This idea came half from an lj prompt and the Carrie Underwood song Last Name. If you don't know it check it out on YouTube, its good craic.

I don't own Teen Wolf or Last Name, I just kind of meshed them together in my twisted head and this is their baby.

Thanks to Jo for having the patience to read over this while I torture her on msn. Her inbox is full of crap I send on a daily basis.

Last Name

A thousand dwarves were in his head thumping against his skull like there was gold to be mined. His mouth tasted like Ghandi's sandal. His stomach was rolling like an avalanche.

Stiles tried, and failed, to lift his head off his pillow. It was sticky with drool and sweat and it was too hot against his face but staying still was better than the alternative. Of moving, because that would require effort.

The room was too bright, even with his eyes shut but when he tried to scrunch his eyes closed his head hurt. Eventually he cracked an eye open. The room was bright, despite the closed drapes. There was a heavy arm over his waist and for a second he thought it was Danny before he remembered they broke up. So who was spooning behind him?

And where was he? Well, he knew where he was in general. It was Scott's bachelor weekend and they had descended upon Vegas with one thing in mind. So what got him in this state?

Actually he knew that too. As soon as he realised Danny had been invited along Stiles hit the Cuervo, and tequila always made him do crazy shit. Like tell his dad he was bisexual. And propose to Danny.

What Stiles didn't know was what hotel he was currently dying in. And he was dying. Not only was his head thumping and his stomach rolling but his body ached, his thighs were itchy from dried cum and lube. He took a moment to wonder what kind of kinky sex he indulged in last night, what positions made all these muscles sore. Muscles Danny clearly didn't know Stiles had because Stiles had never felt like this before.

The guy behind him grunted and moved, and Stiles wondered what his bed fellow looked like before deciding he didn't want to know. Tequila goggles can be frightful.

Stiles finally moved, edging his protesting limbs out of bed and sitting up, rubbing his hands over his face. Something caught on his nose and he pulled his left hand far enough from his face to examine it.

There was a ring. On his left hand. On the third finger.

His guts gave an uncomfortable lurch and by some magic the bathroom door was open or Stiles would have spewed on the floor. Stiles rested his face on the cold rim of the toilet, his regard for hygiene taking a back seat to his need for anything comforting.

Eventually he figured he should move, so he forced his body into a standing position and hung over the sink, looking into the mirror.

He'd seen better looking zombies. His face was white and there were black rings all around his sunken eyes. His lips still looked red and swollen and he suspected the sore throat wasn't just from spewing and swallowing harsh alcohol when he noticed the finger shaped bruises on his jaw.

He looked at his body. He was covered in bruises and hickeys and bite marks. He hardly recognised himself. He scratched idly at his thigh as he looked around the bathroom. He decided that perhaps a shower was in order.

He looked at the ring again as he waited for the water to heat up. It was gold in colour but not in quality. When the bathroom was clouded with steam he tore his eyes away from the ring and pushed the door open to step inside, letting the warm water wash away his aches and pains. He wondered again what had happened last night.

Stiles remembered he was hanging with Scott and Chris Argent talking about their plans for the evening while they sipped a beer. Then Jackson walked in. With Danny.

Stiles had whined and scowled like a bitch because he had more right to be there than Danny, he organised the weekend after all and he definitely didn't remember calling Danny or booking him a room. More of Scott's (invited) friends appeared after that and while Danny had looked uncomfortable to start with, he seemed to relax into the evening.

Stiles remembered a hot barmaid winking saucily while she poured three tequila shots, and then laughing when Stiles knocked all three back then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He remembered looking around and finding Danny watching him.

Stiles had ignored him and headed to the dance floor where he danced for a while with a hot chick when the most amazing Adonis appeared before his eyes. Tall, dark hair, rough stubble, broad shoulders, narrow hips and long legs. All the things Stiles liked in a man.

He remembered approaching Adonis.

He remembered Adonis saying 'Hey baby.'

