sasuke would be a fool not to admit that he found those whimpers incredibly enticing. But he also knew, from somewhere deep in the haze of pleasured touch, that the particular portion of anatomy pulsing in his hand which felt so human was in reality so very and literally alien.

'Do not ponder it.' The aliens' voice rippled through his mind. Somehow it wasn't as disturbing as before. Maybe that was just because he was slowly being intoxicated with sensation, or maybe it was just because he was holding onto a man's junk for the first time in years.

'You can take what pleasure you find from this experience. Embrace it, enjoy it and we will both have done each other a service.'

He had reasons why he didn't do things like this, good reasons. But as the blonds' words poured into his mind, he found it harder and harder to remember why exactly those reasons were so important.

Warmth and heady delight surged openly across his skin teasing and nipping as the aliens' fingers reached out and wrapped around his own startlingly upright cock. Well, of course, he tried to rationalize through the haze of hot heat, if he felt this good; it was only natural for his body to react.

'You hurt here as well.' The panting voice in his head moaned when Sasuke tightened his grip on the man's erection. 'We can…assuage the pain together.'

Another wave of sheer unadulterated bliss crashed over the Uchiha, warming him from the inside out and for the first time in the 24 hours Sasuke and Naruto had known one another…

They completely agreed.

A/N: I will update my other stories, I promise. I'm just having trouble getting down what needs to happen. I will get done though. I won't leave you all.