Then things got fuzzy. Was there pizza? And someone got punched…

The door behind him opened and Stiles whirled to look. Through the steam he spotted dark hair, green eyes and rough stubble. His jaw dropped open. Adonis was his husband. 'Hey baby.' Adonis said.

And it all came flooding back.

'Stiles! Stiles where are you going?' Scott called from his place at the bar between Jackson and Allison's cousin Frankie.

'To dance.' Stiles said looking over his shoulder and meeting Danny's eyes. The tequila still burned his belly as a scorching blond wearing what looked like a belt over her big tits pushed her ass into his crotch and wrapped an arm around his neck. 'Hey you.' He said putting his hands on her hips as they moved to the music.

'Hi.' She said twisting and pressing her tits into his chest. They were fake, he was sure, but he didn't care. He could get lost in her tonight, could forget about Danny. They danced grinding and pressing and Stiles imagined fucking her when something caught his eye. Or someone.

The guy was standing stalk still, wearing a black shirt. Clearly he had got bored with buttons because it wasn't even half closed. Stiles couldn't help but stare at his chest and lick his lips. The guy had muscles on his muscles.

Surely he was some trick of the mind. There was no way anybody could be that fuckhot, but here he stood before Stiles' albeit tequila tinted eyes, but Stiles was sober enough to know he was real.

He dropped Fake Tits and made his way towards this god among men. 'Hi baby. Thought you'd never come over.' Hot guy said wrapping his arms around Stiles and pulling him close. 'You gonna dance with me now?'

'Fuck yeah.' Stiles said rubbing and grinding against the hard body. He slipped his arms around strong shoulders, feeling muscles as he went. He had never wanted to be fucked by anyone more in his life.

They ground and twisted and Stiles practically dry humped the firm thigh that was pressed between his own before Hot Guy leaned in to whisper in Stiles' ear. 'The music's shit. Wanna get out of here?'

'Sure.' Stiles said letting the guy lace their fingers together as he was dragged from the club, his best friend and the party forgotten. They stopped beside the sweetest ride, a black Camaro. 'Fuck.' Stiles said as he practically eye fucked the car.

'I intend to.' Hot Guy said.

'Hey what's your name?' Stiles asked as he was pressed against the door, trapped with Hot Guy's hard body.

'Derek.'

'I'm Stiles.'

'Nice to meet you.' Derek said before licking along the seam of Stiles' lips. Stiles opened his mouth immediately to give Derek access. Derek dominated the kiss and Stiles was happy for him to do so, wrapping his arm around Derek's shoulder again and holding his head close.

'Is that how you greet everyone?' Stiles asked as Derek pulled away to kiss down his throat. The hand on his hip moved so Derek could open the door.

'Just you.' Derek said pushing Stiles into the car. He shut the door and seconds later he was in the driver seat, the engine purred to life and Derek tore out of the parking lot. Stiles could have sworn he caught sight of Danny out of the corner of his eye but he didn't look back to see. Derek's hand was already brushing up the inside of his leg.

Derek was staying in The Wynn. They pulled into the parking lot before Stiles knew what was happening they were in one of the hotel bars, dancing and kissing and drinking. 'I'm in Vegas, I wanna gamble. I wanna do it all!' Stiles panted against Derek's neck.

Derek led him to the casino and somehow the chips kept piling up along with the drink as the two of them leaned against each other laughing and giggling as they got richer and richer.

'Let's go to my room.' Derek growled in Stiles' ear as Stiles tried to climb into his lap after another win.

'Yeah. Let's have lots of sex.' Stiles grinned gathering up their chips. Derek laughed and kissed him, tugging him by the hand. Stiles turned to grab the tequila bottle they bought and held it as they made their way through the hotel.

Derek stopped suddenly and Stiles almost fell over him, but Derek grabbed him and they laughed as they stood up. An angry woman had come barrelling out of the wedding chapel with a skinny guy behind her.

'I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you Sally. I was thinking about your sister.' He called. She turned and Stiles winced as he got a black eye. Elvis stepped out of the chapel and looked the two of them.

'We have a cancellation.' He said. Derek shrugged and Stiles took a gulp from the bottle before handing it to his soon to be lover.

'You said you wanted to do everything!' Derek said nodding at Elvis.

'Why the fuck not?' Stiles said 'I bet married sex is awesome.' Derek followed him into the chapel.

'What package do you want?' Elvis asked. 'We have the simple one where we provide rings and two photographs or the luxury package where we send a hamper to your room and make a DVD.'

'Derek I want a DVD.' Stiles said turning to Derek.

'He wants a DVD.' Derek said nodding to Stiles and almost knocking himself off balance. Elvis took Derek's credit card with a happy smile. There was a ton of paperwork. Who knew a drunken wedding took so long, and Stiles was starting to get a bit bored, eager for sex when Elvis started talking. Stiles half listened but he was more interested in trying to get his hand down the back of Derek's tight jeans to grope his butt. In the flesh because Stiles liked flesh. Hot butt flesh.

Eventually Elvis stopped talking and Stiles was allowed to kiss Derek which was awesome. They staggered to Derek's room, stopping to grope and kiss and at one point for a slice of pizza each ('Derek we need a wedding dinner!').

There was a gift basket in the middle of the bed with condoms, lube, fruit, champagne and pouring sauce. Derek grabbed the champagne and the lube while Sties finished his tequila and fought with his shoes.

Half undressed Stiles fell into the middle of the bed while Derek shoved the basket onto the floor and crawled over Stiles to kiss him.

'You are so fucking hot.' Stiles said as Derek kissed down his body, taking Stiles' cock into his mouth. 'Fuck, no fair.' Stiles hissed as Derek pulled away too soon, sitting up to remove his clothes.

When he was naked Stiles stared at Derek's cock. He would admit he was a bit of a size queen and Derek's cock looked like candy of the biggest and best kind. Stiles had never had one so big. Licking his lips, Stiles crawled down the bed and stole the champagne from Derek to take a mouthful before dropping and wrapping his lips around the head.

Stiles was proud of his cocksucking ability. He knew he was good, and could easily deep throat Danny, but there was no way he would get Derek all in. Derek's fingers pressed on Stiles jaw as he fucked into Stiles mouth. His breathing was harsh and ragged and stiles wanted Derek to cum in his mouth but Derek pulled away and flipped Stiles around like he was a pillow. Go Derek's muscles Stiles thought to himself as his legs were spread.

He was on his belly with his ass in the air and oh holy fuck Derek was rimming him. Stiles moaned and whined fucking himself on Derek's tongue, filth falling from his lips, begging wantonly.

'I'm gonna' ride you so fucking hard.' Derek said pulling his tongue away and shoving two fingers into Stiles.

'Yes. Ride me.' Stiles whined.

'You're so fucking tight Stiles.' Derek said adding a third finger and twisting his wrist. Stiles gasped out, hands fisting into the blankets below him.

'I'm so tight.' Stiles agreed. 'Want more.'

'You're gonna get more.' Derek said pressing a wet kiss to the small of Stiles' back before pulling his fingers out. 'You want it like this?' Derek asked. Stiles' chest was pressed to the mattress.

'Yes.' Stiles said. 'Please.'

'Ok.' Derek said easing the head of his cock into Stiles. 'Fuck you're tight.'

'More.' Stiles said.

'Pushy little bottom aren't you.' Derek teased.

'You have no idea.' Stiles said pushing himself back onto Derek's cock, moaning as Derek was fully sheathed inside him. 'Yes.' Stiles said around a mouthful of pillow. Derek gave him a moment to adjust but Stiles was impatient. He wanted an orgasm damn it! He squeezed his ass muscles around Derek's cock.

'Fuck.' Derek grunted pulling out and slamming back in.

'Yes that's what I'm talking 'bout.' Stiles crowed pushing his ass back against Derek.

'Shut up.' Derek grunted one hand on Stiles hip and the other on his shoulder pulling him back hard onto his cock.

Stiles moaned, his face falling into the pillow below him, his fingers curled around the edge of the mattress. Derek covered him for a second, biting into Stiles' shoulder.

Then he was on his back an ankle pressed against Derek's neck. Derek lay flat against him, bending his body in half and Stiles was shocked at how flexible he never knew he was as Derek kissed him, his hips banging into Stiles.

Stiles grabbed Derek's ass, squeezing the globes in his hands as he begged and moaned for more. Derek obliged him, fucking Stiles hard as he sucked a hickey into Stiles' collarbone.

Stiles could feel his orgasm twisting and turning its way through the bottom of his belly, working its way to his untouched cock. He came hard, little spots of light behind his eye lids as he clenched around Derek, his ass milking the spunk out of the cock buried in him. Derek bit his neck again as he unloaded.

Derek collapsed on top of Stiles, cock still buried in him as he kissed Stiles mouth. 'That was fucking amazing.' Stiles said.

'You're amazing.' Derek said back, nibbling down his neck. Clearly the guy had some sort of biting fetish but Stiles didn't care because he was too busy working his ass around Derek's cock, getting him hard again. He could feel his own spent dick twitch.

'More.' Stiles demanded, somehow twisting them until Derek was on his back with Stiles in his lap. Derek kept his hands on Stiles' hips as Stiles rolled them into Derek.

'More.' Derek agreed, letting Stiles set the pace, admiring his body. Derek's hands tweaked Stiles' nipples and scratched over his ribs as Stiles built up a fast rhythm. He dropped so his hands were on the pillow beside Derek's head as Derek took control from Stiles, fucking into his now cum sloppy hole.

'Yes.' Stiles hissed when Derek's sweaty hand found Stiles' hard cock. 'That feels so fucking good.'

'You like that? You like me making you feel good?'

'Yes.' Stiles moaned bending for a kiss. Derek kissed him for a moment before gasping into Stiles mouth.

'I'm gonna cum again baby.' Derek said.

'Yes cum in me again.' Stiles breathed. His own orgasm was approaching fast. This had never happened; he'd never been so hard so quick after sex. Clearly Derek had some sort of witchcraft going on and Stiles liked it. Wanted more of it.

He came, adding his spunk to the already drying mess he had made between them. Derek's hand was on the back of his neck, holding him still while his other hand caressed Stiles' softening cock.

'That was the best sex ever.' Stiles said hissing when Derek pulled out of his ass. Stiles bent forward to press another kiss to Derek's mouth before collapsing in a heap beside Derek on the bed. Sex with Danny was never like this. It was structured and organised and there was no way Danny would bruise Stiles the way he was sure Derek just did.

'Yeah.' Derek agreed. Stiles cuddled into him, ignoring the big wet patch on the bed. He'd clean up in a minute, after he got some rest.

Stiles ran from the shower, drying himself quickly and pulling on his pants.

He was married.

He rubbed his face and looked around the room. It was a mess. There were clothes everywhere.

He had a husband.

How was he going to explain this to his dad? To Scott. To Danny. Then he realised he and Danny had broken up and laughed at the irony. He proposed to Danny, got on one knee and everything but Danny didn't want to 'ruin' what they already had. So they broke up and now Stiles was married to some sort of demi god.

Fuck! Stiles decided enough was enough. How the hell did he keep getting himself in these messes? Derek was still in the shower while Stiles hunted for a pen to scribble his number on a receipt he found. He tugged his t-shirt over his head, grabbed the chips and decided to borrow Derek's car to take him back to his hotel. He figured Derek wouldn't mind, what with the being married and all. He cashed the chips in and was a bit shocked at what they were worth. Then he headed to the car, delighted that he remembered where Derek parked during his drunken haze.

'Oh my god. I'm married. To a stranger. He could be a murderer or a drug dealer or a Justin Beiber fan! What have I done?' Stiles asked the steering wheel. It didn't respond, of course it didn't it was a fucking steering wheel! Stiles started the engine and pulled out onto the road.

Instead of turning left at the junction to take him back to his hotel, Stiles took a right and headed north. He wasn't in the mood to explain he was married.

He was two hours into his journey before he realised he didn't know his last name.